After Nothing (19 page)

His body was so close to mine that if I’d moved an inch my breasts would have touched his chest. As it was he blatantly stared down at them. Then he placed a hand on the curve of my waist and ran it down and around over my butt. His jaw moved. Gum. He was chewing gum on the side of his mouth that had teeth. It was spearmint. I could smell it.

‘Leave her the fuck alone,’ yelled out Callem, only to freeze as the knife’s blade was placed at his throat.

‘Yo, Teige,’ called out Kane, coming out of the front door of the house, followed by a whole heap of people.

The guy holding the knife glanced up at Kane above him on the balcony.

‘K-Man,’ he said, nodding at Kane. ‘Just a sec, bro.’ He turned back to Callem.

‘That’s my boy,’ said Kane. His voice rang out, and he casually jumped the balcony railing, dropping five feet to the hard ground below.

The ugliest guy in the world suddenly dropped his hands from my ass, and took a step back. His good eye met mine.

‘What’s your name?’ he asked.

I glared at him and said nothing.

‘Your boy?’ Teige was saying to Kane.

‘Yeah, nigga. Thick and thin.’

The knife left Callem’s neck and was stowed. The crew parted ways for Kane, who went straight over to Callem and helped him up.

The ugliest guy in the world turned his back on me and approached Kane.

‘Yo,’ he said, getting Kane’s attention.

Kane gave him a nod. ‘What up, bro?’

They shook hands, and it wasn’t a handshake I’d seen Kane do before. Then they bumped shoulders in a one-armed hug. Kane exchanged the same handshake and hug with every guy in the group.

Teige nodded toward Callem.

‘Your boy was getting all up in his girl’s grill, K-man. This my crib. Didn’t feel I could let it slide, you know what I’m saying?’

The ugliest guy in the world was shaking his head at Teige.

‘What?’ said Teige to him. ‘Bey, you know I don’t get your coded shit.’

Bey. The ugly guy was Bey? He’d touched me. He’d put his ugly fucking hands on me.

Kane was looking confused, and Bey pointed a thumb behind him without even turning around. Kane looked over Bey’s shoulder. His eyes fell on me.

‘Yeah, her,’ said Teige, following Kane’s glare.

‘That ain’t his girl,’ he growled.

I was still shaking from what had almost happened to Callem. Under any other circumstances I would have gone straight to Kane and clung to him, but one look at his face and I decided to keep my distance.

‘What did you do?’ said Kane to me.

‘Nothing,’ I said, glancing around at all the staring faces between Kane and me.

‘Don’t fucking lie to me, bitch,’ said Kane, his voice hardening and increasing in volume.

‘I’m not lying.’

‘Well, I sure as fuck know it weren’t Cal,’ said Kane, no longer bothering to conceal his rage.

‘Kane, it’s alright,’ said Callem, but Kane ignored him and came toward me.

Everyone nearby moved aside and fell silent. Deathly silent. The guys Kane knew, the guys from school still dressed in tuxes and suits, the girls from school, some of them just about wearing more makeup than dress. Mel, J.D. – even Jordeisha, who rarely ever shut up. They were all silent. The only sound was the hum of cars from the nearby highway and Lil Wayne’s voice coming from speakers in the house.

It was just one moment, and I don’t know where it came from, but suddenly I didn’t trust Kane. I didn’t trust what he might do next, especially in front of gang members who, apart from Bey, I’d never heard mention of, but who he seemed on close terms with.

So when he came toward me I backed away.

He stopped.

‘Where do you think you’re going?’

The threat in the words caused me to stop. Then I knew. He wasn’t going to let it go. I was already humiliated, but he was going to take it as far as he had to, to make sure he won this one. Every fight we’d ever had – every time I’d pushed him and pushed him until he gave in to me – had led up to right now, where he could prove he was the man and I was just his bitch.

I surprised even myself.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said.

‘Come here.’

