Against the Tide (17 page)

“Yeah?”

“Don’t lose your shit. You were not cool today, man. If you’re going to do things by yourself, you have to be on the ball, and today, well, today you weren’t.”

“Yeah. I know. It’s her, Harley. She makes me lose my fucking mind.” I curse and stretch back in the chair, clasping my hands behind my head.

“Then you have to stay away from her.”

“I never went looking for her! She turns up wherever I go.”

“She was at the club today?”

“No. Damien Brooks’ house.”

“What? Back up a little here. So, you went to The Cabin, beat the crap out of Julian, and what?”

“I just roughed him up a little. Got the CCTV footage and got out. I found out that Damien Brooks pays him to let his boys deal in there.”

“Ah, I see, so that’s why you wanted to pay Damien a visit.”

“Bingo, my friend.”

“So did you go and see him?”

“Yeah, well, no. I went to his place and that’s where I saw Megan. It’s a long story. Short version is, she came flying out of there like she was being chased by a pack of rabid dogs. So I went after her.”

“And?” he asks impatiently.

“Um, we had words.”

“Yeah?”

“We …uh.”

“You didn’t? Tell me you didn’t fuck her again.” I look up at him sheepishly. “Finn! How do you go from fucking someone, to screaming so much hatred at her?”

“I don’t know. I feel bad but …”

“But, what? Jesus, Finn, you’re a walking contradiction.”

“I blame her, okay? I can’t help it. She brings out something in me that makes me forget the rest of the world exists. I forgot about Lizzie that night because of her, and look what happened.”

“So what happened today? Did something bad happen while you two were, you know?”

“No, not that I know of. But it was like I had to have her. It didn’t matter what I had to do to get her, I was willing to do it. The whole fucking world could have been falling around us and I wouldn’t have noticed because all I see is her. Then I brought her back here and we watched the CCTV.”

“And?”

“Damien Brooks’ number just came up.”

“He was on the tape?”

“More than that, Harley. He drugged my sister. He slipped something in her drink. She didn’t take anything willingly. She didn’t do it to get back at me being such a control freak over her life. He took that choice away from her. The recording shows it all. I don’t know how your boys didn’t turn this information up, but something has to be done about it.”

“Yeah, I got pushed back. Thought they had done everything they could. Finn, mate, I think you’re out of your depth here.” I go to speak but he holds a hand up, halting me “Just let me finish, okay? If he’s done something like that, and it’s on tape, for the world to see, he’ll be bang to rights. No question. And I know that they say prison is easy, but I can make damn sure it isn’t for him.”

“Always the voice of reason, eh?”

“I know you said you have nothing to lose, but you do. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through at the moment, and I’m sure it’s only going to get harder for you, but the only way you’ll be happy is if you kill him, right?” I shrug, maybe this is the only way I will feel that I’ve evened the score, all I know is that I want to make him pay. I want to hurt him like he’s hurt me.  “But, you’d have to live with that. You have got a life ahead of you, Finn. A wife, children, you could have them all one day, but if you do this, whatever it is you’re thinking about, to Damien Brooks, you won’t even get a shot at it. Besides, your mum needs you. She’s still here, Finn. She’s your here and now.”

My feet ache from walking up and down the promenade for the last two hours in these stupid high heeled boots. I’ve been looking to the seagulls for answers, but found nothing and I wandered back to Jamie’s. I had avoided coming back here for ages, trying to figure out in my head if Damien was telling the truth when he said that Jamie had tried it on with him. Then realisation hit me in the face like a slap from a wet fish, and I came to the conclusion that it’s been a long time since Damien knew what the truth was. Lies float from his lips as easy as it is for me to breathe, and I feel like a blinded fool to have not seen it before now. Slowly over the last few years, he’s brainwashed me, wiped out any logical thinking I might have had, driven a wedge the size of an elephant between me and my family, and isolated me from the real world. For someone who prides herself on being so tough and independent, I feel like a first class idiot. A pregnant first class idiot. Shit.

“What are you doing?” Jamie asks as she opens the front gate to find me sitting on the doorstep with my boots in my hand. “Are you okay?” She looks at me with a frown.

“I don’t know, J.” I rest my head on my knees and she strokes my back as she carefully steps past me and opens the door.

“Putting the kettle on,” she calls out behind her, leaving the door open for me to follow.

I haul myself up and drag my feet through the hallway. My body feels heavy, my heart feels like a huge lump of lead, and my head feels like it’s going to spin off of my shoulders with all the thoughts in there flying around.

“Sit,” she instructs, gesturing to the bar stool. “What’s the news then?”

“You want the condensed version or all the gory details?”

“I got all night, babe. Give me the extended version.”

“Well,” I sigh. “I’m pregnant. Five weeks actually, according to the clever tests that not only tell you that you’re pregnant, they actually tell you how far along you are, too. Apparently, my first ever one night stand has super sperm and despite the fact that he hates me, was kind enough to send his soldiers in, completely fucking up my life, as if it wasn’t fucked up already.” My hands gesture frantically in front of me with a mind of their own, but I don’t care and I can’t stop it. “It turns out that Damien is responsible for that girl’s death at the club, because he spiked her drink, and I know that because I watched the CCTV footage which showed it all in glorious technicolour.” Jamie goes to speak but I halt her by holding up my index finger. “Wait! That’s not all of it. The highlight of my day was watching the footage with aforementioned sperm donor, only to find out that the poor girl that died was his little sister.” I stop to catch my breath, and assess Jamie’s reaction. She opens her mouth to speak several times but doesn’t actually get any words out. “You’re doing a great goldfish impression there, J, but it’s not really helpful,” I joke trying to lighten the situation but the fact that she doesn’t have an answer makes everything seem so much heavier.

