Airs & Graces (11 page)

“Speaking against self-interest, of course, but that seems sensible of him, in his position. Besides, isn’t that what you want, to see Heaven win?”

“That’s not for Michael, or me, to decide. Humans need to determine that outcome for themselves.”

“Quite the stand on principle, even in the face of losing everything your side stands for, Tabbris.”

I glanced aside at one red wing. “I’m on God’s side. He gave mortals self-determination, his greatest gift. I exist to see that the gift isn’t taken away due to anyone’s agenda.”

“Even in the face of damnation?”

“Especially in the face of damnation. Free will is nothing without the freedom to make the wrong choices, if it comes down to it.”

“Looking at the forces arrayed against you, I’d say you may have made some questionable choices of your own. Michael, Hadad…”

“Lucifer will be involved, too.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m absolutely sure. We’ve spoken. I’m just less worried about that one, for the moment.”

“Excuse me? Less worried about the Devil himself getting involved?”

“For the moment. He won’t try to kill her or steal the Grace. That’s meaningless. As long as Michael doesn’t have her, he’s in it for the bigger game.”

“Bigger than Judgment Day?” Yin looked intent. “Help me understand here.”

“Iaoel taking a vessel is an opportunity. If he can tempt Adelaide, he has a chance to cause Iaoel to fall, too. A vision of Heaven winning is one thing. Causing the Angel of Visions to join his side is another victory entirely. But he can’t kill her, or force her into anything under duress. It has to be Adelaide’s choice to turn, and bring the Grace with her. Eventually, that makes him one of the most dangerous enemies out there. He’s not playing the same game as everyone else. But it also means he’s the least immediate threat.”

Yin paused us there, to contemplate that, and perhaps get some other perspectives. As much as he was the one who’d been here long enough to know me, from before my time below, he still needed to share the information about their guests with the others of the Temple. It was entirely possible they’d choose not to shelter us any longer, with the odds what they were. If so, he’d want to be told nothing further, so he could properly claim ignorance of our plans going forward. While I appreciated the idea of having someone to help plan, and to provide perspective I might be missing, it had to be by his own choice, regardless of where that left Adelaide and myself.

Half-expecting Yin again, I was surprised when the first interruption came from one of the Temple’s younger members. “You want food?” he asked, in heavily accented but solid English. “Girl is waiting.”

I shook my head, switching to his native tongue myself for ease. “No, she should see this place, experience it for herself. She’s seen enough of me for a while.” He looked confused but accepted the refusal. Food could wait. Instead, I found a place Yin could locate me easily enough, and meditated for a while. The past day left me with a lot to contemplate, after all, and I needed to clear my thoughts.

While I sat there, eyes closed, trying to focus, I found my thoughts drifting to Adelaide. How much had she seen? Even a brief glimpse into Hell, however focused it might have been, was a lot for a mortal mind. I know she mentioned the torture, and I found myself hoping that that was what she’d remained fixed on. The torture happened and certainly wasn’t pleasant, but that I could endure. The worst part of Hell is being out of God’s sight, out of God’s Grace, outside of all the natural parts of creation. Even as locked away as he’s made Himself, that, ultimately, was still what separated the host and the Fallen. Some of the former could be as driven and single-minded as any of the Fallen, while some of the Fallen were, in their own ways, perfectly acceptable, if self-interested beings – but they’d turned their backs on their Creator and rejected His will.

Crimson wings, feathers edged in black, time in Hell, facing Lucifer’s temptations, or no, I never lost my sense of purpose. By the end of it, when I wouldn’t be broken or turned, but before I was extracted, I suspect that, after all of his own time outside of the Grace of God, Lucifer was getting agitated just looking at me. It was difficult to say, however, what form his or the other Fallen’s agitation would take, were I to be brought back there. If we got caught, I could only hope that it was by Michael and his cohorts. Either way, I might be sent back below, but if she lived, at least Adelaide, much as she faced an uncertain and unpleasant future either way, wouldn’t end up in Hell with me.

