Albatross (5 page)

              Mandy’s expression hardened slightly.

              “How have things been?” She asked, her voice quite a lot more serious. “Any repeat occurrences? Any new episodes?”

              “No, no…” Jen replied as reassuringly as she could manage, though, admittedly, her words were not all that convincing. “Everything’s fine…” She concluded rather lamely.

              “I see…” Mandy commented, clear in her tone exactly how believable Jen had been.

              Jen spied movement from the house then through one of the downstairs windows, and shifted uncomfortably as she caught Caroline’s gaze for a moment, watching the two of them talking outside.

Of course, Mandy noticed this too, and kindly released Jen from her suffering.

              “I won’t keep you then…” She said smiling, and Jen looked at her gratefully.

              Though sometimes it didn’t seem like it, when she made her visits, Mandy was most definitely on Jen’s side, and came as close to understanding her as anybody probably could, excluding Clare, naturally.

              “Thank you.” Jen replied, relief coursing through her veins.

              “But I will be coming to visit again, soon. Very soon.” Mandy assured her, clearly not happy with what she’d seen already that day.

Jen winced inwardly, but nodded and smiled in response.

              “Okay…” She said, turning to continue off towards the beach. “Thank you…”

              Soon, though never soon enough, the beach was in sight, and Jen’s pace quickened more and more with every step she took.

She just wanted to be alone.

She needed to be alone.

              And so, naturally, whenever she felt like that, she knew what would come next, without a shadow of a doubt.

              “Jenny!” A familiar voice called on the wind, and even lost in thought as deeply as she might have been, she knew exactly who it was.

              There was only one person in the world who had ever called her that.

              Sure enough, as she halted her frantic pace and stopped and turned to look, the wind lashing harsh and cold against her face, there was Clare.

              She still wore the light blue dress with the orange floral patterns on it, and the material that came down to about her knees whipped wildly about her well defined legs. The rest of the dress pulled tightly to her slender, yet perfectly filled frame, accentuating her body in all the right places.

              She had been too angry to notice it before, but now, as ever, Jen stood in absolute awe of her sister’s beauty.

              Clare didn’t even have a coat or a jumper with her, but it didn’t matter. Like always, the cold never bothered her.

She didn’t even feel it.

Fortunately, even in her vast fury, Jen had had the foresight to grab a jacket as she’d stormed out of the house, and pulled it more tightly around her scrawny frame.

She always felt the cold. Especially now she’d lost so much weight.

Jen smiled, though admittedly a little half-heartedly, as her older sister approached.

“You’re always running off at the moment!” Clare laughed as she slowed, smiling, her voice bubbly and unaffected by the morning’s debacle.

“Sorry…” Jen replied, though her response was half-hearted too.

“Where are you going?” Clare asked then, even though she already knew the answer.

“I’m heading down to the beach…” Jen replied automatically.

“Of course!” Clare laughed again. “Where else would you be headed!?”

Jen sighed but didn’t reply, and simply turned and continued towards the coast, trudging now towards the rocks where she would sit and wallow, and hopefully drown, in her own misery.

Clare frowned, frustrated, but followed in tow, and didn’t say another word.

Jen pulled her jacket ever more tightly about her neck as the wind cut horribly through her body, and the brine on the air bit and lashed at her face.

Her sister remained indifferent to the cold.

“Jen!” Another voice called then, though the sound of it was partly lost to the wind.

Who could this possibly be now? She thought to herself as she looked over her shoulder and down the coastal path that stretched along the beach, parallel to the sand and rocks upon which she was about to step.

But when she laid eyes upon whom the voice belonged to, a lump caught in her throat.

The figure approached and he smiled reassuringly.

“Jen!” The police officer exclaimed. “How are you?” He asked. “I haven’t seen you for months!”

“Officer Mahoney…” She greeted him, whom she knew very well, and perhaps not for the right reasons. “I’m okay, thanks…” She lied. “How are you?”

