Affairs & Atonements (5 page)

She rose up and strode quickly out of the coffee shop. And in a blink of an eye, she had gone just as fast as she had come.

*****

He stared down at the blank form in his hand. He had meant to get a clean break from her. Instead, he was deliberately stalling his divorce. What was he doing? He ran a hand through his hair. The woman clearly wanted to be left alone. But did he? Did he want to leave her be?

He rubbed his jaw. He only wanted to be sure she was fine. She could have pretended to be well. She could easily have pulled such a farce. She was so damned beautiful. If she was doing it rough, he could at least offer her alimony.

His fourth cup of coffee grew cold and insipid as he contemplated what he was to do now. How could he just turn up at her house and just say he had forgotten a form? He palmed his face. He was supposed to be an intelligent high-paying executive, who thought through his actions and prepared well in advance. He was being ridiculous.

*****

Lily Grove,
he read the sign above him as he turned into a graveled driveway and up to the pretty bed and breakfast lodge. The flowers in the roundabout bloomed with multiple colors. He parked into one of the bays and then strode up to the front door.

A couple smiled at him as they exited, pulling their luggage behind them.

“Hi.” The woman smiled.

“Hi.” He smiled back.

“You’re staying too?”

“Uhhh.” He hesitated. “Just looking. I haven’t decided yet.”

“You won’t regret it,” the man replied. “It’s a great place and the view is incredible.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Don’t think too hard.” The woman chuckled. “We stayed for a week and loved every bit of it. I feel so sad to leave it.” She sighed. “Margaret and Christy were beautiful. And Ash… he’s such a darling.”

Ashton raised an eyebrow. Ash?

“See you around,” the man said as he prodded his wife to move on before she could chat anymore.

He watched the man put a loving arm around his wife as she gabbled on excitedly. He gave a small smile and walked in through the door. Happy customers. He knew exactly how that felt.

The reception was unattended and he pressed the little bell as instructed on the small notice pasted onto the side of the counter. A bubbly young woman bustled in with a basket of crisp white towels.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Have you been waiting long?” She blurted out rapidly.

“No, not at all.” He smiled.

She blushed. “How can I help you?”

“I was looking for Christy…” He recalled the name she used in her form. “Christy Pryor.” A warm feeling enveloped him as he said it aloud. It felt so right.

“Christy? And you were?”

“Ashton Pryor.”

She looked up at him with a startle. She mumbled something unintelligible and incoherent.

“Excuse me?” he asked, unsure of what she said.

“Follow me.” She indicated nervously. “You can wait for Christy in her office.”

She opened the door and let him through. “Do you want a drink while you wait?”

“No, I am fine. I’ve had too much coffee already.” He joked.

She gave him an awkward smirk and closed the door hastily behind her.

He winced. Somewhere along their introduction, he seemed to have stepped on a wrong foot.

He looked around the room, his eyes immediately coming to rest on the string of black and white photo portraits of Christy and a young boy.  He neared it, his heart beginning to race. She has a kid? Was she married? He didn’t see a ring and she was using his name. Perhaps, she had a partner. There was every possibility of that or she could have adopted. Probably, a child she was close to? A dozen possibilities flooded through him, agitating him.

It was none of his business, he chanted to himself. He leaned his head back, bracing his neck tiredly with his hands.

The door flung open and Christy rushed inside, her earlier composure long gone.

“What are you doing here?!” she barked. “Get out!”

He stepped back in surprise. He had expected some annoyance on her part, but definitely not this savagely.

“Calm down, Christy. I just needed you to fill one more paper.”

“Paper?” she growled. “I thought we were done with all the papers! I had signed all your damned papers!”

“You missed one.”

“You know very well I didn’t miss any. You were right there. I asked you!” She breathed rapidly, trying to calm her temper down. “Very well. Let’s go to the reception and I’ll get it done.”

“It’s a nice place, Christy,” he drawled. “You’ve done well for yourself.”

