Ace's Wild (9 page)

    He looks up at the ceiling and takes a deep breath. “I couldn’t tell you if the headlines are true or not because I generally stay as far away from them as I can. I can tell you that while I was using, I was a different person entirely. I hated myself, and I took it out in ways that I shouldn’t have.” He turns to me and looks into my eyes with so much sincerity that I don’t question the truth behind his words. “I’m not going to get into the details, but I can tell you that I’ve never been more myself than when I am with you. I know that sounds crazy because we really haven’t known each other that long but every time I’m with you or talk to you I feel like myself.” Ace brings his hand to my face and softly caresses my cheek. I bring my hand up and rest it on his.

    “I feel the same about you.” My cheeks redden at my lame response. I’m scared to admit what he already makes me feel. It’s too early to know if it’s real or not but what I’m feeling—it’s like I’m finally living again. After my dad left, my world was in disarray. When we moved to Vacaville I became obsessive about keeping things on schedule and in order. I never let anyone dig their roots into my soul. Well, not until Ace came along. Now he’s wrapping himself around my heart more and more by the day, and I’m terrified by the kind of power it’s giving him. I want to be enough for him, but I don’t know if I can be.

    The realization is sobering. I set his hand onto the bed beside him, and I stand. I straighten out my dress that I hadn’t realized hiked itself up my thighs. “Can you take me home please?” I attempt a reassuring smile but fail miserably.

    I can see a dozen questions swimming in his eyes, but he doesn’t voice them. Instead he nods his head and stands up.

    The drive home is quiet. I think I may have given Ace the wrong idea when I wanted to leave so abruptly, but I need to clear my head to think about things. A lot has happened today, and I need time to absorb it all.

    Ace has his left hand steering the truck while his right is resting on his thigh. I reach over to give his hand squeeze. I don’t want him to think I took what he said the wrong way, I want nothing more than to dive into a relationship with him but it’s me ruining it that I’m worried about.

    I pull my hand away, but he keeps a hold of it. I look over at him but he has his eyes straight on the road, a ghost of a smile rests on his face. I know he’s aware of me looking at him, and I can’t help but take in his handsome features. Even in the darkness of the truck they’re hard to ignore. His barely cleft chin, his perfectly carved nose, and the
most kissable lips you could ever imagine.

    The car slows and I realize that we’ve arrived at my house. Ace gets out and walks around the front of the car to open my door, I grab my bag and hop out. Ace shuts the door behind me, and we walk up the driveway hand in hand.

    Once we get to the front door, I stop and turn to him. “I’m sorry I suddenly needed to leave. It’s just a lot to take in, and I don’t want to do too much too soon. Thankfully you stopped us when you did otherwise I’m not sure how far I would have let it go-” Ace puts a halt to my rambling by placing a gentle kiss on my lips. He then brings my bottom lip between his teeth and gives a soft nibble, and I whimper in response. Too soon he backs away with a smile on his lips.

    “Goodnight Melody,” he whispers.

    “Goodnight Jason Christopher Caplin.” I smile.

    “There’s no chance that you will forget you ever heard that, is there?”

    “Never.” I laugh.

    “It was worth asking,” he smirks. “I’ll call you tomorrow Hulk.”

    “You got it Jason.” I throw back at him.

    We’re both smiling like fools, but he backs away and starts making his way back to the truck. He looks back at me and smiles his cocky smile then winks.

    I run my hands along my dress and then fix my hair to make sure I’m presentable. The last thing I need to do is walk into the house looking like I just got back from a make out session, even though I kind of did. But my mom and little brother don’t need to know that.

    I quietly open the door and walk in. I hear the TV on, and my nose is immediately aware of the buttery scent of popcorn in the air. Which can only mean one thing—it’s movie night.

    Ever since I was a kid my mom would pick a random night and we’d stay up late filling ourselves with sweets and popcorn. She never planned it, it was always a sporadic surprise, which added to its awesomeness. We’d pull our mattresses to the living room and get every pillow and blanket in sight and bury ourselves in the middle.

    I walk down the foyer and turn down the hallway to change and drop off my things before joining Lucas and Mom in the front room.

