Adapt (13 page)

“I don’t deserve this,” he said. “My family doesn’t deserve this.” He rubbed his eyes with his hands.

Kerry Burger leaned forward provokingly. “You have a very guilty conscience, don’t you, Daniel? Are you a bad person?” Daniel didn’t answer. Burger gave a nod and continued to write on the page. Daniel clenched his fists to stop them shaking. He wanted to lash out. Everything that they had done to him was soul destroying yet she still continued her assault, her mental abuse. “I think you need to be sectioned for your own safety and the safety of others.” Daniel’s knuckles turned white, his teeth ground together.
Stay calm, don’t lash out, it is what she wants. Don’t give them reason.
“I will talk with Dr Cribson. You are going to need a lot of medical attention soon. You should let us finish it for you.”

What have you done to me?

Daniel’s hands were fixed firmly to the worktop as he stared out of the kitchen window at the dark night.

“I’m not psychotic, Dad,” Daniel said.

“You’re not psychotic but you’re not firing on all cylinders,” said his father.

“I am,” he replied.

“You’re not thinking things through. They’re doctors. Doctors don’t do that,” said Harry.

“Doctors are human like the rest of us, some are good at what they do, some are not so good, but it’s also possible that one or two are dangerous in their position.”

“If they are human like the rest of us they would never do such a thing,” said Harry. “They are unprofessional in their approach, I don’t like them myself but no one would do the disgraceful things you are saying.”

“They are trying to kill me. Failing that they will try and push me to suicide,” said Daniel.

“I can’t listen to this, think about what you are saying,” Harry said.

“Things are going to heat up now, you will see. The words of the nurse. Who the fuck says that!”

“Don’t swear in the house,” insisted Harry.

“Don’t swear?” said Daniel. “They abused me physically. Now they’re abusing me mentally. They are abusing their power, can’t you see that?”

“No, I can’t. These may not be professional, I will say that much,” said Harry. “No good at what they do but they are not trying to kill you.”

“This close,” said Daniel with his index finger and thumb a millimetre apart. “That’s how close they came but I could see it, I messed up their plan.”

“Please just take a deep breath, Daniel. Think through how unlikely it is, what you are saying.”

“I have thought it through and I think I need to go to the police,” said Daniel.

“What do you think the police will do when you tell them this?”

Daniel paced the kitchen. “Let’s see. Conspiracy to murder. Attempted murder. Abuse of a patient. Falsifying medical notes. The list is developing at a rapid rate.”

“This is ludicrous,” said Harry.

“There’s more,” Daniel said whilst still pacing. “From what I have gathered they are leaking medical notes to the media.”

“Stop, Daniel. Stop.” Harry massaged his temples. “I’m going to help you. The best I can. You need to listen to me.”

“Do you think they are trying to harm me?”

“No,” replied his father.

“Then how can I listen? I need to open an investigation,” said Daniel.

“There will be no investigation,” said Harry. “They will refer back to your psychiatrist. Then what? They will refer back to Dr Cribson. Do you want that? Think about it.”

“I don’t want that,” said Daniel.

“It’s the first thing they will do,” said his father.

“Then I’m cornered. I can’t go anywhere. I have to sit and absorb everything. Facing the end of a barrel everywhere I turn.”

Harry got to his feet. “I’m going to help you through this. I don’t like them either but you’re over-thinking their actions. They certainly haven’t helped you so far. That much is obvious.”

Four weeks since he left the ward and the headaches continued to stab at his mind.

“Are you getting headaches?” asked Dr Cribson.

“No.”

“You’re holding your head. You look in pain.”

“I’m not in pain,” said Daniel.

“Do you have other symptoms?”

“No.”

“Do you still believe I am trying to hurt you?” asked the doctor. Daniel didn’t answer. “Do you think I have hurt you?”

“I don’t think you are treating me fairly,” said Daniel. “I have done nothing wrong.”

“I’m treating you fair and just,” said the doctor.

“I don’t know why you are doing this to me.”

“Your psychosis has taken root, Daniel. I’m trying to pull it out,” said Dr Cribson.

“My whole family is suffering,” said Daniel.

“Your psychosis is florid.”

“Florid?” Daniel’s body was shaking, his hands too weak to clench.

“Yes florid. It’s flowering. It’s expanding. I’m a part of this. Kerry Burger is a part of this.”

“I have never said that you are a part of anything.”

“You have implied it. Do you like conspiracies, Daniel?”

“They are interesting but I don’t believe them,” said Daniel.

“Do you think people can collude?”

“People will collude if they wish to,” replied Daniel.

“Do you think people are colluding against you?”

I know you are.
“No.”

“Do you think the ward was colluding with a few of the patients?”

Daniel filled with rage. Sweat began to seep from his pores and the shaking intensified.
You sadistic, coldblooded, deceitful fuck. That’s what he wants. He wants you to say yes to get you back. He wants an excuse. Don’t give it to him.
“No.”

“Do you think people were hurting you whilst you slept on the ward?”