I tried to clear my mind of thoughts of Hell. They certainly weren’t going to help me concentrate, and I needed focus. I had plenty of inspiration without needing to try to avoid a return trip. My thoughts wandered back to Adelaide again. Why had she been chosen – and taken to so quickly? Iaoel was not particularly attached to mortals. Piorre had worked a lifetime trying to gain that same acceptance, working with everything I’d told him of her, along with his own sins and regrets. There shouldn’t have been any way Iaoel would take to Adelaide that quickly, unless there was something I wasn’t seeing. Clearly, there was a long way to go in order to unfold the Grace, still, but the first steps had been taken. Typically, even those took years. Adelaide didn’t seem like a typical choice, either, with all her conflicts and strong emotions. Perhaps that was the difference. I was never good with emotions, and Piorre was a more focused sort, while Iaoel always had a more vibrant edge to her.

There were too many questions I couldn’t answer, and, ultimately, irrelevant to the situation at hand. I shifted from that, to trying to figure out how best to keep Adelaide alive and myself out of anyone’s hands, without endangering too many people who had no part in the war. Once again, my thoughts kept drifting to Adelaide herself. I told her to keep her feelings out of the situation. They certainly weren’t going to help us, and could make it all the harder to unfold the Grace or think rationally. Similarly, the more times she had the visions, and the more time she spent with the Grace, the more I could see of Iaoel, at least here and there. We’d been friends a very long time – until she betrayed my trust, and forced my hand. Adelaide complained about my being cold, distant, and rude – without any kind of perspective. She may have been right, anyway, but I didn’t want to let myself get attached beyond the situation, either. I had a job to do, and any reminder of who had me sent to Hell certainly wasn’t going to help objectivity.

That was the time that I had. Yin returned, and I still had more questions than answers. Only one mattered right away, though. “So?”

“So, the masters of the Temple have met, and so far, unanimously decided not to decide. We agreed that you’re in a dangerous position. Some don’t want to be caught in the middle of it, others, understanding the stakes, are pretty certain we already are.”

“And you?”

“I think I’d rather not know your plans until we’re more certain of our stance. I agreed we’re already involved, but our earlier conversation revealed to me that I don’t begin to understand some of the things I thought I had a good handle on. Before I gave them my full recommendation, I suggested we take some time to think about it.”

I couldn’t help but smile. The conversation hadn’t been going well. When so many of their souls were carefully placed at a precarious balance, they didn’t want to draw any attention from the likes of Hadad or Lucifer. So he’d bought us time. We’d meet to make plans, like the old days, but not yet. Because as soon as we had, they’d want us out. Adelaide wasn’t likely to be recovered enough to leave just yet. “Very wise of you. Going to sleep on it, and meet again with them tomorrow?”

“Just so. You can do as you will, go where you will, tonight. The Temple will hopefully give you some peace and pleasant memories. Or, if the past is too difficult, maybe some inspiration for a way forward. I’ll meet you at the exercise yard tomorrow. Unless you’ve changed your tendencies and want to join people for breakfast.”

“I’ll meet you by the yard, same spot as usual.”

He chuckled at that. “It’s been a lot of years, for me, at least. Nice to see at least one thing being as constant as ever. But, then, an Angel’s perspective, I suppose. All right, the usual spot, then.”

“As you like. But why not back here?”

“Because you’re not going to come be social, and you should at least see Adelaide. It will reassure her, amidst all this unfamiliarity.”

“I’m fairly certain you’ve done more to reassure her than I have.”

“We just provided a few human comforts. One of those things about humans, even up here. With a hard life, plenty of work, and the lifestyle we’ve chosen, a few creature comforts are appreciated. Warm baths and a bed among them. You’re still the one she’s going to need to trust. She knows we can’t protect her forever, and she doesn’t want us to.”

“Getting close to Adelaide is not part of the plan.”

“Then, my friend, the plan may need to change. Iaoel is not going anywhere as long as Adelaide is alive. If you’re truly just after her Grace, then your best bet is to kill Adelaide now and hide it away again.”