“I-I don’t really know what to say to you, Meg. What … uh, okay, go back a minute. How did you come to watch the tape with that guy,
the
guy?”

“Finn.”

“Whatever his name is.” She waves a hand dismissively.

“I went to Damien’s, just to pick up the post etcetera, and he was there. We argued, he said you …” I trail off finding it hard to say because as much as I know it’s not true and I despise Damien, the thought of it stabs at my heart so I say it fast, hoping it won’t hurt as much. “He said you tried it on with him.”

“What? When? The lying little cunt.” She slams a coffee mug on the counter, and I’m surprised that it doesn’t break with the force. “You don’t believe him, do you?”

“No, he did a good job trying to convince me, but I know you wouldn’t do that.”

“Too bloody right, I wouldn’t. If anything it’s him that’s been giving me the come on. I knew I hated him for a reason.”

“Yeah, well, you were right, for lots of reasons.”

“So you argued with cuntbag, then what?” Jamie continues to make coffee with a scowl on her face.

“I stormed out of there, and Finn was just down the road. I didn’t really know what was going on when he shoved me in his car and drove me up to the downs.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” She holds a hand up to stop me from continuing. “Back track. What do you mean, he shoved you in his car?”

“Um, he put me in his car and locked the door so I couldn’t get out until we were in the middle of nowhere.”

“You do know that’s kidnapping?” She slides my coffee toward me and I take it between my hands.

“Yeah,” I muse, circling the rim of my mug with my index finger. “I guess it is.”

“What is it with you and shitty guys, Meg? What did he do to you on the downs, did he hurt you?”

“Not exactly, he, um ….” I pick at the skin around my nails, and try and look anywhere but in her direction.

“Oh my god, your eyes just glinted. You did it again, didn’t you?” she asks in disbelief.
“I don’t know how he does it, Jamie. There’s just something about him, I can’t explain it.”
“You know, I thought you were stupid the first time, but twice, Meg. Twice!” She puts both hands on the counter top and leans towards me, giving me no choice but to look at her. “You think he hates you and you still did it. Are you that desperate for sex?”

“Jamie!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, but you know what I mean. You’re stunning, Meg. You could have anyone you want, and so far you’ve chosen those two twats.”

“I see your point.” She actually has a good point. What the hell is wrong with me? “But it’s not like that.”

“What’s it like then? Tell me, because I’m really struggling to understand here.”

“Whose side are you on, Jamie? Because you’re not making me feel any better.” My voice rises with frustration. I can’t tell her why or how this has all happened because I don’t understand any of it myself.

“I’m sorry, Meg, but you have to start making some decent choices, especially now.” She glances at my stomach.

“I don’t want it,” I say bluntly, surprising myself at such a harsh statement.

“What?”

“The baby. I don’t want it.”

“Meg−”

“You said it yourself that I make shit choices. Well, that’s fine if I’m the only one that has to deal with the repercussions, but if I have this baby, I won’t be the only one that my choices affect, will I? I can’t bring a baby in to this crazy situation. It’s not fair.”

“But−”

“No. I won’t change my mind, Jamie. I can’t. I’ve made an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow.”

“I wish you’d think about it a little longer, Megs,” she begs, imploring me with her big blue eyes. But it won’t work this time.

“I’ve thought about nothing all day, my mind is exhausted. I don’t have the luxury of time on this.”

“I know. I’m sorry you’re going through this, sweetie.” She covers my hand with hers, and strokes her thumb soothingly across my knuckles.

“I’m sorry about it all too.” My breath hitches in my throat as I breathe in and not for the first time, I wish I had my mum around to give me advice. “Maybe I shouldn’t be here, in Brighton.”

“You’re thinking of leaving?”

“I don’t know. I think I need to try and speak with my parents. I miss them, Jamie,” I say quietly, resting my head in my arms on the counter top.

She strokes my hair gently, “I know you do, babe.”

“They’re all I have. I can’t believe I took Damien’s side over theirs.”

“You have me.”

I tilt my head and look up at her with a smile. “Thank you, J.”

“Always, babe.” She pulls up a stool on the opposite side of the breakfast bar and grabs her coffee. “So, this Finn guy. Are you sure he hates you? I mean, it seems that he really quite likes you. You know, like the boy that pulls your hair at school because he really fancies you?”

“You don’t have to like someone to fuck them, Jamie.”

“Meg,” she scolds.

“It’s true. And if he didn’t hate me before, then he really hates me now because he’s convinced I have something to do with Damien drugging his sister that night. He thinks I lured him in to the alley so that Damien could drug her for whatever twisted reason.”

“That’s crazy.”

“I know. But if you look at it from his point of view, which is tainted by grief, I guess his thinking is a little extreme and jaded anyway. But he doesn’t know me, he doesn’t know that I would never do something like that. All he sees is that for weeks, I watched him, and he watched me. Then it all happened on that one night. I’m the common denominator. The catalyst if you like.”

“Yeah, I guess.”