After the Rain (5 page)

“I’ll take you. It’s late, and I would just feel better—”

“You don’t have to,” she says as she stands.

“I want to.”

She nods, placing her small hand in mine. As we make our way outside, I notice it’s raining and offer to go get my truck so she doesn’t have to walk through it.

I don’t waste any time getting in my truck and putting it into gear to retrieve my girl. It’s completely dark with only a few streetlights highlighting the sidewalks and parking lots. I don’t have to wait long before I see the familiar auburn curls. The smile that lights up her face assures me that she’s okay.

“Hey,” she says as she hops up into my truck.

Not wasting a second, I close the space between us and grab her face in my hands. I kiss her like I haven’t seen her in months, using my tongue to press through the seam of her lips, tasting her slowly. There isn’t one bit of her mouth that I leave unexplored.

By the time I pull away and rest my forehead against hers, we’re both having trouble catching our breaths. “What was that for?” she whispers.

Her heart is beating so hard that I swear I can hear it. “That was I missed you,” I say, kissing her one more time before moving back into the driver’s seat.

“You saw me just two minutes ago.”

“That was long enough to miss you.”

As I drive to the dorm, I see her touch her lips with her fingertips out of the corner of my eye. She catches me about the fourth time I look at her, and her cheeks turn pink. “What?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I like watching what my kisses do to you.”

If she thinks I didn’t see how she rolls her eyes as she turns her attention out the passenger side window, she’s wrong. I feel myself relaxing. This isn’t the same Kate I knew back in Carrington.

Three Months Later – December 2012

I
MANAGED
TO
AVOID
PARTIES
my first three months of college, but now that the semester is over, it doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to avoid them much longer. I’ve come a long way, and this is another step toward normalcy. Most of all, I think I’m ready to do it.

Every weekend there are huge parties on and off campus, and I think it’s safe to say that Cory and Rachel haven’t missed a single one. They asked us to come with for the first few weeks and then gave up when we turned them down every time. This week they couldn’t stop talking about the huge end-of-semester party at the campus’s largest frat house. When they asked us to go, Beau looked over at me, and I couldn’t say no. I’m not going to hold him—or myself for that matter—back anymore. Beau seems to think that attending a college party is something I should try at least once in my life. I hope he’s not wrong—he rarely is.

I pull on a pair of jeans and a fitted black turtleneck sweater before spending some time adding a few loose curls to my hair. By the time I hear a knock at the door, I’m ready to go. I may even be a little excited about it, if I’m being honest with myself.

I haven’t seen Beau since earlier this afternoon, and that’s way too long for me. As soon as the door is wide open, I jump right into his arms.

“Did you miss me?” he asks, his lips brushing against my hair.

“Every time I’m not with you, I miss you.”

“I’m here now.”

He wraps his arms around my lower back and pulls me tightly against his body. I melt into him, slowly moving my lips up his throat until they reach his mouth. His hands run up my back as he drags my bottom lip between his teeth. He doesn’t kiss me like it’s our first kiss or our last … he kisses me like I’m the air he needs to breathe. And when he does, it makes me feel alive. From my head to my toes, I feel him.

His fingers tangle in my hair as his tongue slips past my lips. I’m so caught up in him that it doesn’t register that my back is against the wall. It’s the only thing holding me up because my knees are too weak to do the job, especially when his thumbs run against the tender skin below my ears. He knows what drives me crazy, but he always moves slowly. Maybe he’s afraid I’m still breakable, or I’ll run if he moves too fast.

It’s not like that anymore. I’m not a fragile crystal dangling from a thin chain. I’m strong now—maybe stronger than I ever was before. My legs part, allowing him to step closer, and instead of feeling scared, I feel safe. The amount of trust I have in him allows him to be my comfort and security. He’s also the guy who can ignite a fire inside me with one simple touch.

He suddenly moves back just enough to break our connection but leans in for one more soft, sweet kiss. “I’d love to continue this. But we shouldn’t. Not tonight.”

“Beau?”

“Yeah?” he asks, running his thumb across my cheekbone.

“I’m ready. I mean, whenever you’re ready, I’m ready,” I say quietly, trying to keep my eyes focused on his.

“Let’s get out of here then,” he says, grabbing my hand in his. He starts to pull me out the door, but I stop him by keeping my feet in place.

“Aren’t you coming?” he asks, looking over his shoulder at me.

“I didn’t mean I was ready for the party. I mean, I
am
ready for the party, but I was talking about you and me doing … more.”

His eyes darken as he lets go of my hand and comes to stand in front of me, gripping my hips. “There is nothing I’d want more than to have those legs of yours wrapped around me all night.” He leans his forehead against mine. “I want to give you a taste of what you have to look forward to when we make love for the first time. The first time with the girl who’s going to be my last is sure as fuck not going to happen in this dorm room,” he says, smiling down at me.

My cheeks heat up as a smile forms on my lips. I’m not used to having anyone talk to me like Beau does, but I like it. He’s always taken care of me, and I know that our first time won’t be any different.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, running his tongue over his upper lip.

“You.”

“Yeah? What about me?” His voice is deeper than it was just seconds ago. It’s moments like this that make it almost impossible to wait. I don’t care if we’re in a dorm room. As long as I’m with him, it’ll be special. We could be anywhere, doing anything, and it would be perfect.