    After changing into a pink tank top and my well-worn black yoga pants, I wrestle my mattress until I succeed in getting it on its side to slide it into the other room. I balance it against the wall for a moment while I stuff my pillow and blanket under my arm and I begin to awkwardly maneuver it.

   I nearly fall over a few times, but I finally make it to the living room. The room is completely dark other than the light coming from the TV. I spot a sleeping Lucas sprawled out on top of the blankets with his glasses crooked and his mouth wide open. My mom spots me and untangles herself from her stack of blankets to come and help me. Once we settle in I notice that there’s a chick flick on, which
is not the norm. Usually Lucas rules the movie night selection, and we’re stuck watching the latest kid fantasy movie.

    “How’d you talk him into watching this?” I whisper.

    “I didn’t. He fell asleep a couple of hours ago so I started watching something else. This is the second girlie movie of the night.” She smiles.

    I cuddle into my comforter and watch the movie. It’s a cute romantic comedy about all of these different couples on Valentine’s Day and how they are all celebrating. My mind immediately wanders to Ace and I begin to wonder if he’ll be my Valentine this next year. Ugh, why must I torture myself like this? My brain and my heart are in a tug of war. If I had to guess at this moment who was going to win I’d choose the heart. Completely.

   “Mel?” My mom breaks through my thoughts with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

    “Huh?”

    “I just called your name a good five times. Where are you at hun?”

    “I’m just thinking,” I reply nonchalantly.

    “Do these thoughts have anything to do with a famous rock star?”

    It’s at this moment that I am thankful for the dark room because I can only imagine how red my cheeks are. “Maybe,” I reply.

    “How’s that going?”

    I scoff. “Really mom?”

    “What? You can talk to me. Since when have you hid things from me?”

    My mom and I have always had a very close relationship even before the divorce. She went through a stage after the divorce where she hid in her room a lot but if I ever needed to talk to her, she never denied me. She’s always been my shoulder to lean on when I needed it.

    “Since never,” I answer honestly.

    “Exactly. Now spill it.”

    I inhale deeply before letting it all out in a rush. “I think I’m falling for him, and I’m terrified that I’m going to ruin it but how can I completely trust him when he has a sketchy past?”

    She thinks on it for a moment before answering. “Has he given you any reason to not trust him?”

    “No”

    “Okay, then you need to open up to him as much as you feel comfortable with. You both need to put it all out on the table and go from there. Communicate with him and get to know each other. I think that’s where a lot of people go wrong, they dive headfirst into a shallow relationship and are left with little to base their relationship on.”

    I absorb what she said for a moment but I remain quiet. I turn away from her and pretend that I am paying attention to the screen but in reality I could care less about the movie. I can’t stop thinking about which path to take with Ace. We’ve made such huge steps today that my confidence is higher than it was only yesterday. But the decision remains, do I put my trust in him and make an attempt at building a solid relationship, or do I put a stop to it now before I fall too far?

    Who am I kidding? Even if I put a stop to it now, I will be hurt, but at least it will save me from a future of pain like my dad left my mom with.

    I feel my eyes well with tears, but I refuse to let them fall. I refuse to ever let my dad be the cause to my tears ever again.

    “Ace isn’t your father Melody,” my mom says calmly. Damn that woman and her motherly senses. She continues, “I saw how Ace was looking at you earlier. Even on our wedding day your father never looked at me like that. Ace looks at you as if you are a goddess.” Her voice shakes at the end.

   I lean up on my elbow and face her. “Mom, I love you, but that’s not true. Ace and I have known each other for barely a month, there’s no way he looks at me like that.”

    She shakes her head slightly. “It is true. With your father I always felt like I was constantly on a wild goose chase to our happiness. I thought maybe if I was the perfect wife and mother then he would have to love and cherish me. Even before we were married I had always planned everything perfectly because surely if everything was in its place around us then everything else would fall into place within us.

    “A hard lesson I had to learn was that you can fight tooth and nail for the person you love, but if they don’t love you back it’s a pointless battle. I think your father married me because I was everything he should have loved and he thought that it would eventually turn into the real thing, but for him it never did. We tried for a long time but our marriage was crumbling long before he left us. I’m not trying to justify him, what your father did was betrayal on so many different levels, but we would have split up eventually. I just wish he would have been more honest with me.”

