Abide with Me (31 page)

While he allowed the cold cream to sink into his pores, he went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine. As he took his first sip of wine, he thought back to his subway ride from Cuts ’n’ Cobblers to the hotel, when he had been thinking not of the progress he was making for Peaches, but of his evening planned with Basil. He knew Basil was setting him up for the big seduction, and for the first time since he had committed himself to Trent, Raymond was open to being seduced. He was remembering how great Basil looked in the gym and at his apartment when Raymond caught a glimpse of him in his sexy underwear. He thought of Basil’s clean and masculine scent, how he smelled great even after a two-hour workout, the sweat and his body chemistry mixing beautifully. He thought of his dazzling, sneaky smile and that amazing body, which Raymond thought had gotten better with age. At this moment, the only question in Raymond’s mind was where the seduction would occur. Would they reunite at his hotel, or Basil’s spacious apartment?

As he walked back toward the bathroom to remove the cold cream, the phone rang. It was Jared, and there was panic in his voice.

“Raymond.”

“Whassup, dude? You sound kinda breathless.”

“I just got back from Grand Rapids,” Jared said.

“Aw, that’s sweet, you miss your wife so much you went back,” Raymond teased.

“I do miss her, but that’s not why I went back. Nicole was sick. She even missed a couple of performances,” Jared said.

“What’s wrong?”

Jared told Raymond about a phone call from Yancey telling him how Nicole had almost passed out before the opening night performance in Grand Rapids. When Jared finally saw Nicole, she had convinced him everything would be fine, it was just a mild case of food poisoning.

“Maybe she’s pregnant,” Raymond suggested, knowing how badly Jared wanted a child.

“I don’t think so. I think she’s back on birth control. We talked about it before we moved back to New York. You know the trouble she’s had with the pregnancies, and we both agreed to give her career a couple of years before we started trying again,” Jared said.

“Is there anything you need me to do?” Raymond asked as he touched the now dry cream on his face.

“Naw, just keep us in your thoughts and prayers.”

“I’ll do that,” Raymond said.

“Want to grab some dinner?” Jared asked.

“Aw boy, I’ve made some plans.”

“Anybody I know?”

“You dipping … What about tomorrow?”

“That’s cool,” Jared said.

“Then tomorrow it is.”

“Just give me a call either later on tonight or first thing in the morning.”

“Deal,” Raymond said as he hung up the phone.

Raymond went into the bathroom and rinsed the dry layer of cream from his face with lukewarm water. Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he thought about Jared and Nicole and how lucky they were to have each other. The “damn I wish I were straight” thing streamed through his mind for a moment, but the phone interrupted his thoughts.

“Hello.”

“You ready?” It was Basil, always anxious to see him.

“Ready for what?” Raymond asked, trying to be coy.

“Whatever happens, happens.”

“Just about. Still got to shower, but I’ll be on time,” Raymond said.

“You want me to come over and scrub your back or whatever?” Basil teased.

“I think I can manage,” Raymond replied quickly.

“You need me to pick you up?” Basil asked. “I’ve ordered a car.”

Raymond thought for a few seconds before asking, “The restaurant’s on Eighty-sixth and Broadway, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Naw, it feels good outside. I think I’ll walk,” Raymond said.

“Whatever suits you, but be on time.”

“Then I need to get off the phone.”

“I’m looking forward to this,” Basil said softly.

“Me too,” Raymond said, and hung up the phone. He looked at the clock and realized he had less than an hour to give himself a mini-facial and shower. He went to the closet and pulled out a pair of black pleated slacks and a sky-blue cotton shirt and laid them on the bed right next to each other. When the phone rang again, he decided to let the hotel answering machine handle it. Raymond assumed it was probably Basil calling again, with something smart and sexy to say, or maybe it was Jared, who he knew would hang up and call right back if it was important. After he applied the smooth green algae to his face, Raymond checked for the red message light, which was dim. Whoever called hadn’t felt the need to leave a message.

