Abram's Daughters 03 The Sacrifice (11 page)

And they were, all thirteen of them eleven remaining sad-faced children, some teenagers, and their somber parents. Robert had gone immediately with his father to the hospital, following the accident, but he had not had the chance to sec Elias. Sadly the young man had been pronounced dead on arrival, and Robert could merely offer his condolences to the solemn parents. How very taxing that had been. He instantly deemed himself a murderer, however unintentional the ad. Most difficult for Robert was knowing full well that if he had never gone to the Quarryville church meeting and had driven straight home from college in Harrisonburg, Virginia, lie might have been home this morning reading or watching tel

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m lutoii, and young Elias would have been alive.

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11 correct in his assessment; no charges had been discussed \\ Robert nor filed. He had been driving well under the Mil limit, so there was no question of a reckless driving H'Hf. He felt he should be somewhat relieved, but he was (Iling of the kind. A sense of despondency encompassed

n, mid he was miserable with the knowledge that, however

mi'leiiH, Ik- was responsible for snuffing out a young life.

i .i ling out the car window, he was aware of the blur that

one Amish farmhouse, then pastureland, cornfields,

iinl tinnlher farmhouse, and so on, one after another. He had ..iitvlvril the horrors of war on foreign soil only to come home .mil iiidclentally kill an innocent civilian.

Si mined with grief and struggling to sit through the long lnili'iiil in the house of worship house of sorrow, Mary Ruth ilimiuhr she attempted to keep her hands folded, yet every i i ill I'll she noticed she had been unconsciously wringing her Imh. II iM'chief. At one point Hannah leaned close to her and ' u lii i i rod, "I believe that's the driver of the automobile."

In' sighed ever so deeply, her breath coming in ragged in iji!< us she fought tears and looked over at the man Hannah itwiiinril to be Robert Schwartz. The mere thought of a car |i|m\vIi\| into Elias's vulnerable pony cart made her wince; it Mil in \l lo impossible for a person to survive such an impact, ill. I>.iitied the urge to despise the Englisher. Who does he

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think he is, coming to the funeral?

Somehow, as the service progressed, she was able to deny her tears, having spent all day yesterday and Sunday night, too, wearing herself out in distress over her beau. Through sheer will, she had managed to go with Leah and Aunt Lizzie to the Stoltzfus farm early yesterday morning to help with some of the cooking, cleaning, and tending to the small chil' dren, just as other church members had.

Presently she was in desperate straits, trying hard to listen to the first sermon, thirty minutes long and given in Pennsylvania Dutch, followed by Scriptures read in High German, which she did not understand. Who of the People did? Most of the old-timers perhaps, but none of the youth.

She was suddenly stirred, then and there, wishing she might comprehend the words Preacher Yoder read from the Old German Biewel wanting to know what was being said at her beau's funeral, for pity's sake!

During the second sermon, she noticed Robert Schwartz sitting tall and stately, yet weeping silent tears that coursed down his solemn face. Strangely, he made no attempt to brush them away. Mary Ruth found this curious, never having seen a grown man shed tears in public, let alone at a large gathering. She felt compelled to glance his way every so often but only with her eyes, never moving her head.

Goodness knows what he must be feeling, she thought, but her heart was bound up with fond memories of dear Elias, as well as her own great sadness. How could she ever forget how he'd made it a point to put off joining church to run around a bit longer? What did this mean for his everlasting soul?

The People were admonished to live righteous lives, as

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!> never knew when his or her "day of reckoning" might line, The second minister spoke on this subject for nearly an

111, urging young people to think carefully about joining pilit'h. "Do not put off the Holy Ordinance. It has the power

1 Ntntl your eternal fate."

I Mtiry Ruth felt a quiver run up her spine as the minister htlnued preaching. She wondered, just then, if what had pull en Elias was connected in any way to his decision to

I1 a|nine church membership "till another year," as he'd said. In no, she couldn't allow herself to be that superstitious.

