Absolute Lovers (Absolute #2) (7 page)

There was an air of desperation about her touches and I knew
that despite how great it felt, I couldn't go through with it.

"Julia," I said softly and lifted her off me.
"Please, stop."

"Why?" she asked, leaning forward to kiss me
again. "Please, I want you."

I held her face in my hands and looked deeply into her eyes
before kissing her again, but then I pulled back, covering her up with her T-shirt.

"You don't want me?" she asked with a mixture of
shock and sadness in her voice.

"Of course I do," I said immediately. "I
mean, can't you tell?" I glanced down at my erection and smiled
sheepishly. Julia followed my eyes and smiled back at me. She reached out to
touch me, but I intercepted her and lifted her hand to my lips while I covered
myself with the bed sheet.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"I…I think I'm trying to show you that I want more than
just sex," I said, kissing each one of her fingertips. I leaned forward
and brushed my lips against hers. I placed slow gentle kisses on her cheeks and
eyelids while I held her hands in mine.

"You're so sweet and wonderful and lovely in every
way," I murmured. "I want to be there for you if you need a friend to
talk to or have fun with, I want to pleasure you as your lover, and I want to
take you out on dates as your boyfriend. I want to pull out your chair for you,
serve you wine, and treat you the way you deserve. I want to make you as happy
as you make me. I want all of that with you, Julia. Only with you."

Her bottom lip trembled and once again her eyes filled with
tears.

"Stephen," she choked out. "Please don't say
stuff like that."

"Why not?"

"Don't you see? You're the one who's wonderful and
sweet. Not me. You deserve someone who can give you all that. Someone closer to
your own age and not someone like me who doesn't know what the fuck she's
doing."

She drew a ragged breath. "I've only been someone's
girlfriend once before and that turned to complete shit. I have no idea how to
be what you want. Casual fucking is all I've known for years. It's all I've
wanted."

She looked at me and wiped her eyes. "But then you come
along and all I can think is how much fun it will be teaching you how to fuck
and talk dirty. And you know what? It
was
. It was so much fun that I
asked you to stay over afterward. I never do that! I…I never planned on
actually liking you and wanting more than just to fuck you. I've never brought
a guy hangover food before, and after Pop's funeral you were the only one I
wanted to see."

She threw up her hands. "I don't know what I'm doing,
Stephen! I feel so fucking much for you that it scares the crap out of me, and
it makes me want to run just like before. You don't need that. Don't you
see?"

I took a beat to process everything she had just said. Then
I took her hands in mine again and looked into her eyes.

"Julia, I'm crazy about you," I said bluntly. I
kissed her hands and continued. "I only want you. There might be women out
there who are more age-appropriate, but they're not you. I've never felt this
way about anyone before. You make me feel like I’m finally living, not just
existing. I mean, before you I had never spent the night with a woman and I
hadn't ever slept with the same woman twice. Do you see what I'm trying to
say?"

"I think so," she whispered, tightening her hold
on my hands.

"I don't know what I'm doing either. I've never had a
girlfriend or a serious relationship before. This is completely new to me. I
never expected to develop feelings for you when this started. But I did, Julia,
and it scares me, too."

"Oh." She nodded.

"I'll probably screw up a lot," I added. Her lips
curved and she smiled.

"I probably will, too," she said softly.

Does that mean…

"So you'll… " I was afraid to say it.

She drew a deep breath. "Yes, Stephen. I'll be your
girlfriend."

YES! She said yes! Julia is my girlfriend! I am her
boyfriend! Wow!

I could feel myself smiling so widely that it hurt my face
as I leaned in to kiss the hell out of
my
girlfriend
. She
surprised me when she pulled back.

"If you hurt me, I'll kick your fucking ass. You know
that, right?"

"You say the sweetest things," I deadpanned.

She raised her eyebrows. I knew that she wasn't kidding
around.

