About Face (Wolf Within) (16 page)

“They kill wolves because they are still trying, instinctively, to kill us. The Others would never allow the Pack to knowingly coexist with them, much less gain control, and since there are way fewer of us than there are of them, we don’t stand a chance. We’ll be wiped out as a species before we even begin to fight back.”

I shivered and he gave me a sympathetic look.

He took a deep breath and said, “Kevin scared the shit out of me, Stanzie, because I could see it all unfolding just as he described it. There would be no halcyon period of Others and Pack coexisting. The Others would fight from the start, and our lives would be spent running and hiding. At least now we have places we can call home. We’ve perfected a system of blending in but never standing out. It’s taken us centuries to get what little we have, and these misguided idiots would throw it all away for us unless something is done.

“The truth is, I still believe that. I still think coming out to the Others is the wrong thing to do, and I never joined the Guardians thinking we’d resort to killing our own kind. But people have been dying. Liam’s Sorcha, your bond mates, Grey and Elena—may they be safe in the otherworld.”

“Jesus.” I rubbed my temples. My fucking head was going to explode. I hadn’t known the first thing about the conspiracy. Where could I even start to untangle all the layers and layers of deception so I could find the truth of it all? “You joined the Guardians five years ago. What the hell took you so long to tumble to the truth of what monsters they really were? And why didn’t you tell Murphy what you were doing?”

“I wanted to tell him, but my Da swore me to secrecy. We’d recruit him later, he told me. Then Sorcha died, and before I knew it I was Alpha.”

“Yeah, Alpha because your father put you there by having Sorcha killed.” My head was going to blow apart. I knew it. I put my hands to either side of my skull as if I could keep it from happening.

“I won’t believe that. I won’t believe Kevin O’Reilly had a hand in cold-blooded murder. All I know for sure is Mick Shaughnessy arranged it, and I didn’t even know that until nine months ago when he came to me and demanded help to get him the hell out because his cover was blown. And after what he told me next, that’s when I realized that the Guardians weren’t all who I thought they were. All this time I’d thought I’d been doing something good for the Pack.” Paddy squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them wide.

“Then Mick told me what he’d done to Sorcha. Told me it was on Guardian orders and that he’d done it to make me Alpha. Do you know what the hell that felt like, Stanzie? That I’d been responsible for her death? I half killed the bastard in a fury, and I was going out of my mind not knowing what to do.”

“Orders from who?” I asked. “Your father?”

“My father’s dead.” Paddy’s mouth trembled, and my heart gave a lurch in my chest. What the fuck?

“Dead?” I didn’t want to face the implications of that, but I had nowhere to turn. “How?”

“The official story is a heart attack. But the man was only sixty-five. I suppose it could be true, but I have doubts.” Paddy’s answer made me gasp in outrage.

“What are you saying? He was assassinated? By who? Mick Shaughnessy? The Guardians? Because he found out the real agenda and couldn’t go along with it?”

“I don’t know.” Paddy’s voice was full of anguish. “That’s the whole problem, isn’t it, Stanzie? I don’t know who I can talk to. I know other Guardians, but how do I know they’re not in on it all? I can’t believe everyone in the Guardians is a lying, murdering bastard. I know I’m not! Mick got his orders from someone. He didn’t just decide to murder Sorcha to get me into the Alpha position. What am I supposed to do? I’ve been trying my damnedest to get that old bastard to tell me who he takes his orders from, but he won’t talk. He tells me what happened to Sorcha could happen to me if I don’t frigging cooperate. At this point I wouldn’t put it past them to go after Fee. I can’t risk it.”

“Then you need to go to Pack First. Go to the Great Council,” I said.

Why had I never questioned why people of the Pack would support what I’d called “the conspiracy”? I’d accepted a sort of half-assed belief that they rejected change. The idea of coming out to Others and then being exterminated for it had never crossed my mind. I didn’t want that, obviously. However, I drew the line at killing my own kind to attain the means to an end. That was never the answer. There were so few of us, we could ill afford to lose anyone before his or her time.

Suspicion flared within me. I looked at Murphy. His expression was dark and angry. Of course he was furious. Why the hell hadn’t Paddy let Murphy help? Why hadn’t Murphy gone to Allerton?

My body temperature went so cold I couldn’t move.

