Adam's List (23 page)

Adam’s eyebrows draw down. “I thought we weren’t supposed to have the place until tomorrow.”

“I called the owner. No one was renting it today, so he said he’d have the cleaning staff stop by this afternoon while we’re off sightseeing.” I open the door, wagging my eyebrows. “Are you ready to check it out, or what?”

He reaches for the backseat. “Where’d our bags go?”

“I already took them inside.” I hop out of the pickup and wave him down with my hand.

I let a male jogger pass in front of our brownstone before lifting the gate and waiting for Adam to join me. His eyes light up at the sight of the green door atop the steps. “This place looks great.”

“You really think I was going to let us stay in anything subpar?” I poke at his chest, clicking my tongue. “I thought you knew me by now,
Murphy
.”

We race up the steps. I punch the code the owner gave me into the keypad, flinging the door open to the next flight of stairs. Adam passes me, hollering out excitedly when he reaches the top. “Holy shit! It’s twice as big as it looked in the pictures!”

I skip to his side, beaming proudly. The small kitchen to our left, pimped out in faded marble countertops and black, distressed cupboards, has top of the line appliances, including a coffee maker and a pizza oven. A small island overlooks the living area where there’s a giant stone fireplace and a three-piece sectional sofa filled with dozens of white, airy pillows. The marble floors continue on to a large square table and chairs, stopping at a patio door overlooking the backyard.

I nudge his elbow. “You gotta check this out.”

He’s back to his squirrelly self when he springs along with me. We step out to the small balcony overlooking the back side of the other buildings in the neighborhood.

They each have their own little balconies similar to ours with a fire escape stairway running through it, some with plants, bicycles, patio furniture, and grills. Some of the ground-floor yards, each individually fenced off, have little plastic children’s pools. One even has a swing. The place next door to us is like something straight out of a home magazine with a mix of expensive couches that looks like they belong indoors, and large Christmas lights draped overhead.

Simple wooden stairways lead up to the back door of some brownstones, while others are wrought iron with elaborate designs. Buildings of various heights and colored bricks stack together in the background like perfectly placed steps for a giant. It’s an eclectic mix of different shapes and colors.

Our balcony has a cracked stone floor with a wrought iron table and chairs, their floral cushions worn and faded from the sun. It’s all so incredibly charming. I feel as if I’m
home,
though in reality, I’m thousands of miles from where I grew up.

Adam rests his hands on the railing, grinning as he takes it all in. “Wow. This is awesome.”

My chest warms to hear he’s just as enchanted by the view. I can see us living together in a little place like this, close to the big city, yet in the midst of an intimate neighborhood, hanging out at night with the neighbors in their mismatched furniture beneath the twinkling lights. Adam did well in school before he dropped out, and as long as I work at it, I’m able to get decent grades too. We could each find a day job, and take classes at night. I picture myself cuddled up in his arms on this balcony, reading a book, or planning out our day.

Moments like those would keep me moving, giving me a new sense of purpose. I could forget all the past mistakes I’ve made, and live for a different kind of future. It’d be a clean slate. For both of us.

Realizing how far I’ve let my thoughts wander, I shake my head. They’re too dangerous with all that still remains unknown between us. I need to keep moving.

“I know, right? Wait until you see the rest.”

I don’t wait for him to follow me back into the brownstone and past the kitchen. At the bottom of the narrow oak stairway leading to the next level, there’s a small bedroom with two twin beds. I step inside and flip on the light. “This is your room. I already called dibs on the bedroom upstairs with the jet tub. Yours has a small shower and toilet.”

Adam takes a deep breath, and his eyes morph with guilt. “Jewels—”

I spin around and walk back out the door, shaking my head and waving a hand through the air. “Don’t worry about it. I had time to set up our stuff.”

“Hey!” he calls out behind me. “Would you stop and talk to me for a minute?”

“I figure we can freshen up before we hit some tourist spots. The owner said there’s a little bakery around the corner. You can grab some bagels or whatever while I’m getting ready.” I flash a smile over my shoulder, not really looking at him. “See you in about an hour.”

