Aced (Blocked #2) (33 page)

“It’s my job. It’s not so bad. We’re finally making progress. No more of this limited-engagement bullshit. I’m thinking of staying after my commitment’s up.”

“You sure?”

“Fuck, yeah. They say leaving your unit’s the toughest thing.”

I nodded, thinking about my retirement from baseball. “It was tough for me to leave my team, my unit.” Then I thought about Maddie. “But you’ll find a new unit. A new home.”

He aimed his salacious grin at my crotch. “I met Maddie in the hallway.
Your
unit’s sure found a new home.”

“You’re disgusting.”

He thumped my shoulder, and I hissed in pain.

He jumped back. “Sorry,
niño!”

“You better be.” A thought entered my mind. “But you can make it up to me.”

“Yeah?”

I beckoned him closer and whispered a question that made his eyes light up. After he answered, he lifted his big hand to thump my shoulder again, but stopped himself this time.

He pretended to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye. “So proud of you,
El Niño
.”

“You can leave now. But tell Maddie to come back in.”

His waggled his eyebrows. “I sure will, buddy.”

I shook my head.

She came in, holding her cell phone.

“Dr. Valentine just called to check up on us.” Maddie inhaled a deep breath. “She said we might experience post-traumatic stress.”

I nodded. “Flashbacks. Hypervigilance.”

“So you’ve already covered that in psychiatry. I thought for once I knew something you didn’t.” Her pout made me reach for her—pain be damned—and draw her toward me for a kiss.

She pulled back before her lips touched mine. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then kiss me.”

She grinned. Her hand skimmed through my hair as she gently kissed my mouth. I lifted my head to deepen the kiss, and a shot of pain bolted through my right arm.

Apparently she heard my gasp because she let me go. As she blinked down at me, her eyes filled with tears. “I thought I lost you.” Her voice trembled. “I thought you left me.”

“I’m sorry I scared you like that.”

“You were lying there, unconscious…” A tear slid down her cheek. “China wasn’t moving, and I was all alone.”

A popping noise exploded in my brain, and I felt my body jerk. The room darkened as my heart thundered.

Maddie grabbed my hand. “Hey.”

I squinted up at her, confused.
Where are we?

“Breathe,” she commanded, and I realized how tight my chest felt. I exhaled, then forced in a gulp of air.

“It’s March eighteenth, and we’re in a hospital room.” Her voice soothed me. “What do you hear right now?”

I stilled. “Your voice. My heart rate monitor.” The beeps gradually slowed.

“What do you see?”

“Your beautiful brown eyes.” She smiled. “Why are you asking me these questions?”

“Grounding—you know, to bring your mind to the present when it’s flashing back to the past.”

“Oh.” I nodded. “We haven’t gotten to interventions for PTSD yet.”

Her grin widened. “So I
do
know something you don’t.”

When I smiled, I noticed how much calmer I’d become. I felt anchored in the present, focused on Maddie’s shining eyes. Maybe there was something to this therapy thing. I brushed away her tears, and she tilted her cheek toward my palm. Her eyes fluttered shut.

“But I also know something you don’t,” I teased.

Her eyes opened. “What’s that?”

“When I was lying there on the ground, feeling you beneath me…” I took a moment to make sure I was breathing. “I thought I was dying. I thought I’d never see you again.”

I watched her chin quiver.

“And I had this huge feeling of regret.” I looked at my lap, then back into her eyes. “What if I died without ever having sex?”

Her mouth dropped open, then split into a huge grin that mirrored my own. “That would be quite the tragedy.”

“Agreed.” I nodded. “We need to act right away to rectify that situation.”

Her giggles filled me with warmth. I didn’t even mind the zap of pain in my arm when I laughed, too.

Brad poked his head into the room. “Hey, uh, Maddie?”

She looked over her shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Someone’s here to see you.”

Maddie looked back at me. “My dad must’ve made good time from Cleveland.” She leaned in for a soft kiss. “Be right back, Hotajandro. I’m going to hold you to your word.”

Chapter Twenty-One

W
E’RE
G
ONNA
D
O
I
T
!
I bounced out of Alejandro’s room and into a hospital hallway filled with agents and police officers.

As I followed Brad, another thought slowed my step.
He has to almost die to want sex with me?

I shook my head and quickened my pace. There was my old negative thinking rearing its ugly meanness again.
He’s shown his love for you in so many ways,
Dr. Valentine had said.
Helping you study. Buying you dinner and flowers. Kissing you.
My heart skipped remembering his kisses, how his touch sparked ribbons of fire through my hair. When his arm healed, I needed more of those.
Don’t doubt yourself. You are enough.

Brad pointed to a hospital room, and I entered.
I am enough
. Mrs. Ramirez stood inside the door, next to the bathroom, her forehead creased with apparent worry. I stopped short. “You met my dad?”

She glanced into the room, and when I saw who waited for me, my breath caught. There, in the flesh, sat the source of my negative thinking.

“Your mother came to see you.” Mrs. Ramirez patted my back, though I was barely aware of her touch. I couldn’t look away from the woman who rose from the lounge chair with a regal air. She’d filled out a little from her wedding photo, but she was still long and slim. Her skin and eyes were slightly darker than mine, and Braxton was right—she did have the same mouth as me.

“Madison.” Her low, resonant voice made my nose burn, a sign of imminent tears.

I looked behind me, seeking escape, but Brad had closed the door.

“It’s okay,
niña
,” Mrs. Ramirez said. As she clasped my elbow, I realized I was trembling. “Talk to her. Find out why she’s here.”

But I couldn’t move.
Don’t cry
. Why had my mother shown up after twenty years? How could she think she even had to right to speak to me?

“You can do it.” Mrs. Ramirez pressed my elbow with a gentle nudge. “Your mother loves you.”

