Accidental Crush (24 page)

“It’s going to be okay,” Todd
whispers to me as he rests his chin on top of my head and strokes the back of my hair with his hand.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” I
say with my face buried in his wet, bloody shirt. He still smells so good, I just keep breathing in deeply. His familiar scent is so comforting, not to mention his chest is remarkably firm. 

“I know; me
, either,” he says as he continues to run his hands over my hair. He suddenly grabs my hand. “Come with me.” 

I
have no idea where we are going, His fingers are intertwined with mine as he guides me through the hospital hallway. As we walk, people keep giving us strange looks because we are both wet, and our clothes are covered in blood. Todd is actually still bleeding a little. He stops in the middle of the stark white hallway and opens the door to the hospital's chapel. My family isn’t very religious, but this seems like the perfect place to be right now. I go in to sit down and Todd sits next to me.

We
sit there in silence for a while, and then he grabs my hand and
really
looks at me, maybe for the first time. He is so bruised and bloody; no wonder people were giving us strange looks. His eye from yesterday's fight is blue and purple, his nose is coated in dried blood and he has a large gash over his eyebrow, but he is still beautiful, still perfect. I rub my fingers over his swollen eye. “Does it hurt?”

“No,” he
says softly “I’m okay. How are you?” He rests his warm hands on my jaw and pulls my face toward his until our eyes lock.

“I’m okay.” I
don’t look away. I couldn’t if I wanted to, my eyes are drawn to his.

He
leans in with his hands caressing my jawline and he kisses me. His lips feel like a cloud; soft, cool and gentle. It fells so natural, so right, not like when I kissed Shane at the dance. There is nothing awkward about this; it is like our lips know exactly what to do when they connect. We both slowly pull apart and he continues to hold my face in his hands. He smiles his perfectly crooked smile and I smile back, but my heart is racing. I’m feeling so many different emotions—love, fear, shock—I don’t know what to think.

“We better go,” he
says, grabbing my hand and standing up.

“Wait,” I
say, pulling him back. I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss him again. It is just as amazing as the first time, maybe more amazing because I am the one who is initiating it this time. He moves his hands back up to my face as our lips reconnect and, when we finally pull apart, he widens his beautiful eyes and grins as if he is both a little shocked and impressed. I know in my heart we are only caught up in the moment and we have no idea what we’re doing, but I want to make sure that if it is only going to happen once, I’m going to make the most of it. 

As we make our way
back down the hall to the waiting room, at least three nurses ask us if we are okay, which reiterates how bad we must look. My heart is still pounding from what just happened and for what is about to happen; I am so nervous to hear any news. We couldn’t have been gone for more than five minutes, but who knows what could have changed while we were gone. As we turn the corner, I see Brian and Gretchen’s parents talking to a doctor. No one is hysterical, so that must mean they are both still alive. I hate thinking that, but I can’t help it.

Just then, the emergency room’s electric doors open and Ryan
walks in. I am so unbelievably happy to see him, I immediately run up to him and squeeze him so tightly. He is okay and he’s here, finally! I already feel better. I don’t want to let go, ever. I look up at him and he looks terrible. With it being dark before, I didn’t realize how bad his face
was bruised. His eye is purple and swollen. He has a big gash on his chin and his lip is bloody.

“Any news here, Ash?” he
asks, squeezing me just as tight as I’m squeezing him.

“I’m so sorry, Ryan.” I
can’t even look him in the eye, I feel so bad.

“Ash, it’s over. I get it. I know you were looking out for me.”
 I try to hold them back, but the tears start to well up again. I am so relieved he is ok and so scared for Brian and Gretchen.

He
wipes my tears away with his thumb. “Let’s go see if there’s any news.” We join both sets of parents as they listen to the doctor; Todd is already standing with them.

“Before we took her in, she kept asking how Brian was doing and she kept asking for a Ryan?” My heart
sinks as everyone looks over at my brother. He just looks at the floor, avoiding the attention. 

“We’ll keep you updated on her condition throughout surgery.” The doctor
turns, shakes both sets of parents’ hands and walks back through the “doctor’s only” door.

Surgery
!
I think to myself. What did we miss? Brian’s mom turns around and hugs Ryan. She takes one look at his face and then back to Todd’s. “What happened to you both?” she asks them, genuinely concerned. 

Ryan
hugs her back. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Johnson, we’re fine. Let’s just concentrate on Brian and Gretchen.” 

She
looks at Gretchen’s parents and then her husband. “The Doctor just gave us an update,” she says, squeezing her hands together tightly.

Part of me so desperately
wants to hear what he said and part of me doesn’t want to know at all.

Gretchen’s mom
starts, “Gretchen lacerated her spleen in the accident, so they’re taking her into surgery. They think once they take it out, it will stop all the internal bleeding.” Tears are welling up in her eyes.

Brian's mom
rubs her shoulder and continues, “They’re still doing tests on Brian to figure out the extent of his injuries. He’s still unconscious, which isn’t great,” she says, starting to break down a little. 

As she finishes with her part of the update, the
Emergency Room entrance doors open again. My mom and dad as well as Todd’s parents come rushing in with Sid right behind them. I run up to my mom, I’m happy to see all of them, but I just really need a hug from my mom. I think Todd feels the same way because he heads straight to his mom, too. Sid hugs me so hard that she almost knocks me over.

“Ashley, look at you, you are soaked and bloody!” Her eyes
go over to Todd, she lets out a scream and a gasp at the same time. “Todd Allen Hamilton what happened to you?” His Mom is hugging him and wiping the blood away from the wound over his eye that is still bleeding. Todd rolls his eyes and shakes his head at Sid’s reaction, now I know where she gets that move.