I’m halfway up the steps when the tears finally break loose.

The city gives off a different kind of heat from back home, sucking both the water and energy from your bones. We make lots of stops to try different foods from the vendors, grab water, even buy matching fedoras. Adam’s filled with an unusual quiet that can only come from a tumultuous, internal battle, so I break the silence with constant chatter, telling him whatever facts I know about the area or stories of my other trips to the city. I avoid touching him at all costs, knowing any handholding or kissing will only complicate things and put us back in the same conundrum as before.

I’m just as charmed by the city as I was on my first and last visit, and find myself falling in love with it even more. The architecture, constant motion, endless restaurants and retail choices fill me with unbridled euphoria, making it easy to forget all about my complicated love life. Having Adam by my side, experiencing the city through my eyes, makes the trip that much more thrilling.

After a tour of the NBC studios in which the magic of
Saturday Night Live
is forever ruined when I see the miniature stage, we head to the top of the Empire State Building for Adam’s first panoramic view of the city. He’s thoroughly impressed, and takes his time drinking it in while I’m busy finding a spot against the building that doesn’t make my head and stomach spin.

I feel the building swaying beneath me like it’s far too high to stay upright. For some reason I don’t remember being so terrified last time I looked over the city. My knees grow weak when I have a sudden bout of vertigo.

“How are you doing?” Adam holds his hand out with a sly grin. “Come over here.”

“I can see perfectly fine from here.”

“We can’t check it off the list unless we do it together.”

I finally give in, taking his hand. He leads me closer to the glass before wrapping his arms around me. I swoon with the familiar comfort of him, and forget about the terrifying depths below. The aerial view of Manhattan is spectacular, allowing for a stunning shot of Central Park one way, the Empire State Building and various skyscrapers in the other. The beautiful, blue sky stretches above the city, a slight haze of pollution drifting just below the scattered clouds providing a temporary relief from the relentless sun. It’s mind blowing to see the hundreds of building structures jetting into the sky, and realizing they’re all filled with residents of the city going about their daily lives.

As the wind pushes my hair away from my face, I realize how much I want this. I want this to be my life so badly that my heart aches. The excitement that New York City provides
and
the promises of Adam always at my side.

Adam’s breath is warm and staggered against my ear. We stand like this for a long time, my hopes for any future together still staggering on the unknown, but knowing I can’t give Adam up, no matter the price.

“I could stay up here forever,” he whispers.

We brave the subway system back to Murray Hill, successfully finding our way to the neighborhood without getting lost, mugged, or murdered. For a Midwestern girl with minimal big city experience, I consider it a great accomplishment. Adam grabs a twelve pack of the most expensive beer from the convenience store around the corner before we return to the brownstone.

I sip on a beer as we stroll down the sidewalk leading to the brownstone. Two guys on bikes pass down the center of the quieter, narrow street. An older woman meanders along the sidewalk with a little black poodle that eagerly sniffs everything it sees. Three doors down from our place, a few middle aged couples have already gathered outside a little Italian bistro for an early dinner, their laughter light against the warm air. The smell of freshly cooked pasta drifts out the open door, making my stomach wild even though we just stopped for cannoli just an hour ago.

The charming neighborhood fills me with an inner peace that I thought I’d never feel again. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is about the area that stirs so much emotion in me, but it feels like home. Taking a deep breath, I grin to myself.

“Look at you,” Adam says when I reach for the gate. “You’re
beaming
. You really love this city, don’t you?”

I gaze into his eyes, feeling my smile stretch even further. “It’s pretty amazing, right?

I think I could totally live here one day.”

We’re interrupted by a young guy with a high and tight haircut wearing an athletic tank top and gym shorts, his tattooed biceps glistening with sweat. With a clean-cut face, he’s the type who could be accepted into the military by stereotype alone. White headphones strung around his neck blast hardcore rap.

“Hey! You must be the ones renting Sal’s place for the next couple weeks,” he greets us with an accent straight out of the Bronx. “I’m Theo. I live next door.” He offers me his big, sweaty hand.