She marched to the door and opened it, waiting for him to take the hint and get out. Instead, he walked over to the window to admire the view.

“Puyallup… It’s quite a long way from home. But it’s beautiful here. Why couldn’t we have just met here?  I could have saved you the trouble.”

“I had business in Edgewood,” she replied curtly.

“Who’s the kid?” he asked, pointing to the pictures.

“Are we going to sign those papers?” she said, her tension growing deeper.

“Is he yours?”

“Ashton, I need to get back to work. So could you please give me that goddamned paper so I can get on with it?”

“Is he still around? The child’s father?”

“Ashton!” she screamed with anger.

Sounds of footstep scrambled through the hallway. “Whatever it was Mom, I didn’t do it,” a boy announced as he entered the study.

Christy stood riveted to her spot, her body trembling as she raised her eyes to meet the sudden cold ones of her husband.

“What?” the boy said, looking up at his mother. He glanced over at Ashton and smiled. “Hi.”

“Ash.” Christy shivered. “Could you ask Margaret to get us two cups of coffee?”

“No need,” Ashton said tersely, strolling up to the boy. “I had one too many on my way here,” he tried lightening his tone. He held out his hand. “I’m Ashton.”

“No way.” The boy laughed, shaking his hand. “So am I.”

Ashton smiled, for the first time taking note of his blue eyes and dark hair.

“Um… you live here with your mom?” he asked.

“Yeah. You come to stay? We’ve got some rooms vacant.”

“Ash,” Christy growled. She took a nervous gulp and added, “Could you leave us for a while? I need to discuss something with… Ashton.”

Ash shrugged his shoulders. “See you later then,” he told Ashton.

Christy closed the door behind him.

“How old is he?” Ashton asked.

“Give me that paper.”

“I asked you how old he was,” he repeated more firmly.

She palmed her forehead and moved away from him. “Ten.”

“Whose kid is he?”

“Mine,” she mumbled. “Mine!” she screamed as she spun towards him.

“Who’s the father?”

Her legs quavered beneath her and she struggled into a chair, her face growing pale and ashen.

“I had been advised numerous times to tell you- Marshall, Hilda, Megan, Margaret. They all said I should. But I was so sure you wouldn’t want it- him. You hated me. I was convinced there was no way you would love him.” She trembled.

He grew limp, as he realized what she was trying to say. “Be frank, Christy. What is it you want to tell me?”

“You’re Ash’s father,” she let out slowly, her tears rolling down her face.

He had already guessed that. But he had been praying it wasn’t true and that he had read more deeply into the situation than he should have. And to hear her admit it made it all the more real for him.

He fell into a chair, shaking his head. “How can it be? It was just that one night. That one…”

“I had been too pre-occupied worrying about Marshall, I forgot to get on the pill. On the night of our marriage, I assumed that doing it the first time wouldn’t get me pregnant since I was still a virgin… and if I did become pregnant, it wouldn’t matter. I would already be married. To add to that, I was too eager to have a family and I remembered how much fun I had taking care of baby Elise.”

“Yes, if perhaps we had done it once. But we did it a few times in that one night,” he growled. “What else do you expect people to do on the night of their marriage?”

“Certainly not tell their wives that they married them to avenge their sister,” she snapped back. “And if you didn’t want a child, why hadn’t
you
used protection?”

He pursed his lips. Because he was careless. He had been blinded by his passion, overcome with an unexplainable need to have her. Just seeing her there, standing in that hotel room, her hair wildly spread about her, her scent invading his senses, had driven him wild like she had always secretly done.

“There’s no excuse for not telling me I had a child.” He glanced up angrily at her.

She bit her trembling lips. “You hated me.”

“He’s my son!” he screamed. “Don’t you get that?! All these years, I had been looking for you, trying to find you so I could apologize for what I had done to you. And you… you…” He rose from his chair, pacing the room angrily. “How could you do this to me?!”

“I was sure you wouldn’t want him. I was afraid. Scared of rejection. For him and me.”