Police officer Jim Mahoney was a good man. He was handsome with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a bushy moustache that very nearly protruded over his top lip. He was a thick set chap, though at the same time was very tall, and Jen had always imagined he could be very intimidating when he needed to be.

“Oh, you know…” He replied with a slight chuckle. “Keeping busy.”

Jen didn’t know, but she smiled and nodded anyway.

He was always nice to her, and had tried to help her when she’d needed it the most.

He was very perceptive, but in very different ways to Mandy, and so couldn’t always pinpoint exactly what Jen needed in the way she could.

“What have you been up to?” He asked then, clearly oblivious to the subtle clues that Mandy had so easily picked up on.

“I’m still at The Rusty Oak.” Jen replied, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

“Oh! Great!” He replied enthusiastically, though he glanced at his watch as he spoke. “Anyway, I won’t keep you, and I’ve got to get back. I just wanted to say hello! Glad you’re okay!”

“Well, thank you…” Jen replied, though her words were continually swept away by the heavy wind.

“Have a good day! Stay safe!” He offered then, and turned immediately to leave, disappearing round the corner and out of sight.

For a moment, after that brief whirlwind of a conversation, there was blissful silence, before Clare’s voice broke it seemingly louder than the screeching gale, even though she spoke in the quietest of tones.

“Well…” She commented, emphasising her words. “Aren’t we the popular one today…”

Jen pulled a face at her older sister.

“I just want to be left alone…” She grumbled.

“I’ll leave if I’m not wanted…” Clare replied with a withering look, perhaps more harshly than she’d intended.

Jen shot her a desperate, pleading glance in return.

“You know that’s not what I meant…” She countered, and Clare nodded in rueful agreement.

“They just don’t understand, Jenny…” Clare tried to comfort her little sister.

“Nobody understands…” Jen replied glumly.

“Do you?” Clare asked her then, turning to face her quite purposefully, forcing Jenny to look her right in the eyes.

Jen sighed and breathed the truth that her older sister already knew.

“I don’t want to…”

“You really have got to stop this!” Caroline argued, her tone urging and forceful. She waved her arms madly as she spoke, towering over her baby sister, her bangles jangling as she went on.

“You don’t know how hard it is!” Dyra opposed, attempting almost in vain to defy her sister’s rule.

And so she should have done.

Caroline had no grounds whatsoever, besides the fact that she was a bully.

“Oh boo hoo!” Her big sister exclaimed then, once again throwing her arms up in a grand, theatrical gesture. “So shit happens! Get over it! This is getting bloody ridiculous now! It’s time to move on!”

              “Caroline…” Dyra attempted again.

But it was of little use.

She was off on one.

              “Find yourself another man!” She declared then. “That’s what you need! And you need to sort that little brat out…”

              “ENOUGH! CAROLINE!” Dyra suddenly boomed, snapping and exploding at her sister from completely out of the blue. “LEAVE JEN ALONE!!”

              Taken aback for a moment, stunned by her baby sister’s sudden outburst, Caroline found no words.

              “Stop coming over here and bullying her!!” Dyra continued. “She’s having a hard enough time as it is!!”

              “I’m not bullying her…” Caroline argued, but Dyra had heard enough.

              “When she gets back, I want you gone!” She seethed.

              “And so where’s she gone!?” Caroline countered, recovering swiftly, reassuming her lofty, self-importance. “To the beach!?” Her tone disapproving and distasteful.

              “I imagine so…” Dyra breathed dangerously.

              “That’s all she does!” Caroline exclaimed. “Doesn’t she do anything else!? All she did the last time I was here was go and sit on those bloody rocks! Doesn’t she have any friends!? Or a job!?”

              “She still works at The Rusty Oak!” Dyra argued defensively, though she shouldn’t have allowed Caroline the pleasure.

              “She needs to grow up and get a life!” Caroline stated in a very matter of fact way.