"Hi, Sid!" He
pulls her in for a hug, not really acknowledging her over the top reaction other than the head shake. A nurse comes out and we all freeze and hold our breath. 

"Sorry, I don't have any news, but it looked like a few ice packs were needed out here." She
hands bags of ice to Todd and Ryan, and then she looks at me as if to ask if I need one. 

"I'm okay, this is someone else's blood."
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize what exactly I’ve just said; wow, could I be worse? "I'm okay, thanks!" I say, wishing I could take back something I know I can’t erase.

Once everyone
has been brought up to speed, the only thing left to do is wait. I can't believe I'm back here again. It has only been a few months since I was pacing this speckled linoleum floor for Ryan. I look around the waiting room, Ryan and Todd are both leaned back in chairs, icing their faces. The parents are talking about anything to get their minds off what is happening; the weather, the game; you name it. Everything except the hospital or the accident. Sid is feverishly texting someone, Simon I'm sure. 

The entrance to the emergency room
becomes almost a revolving door of visitors as word spreads around town. Several football players and practically the entire cheerleading squad come in; most of the girls are still in their uniforms. Of course RTS is here, she is Gretchen's best friend and Todd's Girlfriend. Even the thought pains me, never mind seeing them together first hand. RTS has a real flair for the dramatics; it reminds me a lot of Gretchen except the core of Gretchen is good and the core of RTS is pure evil.

She
races up to Gretchen's parents first and hugs both of them. "Mr. and Mrs. Parker, is there any news?"

"Not yet, Rebecca; we're just waiting to hear from the
doctors after surgery."

Then she
turns to Todd; it is the first time she has really laid eyes on him since the game. “Todd, oh my gosh, look at your face! Are you okay?"

What a ridiculous question.
Do you lose brain cells the instant you put on your cheerleading uniform? Maybe it cuts off circulation to your brain?
Stop, Ash,
I think, but I can't help it.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he
says.
That is a lie
. "Ash and I saw the accident happen, we were there," he explains as she is tracing his wounds with her finger. She looks at me with the death glare she seems to reserve just for me and then she quickly tries to cover it up with sweetness when she realizes who her audience is. "Oh, wow! You were together?" She does her best innocent pout.

"Yeah, we all left to follow Ryan after the fight." She
looks over at Ryan and he gives her a half smile. Then she looks back at me with a scowl on her face that says so much:

1.) I still can't believe he's your brother.

2.) Why were you with my boyfriend?

3.) Alone?

I just look away and stare at the clock, the second hand is barely moving. I hate that clock. I hate this room. I glance back over at Ryan; he is staring at his phone and running his fingers nervously through his hair. I go over and sit down next to him. 

"You okay?"
 I ask.

"Not really. You?"

"Not really.” I look at him and smile. “You guys won!" I say, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, we did." Ryan
shakes his head with a laugh. It is almost as if he forgot. It's amazing how something can change from being the most important thing in your life to so insignificant in an instant.

"Ash, they were following me. I must have twenty texts from both of them. This is my fault."

"No, Ryan. It's not. They chose to follow you. They wanted to…" I stop for a second to try to figure out how to structure my sentence so he doesn’t feel any guiltier. "…They wanted to make sure you were okay. They were worried about you. I'm not sure if you want to hear this right now, but after the accident, Gretchen just kept saying how sorry she was and that she really loves you."

He
looks at me, processing everything I’ve said, and then he takes a deep breath. "Thanks, Ash, but that doesn't mean it's not my fault. If I didn't get in my car, they would have never been in Brian's car following me."

I
think for a minute before I speak, "That is probably true, but you didn't force them to follow you. That was their choice. Todd tried to stop them and Brian pushed passed him. He said he had to go."

"Yeah, but if I had just answered one of their texts. I heard the phone buzzing, but I was so mad I didn't want to talk to anyone!"

I gaze down at the ground. "I know.” I feel a tremendous amount of guilt, too. Maybe if we would have told him earlier this wouldn't have happened? I look back up at him, “But Brian shouldn’t have been texting while he was driving either, though." There are so many what if’s and maybe's. "I'm so sorry for everything. We just thought that if we didn't tell you it might solve itself and we didn’t want to throw you off before the game."

He
looks at me with his deep brown eyes; they are so understanding, so kind. It makes my stomach twist with regret.

"I know; it's okay, Ash Bug. It's over. Let's just worry about the future and not something we can't change," he
says, putting his arm around me.

"You really need to listen to yourself, that's pretty great advice!" I
say as I feel a buzz coming from my pocket. It’s Shane, and just seeing his name on my phone makes my heart sink. This has to be hitting too close to home for him. I take a deep breath before I open his text.

U ok? Just heard

Where are u? Are u ok? 
I text back.

Tell u when I get there and No

I know he isn’t okay; why would I even ask that? And why can't he tell me where he is?

Any news?
He types back before I can respond.

Not yet

Be there soon

I hear the electric slide of the doors that lead to the “Doctors Only” area; they
have such a distinct sliding sound. I instantly look up to see a different doctor than before; is that good or bad? My heart is pounding as Gretchen and Brian's parents stand up immediately. I am sitting close enough to hear everything, so I close my eyes because I can't stand to look; listening is hard enough. I want Brian to be okay with every fiber of my being. I’ve spent the last two weeks hating him because I’ve been so angry at his selfishness and now this accident is because of his selflessness. He went after Ryan because he was worried about him, now he's the one we are all worried about. I hate the irony.