“I can’t wait to have my legs wrapped around you,” I whisper, feeling my heart pounding in my chest.

His eyes are filled with lust as he stares at me. “If you keep talking like that, we might not leave this room tonight,” he says, pulling me a little closer.

“Maybe that’s what I want.”

He leans in so close I feel his warm breath against my lips, and just when I think he’s going to kiss me, he stops. “You have no idea how much I want that, but not here. I don’t want to worry about someone walking in on us because, baby, when I’m finally inside of you, I’m taking it nice and slow,” he whispers in my ear.

My heart skips a beat … or two … and before I can reply, he kisses my cheek. “Let’s go,” he says, grabbing my hand.

I follow closely behind him, my fingers laced with his. I notice girls looking at him as we walk past, but I don’t feel an ounce of jealousy; I feel grateful. Beau could really have any girl he wants, but for some reason he waited for me. He’s cute, but he’s too boy-next-door for Calvin Klein yet just edgy enough to keep the girls salivating.

And he’s all mine.

When we reach his old truck, he stops next to the passenger side door and opens it for me. I use the running board to get in, but once I reach for the seatbelt, Beau places his hand over mine. “If at any point tonight you want to leave, I want you to tell me.”

Even though I run deeper than the ocean, his eyes see right through me. He sees my struggle, and I wonder what things would have been like if I had told him about Drew right away. There’s fear in shame, and I wasted more than two years on a fear that shouldn’t have ever been there in the first place.

“And stay near me,” he adds, pulling the buckle around my waist to fasten it.

I nod, a knot forming in my stomach.

Just as I’m about to tell him I changed my mind about going, he says, “Hey, put that smile back on your pretty face. There’s going to be a lot of people there tonight, and I just want to make sure we don’t get separated.” He removes his hand from the buckle, brushing his fingers against my leg as he stands. After he closes the door, I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes, taking a few deep breaths before he climbs into the driver’s side.

Fear is life’s worst enemy. I was happy before Drew raped me. I was living my life like most teenagers. I thought I was invincible; nothing bad was ever going to happen to me.

I’ve conquered some of my fears—thanks to Asher’s help—and I continue to move forward, but now I’m scared that something will happen, causing all of my fears to come back. Every day I push myself to become stronger and getting through tonight will give me added strength.

Beau’s hand wraps around mine. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I want to know everything about you,” he says, squeezing my hand tightly.

Turning my head, I stare at his silhouette. “Do you fear anything?”

His eyes briefly meet mine before he focuses back on the road. “I guess the only things I really fear are losing you or someone else close to me. There are lots of things I think a person can overcome, but certain people in our lives aren’t replaceable.”

“That’s why you are the way you are.”

“What do you mean by that?” he asks, glancing in my direction again.

“You’re usually happy,” I reply.

“I am happy. I’m happier than I think I’ve ever been,” he says, slowing down at a stop sign. “Are you happy?” I can tell by the tone of his voice that I’m starting to put him on edge.

“Fear keeps people from doing things they want to do, and when they aren’t doing what they want to do, they’re not as happy as they could be.” Of course I’m talking about myself.

“Anything you want to do … I’ll do it with you,” he says, pulling up next to the curb. He puts the car in park, and turns it off, before quickly undoing his seatbelt. My heart races as he slides to the middle and uses the tip of his finger to sweep a few loose pieces of hair from my forehead. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, his face so close I can feel his warm breath against my cheek.

“I guess I just got lost somewhere in my thoughts,” I whisper, leaning forward to softly kiss his lips.

“You need to clear that mind of yours every once and a while,” he says against my lips. “Maybe we should go face one of those fears right now?”

Taking a deep cleansing breath, I say, “Yeah, let’s do this.” Smiling, I turn to open my door and climb out. Beau is right behind me, scooting the rest of the way out the passenger side door. He smiles back at me as he stands and kisses my forehead. The smile is still there as he entwines our fingers and leads me to the front door of the frat house. I focus on the perfect fit of his hand in mine and let all my fears go. With him, I can do this.

When we reach the front of the house, there are several people standing outside the door, talking and laughing. No one even turns to look in our direction.

As Beau opens the door, my stomach ties in knots again. I don’t know what hit me first, the smell of beer or the noise, but I wrap my arm around Beau’s to stay close. The living room is so packed with people that it’s almost impossible to walk through. Older miss-matching furniture lines the room, but every spot is taken, some by a group of guys joking and having a good time and others by couples who can’t keep their hands off one another. All I want to do is find a spot that’s a little less crowded so I can relax.

“Should we find Rachel and Cory?” I ask, trying to not sound too awkward.

“Let’s go get a drink first.”

I pull on his arm, forcing him to stop. “I don’t drink.”

“Then I won’t either,” he says, moving us forward again.

I try to stop him to let him know I’m okay if he wants to drink, but the room is too loud for him to hear me. We weave our way into the kitchen, and he opens a large blue cooler, pulling out two bottles of water. As he hands one to me, a soft moan comes from behind us. I look back to see Rachel sitting on top of the counter with Cory standing between her legs, his head buried in her neck. It doesn’t feel right to watch, but I can’t peel my eyes away. When she finally opens her eyes, she smiles when she notices I’m staring.