    She clears the emotions that are beginning to well in her throat. “My point is, no matter how perfect or disastrous the outside world is, if love is meant to be then it will be. For your father and I, that wasn’t the case. It can’t work if it’s one sided.

    “Like I said, Ace looks at you with that love sparkle in his eye. It’s there and I’d bet money that he’s falling just as hard for you as you are for him.” She pats my leg and turns her attention back to the movie.

    Jeez, I love this woman. She always helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is interesting, however, to get a little bit more of an insight into her and my dad’s marriage. I knew they were on shaky ground before he left us, but I never knew she had already sensed it coming. Not that it changes things, but it’s a little tiny bit of peace of mind.

   The talk with my mom really helped me put things into perspective. I’m still scared to give my heart away, but when it comes to love, you don’t get to choose who your heart belongs to. Your heart chooses.

Chapter 9

Ace

    The last few weeks have been the best of my life. Melody and I have been spending each available second we have with each other. I’m falling for her hard. We haven’t officially labeled ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend, but I don’t think the title is needed. Since Mel has been in my life I haven’t wanted anyone else, even before I met her there was no one who I wanted a future with. With Mel, I do.

    Things have gotten hot and heavy between us a few times, but we always stop. We’re taking things slowly, but I’m not sure how much longer we can keep it up. It’s a miracle in itself that we’re able to pull away from each other—one of these days we’re not going to.

    I can’t wait.

    I’d never push Mel to do anything that she didn’t want to do, but I can’t deny how much I want her. I am a guy after all.

    Every touch from her, no matter how small, sends
jolts to every part of my body. Every kiss, no matter the depth, drives me fucking crazy. Melody has become my new drug of choice. Her lips are my heroin, and I can’t get enough. I would happily overdose on her.

    This week is Thanksgiving, and Mel’s mom has been gracious enough to invite me. It has been one reason why I have been excited for this week but there are also a couple of other reasons. First, Mel is on break from school and you know what that means, more time for us to spend together. Lastly, I get the keys to my new house this week. Finally.

    Last week I found the perfect house in a newer residential area and I bought it with cash in full. It’s only one story, but I don’t need much space. The thing I’m most excited about is there is a heated pool and the backyard is fairly secluded. There are no neighbors behind me, and it’s nestled in a cul-de-sac which means more backyard space for me. I can’t wait to get Mel into that pool.

    The day after Thanksgiving I’ll be flying down to Las Vegas to pack up my house. Once I get everything boxed and labeled a moving company will deliver them to my new house, and I’ll drive my car back. I asked Mel to come with me, but she says she can’t because she’d have to take time off of school next week. I wouldn’t be getting back until Tuesday, and she can’t afford to take time off so close to finals. I was bummed but I understood.

    Lately, when I’m not with Mel, I’m at the studio laying down new tracks. I feel a passion in my music again that’s been missing for a long time. This time around I’m not looking to get signed. I’ve been down that road, I know where it leads, and it’s not for me. But I would like to get some solo tracks available for my fans. I have enough money to last me multiple lifetimes, I don’t need a label to back me. I’ll back myself.

    Mel has come with me to a few of my studio trips but not today. Today is the day I’ll be recording a song that I wrote specifically for her. I purposely scheduled it during a time that I knew she had prior plans. I’m excited for her to hear it but I’m keeping it a secret until I finish it.

    I get out of the truck with coffee in hand and walk toward the studio. The building is a standard commercial building. It’s nestled into the center of the industrial part of town but it’s nice. There are bushes lining the front and a few newly planted trees in the small patches of grass on either side of the walkway.

    The weather is at a perfect seventy degrees even though it is the middle of November—gotta love that California weather.

    I open the door and am greeted by a nervous looking Sara.

    “Hey Ace, the um, mic isn’t working so it looks like we’ll have to reschedule your session.”

    I set my guitar on the waiting room couch. “Ryan isn’t here yet?” Ryan is the producer and sound guy who mixes the tracks and makes sure everything is running smoothly. Sara is still acting strange and doesn’t answer me. I assume her lack of response means he’s not here. “I can take a look at it and see if I can figure out what’s wrong.” I start walking toward the back.