“Allerton’s Pack First, isn’t he?” I guessed. “We’ve been helping him unmask and destroy Guardians all along, haven’t we?”

I would have run if I’d had anywhere to go.

“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Murphy admitted and hung his head. “I’m pretty sure he’s one of the Guardians.”

I stared at him. Something wasn’t adding up.

“If you think he’s a Guardian, why would he be going after other Guardians? Have them put to death? Why did he send us out to find the truth? What the hell are we doing in his name?”

Murphy’s face was pale, but his voice was steady. “What if we weren’t the ones who brought it all out into the open, Stanzie? What if we were just Allerton’s and the Guardians dupes? Cleanup squad. Who are we unmasking? Grandmothers and grandfathers and unstable, insane Alphas. People who are expendable. So he proves to Pack First that, no, all Guardians aren’t like that, Councilors, and here’s what I’m doing about it.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them so he could look at me. “If that’s how he’s playing it, if we go to him with this, Paddy’s dead, and we’re most likely dead as well unless we want to wholeheartedly join. And I don’t. Do you? I do not want to murder people, not even the ones who murdered others. I just want the whole fucking thing to stop and bring justice—Pack justice—to those who deserve it. I’m not a vigilante.”

“Who are the other Guardians you know?” I looked at Paddy. He shook his head.

“That doesn’t matter, does it? The less you know, the safer you are.”

“You don’t understand,” I whispered. “There has to be a different explanation. We have to be able to trust Jason.”

Murphy’s face softened, and he took a step toward me. I stared at him as, one by one, the implications slammed home, and my whole life crumbled into dust.

Fear and fury made my voice shrill. “When did Paddy tell you all this shit? After my tribunal, right? And you
left
me there with him? You left me there when you thought there was a possibility Jason Allerton might be a murderer using his Council position to kill people? Using
me
to do it?”

I threw myself at him and pummeled him with my fists. “I
trusted
you. I
loved
you!”

Cheated tears streamed down my face so I could barely see. Murphy grabbed my wrists to keep me from tearing his face open with my nails, but at my words he dropped them and stood there, staring. Before I could rip his cheeks to shreds, Paddy leaped out of his chair and pulled me away.

I screamed and lashed out with my legs, but Paddy had a strong grip around my waist and pinned my arms to my sides so I was helpless.

Murphy’s voice shook. “I was gonna get the proof and bring him down if that part was true. I didn’t want you involved. You’d been through so bloody much, I didn’t want you to go through any more. I never would have let the man hurt you. That’s not what he wants to do with you, Stanzie. You were safe in Boston. Safer than you would have been here with me. And I’m not convinced Allerton’s a bad guy.”

“But you’re not sure he’s a good guy either!” I struggled against Paddy, but he was too strong. I managed to land a backward kick to his ankle, and he buckled but didn’t fall.

“No,” Murphy admitted. “I’m not sure of anything when it comes to him.”

“He bonded with my
mother
, you bastard fuck,” I shrieked, and I would have enjoyed the horrified shock that spread across his face if it hadn’t been Wren in the crossfire.

“But what about Kathy Manning?”

“Kathy,” I spat, a bad taste in my mouth. “If Allerton’s dirty, so is she because she was there when Grandfather Tobias died. She mixed the poison herself. And she never wanted to bond with him, Murphy, she wanted a spot on the Great Council, but Allerton fucked her out of it, and it went to Rosemary Young instead.”

Murphy tried to absorb this information and make sense of it, but by his expression he had a hard time of it.

“He bonded with your mother?”

I stopped struggling and Paddy said, “If I let go of you, are you gonna do something stupid, Stanzie?” For an answer I stomped on his foot, and he let out a yelp of agony, but he still let me go.

I stalked back to the armchair and fell into it so I could lace my fingers behind my aching head and press my forehead to my knees.

“Why does this shit keep happening to me?” I whispered. “All I want is to belong to a pack and have a bond mate and be happy like I used to be. What the fuck did I do wrong that
this
is what I get? I’m tired of it. This is so fucking unfair.” For maybe the one billionth time I wished I could rewind my life and go back to the night of my thirtieth birthday. I wouldn’t get in the car. I would tell Grey and Elena we should stay home instead. Screw dancing, we’d go to bed together. And then none of the bad shit would have happened, and I would still be bonded to them today and maybe even Alpha of Riverglow.

