Absolution (The Protectors, Book 1) (13 page)

I kept my eyes glued to the pages in front of me as I returned to my righted chair because I didn’t want to know what Mace and Cole thought of me for my pathetic show of weakness. But all of that fled my mind as I began reading the first few lines on the nondescript page.

I need you, Devlin. I need to taste you, to feel you inside of me. Can you sneak away tonight? --Jonas

Revulsion went through me and I let out a hoarse shout and shoved the offensive papers away from me.

“Who did this?” I yelled as I stood up and tried to get a hold of myself but the fury kept rolling off me in waves. I lashed out at anything in my path and that meant several mugs sitting on the kitchen counter went flying, their contents spraying over the white cabinets. Seeing the destruction actually made me want more, and I began grabbing up every dish I could find and throwing it against the wall.

When Cole’s arms wrapped around me from behind, pinning me so I couldn’t move, I struggled violently against him for several long seconds but he was too strong. When the rage finally started to seep out of me, I could feel Cole’s warm breath against my ear as he spoke.

“We’re going to figure this out, Jonas. I promise you.”

“Devlin’s one of the best men I know, Cole. He doesn’t deserve this.”

“We’ll prove it’s a lie, Jonas. This will never touch Devlin or Casey.”

I managed a nod. “I need to take a break,” I whispered. “Can I go outside?”

“Just stay in sight of the house, okay?” Cole said gently. When he released me, I bent down to start cleaning up the mess I’d made but Cole grabbed my wrist and said, “I’ll take care of it.” My skin automatically tingled where he touched me and I remembered the sweet kiss he’d brushed over my lips. I wanted another one but I didn’t know how to ask for it. Hell, I didn’t even know if Cole was gay.

But Cole must have seen something in the way I looked at him because he leaned down and sealed his mouth over mine. The kiss was still relatively tame since he only lingered for a moment but I felt it in my bones.

Just like Mace’s…

At the reminder, I glanced over to the table to see if Mace had witnessed the kiss but he was gone. I cast Cole another look and then left the kitchen. I only went as far as the porch because I was too afraid to wander away from the house despite my intense desire to escape this whole situation. I sat on the porch swing that hung from two long chains. The rocking motion very quickly became soothing, and I finally took the deep breath I felt like I’d been holding from the moment Cole had pointed the rifle at Mace the night before.

My anger with Mace had started to ease after seeing the so called proof he had against me. Both the mugshot and emails looked so real that I wondered how many people would have known they were fakes. I knew the answer…only the people who really knew me would know I wasn’t capable of something like that. And that translated to Casey and Devlin. Because I’d never let anyone else close enough to know me.

Until Mace.

The anger may have started to fade but the hurt was front and center. And I had no one to blame for that but myself. Because I’d trusted Mace. I’d wanted to connect with him. I’d wanted…him.

The object of my thoughts rounded the house and began climbing the porch stairs when he saw me and stopped. My eyes settled on the rifle in his hand and how easily he held it. Like it was an extension of his body.

“I was just checking the perimeter,” he said quietly. His gaze raked over me and I felt an intense longing – the same longing I’d felt last night when he’d kissed me and I’d needed more.

Mace shifted his eyes from me and then reached for the screen door.

“Was it all a lie?” I found myself asking even though I hadn’t meant to.

Mace’s hand froze on the door handle and I could see the knuckles were turning white from how tightly he was holding it. He didn’t say anything at first, and I regretted the question because I knew I wouldn’t be able to believe anything he said to me anyway.

“Our kiss last night…” he whispered and I flinched because I’d wanted more than anything to believe that his kiss had been real. “The last time I kissed someone was my wife, the day we lost our son…eight years ago.”

With that, Mace disappeared into the house and I could only sit there in mute silence as I tried to grasp the enormity of what he’d just told me.

Mace

My whole body shook as I entered the house. I hadn’t meant to tell Jonas that, but I knew he’d never have believed me if I’d answered him with a simple “no.”