‘I’m sorry, Kane.’

‘Come here,’ repeated Kane.

I wasn’t going near him. I looked around me, my eyes seeking Mel’s. She looked back at me wide-eyed. Why was she scared? Why did her looking like that make me feel scared? It was just Kane. But it was Kane with a whole lot of gang members standing behind him. And Callem had nearly been beaten up, nearly knifed, and it was obvious who was getting the blame.

‘I ain’t fucking telling you again, Natalie. Come here.’

I bit my bottom lip. Saw Callem watching me as he stood surrounded by half the basketball team; saw Bey, and Teige, and all the rest of their crew looking on as though they didn’t care what happened, but they were still going to watch it unfold. I saw Kane’s fists tighten, his eyes locked on me.

I walked over to him. I reached his side and his hand clamped around my arm and he pulled me closer.

‘You stupid bitch,’ said Kane in my ear.

‘I was only talking to him about Jordeisha.’

‘Shut the fuck up,’ snarled Kane. His grip on my arm tightened to the point where I nearly cried out. ‘Don’t open your fucking mouth again. Got it?’

I nodded.

Things got a whole lot more humiliating. Kane started talking about me to Bey and a couple of others, saying right in front of me that he kept the bitch around because her smart mouth was good at other things.

They all laughed.

‘Gotta put it somewhere,’ said one of them.

More laughing – Kane included.

I just took it all. Stood there silently as he talked and joked. Hid the pain as his hand continued to dig so tightly into my upper arm that I could feel his grip on the bone.

Finally, Kane pointedly said to Bey that he had to go take care of some admin, meaning me. We went back into the house. He released his grip on my arm though, taking my hand instead. I tried to pull it free.

‘Natalie, it’ll be pretty fucking clear when I don’t want you near me.’

‘I want to go home.’

‘I gotta find Cal.’

Callem was still at the party. Dante, whose party it was, had taken issue with Teige, who was his older brother, pulling a knife on one of his guests. He had insisted on making it right between Teige and Callem, and then insisted Callem stay around.

We found Callem standing with J.D. and Melissa in the backyard, and he nodded at Kane as we approached. He didn’t even look at me.

‘Why you still here?’ said Kane to Callem.

Callem’s eyes were glowering.

‘Jordeisha won’t leave.’

‘So leave her.’

‘I can’t do that, man, you know it ain’t right.’

‘Kane, I want to go,’ I said.

‘We staying.’

‘Because of Jordeisha?’ I said in disbelief.

Kane ignored me, saying to Cal, ‘Stay where you can see me.’

‘It’s all cool now, Kane,’ intervened J.D. ‘Dante made sure it was.’

Kane nearly laughed. ‘Dante is the fucking problem. He just spent twenty minutes telling Teige how you’ve been scouted, Cal. He just fucking made you more of a target.’

‘Kane, I’m telling you, he’s cool,’ said J.D.

‘He’s not cool,’ snapped Callem. ‘He fucking showed Dante his new piece in front of me. He was staring at me the whole time.’

‘He’s got a gun?’ whispered Melissa, her eyes on Callem.

‘They all coming through the gate,’ said J.D., sounding a whole lot more subdued.

‘Ain’t nothing gonna happen to you,’ said Kane, reassuring Callem.

‘This is bullshit,’ said Callem angrily.

‘Send Natalie over when you good to go.’

Kane then drew me a distance away. ‘No more shit, Nat. I fucking mean it.’

‘You never told me about them,’ I said, gesturing to where Bey, Teige and the rest of their crew had seated themselves at a plastic outdoor table.

‘Ain’t your business.’

He walked away to join them.

‘Are you okay?’ said Melissa, coming up to me.

I was not okay. Not then and not two hours later, when we were still at the stupid party, and Kane was still drinking with his ‘friends.’ Luckily Melissa took time out from kissing J.D. to keep me company. Finally Jordeisha agreed to leave, and I had to go get Kane.