“It’s up to me to make that decision. You can’t make it for me.”

“I was young.”

“Eleven years was a long time to grow up. And you couldn’t find an opportunity in all those years? Even when I looked at those photographs, asked you whose kid he was, you were still adamant on hiding him from me. Is that why you were so eager to throw me out of the study? You would have signed the paper and let me go without telling me. In fact, isn’t that what you did at the coffee shop?!”

“Ashton, please, can we talk about this?”

“You’ve lost your chance, Christy. I need to go. There are new papers for you to sign. Child custody papers.” He strode angrily towards the door. “And this time I won’t bother delivering them personally to you. You’ll be served.”

She raced up to the door before he could open it, standing before it and blocking his way.

“You can’t do that,” she pleaded. “Please Ashton, this is all Ash knows. You’ll uproot everything he believes in. You’ll tear him apart.”

“It’s because he doesn’t know the entire truth yet!”

“I’ll tell him. I swear, I will.”

“It’s too late for that!”

“I know. And I’m sorry. But please, think of this like his father and not as someone who’s been wronged. I beg of you, Ashton, think of his needs. There is nothing I can do to turn back time. But I will do my best to make up for it. I promise. Please, please don’t take my baby away from me. I beg you.”

“Get out of the way, Christy.”

“No, no, no!”

He grabbed her arm to push her aside, but she braced her back against the door, her fingers clutching onto his shirt. She leaned against him, her head pushing against his chest. He clasped her waist to lift her up and to the side. But she latched onto him tightly, her arms now thrown around his neck, not letting go.

He danced with her at his spot, trying to free her from him. His body rubbed against hers aggressively, and despite his rage, his body responded to hers, growing hard with an insatiable desire for her.

Unable to control himself any longer, he pulled her arms from him and pinned her against the door in total ire.

“Don’t stop me, Christy.” He minced between his teeth, exhaling short rapid breaths. “If you do, you will regret it. I’ll make you regret it.”

“I don’t care what happens to me,” she cried. “But you can’t take away my child. He’s all I’ve got. You have your family. I have no one. No one but him.”

Her eyes brimmed with her tears that were pouring out of it, dampening her face. He stepped closer to her until his body leaned heavily against hers.

It’s not true!
He wanted to shake her.
She carried his name! She was a part of him!!

His eyes drew down to her lips and he didn’t realize he was going to meet them with his own until a small rap on the door broke his spell.

“Mom? Are you alright?” they heard the boy ask from the other side of it.

Christy looked up at him, her eyes beseeching him.

He nodded and then stepped away.

She straightened herself nervously. “Give me a few minutes with him,” she said shakily. “I want to be the one to tell him.”

He nodded again and opened the door. The boy was standing there with a worried look clouding his face. It cut him deeply to witness it. And he silently swore to himself he would never be the reason or the cause for it.

*****

It had been only twenty minutes but it seemed like hours when she finally exited the study, knackered and drained of every emotion.

She nodded at him. “It’s okay. You can go in now. He knows.”

He stepped into the room. The boy was staring at him as he walked in. He immediately felt strangely protective of him. How could that be? A short while ago he was a free man. There was an absent wife and no children. And suddenly, he had acquired both. How did a man deal with that? And what of all the warm emotions rising inside him? Did all fathers feel what he was feeling? Did this mean he was going through a rapid evolvement on being a father? Being attached to a child for no cause or reason- except by the single fact that this boy was a part of him? He had given him life. He had come from him.

“Hi.” He swallowed.

“Hi,” the boy said quietly.

Ashton pulled out a chair and sat next to him, unsure of how he should start, although he didn’t have to worry for too long.

“Is it true?” the boy asked. “Are you my father?”

“I…uh,” he stammered, looking for the right words. “It looks like it. You look a lot like me.”

“Yeah.” The boy reasoned. “And that we both have the same name.”

“That’s gonna be a problem.” Ashton frowned.

“Why?”