   Sara comes running up on the side of me and grabs my arm “Ace, wait! You can’t go back there.”

    Now I’m really suspicious. What the hell has her acting so weird? I look at the door to the recording room and scowl. What’s behind that door? Or more importantly,
who
.

    I gently yank free from her hold and bring my hand up to open the door. Just before I place my hand on it, the handle turns and I’m greeted with two very familiar faces.

    “What the fuck are you doing here?” I ask angrily. I fist my hands in rage, the adrenaline running through my veins is threatening to take over every rational part of my brain. If people don’t start talking, my fists are going to start flying.

    I’m staring at two of my ex best friends and current members of Spades. Drummer Liam and guitarist Walt.

    They both look a little surprised to see me but they put their hands up in surrender. “Let’s sit and talk man. We came looking for you, we need to discuss something,” Liam says.

    “No. We don’t.” I turn on my heel to walk toward the entrance. I snatch my guitar off of the couch and haul ass out of there.

   I slam the truck door shut and begin beating my fists on the steering wheel. I thought I was over this, but I guess all it takes is running into them to have every fucked-up feeling come rushing back to me.

    There has been radio silence for over a month. I haven’t heard one fucking word from their end and now they show up here? Here, where I’ve finally found my happiness. Not happening. They aren’t going to ruin this for me too.

    I need to clear my head. Where else better to go than my spot on top of the world.

    I park at the dead-end road, grab my guitar, and begin the trek to my spot. It’s not an easy walk to get there. It’s only about a mile from the car, but there are a couple steep parts. The surroundings, however, are beautiful. Just being here begins to level my head.

    The first thing I thought of when I got in the car was calling Melody, but I didn’t want to mess up the plans she had with her mom and brother. So, here I am.

    I get set up at the bench on the top of the hill and begin to play. I’ve had a few melodies that I’ve been planning to write lyrics to. I settle for the one with the slower tempo and begin adding my words. I pour every ounce of emotion that I can muster in to every word.

A betrayal so deep, I can feel it in my bones.

You were a part of me but now you’re gone.

So, I take a deep breath and I exhale all of my fears

You don’t deserve my friendship, all that’s left is
wasted years.

This bridge has crumpled to the ground

But I keep my head up there’s no way I’m lookin’ down

I’ve already wasted too much time on you

Yeah, I’ve already wasted too much time on you

Your hypocrisy is almost comical but also very sad

You were my brothers but for you that was just a temporary fad

My heart hurts but I’m holding it together

I won’t let you have that kind of power over me, not ever.

This bridge has crumpled to the ground

But I keep my head up there’s no way I’m lookin’ down

I’ve already wasted too much time on you

Yeah, I’ve already wasted too much time on you

    I let the last guitar notes fade into the afternoon breeze. I set my guitar down next to me, lean my elbows on my knees, and bring my hands to my face. I wasn’t expecting this curve ball in my life. I was ready to rid myself of all of the negativities, but life apparently has a different plan for me. I have no clue why they are here, but I don’t want to find out. I’m just going to avoid them until they leave.

    My head snaps up at the crunch of rocks behind
me. I turn my head toward the noise and my eyes collide with the only person who can make me happy in this moment and forget all the bullshit going on everywhere else. Melody.

    I stand and walk over to where she stands. I wrap my arms around her and every shitty thing that has happened today dissipates. She tames the war raging in my head like no other.

    “How’d you find me?”

    “That’s kind of a long story,” she laughs “Let’s start with something a little easier to explain. Sara called and told me what happened.” She’s silent for a few moments before she continues. “I knew you’d be upset so rather than calling I thought I’d come find you.” She smiles up at me.

    I pull her to the bench and keep my arm wrapped around her shoulders as we sit. “I’m happy you came.” I kiss the top of her head “But I’m still curious as to how you found me,” I inquire. Nate knows I come to this area, but he doesn’t know about my spot.

    “You’re not going to believe this but here it goes,” she laughs.