And I never would have laid eyes on Liam Murphy or Padraic O’Reilly. Never met Jason Allerton. Never ever.

“I’m sorry, honey. I don’t know what to tell you.” Murphy knelt by the armchair and put his hand on my leg, but I wrenched away from him.

“Don’t touch me,” I snapped. “Get the hell away from me. I wish I’d never fucking met you. I
hate
you!”

His brown eyes got very dark, and he got to his feet and moved away.

“No, you don’t,” Paddy said heavily. “You just need some time to think, Stanz.”

“Don’t you tell me what I feel or what I should do,” I flared. His cellphone picked that extraordinarily inopportune moment to ring, and I curled my lip and sank back into the armchair.

Murphy stood with his back to us, head down. I hated him. I wanted to get up and pummel the shit out of him, but I also wanted to put my arms around him and make him stop being so despondent. I could be such a fucking idiot sometimes.

“Morning, my saucy pregnant wench.” Paddy made his voice cheerful and innocent, and that only proved he was a lying sonofabitch and a fantastic actor. How could we believe anything the man said? “Stanzie and I went out to breakfast. Yeah, I know you just bought eggs and bread for your stupid brother, but we wanted to get out and stretch our legs a bit.” He listened for a moment and then looked at me. “Fee’s asking if you still want to go sightseeing today?”

I glared at him. The last thing I wanted to do was drive around Dublin to ooh and ahh at the sights. He had to be kidding. I mouthed the word
no
and flipped him the bird. He extended his middle finger back.

“Yeah, she’s all for it. Excited as hell. You’re gonna bring her to the Guinness storehouse and the Gravity Bar, I hope?” What an asshole. He really sounded as if nothing on earth was the matter. “Sure. You’ll collect her at the apartment around ten. I’ll see you at home later, love. I’m looking forward to you making me dinner like you said you would. Me, too. Bye.” He stared at his phone for a moment and then tucked it into his back pocket.

I wanted to spit at him, but he was out of range. “That’s just what I want to do. Sit around in a bar and drink Guinness. Does she know anything about any of this?”

Paddy shook his head, and I wanted to break his fucking neck.

“You sonofabitch. What if I get drunk and tell her everything?” I drummed my fingers on the arm of my chair and wished Murphy would turn around or move. Do something.

“Then you do. I wish you wouldn’t, but what am I supposed to do about it?” Paddy moved for the fire escape door. He stopped by Murphy and gave him a nudge. “You coming, Liam? We need you to drive us back to your place. We’ll drop her off, and you and I can go take care of some business, okay?”

I wanted to ask what the hell kind of business, but a look from him shut me up. How could I stop them anyway?

Murphy didn’t say anything, but he moved to the door.

The metal fire escape rattled beneath our feet as we descended to the alley. Paddy brought up the rear so I was trapped between him and Murphy. As if I would have run away. Where the hell would I have gone? This was such a mess. Why was my life always in such a fucking turmoil?

Murphy’s car, a gleaming black BMW without one splash of mud or mote of dust, was parked on the street half a block from the pub. I got into the back and buckled my seatbelt as he slid behind the wheel.

Paddy tucked himself into the passenger seat.

At the first stoplight I cautiously opened my eyes and tried to calm my galloping heart. I didn’t think I would ever get used to driving on the wrong side of the road, not even if Murphy was the driver.

“You look like a frigging pirate with that slash across your face. What the hell happened, Paddy?” Murphy broke the silence to ask. I was sure he did it to break the tension, especially mine, because I was nervous in the car. He always knew.

“Had a bit of an altercation with Declan Byrne,” Paddy admitted, and Murphy snickered, sounding genuinely amused. How could he laugh at a time like this? Were all members of Mac Tire idiots when it came to brawling?

“Let me guess. Knife.”

“Nah, piece of broken glass. I started the fight, you see, so he didn’t have time to plan for a real weapon.”

Paddy and Murphy laughed as if the joke was a favorite one, and I shook my head. Unfuckingreal.

“You’ll never guess what happened right in the middle of the damned thing. Stanzie here figured it wasn’t a fair fight and decided to referee. So she climbs up on the damn bar in these frigging platform shoes—and how she did that without breaking her neck I’ll never know—and proceeds to fling herself on Declan’s back, screeching like a banshee, and—”