I shrugged out of her hold and spun to glare at her. “She
loves
me? Is that what you call leaving your two year old?
Love?”
I swiped at my cheek.
Goddamn it
. I was crying again. I didn’t want to cry in front of my mother. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction.

My tirade pushed Mrs. Ramirez back. “I’m sorry. You’re right—I’m interfering.” She reached into her massive handbag and handed me a packet of tissues. “You’ve been up all night. You must be exhausted.”

The fight inside of me disappeared, and I nodded. I wished I could curl up somewhere with headphones and a blanket like Mateo—just block everything out. I pressed a tissue under my nose as I turned back to my mother. She watched us but didn’t approach.
Good
. I couldn’t handle her right now.

I felt Mrs. Ramirez’s hand on my shoulder and lowered the tissue. “I’ve been talking to your mother,” she said. She tilted her head toward the seating area in the room. “She was so scared to come here. She knew you’d be angry. She knew you’d likely reject her.”

What about how she’d rejected
me?

“But she had to see you. She heard about the shooting, and she rushed here to make sure you were okay.” Mrs. Ramirez blinked. “As a mother, I know how she feels. I was an absolute wreck when we flew from DC. I had to see Alejandro, hold him, feel him in my arms. And thank
Dios
you weren’t hurt.” When she looked up to me and stroked my hair, tears streamed down my cheeks.

“I hope you’ll listen to your mother. Give her a chance, Maddie.” She smiled at me. “I’ll leave you two now.”

Don’t leave!
I wanted to shout. But she was out the door before I could speak. I turned back to face my mother and saw she was crying, too.

“I’m so sorry,” she choked out before crumbling back into the chair. She sniffed. “I knew this would be hard…”

I looked at her for a moment, trying to really see her for the first time. An intricate turquoise and red beaded necklace rested on her collarbone, paired with a silky black shirt and a turquoise scarf hanging artfully off her shoulder. I had to admit I liked the ensemble.

“But I deluded myself as to just how hard it would be,” she continued. “How awful it’d be to see the pain I’ve caused to the ones I love.” Silent sobs racked her body.

I clutched the tissues, feeling cruel just standing here saying nothing. But what could I say? She’d brought this heartache on herself. After a beat, I inched closer. “Would you like a tissue?”

She looked up at me with watery eyes and the beginnings of a smile. “I see you have Thomas’s kindness.” She plucked a few from the package.

If Dad’s so kind, why’d you leave him?

“Does Braxton have that kindness, too?” She mopped the corner of her eye.

I hesitated, unsure if I wanted to engage with her. “Not really.”

A small laugh escaped, and she cupped her hand over her mouth to squelch it. Braxton would have been ticked off to hear her laugh at his expense. Picturing his offended scowl made me snicker. Giggles soon erupted from both of us. I slid into the chair catty-corner to hers and let my laughter rip from my gut, freeing and fun. I must have been slaphappy from lack of sleep and the insanity of my long-lost mother sitting across from me.

After a few moments, I let out a long sigh—the conclusion of a good laugh.

Her smile faded as she kept staring at me. Wonder seemed to fill her shining eyes. “God, you’re beautiful.”

I glanced down. If she thought I was beautiful, she had to know her own beauty as well. I looked just like her. Fatigue weighed down my eyelids, and my vision blurred. “It’s been a long night. I think I’m delirious.”

“Lord, I thought you’d been shot.” My gaze lifted to see her hands twist in her lap. “I thought I’d lost my chance to see you, to talk to you…” She blew out a breath. “To explain why I left. To apologize. You deserve that.”

I stiffened. I needed to know why she left. But an apology wouldn’t make this right.

“I’m so sorry, Madison.”

I jutted out my chin. “It’s Maddie.”

“You go by Maddie? That’s pretty.”

How ludicrous that my own mother didn’t know my damn name.

“You’re thinking my apology is meaningless after twenty years.”

I stilled as I met her eyes, wondering how she’d read my mind. I nodded.

“That’s how my therapist said you’d react.”

Whoa.
“You’re in therapy?”

She nodded. “I’ve been in therapy for years. I have recurrent major depression. That’s why I had to leave,” she added, as her eyes welled up in tears. “The depression.”

I laced my arms across my chest to brace myself. “Tell me.”

She smoothed out a tissue on her lap. “My first bout with depression was when my mother died.” She sniffed. “You didn’t know your grandmother. But she was my soul. My heart.” Her hand flitted to her chest. “She died from ovarian cancer.”

I made a mental note to look up the genetic risk factors.

“Don’t worry—I don’t have the gene mutation, so odds are you don’t either.”

“How’d you know about gene mutations?” I asked.

“Oh.” She blinked quickly. “You don’t know, of course. I’m a nurse.”

I took that in. My mother was a nurse, just like Nana had been.

“Why are you smiling?”

“I’m pre-med.”

“Wow. That’s really impressive, Maddie.”

But it has nothing to do with you
. Dad and my grandparents were the reasons Brax and I had gotten so far in school. “You were talking about your first episode of depression.”

“Yes.” She inhaled a long breath. “I met your father right before my mother died, and he tried to help me through my grief. But I was such a mess—I could barely get out of bed. I don’t know what he saw in me.”

Jeez, she had zero self-worth. Apparently low self-esteem ran in families too.

“He deserved better,” she added.

Hot anger rushed through me. “Dad has always loved you, don’t you know that?”

Her eyes grew big.

“He never remarried! He’s never been with another woman. You
ruined
him.”

Her hand covered her mouth, then skated down her neck. “I always hoped he’d find someone.”

An unpleasant thought entered my mind. “Did
you?”

She stared at me, not comprehending.

“Did you find someone?”

She licked her lips, then nodded. “Warren’s been with me for about seven years.”