I ' .lie did wonder if Elias had died in his sins. Since he was In luiprized at the time of the accident, were the ministers Lhi' Was her beloved standing outside the gates of Glory? I I luring the brief obituary reading in German by Preacher I-It, Mary Ruth considered the idea of wearing her black

i; ling garment for a full year, as if she were Elias's widow-

jL.li, She knew Mamma would not approve, but at this Luucnt of determined loyalty to her beau, she didn't rightly Ire what anyone thought. ; '/'/

While the coffin was being moved outside so the People iiHild view the body, Leah noticed Dr. Schwartz and his wife, ..imine, walking toward their car. It seemed they were I. H, cly able to put one foot in front of the other, so down[ i. -1' Ion they and their son Robert looked. She had recognized

11u.i from seeing his pictures several places in the Schwartz L,. r.o, as well as on the wall of the clinic waiting room.

Watching them cross the yard together, arm in arm, she

iiHiUI view

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felt a deep measure of sympathy and wondered if Dr. Schwartz would say something to her about this awful sad day come Friday, when she was scheduled to do some cleaning at the clinic. She wouldn't be so rude as to bring up the topic of Elias's death herself. Still, she wondered how the Schwartz family would manage to cope.

When she turned back toward the house, she noticed Mary Ruth hovering near the coffin, now situated on the front porch for the final viewing before burial. She wondered if her sister was out of her mind with grief, as sometimes hap' pened to couples if one or the other was taken early. Then she knew for sure Mary Ruth was suffering unspeakably, for her sister leaned down and touched Elias's face her last

chance to see him ever so close. But when she bent lower and

kissed him, Leah cried. She's saying farewell, she thought, wishing she, too, might have had that opportunity, though keenly aware how tragically different a situation this was.

Later, in the Graabhof, her father stood next to Smithy Peachey, black felt hat in his rough hands, as they glanced now and then at the coffin-shaped hole in the earth. Small grave markers were scattered here and there in unpredictable rows within a makeshift fence. For a moment the wire barrier

made her feel captive to the People, and she thought of Sadie and her endless shunning.

Leah's gaze drifted to the brethren the ministers and grown men, farmers all who set forth the unwritten guidelines for living. The Ordnung rules our very lives, she thought, missing her elder sister anew. The faces of the men looked pale in spite of their ruddy, sunburned complexions, she noticed, and women and girls dabbed handkerchiefs at their

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m$*, I'rying not to call attention to themselves. Yet how could R y Htcip their tears when the deacon's red-haired young Bh- once spirited and smiling lay lifeless in a simple wal- . kll box?

1 Four pallbearers used shovels to fill the grave once the cofm hud been lowered into the previously dug tomb by the use If It nig straps. Deacon Stoltzfus stood near his remaining sons,

11' ii jaws clenched, lower lips quivering uncontrollably; Ezra, |.|" ially, looked ashen faced. Elias's mother, grandmothers, In i is, and many sisters clustered together, some of them holdK|4 hands and crying, but none of them wept aloud. It was Lit the People's way to wail and mourn conspicuously, and Huh was glad for that. The sadness she felt for these dear fees spilled over into her own spirit, and she hung her head If in prayer.

I Once the grave was nearly filled, the pallbearers ceased Kclr shoveling and Preacher Yoder stood tall and read a lymn from the Ausbund. The People did not sing on this post sobering occasion, and every man and boy in attendance moved his blacky hat.

I Leah could scarcely wait for the sunset, hours from now,

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knt would bring an end to this heart-wrenching day. The prettlling gloom triggered the familiar helpless feeling she had Iften wrestled with in the black of night as she lay quiet as leut'h itself, wishing for sleep to come and rescue her from her liemories of Jonas. Of course, there was far less of that these lays than before she and Smithy Gid had begun spending Itiie together. If things went as she assumed they might, she bid the smithy's son would be husband and wife come next rear; she felt sure Gid was looking toward that end. As for

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herself, she understood fully why her father had been adamant about Gid being a "wonderful-gut young man," not to mention his first choice as a husband for her. What was to fear?