“Come on.” Ashton huffed. “Have you heard your mother scream?”

The boy giggled. “Yeah, that would be awkward. But funny.”

He turned up his mouth thoughtfully. “Is it okay if I called you Junior?”

The boy shrugged. “It would most definitely lessen the confusion. How about JR?” He lifted up his head with excitement. “I like JR.”

Ashton nodded, impressed. “I like JR too. Shall we make it official?” He put out his hand.

The boy looked down at it and then took it with a smile. “Okay.” He shook his hand. But then he grew silent again, playing with a pen on his mother’s desk. “Does this mean you’re staying?” he asked slowly.

Ashton gulped. “It’s too early to say right now. I mean it’s complicated. I have a job back home.”
And a fiancée
, he added quietly.

The boy nodded and continued to fiddle with the pen.

“But I can stay two weeks with you.” He encouraged, hoping to lift his mood.

“Yeah,” the boy answered broodingly.

His heart hurt and he wanted to do everything he could to take away his pain.

“For now, let’s try not focus on when I will go.” He offered. “We’ll take it a day at a time and who knows in two weeks things will change.”

“I don’t think they will.” The boy sighed. “It’s okay. I’ll understand if you have to go. Do you have a family back where you come from?”

“Philadelphia? No. My family lives in Bennett. That’s where I met your mom.”

“Yeah, I know where that is. My Uncle Marshall lives there. He visits us a couple of times in the year. I haven’t been there though.”

His jaw tensed. “Yes, both your mom’s and my family are there. They’re your family too, you know. And someday, I’d really want to take you to meet your grandparents and your aunt.”

The boy grew quiet again. Ashton could tell a lot was going through his young mind, trying to come to terms with the factors that will most possibly change his life.

“My friend, William tells me his parents keep fighting over him. His mom and dad separated a year ago.” The boy bit his lower lip. “Dad…,” he said slowly.

He was addressing him! Ashton looked up in surprise at the boy, doing his best to not reveal how teary he was feeling inside. The word sounded foreign to him, but his heart was enveloped with sudden warmth, knowing that it felt more right than ever.

“You and Mom… you’re not going to fight, right?” the boy asked.

Ashton scrambled for words. He didn’t want to lie to him. But the truth was more difficult to explain. He didn’t live in Pay… Poy…Puy… whatever this town was called. His life was back in Philadelphia. But there was no way he was going to give up on his child either.

“We are never going to fight over you.” He promised, crossing his fingers secretly.

****

Christy wrung her fingers nervously, wondering if her son was taking it well. Finally, she heard a light chuckle from inside her office and she realized that it was Ash. She did not know whether to be relieved or worried. While she wanted her son to be happy that he’d found his father, she was afraid that he would become too attached and leave her to live with Ashton.

“No,” she whispered to herself. “I should be glad. This is good for Ash.”

She clenched her fist tightly to settle her nerves and knocked on the door. She wanted to know… no, she needed to know what the laughter was all about.

She turned the door knob and stepped into her study. “Is everything alright?” she asked, her eyes keenly running over her son’s face. “Ash?”

The boy smiled. “It’s JR now, Mom. Dad said it would be confusing if we were called by the same name.”

“JR?” She looked up at Ashton questioningly.

“You like it, Mom?” the boy asked eagerly, seeking his mother’s approval.

“Do you?” she tried to smile.

“I chose it,” he replied proudly.

“It’s nice. I like it,” she said, hoping to make him happy. “Is that why you were laughing?”

“Well, yeah,” JR grinned. “And because of some other things.”

“Like?”

The boy shrugged. “Just stuff. Can I go now? I really want to watch something on TV. Don’t wanna miss it.”

“Umm… yes,” she said, slightly hurt from her son’s secrecy on not sharing their jokes with her.

The boy scrambled out of his chair and darted towards the door before his mother could change her mind. He turned abruptly at the door though, giving his new-found father a broad smile. “You will stay, right? We’ve got rooms available. He can stay, Mom, can he?”