Agatha Parrot and the Floating Head (10 page)

‘She's . . . er . . . she's scared of your axe,' I said.

‘Really?' said Miss Barking. She sounded surprised which wasn't surprising. Her axe must have been the most unscary thing ever, but what else could I have said?

‘Yes really. It's so realistic. In fact maybe it would be better if we didn't do this. Can we just do some sums instead?'

Everybody looked at me like I'd just turned into a bit of old cheese.

‘Eh? What?
Sums
?
BOOOO!
' shouted everyone else, and I can't say I blamed them.

‘Don't you worry,' said Miss B. ‘Martha will be perfectly safe so long as she keeps still.' She straightened out her axe, and raised it in the air.

‘Now then Liam, watch carefully,' she said. Very slowly she brought the axe down so that it stopped just
above the neck. ‘That's all you need to do, you don't even touch her. All perfectly safe.'

And that's when the brilliant bit happened.

The cardboard tube flopped again, and the blade fell on to the back of the anorak hood and knocked the balloon out on to the floor. Miss B was utterly freaked out. She stepped backwards and tripped on a chair and her big glasses fell off.
She blinked her eyes at the balloon. She thought she was watching Martha's head bouncing along with the face turning to look at her.

‘YOU CHOPPED MARTHA'S HEAD OFF!' we all shouted.

‘What . . . how . . . why . . .?' Miss B's mouth fell open like a dead fish, but then it got even better because the balloon started to float upwards. Miss Barking thought Martha's head was flying round the ceiling, and it was still staring down at her.

‘Arghh . . . no . . . make it stop . . .!' she was screaming.

And that's when the balloon touched the hot light bulb and burst.

‘NOW YOU MADE HER HEAD EXPLODE!' we all said.

Miss B went all woozy and fainted and landed on top of Matty ha ha! All the others gathered round to have a look, but I grabbed Ivy and dragged her out of the door. I'd got an idea, but we had to act fast!

‘W
hat what what what what?' said Ivy who was still hyper-jumpy after that balloon had popped.

‘We need to get help for Miss Barking,' I told her. ‘Or at least you do. I'll see you back here.'

‘Where are you going?' shouted Ivy, but I'd already gone.

Whizz zoom scamper scamper
phew
!

It was a close thing. I'd only just got back into class when Ivy turned up with Mrs Twelvetrees and Miss Pingle.

‘What on earth has been going on in here?' asked Mrs Twelvetrees.

By now Miss Barking was sitting up but she was still a bit gaga. She pointed at the ceiling. ‘Her head . . . bang!' Then she went digging into her big folder to find some instructions for when a kid's head
floats away and explodes.

‘Whose head went bang?' asked Mrs Twelvetrees.

‘Martha's,' said Miss Barking.

‘You mean Martha Swan?' asked Miss Pingle looking at Martha's seat. The hooded shape in the blue and yellow spotty anorak was still lying face down on the desk. ‘Martha?' said Miss Pingle. ‘Can you hear me?'

The shape didn't move. Miss Pingle went over and took hold of
the hood. Miss Barking was going into total panic. ‘No . . . please . . . don't do it!' But then Miss Pingle pulled the hood back and Martha sat up.

‘Sorry about that,' said Martha. ‘I must have dozed off.'

Everybody had a good laugh apart from you can guess who.

‘Argh! It's a ghost!' whimpered Miss Barking. ‘I saw her head explode!'

Mrs Twelvetrees gave her a
headteacher-ish sort of look. ‘I think you've been overdoing it. You better take the next few days off.'

So off went Miss Barking. She was looking a bit wobbly, but to be honest I was feeling a bit wobbly myself. After all, I'd just run all the way to the toilets and found Martha waiting there like we'd planned. If she hadn't been there, there would have been
MEGA TROUBLE
.

But then Mrs Twelvetrees had
bad news. ‘I'm sorry chaps,' she said. ‘I'm afraid this rather means that your trip tomorrow can't happen. You need two members of staff to go with you. What a pity. The mummies are soooo super.'

‘Oh no, that's unfair! You promised and we want to go,' said Ivy. ‘Can't you come with us?'

Mrs T shook her head. ‘Sorry. I've got all the half-term reports to check. Miss Wizzit will never forgive
me if I don't do them.'

But then the door burst open and in came Olivia and Gwendoline. They both pointed at Martha and said, ‘That's not Martha!' which was a bit funny because anybody could see it was.

But there was no stopping Gwendoline. ‘Here's the evidence,' she said and she plonked the Other Martha's shoe in Mrs Twelvetree's hand.

‘What is this supposed to mean?' asked Mrs Twelvetrees.

‘Her feet come off,' said Gwendoline. ‘Show her Olivia.'

Olivia went up to Martha, grabbed her foot and pulled as hard as she could. Martha just held on for a while then gave a little kick and Olivia fell backwards and crashed into Gwendoline
ha ha!

‘That will DO!' said Mrs Twelvetrees sternly.