"No ass-kicking will be needed, I swear you can trust
me," I vowed. "I won't let you down, Julia. I'll be the best
boyfriend in the world."

I'm sure there are books and helpful websites on the
subject.

"Just keep being you," she said softly. "I've
loved everything you've done so far. Well, except getting hammered and then
giving my paper an F," she added with a hint of a scowl.

"Um, an excellent example of the aforementioned
screwing up I might do?"

She grinned and nodded.

"I may have overreacted just a teeny tiny bit,"
she said. "I think maybe I was looking for an excuse to leave because we
were getting closer."

"Really?" I was very impressed with her level of
insight.

"That's what Sophia said, anyway."

"Oh." I smiled. "She's perceptive, that
one."

"Is she ever," Julia agreed with enthusiasm.
"You remember that night she and Meg walked in on us?"

I nodded.

"The next day she kept saying how she could just tell
that we were going to become more than casual sex-buddies. I told her she was
being ridiculous. I guess the joke's on me, huh?"

"I'm really glad that she was right," I murmured.
"May I kiss you now?"

"Please," she whispered, leaning forward again.

I cupped her face in my hands.

"My sweet, beautiful girlfriend," I said, still
trying to wrap my mind around this astonishing development. I kissed her slowly
and gently, savoring the feel of her soft lips against mine.

"Stephen," she sighed. "Please don't make me
regret this."

"You won't," I promised. "Julia, you won't. I
only want to make you happy."

"Are
you
happy?" she asked.

"I'm…"

Ecstatic? Thrilled? Exultant? Blissful?

No word seemed strong enough to accurately describe how I
was feeling at this moment. My heart's desire, the unattainable girl who I
never thought would see me as more than a casual sex-partner, was suddenly,
gloriously
mine
. My girlfriend to kiss and hold, take out on dates and
make love to, hold hands with in public and embrace at night, care for and
support in every way.

"I have no words to describe it," I said simply.
"I'm speechless with happiness."

She gave me a tentative smile and moved closer to me until
she was curled up in my lap.

"This is new," she whispered. "I don't know
how to be this way."

"I think you're doing great," I said, making her
laugh.

"You're not so bad yourself. If I didn't know better, I
wouldn't believe that you’d never had a girlfriend before."

"Trust me, I haven't," I said, wrapping my arms
around her. "I'm a beginner at this."

"An absolute beginner. I love that song."

"What song?" I asked.

" ‘Absolute Beginners,’ " she told me. “You remember
my saying that Bowie is a favorite of mine, right?”

"How does it go?"

"I'm not much of a singer," she warned.

"That's OK," I assured her. "I'd like to hear
it."

Her voice was low and beautiful as she sang to me. Maybe she
wasn’t completely on key the whole time, but that didn’t matter at all. It was
perfect.

"He could have written it about me," she added,
snuggling closer to me.

One line kept playing in my head:
I absolutely love you.
I absolutely love you.

Was this Julia's way of telling me that she loved me? I
swallowed nervously and held her a little tighter.

"It could be about me as well," I whispered.

I absolutely love you.

Julia drew a ragged breath and leaned her head on my
shoulder. I held her like that for a long time and I was amazed that someone
who felt so small in my arms could encompass my heart entirely and turn my
world upside down.

"I'm sorry I tried to leave," she whispered.

"Did you really want to?" I asked quietly.

"No," she said, sighing. "You were right. I
got scared."

"So you don't really think I'm too old for you?"

"No, not at all.”

"And are there still things you can teach me?"

She laughed softly. "Yeah, if you want."

"I do," I confirmed. "I want to learn, uh,
for you. To please you."

"Maybe next time I'll tie you up and use you for my
pleasure," she suggested, kissing my neck.

"O-OK," I stuttered, very much aware of the
distinctive twitches under the covers. I was fairly certain that Julia felt
them as well since she was seated in my lap. But she didn't mention anything
and neither did I.

"Maybe I should go take a shower and then I'll make us
some breakfast?" I suggested.

