A Year to Remember (25 page)

I nodded, and continued to take deep breaths. Then a feeling of tranquility fell over me as the pill and alcohol began to work its magic.

“I took a Xanax and had a shot of vodka. I’m starting to feel a little better.”

“Yeah, well, you’re slurring your words. You probably shouldn’t have mixed the two,” he scolded. He lifted the armrest between us and set my head on his shoulder.

“Why don’t you take a little nap, Sara?” he advised.

A nap sounded like the perfect idea right then. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to stay awake if I tried.

When I woke, I discovered my head still resting on Adam’s shoulder, now damp from my drool. I lifted my head to discover him and the rest of the plane asleep. Thank goodness, I had been spared the embarrassment of Adam knowing I drooled like a baby on him.

“Sleep well?”

So much for escaping embarrassment.

“How long was I out?” Judging by the crick in my neck, I’d wager and say at least an hour.

He peeked at his watch and smiled. “You slept about five hours. You missed dinner, but I saved you a couple of things I knew you’d like.”

“Five hours!” Then another thought occurred to me. “Did I snore?”

His grin grew even bigger. “A little.”

“Oh my God, just kill me now.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else heard and even if they did, you snore cutely. You reminded me of a kitten.”

No one has ever compared me to a kitten. To say I was a bit surprised would be the understatement of the year.

Apparently my reaction embarrassed Adam, because he stammered, “Yeah, well, you don’t always snore like a kitten. On Passover, you snored like a lawn mower!”

“Oh there you are, Goldman! I knew you’d show up eventually!” I said sarcastically, angry he had broken our agreement five hours into the trip.

He had the decency to appear remorseful as he apologized. “You’re right. That was stupid of me to say. I’m sorry. I really want to start fresh with you on this trip.”

“Then you might want to stop insulting me. I have plenty of other people to hang around with this trip. I don’t have to spend any of my time with you!”

“I know, Sara. You always have someone else.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Forget I said anything. I’d like it if we could spend some time together in Israel. I want to prove to you I’m not the monster you think I am.”

“I don’t think you’re a monster,” I said unconvincingly.

“Then will you hang out with me in Israel?”

Before I could answer, Hannah and Alison stopped by our row.

“Hey, guys, how’s the flight going? Wasn’t dinner good for airplane food?” Alison asked.

“Oh, dinner! Didn’t you say you put some food aside for me?” I asked Adam, suddenly ravenous.

“I did!” He pulled out two rolls, some cheese, fruit, chocolate, and a can of diet coke. “
Bon Appetit
!”

“Ooh, Adam, you’re the best!”

I didn’t miss another knowing glance between Alison and Hannah. I was too hungry to care.

“We’re going to try and get some shut eye. Find us when we get off the plane,” Alison said to me, and they returned to their seats, leaving me to my smorgasbord of goodies.

I turned to Adam as I bit into a banana. For some reason his eyes flashed and he made a noise that sounded like a growl deep in his throat.

“Are you all right?”

He shook his head in disbelief and shifted in his seat. “Great, just great. I’m going to try and get a little sleep before we land.” He closed his eyes and folded his arms over his chest.

“Do you want to lean your head on my shoulder and drool on me? It’s only fair,” I offered.

One of his eyes opened to give me a quick peek. Then it closed again and he shook his head again. “No, that’s all right. I’m comfortable.”

He didn’t seem comfortable, but I wasn’t about to beg. I could tell the moment he fell asleep because his breathing became slower and deeper. I took the opportunity to watch him sleep. He looked sweet and innocent, almost like a child.

I tried to fall back asleep, but I found it impossible without the Xanax, and I needed to save that for the flight home. I read an entire book and watched half of a very bad movie I would have walked out of if I had been at the theater.

At some point, Adam’s head flopped over and rested right above my breast. It occurred to me he had intentionally landed there, but he kept on sleeping, unaware of his location.

I couldn’t help myself. I might never get the opportunity again. I let my hand wander into his hair and found it just as soft as I imagined.

The flight attendant’s voice announced we’d be landing, and that’s all it took to bring on one of my anxiety attacks. I closed my eyes and tried counting backward from one hundred, breathing deeply, and imagining a happy place. Nothing worked.

Adam woke and realized where his head had been resting. “Sorry. I didn’t mean ...” He noticed my obvious fear. “Sara, are you okay?”

“No. Don’t worry about me.” There was nothing he could do to help anyway.

“You told me you had a fear of flying, but I didn’t realize ...”