“Not an option,” I said.

“That’s just it: it
is
an option. And you have to consider all of the options, because you haven’t left yourself very many. You can reject it after giving it some thought, certainly, but it would answer a lot of the problems, and set things back the way they were.”

“And that’s an option you’d seriously have me consider? After you welcomed her, and offered her sanctuary?”

Yin shook his head. “I didn’t offer her sanctuary. I offered
you
sanctuary, out of respect for old times, and I allowed you to bring her along. I’m not going to take any action for you. She’s safe from anyone else on these grounds, but you’d be free to do as you liked, as if anyone here could stop you.”

His answer surprised me, until I remembered the full nature of just where I was. All of the peace and serenity needed to have a balance somewhere. And sometimes that balance would be cold pragmatism. He reacted as if the surprise showed on my face, but whatever the reaction, it didn’t last long. “I did consider it, Yin. Back when I thought of whether I’d ever need to kill Piorre. He knew and accepted the risks. With Adelaide, I reject it. The principle is worth it. I’ll find another way.”

“I’m certain you’ll try. I’m trying to be certain you’ll succeed, but certainty is hard to come by. Especially if all of the other Angels are as determined as you are.”

“But you’re still offering me sanctuary anyway.”

“I’ve lived a long time. And I’m not ready to stop, just yet. I have a lot to answer for in that long life, and I’m not sure if reward or punishment is waiting for me… and I’d kind of like to keep it that way a bit longer. Better the devil you know, so to speak. Like I said, certainty is hard to come by. You’d seem to offer the best chance to delay the end of things.”

“I’d prefer that the devil
I
know stay out of this for as long as possible.”

Yin laughed hard, then took a few moments in catching his breath. “Your sense of humor hasn’t changed, either, my friend.”

“I was being humorous?” It was only halfway a joke, after all. I managed to keep a straight face.

He shook his head. “Try to get some rest. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“We will. And you’re certain Adelaide is safe?” Best to make sure. Others might share his brand of pragmatism, or at least consider it.

“Completely. You’ll be able to see for yourself, tomorrow. Plenty of folks, especially those most aware of the risk she presents, may not like it, but you have your time. And in the meanwhile, she’ll continue to have access to food, the baths, and a good bed. Since it seems she’ll be leaving with you, it may be the last time she has any of those comforts for a while.”

I nodded, fully grasping the earlier comments now. They could comfort her, for a while, but I was the only one she could really rely upon. “Good night, Yin.”

After he had left, I wandered the grounds for a time, and then found my way outside, climbing up the building to its highest point. I stretched my wings, letting the clear, cold air refresh me. Meditation may not have helped, but the change of scenery worked wonders. For a time, I did little other than look to the stars, contemplating the scope of the galaxy, and the galaxies beyond, and letting myself forget the troubles of this one world.

I came out of my reverie with the rising of the sun in the distance. The time spent contemplating the greater universe hadn’t given me any insights into resolving the problems of the here and now, but it had put me in a better mindset to consider them. It was a start, at least. I could hear the bustle of people in the monastery below, as they started about their chores for the day. I let them focus on that, remaining atop the building and looking down at the world below. Among the things I scanned was the road we’d traveled. Still no signs of any other visitors. Not that I was expecting anyone to find us here quite this quickly. Best to be cautious, though, just in case.

With that done, I spent a while watching the sunrise. Numerous cultures considered the sun to be tied to one of their greatest gods, whether that being’s body, or a sign of their eye upon the world. While I knew better, it still felt good to see the light come streaming over the mountain tops, and as much as He’s locked himself away, it felt like God’s eye was still upon the world, and upon me. I spread my wings, red and black-edged as they were, and welcomed the light. Opening myself to His judgment. No word came, of course, no sign that my path was the right or wrong one, but I still felt better for the experience. It was only once the sun had fully risen over the peaks that I glided down from the heights and returned to the monastery in search of Yin.