I take it, giggling. “Jewels.”

“Sorry,” he says, reclaiming his hand to wipe it on his shorts. “I just ran a 5k to blow off some steam.”

“Aren’t
you
ambitious,” I answer.

His bright white teeth sparkle when he grins at me. I’ll admit the guy is crazy hot, but he’s also the type to sprinkle steroids on his breakfast cereal and crash beer cans with his skull. Not nearly half as alluring or naturally gorgeous as Adam.

Adam sticks his hand out to our new neighbor. “Adam.”

While the two guys pump hands and size each other up, I perk to life. “Wait. Are you the one with the couches and twinkle lights?”

Theo’s green eyes sparkle down on me when he drops Adam’s hand. “My ex-girlfriend decorated it. I just haven’t taken the time to tear it down.”

“
That
would be a
waste
,” I say. “It’d be a much better plan to have tons of parties to make her jealous.”

“Yeah? You guys want to come over tonight and hang out? I can order in some of the city’s best pizza from around the corner. Looks like you already have drinks, so...” His eyes lower, lazily passing my low-cut tank top to the beer in my hand before continuing down to my legs. “Come over, if you’re up for it.”

“We’d love to,” I answer quickly.

While I don’t miss the way he’s undressing me with his eyes or the suggestive tone to his voice, I’m ready to do anything to avoid alone time with Adam in the brownstone.

I’m not in the mood to revisit why he’s mad I “took advantage of him” in the bus.

“Yeah, okay,” Adam chimes in a second too late.

Theo’s eyes don’t leave mine. “Let me jump in the shower. You guys can either wait for me out back, or—”

I nod eagerly. Probably a little too eagerly since my mind is still wrapped around the vision of him standing naked in the shower with water rolling down his broad chest. Just because he’s not my type doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy the view. “We’ll wait there.

Sounds perfect.”

“Awesome!” He touches the back of my arm, guiding me to his gate before holding it open for us. I feel his stare on my backside as Adam and I descend the stairs to the lower level brownstone.

Theo’s place has a similar layout to our rental, although his furniture looks brand new, there’s a ton of upscale artwork on the walls, his floors are a beautiful dark hardwood, and his counters are tan granite beneath mahogany cupboards. It looks as if a designer—or his ex-girlfriend—decorated the place, considering it’s extremely tasteful.

Then again, this is New York. Theo could be classy enough to have done it himself. I’m just accustomed to men who think a deer head and neon beer signs constitute good decorating.

Theo leads us into the living room area, pointing at the patio door. “Make yourself at home out there. I’ll be done in fifteen.”

As soon as he leaves, Adam darts out the patio door, his face tight with tension. I step past him to the first large couch, sinking into the batch of pillows and taking a long swig of my beer.

“This backyard kicks ass,” I say, ignoring his spiraling mood. “I’m pretty sure I could handle a life like this. Can you imagine this
home
? Hanging out back here every night, living in a city where there’s literally something going on twenty-four hours a day?”

Adam shifts the beer from one arm to another, glancing back into the brownstone.

“Maybe you could see if
Theo’s
looking for a roommate.”

I roll my eyes. “No need to be
jealous
. I thought it’d be fun to see what the night brings. For all we know, the guy could be running Wall Street. Someone on TripAdvisor said these brownstones run from three to five million. Mark this night down as part of your adventure.” Emptying my beer, I stand to take the box from Adam. “Sit down and relax. I’m going to put these in the fridge.”

His eyes lock with mine when I reach for the beer. “
Jewels
,” he whispers, pleading.

His fingers brush against the back of my hand. “We still need to talk. You can’t keep avoiding me like this.”

My heart races with his touch. I want to kiss him and tell him I’m sorry. I want to break down and beg him to tell me his secret. Instead I take the box and head inside.

As I slip into the spotless kitchen, I hear the shower running. I’m surprised to find the fridge overflowing with fruits, veggies, and a ton of healthy stuff. “What, no energy drinks and power bars?” I mutter, shifting things around to make room.