Raymond stepped into the shower and continued his pampering by applying a body polish touted as a skin-purifying exfoliant he had purchased at the hotel gift shop. He rubbed the grainy, oatmeal-like substance over his body and moved under the needles of hot water. He poured some of the hotel-issued combination shampoo and conditioner over his head. His thoughts drifted to visions of a nude Basil in the gym shower, his butterscotch-colored body glistening against the
white tile. By the time he ended his shower, his sex had expanded and was demanding attention. As he dried himself off, Raymond thought that giving it the satisfaction it craved might make him less vulnerable to Basil’s seduction, but when he looked at the clock he realized there wasn’t time. Basil would have the upper hand.

When Raymond walked out into the cool autumn night, he was greeted by two surprises. First, even though it was close to theater time, there wasn’t a long line waiting for taxis outside the hotel. There were only two couples in front of him. As he watched the first couple, two sixtyish-looking people, enter a taxi, Raymond noticed the comfortable look they had with each other. He couldn’t help but think about his own parents when the tall, bespectacled bald gentleman gave his wife a little peck on the cheek before sliding into the cab. The next couple in line were closer to Raymond’s own age, and couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. Raymond wondered if they were a happily married couple or two people engaged in a torrid affair. Either way they looked happy and in love.
Looks like everybody’s getting some but me
, Raymond thought. Suddenly Raymond’s train of thought was broken by the doorman saying, “Sir, it’s your turn.” He opened the taxi door, and Raymond moved down the steps and stood directly behind the doorman, allowing the current passenger to exit. As the passenger leaned over to pay the driver, the trunk popped open and a bellman suddenly appeared to remove several pieces of luggage and set them on the curb. The instant Raymond recognized the black leather duffel and matching garment bag with the gold initials
TMW
, Trent stepped out of the taxi. Trent handed the bellman a tip and turned to see a startled Raymond looking at him.

“Raymond!”

“Trent, what are you doing here?” Raymond asked.

“I came to see you, boy,” Trent said as he hugged Raymond enthusiastically
and kissed him on the ear. Raymond, in his semishocked state, hugged Trent back lightly and tried to force a smile of excitement.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Raymond asked.

“Aren’t you glad to see me? Man, you’re looking great. What have you been doing? Looks like you’ve lost some weight. Where are you on your way to?” Trent rattled off a string of questions. The doorman looked at Raymond and asked if he still wanted the taxi, since another couple was waiting.

“No, that’s okay,” Raymond said. He then turned and headed up the steps back into the hotel.

“So you didn’t answer me,” Trent said as he followed behind Raymond.

“Answer what?” Raymond asked while walking through the automatic sliding glass door. He was looking at the bellman in front of him instead of at Trent. He told him to take Trent’s luggage to his suite.

“Aren’t you glad to see me?” Trent repeated.

“Of course, I’m glad to see you … it’s just that I wasn’t expecting this,” Raymond stuttered as he retrieved Trent’s bags and led him toward the elevators.

“That’s why it’s called a surprise! This is a nice hotel,” Trent said as he stepped into the walnut-paneled elevator. As the two of them stood side by side, Raymond’s stomach was suddenly filled with nervous energy. Trent asked about Jared and how things were going with Peaches and her problems. Raymond told him about the progress he’d made and how Jared seemed to always be working. As the elevator reached the twelfth floor, Raymond was thinking about what he would say to Trent and wondering if this was the time to confront him about the bookstore incident.

When the two of them entered the suite, Raymond walked quickly into the bedroom and placed Trent’s duffel in the closet. Trent was
standing in the parlor section as he called out, “Where you running off to?”

“Hold up,” Raymond called back. He took a deep breath and walked into the area where Trent was standing with a big smile. Trent walked toward Raymond and put his arms around him, then kissed him warmly on the lips. Trent’s arms slowly started to slide down Raymond’s body, as his sex pressed into Raymond, whose sex, which had been so full before, now felt nonexistent.