              “What!? Like you!?” Dyra spat back then, her words laced with poison. “Fleecing the richest bloke she can find and then moving on to the next!? How many have you got on the go at the moment!? Three!? Four!?”

              “Oh bollocks to you both!!” Caroline erupted. “So I suppose she’s just gonna sit on that beach for the rest of her life!? She’ll eventually just rot away and die there she’s lost that much weight! But no one will bloody notice!!”

              “LEAVE HER ALONE!!” Dyra screamed, her voice reaching a towering crescendo that shook the glasses and crockery in the kitchen cabinets.

              “WHO’S GONNA KNOW!?” Caroline shrieked back. “Is she out there on her own!? Just for a change!?”

              Without a second thought Dyra responded, full of anger, not even thinking about what she was saying.

              “SHE’S WITH CLARE!! NOW BACK OFF!!”

              Caroline gave her furious baby sister a withering look, but said no more.

              Within seconds, with nothing more to say, she had composed herself, gathered her things, and left.

She abandoned her baby sister, leaving her standing alone in the kitchen, silently shaking and seething, her fists clenched so tightly that her knuckles were white.

              The sound of her big sister’s car starting outside barely even registered in Dyra’s mind, and it was only as the sound of the engine faded away into the distance that Dyra’s legs gave way beneath her, and she collapsed back against the kitchen wall.

              She slid down to the floor in a crumpled heap, heaving and sobbing, having finally realised exactly what she’d said, and tears of both grief and desperation streaked openly down her cheeks.

Deacon

              By the time Jen returned from the beach Caroline was long gone, but the atmosphere still remained, lingering like a bad smell.

She swept in through the front door, opening it silently and retrieving her rucksack in what could have been mistaken for a single movement.

              Dyra heard the brief scuffle of footsteps and looked round from the kitchen, but saw only her youngest daughter’s back as she closed the door again behind her, making for The Rusty Oak.

              Jen wound her way through the lanes once more, only this time she took absolutely no notice of the cold or the cars or the cottages.

              By the time she was halfway there she was completely in a world of her own, numb to everything around her, and even when the odd car did drive past she barely even noticed.

              No horns were honked, and so she could only presume that not even Geoff passed her, but then, at the same time, there was no way she could have been sure.

              Clouds swarmed above like vultures circling their prey, honing in on their target coldheartedly, yet also in a way that was only the most natural of worldly events.

              It was just before The Rusty Oak came into sight when the heavens eventually decided to open, dumping everything they had rather unceremoniously upon Jen, swamping her completely.

              She ran the last leg of her journey, holding her bag above her head in a futile attempt to remain dry.

Unsurprisingly, when she arrived, she looked like an underfed, drowned rat.

              Stumbling into the kitchen, making her way this time round to the back door, the sight of Geoff greeted her, humming quietly to himself as he marinated chicken, stirred bubbling stew, sliced vegetables, and put the finishing touches to a banana split, somehow all at once.

              “Good day!” He greeted Jen enthusiastically as she entered, smiling broadly at her.

              “Hello Geoff.” Jen replied mildly, her thoughts distracted as she scooped her dripping hair up into a ponytail, ringing the worst of the water out of it as she did so, and pulled an apron about her to cover her wet clothes.

              Immediately Jen set to work, having no real reason to dawdle, and she silently prepared for the rush that they both knew would shortly come. Geoff hummed and occasionally whistled, whilst Jen worked in comparative quiet, neither speaking nor humming.

              The smells of the kitchen wafted out as waiters and waitresses drifted to and fro, carrying hints of beef and lamb and pork with them as they went.

              Regularly Jen wiped the metal work surfaces down, cleaned plates and chopping boards and cutlery, stocked and restocked the fridge, and filled and boiled the kettle, and refilled and boiled it again, over and over.

              Soon enough, working fluidly together, yet also, Geoff thought, with slight apprehension in the air, the two of them delved into the sudden rush of orders that came flurrying through to them. Between tasks he frequently glanced over to Jen, admittedly a little concerned.

