Ain't no hitta like the one I got: part one (5 page)

“Yo Willemena, I can’t right now, this shit ain’t right”, I whispered leaning up. I knew that was some dumb nigga shit, but my mind was just really gone now, and I didn’t really wanna just do shorty like that by just fucking her.

“Paper, what’s wrong with me? You don’t want me?”

“Yes, Shorty, I do, you are just too young, timing is off, I got a lot going on right now, it just ain’t working.”

“Yo if you don’t want me just say no, all those fucking excuses isn’t necessary.” She got up and I didn’t have to see her face in the dark to know that she was upset. She stormed off to my room, and closed the door, and I was just left in darkness. Shit did I just fuck up with shorty? But why couldn’t she just understand that I just wasn’t down to cross that boundary with her just yet. As I played the scene over and over in my head of what just happened, I couldn’t sleep and I was tossing and turning. Yo shorty got me tight, why wasn’t she just listen to me, I want her, but I just didn’t want to be a crab ass, snake ass nigga to her, I just respect her more than that. After about an hour, I got up and walked to the room, I turned the knob and it opened and I went it, and she was sleeping, she looked so beautiful but I needed to let her know how I felt about her, what a nigga was about to do, I ain’t never do to any other female in my life, but I guess this shorty just brought out something different inside of me. I stood at the bottom of the bed and I got under the covers and I kissed on her thighs, I moved the sheets and looked up at her, she woke up and looked down at me and I kissed her again, this time closer to her core, she moaned aloud.

“Shorty, I want you”, I said into her pussy and through her panties. I kissed her pussy again and I could feel her clit poking through the lace. She breathed out and grabbed my head, “I am sorry, and I need you”, I told her, “Do you need me?” I asked while moving her panties to the side and I dove in with my tongue to lap and nurse on that fat juicy wet clit. The way she was crying out, I had to grab my fat dick in my hand and stroke it while I was feasting on her sweet fat pussy. She shuddered and gave me nectar so sweet and warm, I now knew why my niggas always talked so much about eating pussy, she tasted so good that I pumped my dick feverishly and came so hard in my hand. I wanted so badly to stick my cock deep inside of her but I knew that the time wasn’t right. When I finished, I held her in my arms, and we feel asleep just like that, until morning time.

Choices

“This picture right here is so funny,” I said pointing at a younger picture of Paper. He had to be about three years old and the cutest kid ever, his grandmother and I were sitting down looking at the family portraits, and I must admit, I couldn’t get enough of him. I stared closely at the woman that was holding him, it had to be his mother, she was beautiful and they had the same eyes. Looking at them made me miss my mother. I have been living with Paper and his grandmother for about three months now and I am not sure, but I think I am falling for him. Later on, when I was sitting in his room doing my homework, I was just thinking about everything that occurred between us. We were starting to get real close, did we fuck? No, but I want him to. I never had sex before but I just really feel like Paper’s the one because I feel like he cares about me. Will he fuck me? No, I guess he thinks that I am too young, but I will be eighteen in a couple of days, so I am hoping that things will change between us and he sees me differently. I know that I should really be focusing on school right now, but it’s really hard to deny how he is making me feel. My mother use to swear up and down that I have been with boys before, but Paper is the only one that really got me to that point where I am like ready to fuck with this nigga on some real serious shit. I put my pencil down when I heard the front door slam. It sound like Paper was home and I was happy and started putting my books away. When he got in the room, I could tell by his face that something wasn’t right.

“Yo why is the room always fucked up every time I come home? Why can’t you be more fucking cleaner?” He yelled at me.

He threw his coat on the chair, and I held the covers tighter around me. What the fuck was wrong with this nigga? I asked myself.

“I gotta clean up after you like you are some type of child or shit,” He said picking up items of clothing and throwing them in the closet.

Why the fuck was he talking to me this way? I thought to myself, I wanted to yell back at him, but I knew this wasn’t really him; something else had to be wrong.

“That’s probably why your mother threw ya dirty ass out in the first place.”

Whoa, did this dumb ass nigga just put my mother in it? “Yo Paper what the fuck is wrong with you and that isn’t the reason why she threw me out.”

“What eva, your young ass don’t know shit anyway.”

“And your unemployed ass don’t know shit either. Do you even have a diploma? Robbing ass nigga.” I don’t even know what made me keep going but I wasn’t going to sit here and let dude, just scream on me for no reason.

“Yeah, this uneducated mutherfucka should of left your little young dirty ass on those steps where you was at.”