I didn’t notice Cole until I was practically on top of him and I knew just from looking at him that he’d heard what I said to Jonas. I hated the look of pity I saw in his eyes but I realized it didn’t matter. Whatever tension had and still existed between us didn’t matter because he would walk away with everything I wanted. He was everything I’d once been a lifetime ago before one careless oversight destroyed my entire world. Before I’d drowned myself in liquor, sex and the quest for vengeance.

I’d seen Cole kiss Jonas as I was heading out of the kitchen, because I’d been too disturbed to watch Jonas’s meltdown, knowing I was the cause of it. Their kiss was everything I’d expected it to be…beautiful, perfect, devastating. With one achingly sweet kiss, Cole had taken away a little bit of the pain I’d heaped on Jonas. It was the only measure of comfort I took from the whole situation. Even if Cole was straight, I could see by the way he looked at Jonas that he wasn’t using Jonas out of some need to test his sexuality. Not liked I’d used him…

“Perimeter’s clear,” I said as I handed the rifle to him. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

“Mace-”

I ignored Cole and hurried up the stairs and found an empty guest room that had an attached bathroom. I hadn’t had a chance to clean up the night before because just minutes after I’d finally forced myself to go into the house after the brutal confrontation with Jonas, I’d heard him screaming. After helping Cole subdue him, I’d stayed in the room in case he had any more episodes. Seeing the two of them lying together had done something to me, though. It was the same thing I’d felt when I saw Jonas hug Cole in the studio the day after they’d met…I was on the outside looking in on something I wanted to be a part of. It was a startling realization that I wanted them both. Initially I’d brushed off the attraction I had towards Cole as just that – attraction. But there was something about Cole that drew me in – his strength probably. He gave me something I hadn’t really even realized I needed, just like Jonas did.

But I knew now that nothing about what I was feeling was simple. I didn’t understand it but seeing them together somehow felt…right. My world felt right when I was around both of them at the same time. Even with things as fucked up as they were, I took comfort in seeing them together.

I cursed the ridiculousness of my thoughts as I stepped out of my clothes and climbed into the shower. Cole had covered the wound he’d stitched up for me with a waterproof bandage so I didn’t have to worry about not getting the stitches wet.

That was something else that had surprised me. I’d expected another confrontation this morning when Cole had come into the kitchen. But instead of railing at me or shooting questions at me as I sat sipping coffee at the kitchen table, he’d simply poured himself a cup of coffee and made pancakes from a box of mix he’d found in the pantry. We’d eaten in silence and then he’d made a batch for Jonas and disappeared upstairs. I’d made the mistake of following him so I could see for myself how Jonas was doing but then I’d heard Jonas say he didn’t want me around so I’d gone back to the kitchen, the pain of Jonas’s hatred making my insides bleed.

When Cole had come back down, he’d tossed a first aid kit down in front of me. But it wasn’t just any first aid kit when I’d opened it. There’d been an array of scissors, scalpels and needles. I’d had to assume the kit belonged to the owner of the house and while he cleaned my wound, I’d prepared the needle. The only time he’d spoken was to warn me just before he pushed the needle into my skin.

After my shower, I hunted around under the vanity, unearthing a spare toothbrush and a bottle of mouthwash. I made use of both and then crashed on the bed with the intention of just grabbing a few minutes to try and gather myself together. The plan was to go downstairs and finish this thing with Cole and Jonas, since the sooner we figured out who’d set all this up, the sooner I could fuck them up and then get the hell out, but I ended up falling asleep and didn’t wake until it was already dark outside.

I found Jonas and Cole working side by side doing dishes from whatever meal they’d prepared for dinner. They worked in silence but I could see them occasionally looking at each other.

Jonas was the first to notice me, and I was glad to see he didn’t look away from me like he had earlier this morning when he’d seen me watching him and Cole sleeping.

“Dinner’s in the microwave,” he said quietly before returning his attention to the dishes.