You scum.
“No.”

“Do you think people were doing things to you? Do you think I know what happened to you that night?” Daniel didn’t answer. Dr Cribson began writing, his pen scratching away at the paper like a secret weapon, documenting lies to use against him at a later date.

“What are you writing?”

“Okay,” said the doctor, “let’s talk about something else. Does the TV still send you messages.”

“No.”

“Nothing. You must see something referring to you,” said Dr Cribson.

“No, I watch it all the time. I see nothing, they don’t know me. Why would they refer to me?”
You didn’t like that answer. You are risking everything giving out information to hurt me and it’s not working.
Daniel felt ill but enjoyed the moment. The doctor was becoming irritable and anger descended over his eyes.

“You see nothing? No reference, you must see something.
You don’t feel they are humiliating you? You don’t think they are receiving information about you?”

“That’s correct.”

“You’re lying.”

“No I’m not.”

“Do you think people are still hacking you?”

“It’s possible. They are pathetic if they are. Very sad individuals,” said Daniel.

The doctor ground his teeth. “Don’t you care that people are still hacking you? That should make you anxious and vulnerable. It should worry you if they were.”

“Well, it doesn’t,” said Daniel.

“You look ill. Are you in pain? Are headaches and sickness a problem?”

“No.”

Dr Cribson fidgeted with his pen. “I’ve written to the driving authorities. Your bus licence and car licence are to be revoked immediately.”

“What?”

“I am most surprised that they have not written to you yet,” said the doctor.

“No, they haven’t.”

“They will do. They work slowly,” said Dr Cribson with a smirk. “You can re-apply in three and a half years.”

“That’s not fair. What did you write to them?”

“You don’t think we would send anything off and try to hide it from you?” asked the doctor. “We gave them a fair and honest report. We wouldn’t lie, Daniel.”

“I will appeal,” said Daniel.

“Don’t raise your voice,” said the doctor. “I would be careful if I were you. We are near a final decision to have you sectioned. The notes have convinced another psychiatrist that it’s the best thing to do.”

The shower rained down on Daniel’s head, loosening the pressure, releasing the vice.
I can’t let them section me, I can’t let it
happen.
Daniel looked down, the soapy puddle around his feet now a murky red. He lifted the back of his hand to his nose, the blood trickled down.
Why me?
Daniel cleaned up and dressed in jogging trousers and a vest. His mother was cleaning the kitchen as he entered.

“He shouldn’t be in the job,” said Daniel.

“Who?”

“Doctor Cribson,” said Daniel.

“You won’t be with him for long,” said Clarissa.

“The man has no right to work with anyone, from mild depression to raving psychosis. He shouldn’t be near them,” he said. “He’s a danger.”

“It’s only going to be for a few weeks,” she said.

“It’s sick. He’s throwing medical notes around like confetti. He set me up to be abused and now he’s taunting me about it,” said Daniel.

“Try to relax,” she said with her hand on his arm.

“When he says he’s going to section me, it’s a much more serious threat,” Daniel said.

“Please don’t let him make you angry,” she said.

“He’s deconstructing my life piece by piece. He’s ill himself – you would need to be to do what he’s doing,” he said.

“What do you mean, he’s throwing around medical notes?”

“He’s giving them to the media,” said Daniel.

“He wouldn’t do that,” she said.

“He is.”

“He would be a disgrace to his entire profession. He wouldn’t do it,” said Clarissa.

Daniel began to pace the kitchen. “What can I do?” he asked.

“Let it go,” she said. “He is not treating you right. He’s not doing what you think, though. I believe he is playing on your paranoia to get you back on the ward. Which is wrong, and unprofessional. There’s not much we can do so please let it go.”

“How can I, he’s planning on having me sectioned. I know what that means,” said Daniel.

“Relax, please. Don’t let him make you angry.”

Daniel’s fists clenched. His enemy were sneaky, evading a fair fight. He let out a growl and swung his arm. Full force, his fist
struck the door. He punched again. A small imprint was the only damage to the door but his knuckles were open, dripping blood. He could feel the bruise immediately. His mother looked at him, “I have tried to protect you since you were born, I looked after you and raised you the best I could. You are a grown man and I still want to protect you, but I can’t watch you act like this.” Clarissa left the room to hide her tears. Daniel stood alone in the kitchen, his fist wanting to impact again. He was powerless. He thought of the taunts from the media.
A pill fused with energy / Your body is eating itself / Your death will be a humorous anecdote / A doctor gave you a disease, on purpose / Your body is eating itself / You’re dying / We won’t mention his name / Check the unit is secure before leaving / Need some more rope / We can’t be stopped / You’re the walking dead / Clever murder / Your body is eating itself.

The sick words were aimed at him. He knew it. They knew it.
How can I prove it?
A sentence structured to disguise the threats and the taunts. A choice of words selected to veil the warhead, designed to strike its target, evading detection from even the victim’s closest allies. A cloaked dagger for him and him alone. A code with no uniformity, no code key other than Daniel’s mind.