“Are you all right?” Trent asked as Raymond pulled away.

“I’m fine. Are you hungry? Do you want to get something to eat?”

“I’m okay. They served us about three meals on the flight over. Were you on your way to dinner?”

“Yeah.”

“With Jared?”

“Yeah, with Jared,” Raymond lied. He suddenly thought about Basil and realized he needed to call him at the restaurant. Raymond walked over to the blond-wood desk, picked up the room service menu, and started thumbing through it. Trent was talking nonstop about South Africa and its beauty and how he was going back to Seattle for a couple of days before stopping in Mobile to pick up Trent Jr., and how he had gotten special permission for him to miss a week of school so he could travel to South Africa. Raymond put down the menu and pretended to listen and sound interested when Trent came toward him and said, “I love you, and I’ve missed you so much.” Something suddenly went through Raymond when Trent professed his love, and from nowhere the words shot out explosively, “Is that why you’ve been unfaithful to me? Is that why you’ve been having sex in bookstores?”

Trent looked at him with the disbelieving expression of a child and then stuttered, “Ray, what are you talking about?” His voice expressed complete surprise.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about. Were you or were you not arrested for having sex in a downtown bookstore?” Raymond asked as though he was cross-examining an alleged rapist.

Trent slowly shook his head and said, “I wasn’t having sex.”

“Oh, you were just looking for sex. Tell me this, Trent … have you always been faithful to me? Answer that!” Raymond shouted.

Trent dropped his head slightly, then lifted it and asked, “Have you always been faithful to me?”

Raymond looked into Trent’s eyes and with a rush of anger shouted, “Hell the fuck yeah! So this is what you’re going to do? Turn your fucked-up shit on me? I can look you dead in your eyes and without question say that I have always honored my commitment with you.” Raymond’s emotions suddenly became an uncontrollable force, like a tornado sweeping through a trailer park, furious and quick. “I can’t believe this shit! You get caught in some mess and you’re going to try and turn the tables on me. How many times were you unfaithful, Trent? And with who? Were they black or white? Is he somebody I know? Here I am going around thinking I’ve got the perfect relationship and we ain’t got shit. We’re no different from all those motherfuckers we’ve turned our noses up at. You remember them, don’t you, Trent? The friends we’ve given up when they’ve flirted with one of us or tried to engage us in group sex. Are we like
those
people, Trent?” Raymond’s voice trailed off weakly as feelings of sadness and anger burned in his throat. He could tell by the frightened look in Trent’s eyes that there had been others in his sexual life.

“Let me explain,” Trent said. Raymond didn’t answer, and the room seemed engulfed in an unnatural stillness. Then Trent began to speak without pause. “You were working all the time. And when you came home you were in front of the television, watching those political shows and sports. And sometimes, Raymond, you can be uptight. There are a lot of things I used to do sexually that I don’t do anymore because I don’t think you’d want to. But I don’t mind because I love
you. Do you hear me? I love you with all my heart, but I’m human and I’ve made mistakes. It was just one of those moments,” Trent said as silent tears fell down his face.

Raymond was unmoved by the tears, and with cold anger in his voice he said, “You’re supposed to spend those moments with me!” Trent didn’t answer and silence stretched between the two of them for almost an hour. Raymond felt a sadness in his heart because everything he had felt since his lunch with Lisa had been proven true. Trent felt a deep sadness as well. He could see from the wounded look in Raymond’s eyes how badly he was hurting. Trent’s own feeling from their conversation that something was wrong had also proven true.

The silence continued until the phone began ringing. Raymond knew it was Basil and he just let it ring. Trent finally asked him if he wanted him to answer the phone, and Raymond said firmly, “No.” Raymond walked into the bedroom, picked up the phone, and listened for the dial tone. He then pushed 0.