“Not hungry,” I murmured as I went to the table and sat down. “We need to figure out our next steps,” I said.

“The guys last night – were they yours?” Cole asked.

I shook my head.

“How do you know?”

“Because my guys wouldn’t have missed,” I said simply. “They also would have had the patience to wait until Jonas was alone to take him out.”

I immediately regretted my words when Jonas stilled in the process of putting a plate away.

“Can you trust your guys?” Cole asked as he dropped down in the chair next to me.

I hated needing to do it but I shook my head. The only thing that had kept me from pulling the trigger was some instinct…some pull Jonas had on me. I knew that most of the members of my team wouldn’t have felt the same thing. And even if they had, they certainly wouldn’t have spent weeks trying to figure it out. They would have accepted the solid evidence that had been presented to them and done their job and moved on.

“The only people I currently trust are in this room,” I admitted. “We’re on our own,” I added.

I heard the chair on the other side of the table scrape across the floor and I lifted my eyes long enough to watch Jonas sit down, a dish towel twisted between his fingers.

“The stuff in that file...is it real?” Jonas asked. “I mean, I know the arrest isn’t real but do the police really believe I did those other things? That one statement had my name in it.”

“I don’t think so,” I said as I held Jonas’s eyes. “The boys might be real victims but whoever went through the trouble of setting you up would have changed their names and added yours in place of the real suspect. But they would have risked exposing themselves if they tried altering the actual records.”

I forced myself to voice a truth I didn’t want to have to admit was a possibility. “Whoever did this could have been someone on my team,” I said. “Any one of them would have had the skill needed to alter the police reports and create those emails.”

“You think one of your guys wants Jonas dead?” Cole asked.

“That or they were setting me up.”

Cole straightened in his chair. “What do you mean?”

“If one of my guys just wanted Jonas dead, they could have just as easily done it themselves. But they went through a lot of trouble to make Jonas out to be a pedophile because they knew I’d be the one assigned to take him out.”

“How…how would they know that?” Jonas asked, his voice shaky.

I pinned him with my gaze and said, “Because a pedophile murdered my son.”

Cole

“Mace…” I heard Jonas whisper in disbelief at Mace’s admission. I could see that Mace was barely holding it together because his fists were clenched on the table and his jaw was tight with agitation.

“I’ll head back down to the city tomorrow…maybe I can find something at Jonas’s studio,” Mace said, ignoring both mine and Jonas’s concerned looks. “It’ll give me a chance to get online to see what I can find out.”

“You’re not going back to the gallery,” I said firmly. “It’s an unnecessary risk.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure I’m not followed back,” Mace quipped as he stood. “Besides, it’ll give you two some alone time,” he added, but I recognized the jab for what it was and grabbed his arm to keep him from leaving the kitchen.

“You are not going back there.”

I felt the tension in Mace’s body and I knew it wouldn’t take much to push him over. We were both still bruised and battered from our fight the night before, but I didn’t give a shit. If what he needed was a fight to defuse whatever rage was rolling through him because of the admission about his son, I’d give it to him.

“Was his name Evan?”

Mace froze at Jonas’s question but then nodded.

“How old was he?” Jonas asked gently.

“Seven,” Mace said, his eyes now on the place where I was holding on to his arm.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Jonas said softly. I had no idea if Jonas knew something about Mace’s son that I didn’t, or if he was just guessing, but the question got a reaction from Mace, because he yanked his arm free of my hold and took several steps away from both of us.

“I’m going to go check the perimeter,” he said, his tone clipped. I saw him shutting down and withdrawing from both of us, so I hurried after him when he left the kitchen and I reached for the rifle that was sitting next to the front door before he grabbed it. I stepped in front of the door and wasn’t surprised when he grabbed me by the throat and slammed me back against the unforgiving wood.

“Get the fuck out of my way!” he snarled, his desperate anger reminding me of a wounded animal.

“Mace, please just talk to us,” Jonas said from doorway leading to the kitchen.

Mace released me and jerked his eyes towards Jonas.

“Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault,” Jonas repeated.

“Fuck you!” he snapped at Jonas. “Fuck both of you.”

He started heading towards the back door but Jonas stepped in his path. He grabbed Jonas like he had me but even from where I stood, I could see that his hold was loose and gentle and seemed more about keeping Jonas back rather than moving him out of the way.

“Tell me,” Jonas whispered as his hand came up to rub up and down the arm that was holding on to his neck.

“I overslept,” Mace suddenly whispered, his voice barely a croak. “I was supposed to pick him up from school but I forgot to set my alarm clock. I’d worked a double shift the night before and Shel had left that morning to visit her parents in Miami.”

“Was Shel your wife?”

Mace nodded. “Shelby.”

“What happened to Evan?”

“He must have decided to walk home on his own…we only lived a few blocks from the school. They found his body two days later.”

Mace dropped his arm and I could see tears running down his face as he stepped back until his back hit the opposite wall near the staircase.

“I slept through my son being raped…through him being beaten and then strangled with an extension cord, and through his body being dumped in the woods less than a mile from my own house.” Mace suddenly let out a howl of pain and then began slamming his head back against the wall. I quickly put the rifle down and hurried to Mace’s side and slid my hand behind his head to keep him from hurting himself.

“You couldn’t have known,” I whispered.

“I was his father!” he shouted and then he grabbed my arms in a painful hold. “I can hear him calling for me, Cole! He needed me and I fucking wasn’t there!”

“I’m sorry,” I said as I gripped Mace’s face with my hands. “So sorry,” I repeated as I pulled him forward and began kissing away the damp tears that still flooded his skin. He quieted under my ministrations and the bruising hold on my arms eased but he didn’t release me. I could feel his soft breath against my lips as I reached his mouth and we both held there for several long seconds until I finally slanted my mouth over his.

Like with Jonas, I’d meant the kiss to be brief and comforting but I knew Mace needed more when he automatically opened for me. I let my tongue brush his before I gently explored every surface of his mouth. I knew he was vulnerable so I didn’t deepen the kiss any further and when I pulled back, I waited to see if he would lash out at me. But he didn’t. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and drew me close and then buried his face against my neck. I held him as tight as I could until I felt a hand settle on my back.

Jonas.

Guilt went through me that Jonas had witnessed the kiss but I couldn’t make myself regret it. Nor did I regret kissing Jonas. I didn’t know what to make of that, but I didn’t have to think on it for too long because the second Mace relinquished his hold on me, Jonas reached up to stroke his hand over Mace’s face before pulling him down for a kiss. It was nothing like the passionate one I’d witnessed between them the night before in the gallery, but it was just as intense.

“Let’s go lay down for a bit, okay?” Jonas said to Mace even as his hand closed around mine. Mace managed a nod as he wiped at his face. As I followed Jonas and Mace up the stairs, I knew I was crossing a line I wouldn’t be able to come back from. Not only had I taken the leap into the deep end in terms of exploring my sexuality this morning when I’d kissed Jonas for the first time, I was building a connection with not one but two men and I had no idea what that meant for any of us. I knew what was about to happen between us wasn’t about sex since Mace was way too vulnerable for that but that almost made it worse because what we were seeking in each other wasn’t about pleasure – it was about so much more.

We ended up in the master bedroom which had a king sized bed. None of us removed any clothes other than our shoes and Jonas urged Mace to get under the covers before crawling in next to him. I went around to the other side of the bed and climbed in. Mace and Jonas were both lying on their sides facing each other and Mace had one arm under Jonas’s head and the other wrapped around his waist. But as soon as I pressed up against Mace’s back with my front, his hand sought out mine and then he was pulling my arm around his chest. I linked my fingers with his and pressed our connected hands against his sternum and rested my head on his shoulder. I felt Jonas’s hand settle on the arm I had wrapped around Mace and I smiled because with the one move, Jonas had made sure we were all connected.

Just like we were supposed to be.