He put his arm around my back and had me lean into him. He took my hand. “Squeeze as hard as you need to.”

I pulled my hand away. “I almost broke Caleb’s hand. I better not.”

He muttered something I couldn’t make out under his breath and grasped my hand again. “I won’t break. Don’t worry about me. I can handle it.”

“Now, do you know how a plane flies?” He didn’t wait for an answer. By the time we landed, he had taught me a lesson on aeronautics, identifying and explaining each of the plane’s mysterious noises. Although I doubt I would remember it all, listening to his voice soothed me through the remainder of the flight, even if he made everything up.

“Better now?”

He kept my hand in his and it no longer felt comforting to me. Each finger touching mine sent electric currents throughout my body, and I shivered in response. My heart no longer raced from fear of flying or fear of crashing. My heart raced in sexual awareness of Adam.

I had a feeling I’d be soaring high and crashing low before my vacation ended, but not from an airplane. From the one man who could turn my life upside-down if I let him.

“I don’t think anyone can help, but thanks.”

“I’m sure Caleb was thrilled you two aren’t talking.”

“Why would Caleb be thrilled?”

“It was pretty obvious he didn’t approve of her sexual orientation.”

“He’s never said anything prejudiced to me,” I defended. I didn’t want to admit to Adam that even though Caleb hadn’t said anything outright against lesbians, I’d gotten the same impression as Adam.

“How are things going with him by the way?”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to know anything about him, remember?”

“Just answer the question, and I promise not to ask you anymore.”

“He asked me to marry him,” I admitted quietly.

“Did you say yes?”

I didn’t have the heart to point out he had just promised not to ask me any other questions.

“I told him I needed time to think. That’s what I’m doing here.”

He swallowed hard and took my hand in his. “Give me a chance, Sara.”

We arrived at our first stop of the tour. I felt overwhelmed by Adam’s request. I didn’t know what to say or do. I ignored it, pretending I didn’t hear it and left him behind while I clung to Hannah and Alison.

When we returned to the bus, he staked his claim and sat next to me again. I sighed in acquiescence, not wanting to cause a scene.

“Did I give you enough time to come up with an answer?”

I decided to play dumb. “What are you talking about?”

He gritted his teeth in anger over my lack of acknowledgement of his earlier request. “You and me. I’m sick of playing this game with you, Sara. It’s gone on for long enough.”

My heart slammed in my chest. “What game are you talking about, Goldman?” I said, trying to sound casual.

“Adam! Call me Adam! The game we’ve played since high school. Pretending we’re not attracted to each other. Pretending we’re not jealous when we see each other with a date,” he growled.

“Adam, I, uh ...” I couldn’t deny it. I looked out the window.

“Tonight, after our evening program, I want to talk to you. Alone. Would you come to my room?” he quietly asked.

I knew if I went to his room, we’d make love. I hesitated before answering, not because I didn’t know how to answer, but because I didn’t want him to think he’d won me over that easily. I turned to him. “Yes, I’ll come to your room.”

He smiled at me. “I’d get some rest right now, while you can.”

Heat spread throughout my body as I considered the implications of his words. I nodded and closed my eyes for the ride to our hotel.

I didn’t get one minute of sleep on the bus. Instead, I kept my eyes closed and considered all the reasons I shouldn’t go to Adam’s room. At the top of the list was Caleb. Even though we agreed we were taking a break, I cared for him. I was supposed to be in Israel deciding if I wanted to marry him or not.

Once I got to my room at the hotel, I quickly unpacked my toiletries and took a brief shower to wash the grime of travel off of me. I didn’t want to continue thinking about Caleb, but I couldn’t help it. I knew I should feel guilty over my plans with Adam for this evening. I didn’t.

Caleb would never know I cheated on him. If I said yes to his proposal, he’d be so happy he wouldn’t even care about what I did in Israel. If I said no, well, then it wouldn’t matter anyhow.

I could almost believe what was happening between Adam and I couldn’t be avoided even if I tried. I’ve wanted him for so many years I didn’t dare fight him on this. I needed to get him out of my system once and for all.

I sat with Hannah, Alison, and David at dinner, as well as two others introduced by Hannah as Lauren and Gabe. Alison and Gabe seemed to hit it off much to Hannah’s chagrin. I got the impression Hannah may have also liked Gabe. Meanwhile, David spent the entire dinner hitting on me. Adam sat on the other side of the room surrounded by a bunch of girls I hadn’t met yet.