Hannah put her hand over her heart, taking short little breaths as the soil was mounded. The burial complete, she felt like she might break into a sob, and just then Mamma reached over and found her hand, holding it for the longest time. Listening intently, perhaps too much so, she was scarcely able to draw a breath as Preacher Yoder admonished the People, "Be ready when your time comes."

She could only hope that she would be ... if or when her number should be called. How can 1 or anyone be ready for thatday? she pondered, not knowing in the slightest.

She felt she should talk to Mamma about her worries.

After all, she'd heard her mother praying beside her bed several times typically in the late-night hours, when Mamma surely must have assumed her girls were fast asleep. Honestly it seemed maybe both Mamma and Aunt Lizzie knew more about the Good Lord than they were ever allowed to let on, and it was time for her to ask a few important questions. With Elias's funeral taking up much of this day, she hoped to find some time soon to talk quietly with Mamma before Thanksgiving. They wouldn't be observing the day as an all-out holiday the way the English did, nor with prayer and fasting as Plain folk in Ohio did. They were taught to be grateful for every day as it came, though they did gather as families around a bountiful feast table, especially because it was their season of weddings. Attending this funeral of her sister's

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Iiploved at such a normally joyous time was the most difficult I hlng Hannah had ever done.

The afternoon crept along ever so slowly for Mary Ruth, p;irt icularly during the shared meal. About three hundred mi mrners had returned to Deacon Stoltzfus's home, passing by (lie location of the actual calamity there on the road at the end of the long dirt lane. Mary Ruth had refused to look; she'd kept her head tilted back, eyes on the stark tree

I winches lining the way.

She observed Ezra sitting at the table with his younger brothers. His face was swollen, and the stern set of his jaw betrayed something of his pain, making her flinch. Their cus-

I1 >m of eating a meal with the family of the deceased created :i strong sense of comfort and belonging for all of them, to be sure, yet she was painfully aware of the hole in the very middle of her heart. Elias had brought energy and excitement into her life. His kjten attention had given her even more reason to spring out of bed each morning and, if she were truthful with herself, was equal to her pleasure in book learning.

But now . . . what was she to do? She'd completely missed joining church with Hannah this year, deciding to put it off because she and Elias wanted to enjoy rumschpringe longer. Much longer, truth be known. Now it surely seemed as if Hannah and Ezra were the wiser.

Mary Ruth felt herself sinking into a gray despair such-as she had never known.

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-Lvejected and in urgent need of prayer, Robert left his father's house and drove to Quarryville for Wednesday prayer meeting the night following Elias's funeral. At the church, he prayed silently before the service began, pouring out his great woe to God. When he raised his head, anticipating the beginning of the meeting, he was aware of a number of Amish youth gathered there serious, distraught young people more than likely searching for consolation on the heels of the startling death of Elias. Yet their attendance was highly unusual, to be sure.

Following the singing of hymns, the pastor invited those with a testimony of grace to stand and "give a witness." One church member after another praised the Lord publicly, expressing the ways they believed God was at work in their hearts.

When a short lull ensued, Robert felt compelled to stand. Turning to face the people, he directed his solemn remarks primarily to the Amish youth. He began by sharing his anguish and then faltered. "I humbly beg . . . your

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l> iryiveness ... for having been the driver of the car last Sun>l.iy night. I pray you might find it in your hearts all of you line to forgive me for accidentally killing your own Elias ' iiollzfus." Shuddering as he spoke, he was aware of sniffling .iiul then a single sob. Unable to go on, he sat down, fighting kirk tears. His feelings of guilt over not having been charged wii h involuntary manslaughter or even a lesser charge continued to preoccupy his thoughts, although Reverend Longeni'cker had kindly pointed out when he had met with him privately before the service that Robert's guilt was unfounded. Nevertheless, the minister's words had not lessened the fact Kohert sincerely wished the Stoltzfus family had not let him oil scot-free.

When the minister stood behind the pulpit and began to pray, not a sound was heard except his earnest voice. "Our l;; if her in heaven, we come this night, carrying our burdens to you, O Lord. ..."