I am not going to front that last blow hit real low, and I wiped a few stubborn tears that ran from my eyes, as I watched him walk out and into the living room. He didn’t even bother to take his clothes off; he just laid back on the couch and put his hat over his eyes. I watched him quietly from the room on the bed and wondered what was eating him. After a few minutes his phone rung and he answered it; I ear hustled.

“Listen yo, just give me some space until I could figure shit out. I don’t feel like talking about this shit right now. A nigga tired as fuck, Imma hit you up later.” He hung the phone up, and took his hat off and rubbed his head and temples. I decided to go out there and ask him what was wrong, fuck it.

“Paper are you good? What’s wrong?”

He was quiet and still as though he was contemplating whether to tell me or not, and then he exhaled.

“Some chick that I was fucking with named Tiffany is saying that she is pregnant.”

I was quiet as I let that sink in. So this nigga was fucking with someone all of this time, that’s was probably the real reason why he wasn’t trying to fuck with me. I fucking hated him at that moment, just when I started to like someone and I thought that everything was going good, his dumb ass goes and get someone pregnant.

“You’s a dumb ass nigga, you are jobless and now you go and have a baby on the way? Sounds like some fucked up shit to me.”

“Shut up and go to bed, nobody asked you nothing, you don’t even know anything with your preschool ass, and make sure you keep my fucking room clean or your ass will be getting kicked out for the second time.”

That night I went to bed crying, the words that he said really stung me. I don’t know why God hates me so much, my mother doesn’t want me, and now the one person that I had that was there for me, will be gone as soon as his bitch has this baby. I know that he doesn’t even like me and he thinks I am too young for him. Maybe I am just cursed and no one will ever love and want me, I went to bed with a soaked pillow.

The next morning, I got up and got dressed early for school, I didn’t even make breakfast because I didn’t want to have to look at Paper’s disrespectful ass. I did make sure that I made the bed and made sure that his room was spotless before I left out. As I walked to the bus stop, the air was warm and you could tell that the season was changing, I opened my sweater when the bus finally came, and when I got a seat, I leaned my head against the window and watched the scenery go by in a blur, I was depressed and it felt like nothing really matter at this exact moment.

When I got to school, I immediately got sweep up in the crowd, as a sea of faces went in this direction and that, everywhere were posters about the upcoming spring fling dance, and that’s basically what everyone was talking about. Even Shawna and her wack ass crew couldn’t keep their mouths shut about it, I thought to myself as I passed them in the hallway, and heard bits and pieces of their convo. The bitch was so enthralled in what the next bitch was saying, that she didn’t even notice me. I am glad about that, because by the way I was feeling, if we got into a fight today, I probably would have ripped that bitch’s head from her shoulders. She’s one lucky bitch I thought to myself, as I cracked my knuckles. The day breezed by and before I knew it, the day was over and everyone was rushing for the front door to escape and get home, and take advantage of whatever sunlight that we had left. When I got through the doors, my instinct had me looking hopefully around for Paper but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. My heart felt like it dropped in the pit of my stomach and then I felt someone grab me from behind and I almost had a heart attack I was so startled, it was Jason. This nigga was looking extra good today too, I smiled.

“Give me your books, I am going to walk you home,” He said removing my backpack from my back, I let him and as we were walking, I lead him in the opposite direction,, “I live with my grandma now”, I lied.

“Oh ok, the building that I took you to before?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok, that’s what’s up.”

I saw people looking at us as we walked off, why not, he was the star player on the basketball team, tall as fuck, wavy as fuck, swagged as fuck, I don’t know why I was even into Paper in the first place, he could have his bitch and his baby, I thought to myself, as if Paper read my mind, he bought up Paper.

“So that dude that you was with the other day, is he your man?”

“Nah, not even, but why you wanna know?”

He was quiet for a minute, “Cause I am low key feeling you.”

I shoved him and laughed, “So now you are Bryson Tiller? Quoting his songs and shit,” I laughed and continued walking.

“Yo I am dead ass though, I wanted to know if you would go to the spring fling dance with me and shit.”

I looked at him to see if he was serious, and he was. “Yes, you know my birthday is on the same day, right?”

“No, say word?”

“Word.”

“So that mean’s I gotta make it extra special then.”

“Yeah that would be nice.”

“Here,” he said stopping and digging into his pocket. He handed me, two hundred dollars bills. “This is for your dress and shit, I don’t know if you ended it or not but just in case. I want you to look real special and shit, considering that I will be with the most beautiful girl at school.”

I blushed and took the money, I couldn’t say no with a compliment like that. After I put the money in my pocket, Jason took my hand and held it while he walked me home. I don’t know it was just a really good feeling; I am not going to lie. When we were a block away from the building, I could see Paper standing out front with a bunch of his friends and he look like he was drinking liquor in a bottle so I turned towards Jason and decided to cut it short because I definitely didn’t want any problems messing up this perfect day.