I stalked over, head up, shoulders back, and came to a standstill beside Kane’s chair. The whole table stared at me. Kane stood up without saying a word to me. Then he took his time saying goodbye, making me stand there waiting like a stupid bitch.

When we went to walk away, Bey got up and said Kane’s name, gesturing with his head to come talk to him a short distance from everyone.

‘Wait here,’ said Kane.

I glared at him, but I stayed put.

They stood silhouetted against an outdoor light as they spoke. Moths had gathered around it. More flew in and out of the orb’s glow while I waited. Bey gestured with his hands a few times. I saw Kane fold his arms across his chest. Eventually he unfolded them, and then soon after they shook hands and hugged.

Callem called a cab while we were walking up the street. Without his arms supporting her, Jordeisha stumbled and then sat down on the sidewalk.

Kane helped her up.

‘You’re a bitch,’ said Jordeisha to me. ‘You think you’re so much fucking better than everyone.’

‘No, just you,’ I replied.

‘Everyone was glad when your sorry ass dropped out of school.’

‘Shut up, Deisha,’ said Callem, putting his phone back in his pocket.

‘She can talk,’ I replied, as Callem took responsibility for supporting Jordeisha off Kane. ‘What else have you got, whore?’

‘Just fucking enough,’ roared Kane, turning to me. ‘I swear to God, Nat. I am so sick of you goddamn talking.’

‘It’s nothing to do with you.’

‘Yeah, well you shouldn’t be calling anyone a whore.’

His eyes flicked to my breasts.

Pain stabbed in my chest.

Jordeisha started laughing. ‘Even your own boyfriend hates you. You’re the whore. Everyone knows you led Callem on. They were friends and you played them off against each other.’

‘Cal,’ said Kane sharply. ‘Shut her up, man.’

Callem walked her across the road. It wasn’t far enough; I could still hear her laughing.

‘I’m not a whore,’ I said to Kane.

‘I told you not to wear that fucking top.’

‘You said I looked good.’

‘No one would have touched you if you’d just dressed properly.’

No one. No one like Bey is what he meant.

A bright beam of light announced Callem’s taxi. Kane spoke to Callem. Jordeisha snarled at me,

‘Who cares what you look like. Everyone know you a nasty bitch.’

Then they were gone, and it was just Kane and me.

We didn’t speak till we got to the bus stop. He sat down on the bench; I stayed standing.

‘I hate you,’ I said.

‘What’s fucking wrong with you, Natalie? Getting their attention like that?’

‘I didn’t do it on purpose. I was talking to Callem. I didn’t even know they were there.’

Kane’s eyes went to my chest again.

‘Talking to Callem about what? You should have been inside with me. I didn’t know where you were. What do you think would have happened if I hadn’t come outside when I did?’

‘I don’t know. They’re your friends, you tell me.’

Kane shook his head, leaning back so his head rested against the thick, plastic window behind him.

‘Kane, I didn’t even know you knew people like that. You never told me Dante had a brother in a gang.’

‘I didn’t know Teige was Dante’s brother. I ain’t fucking friends with Dante, and I don’t exactly talk family with Teige when I see him.’

‘It was Bey’s car you borrowed. When we followed my mom.’

‘So?’

‘So you could have told me that. You could have told me his face was deformed.’

‘What does it matter what he looks like?’

‘It matters because I felt sick just looking at him. He could cover his eye.’

‘His eye? His fake eye? The plastic one he has ’cause his stepdad stomped his face when Shys got killed? You really think I give a shit how you feel about his fake eye, Natalie? How the fuck do you think Bey felt when he lost it? You feel sick? So fucking what? I could give a fuck about you.’

‘Fuck you.’

‘Yeah, whatever, bitch.’

‘You could have told me he was in a gang.’

‘Don’t have to tell you shit.’

‘I hate him. He put his hands all over me and you don’t even care.’