"Can I come with you?"

Where?

"In the, um, shower?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, chuckling. "Why do you look
so shocked?"

"I don't know. People really do that? Outsides the
movies, I mean."

"Sure." Julia shrugged. "But I don't have
to."

"No, you can come with me.”

"Great, I'll join you in a minute," she said,
climbing off my lap.

I stumbled into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and
stepped in. It had never occurred to me that people shared the shower. It
did
seem prudent in terms of conserving water, but that probably wasn’t the primary
reason why people did it.

The second I felt Julia's arms around my waist, her breasts pressed
against my back, I knew that saving water would not be on today's agenda.

This will be the longest shower I have ever had
.

She placed soft kisses between my shoulder blades and her
hands moved slowly up and down my torso. I turned and slicked my hair off my
forehead to look at her. She smiled up at me and I gawked at her like someone
who had never seen a naked woman before. Truthfully, I had never seen a naked,
wet
woman before and I hoped this excused my ogling.

"I can't believe no one has ever called you beautiful
before me.”

Julia smiled even more broadly and stepped under the spray
to wet her hair while I ran my hands down her back. She stood up on her toes to
kiss me and I leaned down to meet her lips while I pulled her flush against me.
The feeling of our naked, wet bodies close together was amazing and I groaned
loudly when Julia released my lips and started kissing and licking my neck. She
circled one of my nipples with her tongue before flicking over it while her
hands traveled down my stomach and slowly traced the length of my erection with
her fingertips.

"Oh God, what are you doing to me?"

"I'm going to suck your big beautiful cock," she
said, dropping to her knees.

I looked at her in that unbelievably submissive position and
suddenly I was unsure if it was the right thing for her to do. I lifted her up;
her face displayed utter confusion.

"What's the matter, baby? Don't you want me to?"

"I don't know," I said. "I… You're my
girlfriend now."

"Yes?" she said, giving me a strange look.
"And?"

"And…I respect you and care about you. I mean, I did
before—that's not my point. Should I still want you to do that?" I
asked helplessly.

"Stephen," Julia said with apparently infinite
patience. "I'm not sure I understand."

I didn't really understand it myself. I loved it when Julia
performed oral sex on me, but it hadn't occurred since I’d realized that I was
in love with her. I didn't know if her servicing me in such a way was appropriate
when I loved and cherished her as much as I did. The whole thing seemed a
little sordid in my mind and I was worried about doing the wrong thing in our
brand-new relationship.

"It's just, well, I don't know if you being on your
knees is a little…um, demeaning, I guess, and I don't want
you
to think
that
I
think that you're inferior to me in any way. I've never thought
that before or anything, but I just don't know what the right thing to do in
terms of, uh, sex is now that you're my girlfriend. I really like it when you
do…
that
with your mouth, but I don't want to disrespect you in any
way," I managed to say ineloquently.

She stared at me for a few seconds, shaking her head.

"OK, let me see if I understand correctly. You like
blowjobs, but you're worried that they'll make me feel inferior to you?"

"Um, yeah," I said weakly. "I guess that's
the gist of it."

She surprised me by giving me a wink and dropping to her
knees again. Without warning she slid my erection into her warm, wet mouth and
worked her tongue around the tip where I was most sensitive.

"Oh, Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed, slamming my hands
against the shower wall.

She took me slowly in and out of her mouth while she cupped
my balls in one hand and kneaded my buttocks with the other. I was already
panting and groaning, trying not to thrust into her mouth without permission.
The pleasure was indescribable and I couldn't remember why I had wanted to
prevent her from doing this to me just a minute earlier.

Abruptly, she stopped and stood up again.

No! Why did she stop?

"Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yes!" I cried out.

"And if I didn't, how would that make you feel?"

I blinked a few times. Why was she asking me this?

"I…I guess I would feel frustrated and, um, a little
disappointed," I admitted.

"But you wouldn't force me to do it if I didn't want to
anymore?"