    She proceeds to tell me about how she came across this spot and heard music coming from the hillside and how she was mesmerized. She admits that she had no idea it was me until a few weeks ago when we sang together for the first time.

    She looks up at me sheepishly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner I just wasn’t sure how to.” She shrugs. “When no one could find you or get a hold
of you I figured I’d check here.”

    My chest is on the brink of exploding with emotion. This girl actually cares enough to check on me, how did I ever get so lucky?

    I put my finger under her chin and tilt her face to mine. We’re only inches apart. I breathe in her scent and slowly lower my lips to hers, touching them ever so gently. I pull back and lean my forehead against hers. “You are an amazing girl, you know that?”

    She takes in a deep breath. “Yeah, I know.” She laughs.

    I lean in and give her one more small kiss before standing. “Shall we go and find ourselves an adventure?” I offer her my hand, and she stands from the bench as well.

    A look of apprehension crosses her face. “Actually, I have to get back home.” My face drops in disappointment that I don’t get to spend more time with my girl but she quickly adds, “You’re more than welcome to come along. I was actually going to invite you before but it’s kind of embarrassing.”

    I smirk, “What’s there to be embarrassed about?”

    “We just have these Thanksgiving week traditions that are a little childish. I mean, I guess my brother is still a kid so it makes sense, but I wasn’t sure if you’d want to come along. It’s just baking and stuff like that. Plus, you had studio time today, and I just wasn’t sure-“ I put my fingers to her lips.

    “I’d love to come. If that was an invite,” I joke.

    Her cheeks redden in embarrassment. I place a kiss on each cheek then pull her in for a hug. “Nothing to be embarrassed about, love. Let’s go bake some shit.”

***

    I plop down on Mel’s soft bed, face first, and groan in appreciation. Who knew baking could be so tiring?

    Mel laughs at my exhaustion and shuts the door behind her. “You think that is exhausting? You should see the craziness that goes on during Christmas time.”

    We spent a majority of the day prepping things for Thanksgiving, which is in just a few days. We prepped pie crusts, made the filling to go in the pie crusts from scratch, and started the brine mixture for the turkey. It was a lot of work but it was fun getting to know Anne and Lucas better.

    “My mom and brother are smitten by you.” Melody smirks. She walks over from the door and takes a seat at the edge of the bed. I roll to my side and see her staring at me, I think admiringly, but it’s traced with disbelief. She brings her hand to my cheek, and I turn my head to lay a soft kiss on her palm and then face her again. I take in the sheer beauty of her. She put her hair up in one of those messy buns so there are a few loose strands framing her face. She doesn’t wear much makeup, and that’s a breath of fresh air for me. A lot of the girls I would hook up with on tour would wear so much makeup it was like a mask. Those girls have nothing on Mel, one look from her and I’m done for.

    There’s something that’s been on my mind practically since I met Melody but I’ve been putting it off in fear of rejection. As cocky as it may sound, I’m not used to rejection. I’ve lived my life getting exactly what I want, when I want it. Growing up with money isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, my parents thought giving us everything would be a good replacement for their affection. It wasn’t.

    After my parents died the void that was already in my soul began getting bigger, the edges became more jagged, and I became my void. Through my teenage years I tried to fill it but how can you fill it when it encompasses your entire being. I thought music was finally my filler. I put my all into it and it didn’t fail me, not until the label changed everything about it that I loved. I didn’t want to ruin such an amazing opportunity for the rest of the guys, so I pulled up my big boy pants and I did what the label said. I began singing what they wanted, “hits”, and that led me right back down the path to find yet another filler. In this case, that ended up being drugs. Until now I haven’t wanted someone in my life as desperately as I want Melody. To some we may be moving fast but for me, it’s not about the speed of things. It’s about the feel of things, and I can feel this deep in my soul that this is right. The edges to that void have softened and are slowly healing. Melody isn’t another filler, and whether she knows it or not, she’s slowly healing me. Putting all of my pieces back together. You can call it dependent all you want but the fact of the matter is sometimes you have to be dependent on someone else. It’s okay to rely on people, especially those you love most. It’s only when the other person takes it for granted that it causes trouble. I trust that Melody would never do that, but there will always be an underlying fear because of my past.