              After a couple of hours they were graced with a slight lull in demand, and Jen automatically set about fixing Clare’s sweet.

Today it was chocolate cake, and Jen cut a generous slice for her older sister and decorated it with drizzles of sauce and various other vibrant dressings.

              Within minutes it found its way into the fridge, with the customary note of course, and Jen attended to the starter orders that had just come in.

              Geoff looked over again as she worked, and this time his gaze lingered for rather a lot longer as he watched her write the note. His eyes looked troubled and he pulled a slight grimace of a face.

              “Are you meeting Clare after work?” He asked Jen then, simply unable to stand the silence any longer.

              “Yes…” Jen only replied at first, stuffing some mushrooms. “We’re walking home together…”

              “Ah…I see…” Geoff replied. “How is she?” He asked then.

              “She’s fine, thank you.” Jen responded, her tone level, still concentrating on her mushrooms. Though, Geoff got the distinct impression that the mushrooms weren’t entirely the reason she was avoiding giving him much more than those simple, unenlightening answers to his questions.

              He drew breath again, preparing to take the plunge: something he would never usually have done, but things were just getting far too out of hand. However, right at that moment, Laura came racing in, wearing a green jumper today, and waving a handful of order tickets in the air.

              “Party of fifteen!” She exclaimed, smiling joyously, for how she loved to work. “Mains to follow!” And she pinned the tickets to the board and swept out of the kitchen again like a hurricane, leaving destruction in her wake.

              Geoff sighed.

              The moment was lost.

He wouldn’t question Jen now.

              And so began the waltz.

              Day wore into dusk, and dusk laboured into night, and Geoff and Jen pushed on.

              Eventually the night drew to a close and Jen finished up the last of her jobs before leaving to meet her sister. She hung her apron and grabbed her bag, bid goodbye briefly to Geoff and Laura, and headed immediately for the door, pulling her hair from its ponytail with great relief, and running her hands quickly through it.

              It was still damp, but she wasn’t really all that bothered.

              They both watched her go with worry in their eyes, for, as always nowadays, she seemed so disheartened.

              However, as she opened the heavy wooden door to leave, not really concentrating on what she was doing, Jen didn’t see the distorted figure approaching through the glass on the other side. Just as she looped her bag onto her shoulder, pulling the door open with her free hand, she stepped out and ploughed directly into the man stood beneath the archway on the doorstep.

              Her bag slipped from her arm and fell to the floor with a dull thud, and Jen almost went careering backwards, for she had been hastening with some speed, head down and in her own world.

              A strong hand reached out and caught her by the arm, keeping her from falling and steadying her so she could regain her balance.

              Without even looking up, Jen stooped immediately to retrieve her rucksack, but somehow, without her even realising, he already had it in his other hand.

              Jen’s eyes swept upwards then and she felt as if they were opened for the first time in a very long time. Her gaze met his bluey green eyes and she was instantly fixated, and he seemed to see everything through those mysterious pools of undefined colour.

              He was tall, quite a bit taller than her, and his sandy blonde hair looked ruffled, but strangely not in the least bit unkempt.

              In the hazy light he looked to be in his early twenties. His face was well defined with high cheekbones, but did not appear too rugged, though there was an air about him that Jen felt most prominently, and which spoke volumes of much more life experience than merely twenty years.

              “I…I’m sorry…” Jen mumbled, looking for words to fill the silence, for she could not tear her eyes away from his, though he seemed to stare back into hers quite calmly, holding her gaze eagerly.

              Without a word at first, he held her rucksack out and she clutched it back gratefully, though his free hand still lingered on her arm, and for some reason she didn’t want him to remove it.

              “Not at all…” He replied first, his voice pitched so that it sounded soft and worn all at once. “It was my fault. Are you okay?”

              His question, at face value, might have been answered with a simple, ‘yes, thank you, I’m fine’.

              But, in reality, somehow, Jen could sense that wasn’t the question he was really asking her.