“Jason, I going to see you tomorrow at school ok? I gotta go.”

“No problem,” he said kissing me on my forehead. “Oh yeah, I am going to pick you up at eight, right here ok?”

“Ok”, I smiled as I took my book bag and jogged across the street and to the building. Paper and I grilled each other and acted like we didn’t know each other. When I got in the house, I said hi to his grandmother and she offered me dinner. I ate real quickly and went back to the room, did my homework and closed the door. I watched T.V for the rest of the night until I dozed off. Fuck paper, I thought to myself drowsily, I am too young to be stressing myself over adult problems. I had the perfect guy asking me to the dance, he could have any girl at Kennedy high, but he choose me. Why would I be worried about an irresponsible dumb guy? I wanted myself to believe all of that as I drifted off to sleep that night, but dreams they have a funny way of knowing your heart, and they don’t give a fuck about your pride.

The next couple of days flew by and it was the day of the dance and my birthday, after school, I went straight to Pitkin Avenue and bought me a fly pink and gold dress, gold shoes and I even got my hair done with the money that Jason gave me. The Dominicans had my hair long and silky with loose curls, and I just knew that I was going to be looking good tonight at the dance. When I got back in the house, I was surprised to see Paper in the room in the chair waiting for me.

“Yo, where the fuck you been, do you know what time it is?”

“Yeah it’s only 7.”

“What time does school end?”

“Three and?” I frowned at him.

“And your ass need to be the fuck back in this house by 4:30 the latest, you had me worried and shit.”

“Yeah? Well you don’t need to worry about me, worry about that bitch that’s having your baby. I am good, tonight is my birthday, and I am going to the school dance.”

“Say word? So you think you are grown now huh?” He said leaning back in his chair.

“Nigga, I know I am grown, I am 18 now, and I need you to get out of this room so I can get ready.”

“Aight whatever just make sure that nigga get you home at a respectful time, or imma crack that nigga upside his head.”

“Whatever,” I said smirking.

“Listen, I am sorry about the shit that happened the other day, it’s your birthday and shit, and a nigga shouldn’t have even been taking shit out on you like I did. I apologize, and I hope that you enjoy your special day, ok?”

“Ok Paper, I apologize too.”

After I closed the door I couldn’t stop thinking about Paper and the fact that he apologized, it kind of touched me and after I showered and got dressed, I kind of wished that Paper as out in the living room so that he could see how I looked but he wasn’t anywhere around. So when I got down stairs, Jason had the Cadillac stretched limo waiting for me and he got out and gave me flowers looking like a tall swagged out prince. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. When I got inside of the car and we spend off, he held my hand and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Happy birthday beautiful, I have something for you.”

I blushed and took the box that he gave me, “Jason, you didn’t have to, what is it?”

“Open it and find out.”

I did and it was a charm bracelet with my name spelled out in charms.”

“Do you like it”, he asked, taking it and placing it delicately on my wrist.

“I love it Jason, thank you,” I said leaning over, and we kissed, his tongue intertwined with mines tasted like peppermint.  When we reached the dance, everything was perfect, we took pictures on the way in and everyone was smiling at us. I seen Shawna and her crew giving me dirty looks, but I walked passed them like I didn’t even see them. The DJ played Meek Mill, and later on French Montana. I sat some songs out and Jason and I danced to others. When Planes by Jeremiah came on, I looked at him and he knew what it was, that was my favorite song. This was the first song that Jason and I danced to that was slow, so it was of course the first time that I felt his hands on my body. I liked how it felted but I always remembered how Paper’s hands felt on me and I shuddered. My panties also began to feel a little wet when I thought about the time that Paper went down on me. I wish that he wanted me; maybe his feelings will change when he realizes that I am 18 today. Jason kissed my ear and I jumped as he bought me back to reality.

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” He whispered in my ear.

“Thank you Jason, you don’t look too bad yourself.”

“I have a question that I wanted to ask you?”

“So ask me,” I smiled even though I really just wanted him to shut up because I really liked this song but I couldn’t concentrate on it because Jason kept talking.

“I wanted to know if you would be my girl.”

The air got caught in my throat, shit I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know if I wanted to be his girl, I mean yes he’s cute, and he’s talented, but on the other hand Paper is what I needed. I mean he protects me, and I just like him and how he makes me feel, but on the downside of things I think he has a girl, and now he is talking about they are having a baby, and he didn’t fucking yell at me. I really don’t know how I feel right now.  To buy myself some more time, I just told him what was on my mind. “Listen, how about you give me a little time to think about it.”