She thought she was going crazy, and had absolutely no idea how to reply.

              What he was asking her was very personal, and so deeply ingrained and relevant to all that she was faced with in her life, that his bluey green eyes seemed to pool with boundless concern and affection for her.

              Within moments, Jen found herself embarrassed, and felt her cheeks flush furiously as she blushed bright red.

              Instinctively, flight kicking in, she turned to leave, taking a rushed, though admittedly at the same time hesitant step out into the night.

              But she didn’t make it far, for he caught her now by the hand, not firmly, but just enough to stop her, and seemingly without a thought she spun to face him once again, powerless at his touch.

              His eyes saw everything as they bore tenderly into her.

              It was as if they looked right into her very soul, and Jen couldn’t help but be drawn further and further into them.

              Still, even as they stared at each other yet again, neither of them spoke another word.

              Finally he smiled, melting Jen almost completely.

Her knees began to shake.

She felt a sudden rush surge through her body and her heart fluttered, though she had no idea why.

              She had never felt this way before.

              “Didn’t I see you at the beach the other day?” He asked her then, finally breaking the silence that enveloped them.

              Taken aback completely, Jen fumbled for words.

              She had no idea.

              There had been other people at the beach, undoubtedly there always were, but she never saw them.

She was never looking.

She only ever saw Clare.

              “I…I’m…I…” She stumbled, floundering in her own embarrassment.

              Luckily though, he rescued her, and perhaps not for the first, nor the last.

              “Were you with somebody?” The stranger asked her.

              “C…Clare…” Jen eventually managed.

              What was happening to her?

              “A friend of yours?” He enquired, tilting his head slightly to one side and smiling.

              “My sister…” She replied, at last managing to string two words together without stammering.

              “I see…” He replied mysteriously. “And is it her you’re in such a rush to meet?” He asked, flitting his eyes to their hands, still touching, somehow seeming to be posing his words as a statement of fact, rather than a query.

              “We, she…I’m meeting her…” Jen managed, though admittedly with great difficulty, returning to her stumbling as his eyes swept briefly over her, taking in everything about her in a single glance, or so it seemed at least.

              Even still, he hadn’t released her hand, and his hold was gentle and firm all at once. His fingers were warm against her cold skin, and she liked it.

              As he spoke again, he released her from his grasp and she felt suddenly bitterly lost, and fell immediately into her deep, unending emptiness once more. It swallowed her whole in all its enormity, and Jen felt as though the ground had been wrenched out from beneath her feet.

              She had been rescued, even if for barely a few minutes, and now, once let go, she plummeted into despair yet again.

              How could this happen?

              She couldn’t let him go…

              “I’d better let you go so you can meet her then…” He replied, as if confirming her deepest, darkest fears, and he tilted his head slightly in saddened acknowledgement.

              But, hard as she tried, and as desperately as she might have wanted to, Jen could not find the words to reply. The rushing emotions that barraged her so heavily robbed her of her breath.

              She managed a nod, but no more, and only barely at that.

              Turning to leave, distraught, his words like rough velvet stopped her once again.

              “Can I ask your name?” He requested politely, raising his eyebrows almost unconsciously and turning his mouth up at the corners in a cheeky smile that, if she had not been so deeply off balance, would have told Jen volumes about this particular young man.

              “Jen…” She eventually managed, her voice barely a whisper. “I’m Jen…”

              He bowed his head slightly and opened his hand in a rather unseemly grand gesture to her: something that she wasn’t expecting.

She felt the strange and burning urge to reach out and grab it.

She so desperately wanted to.

But she didn’t.

              “Until we meet again then, Jen…” The stranger bade her a gracious farewell.

              And in that moment something overwhelmed young Jennifer that she had never before in her life experienced. Considering that she had barely felt anything besides misery and dejection for so long now, it sent her blood coursing and racing through her veins like wildfire, stirring her overwhelmed emotions into a maddened frenzy.