A Year to Remember (21 page)

“You missed Jill bitching at Jacob because he got cake on her gown.” We both laughed over Jill’s high maintenance antics.

“How did it go with Caleb last night when you got home?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” I couldn’t make this decision by myself. I needed her help.

“He’s a great guy. He’s intelligent, handsome, and caring. He’ll make a great husband and father one day.”

“But?”

“But I’m not overwhelmingly attracted to him. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love kissing him. I have a hard time getting into it when he’s touching me. I realized last night it’s not him. It’s me. There’s something wrong with me.” I took a deep breath and settled back into my chair waiting for her to fix everything for me.

Missy frowned and didn’t say a word.

Perhaps she needed me to prompt her for an answer. “What do you think I should do?”

“You want the honest truth?”

“Of course.” Did she think I wanted her to lie to me? Is that what she normally did?

“I think Caleb isn’t right for you.”

Was this a conspiracy? Had she been talking to Goldman?

“Why?”

“Hey, you wanted honesty,” she scolded.

I nodded in acquiescence and commanded myself to calm down.

“Did you ever wonder why you can’t find the right guy?”

Now that seemed like a silly question. Of course I did! If I engaged in self-introspection I blamed it on my weight, my career, my age, my hair, and my religion. Usually, I preferred to lay the blame on societal standards and men in general.

“Yes, I have considered the question a time or two. Why? Do you have the answer I’ve been searching for?”

“Did you ever think maybe you’re not attracted to men because you’re really ...?”

Oh God. Was she about to say what I think she’s going to say? No, please, no.

“... a lesbian?”

She must have been harboring this fantasy of my being a lesbian for a while now. I didn’t want to break her heart. Normally, I’d go to Missy for advice when faced with this type of situation. How did I talk about this without hurting her feelings?

“Missy, I’m not a lesbian. If I were, you would be the first person I’d tell. You’d be perfect for me if you had a penis, but you don’t. I’m sorry.”

Missy started to blink as she forced back the tears that had formed at my vehement denial. “Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault I’m delusional.”

“You’re not delusional.”

“Oh no? Then why did I think someday you’d wake up and realize you and I are meant to be together?” She no longer held back the tears as she began to cry. I’ve never made her cry in all the years we’ve been friends. Sure we’d had disagreements, but we’ve never had a true fight where one of us cried or hung up the phone on the other. We’ve been best friends for almost twenty-five years!

“Missy, I have a question, but I don’t want you to get mad at me.” I paused and when she didn’t refuse, I continued. “What happened between you and Lori in college?”

Missy choked back a sob sounding like someone had punched her in the gut. I guess that someone was me.

“What do you mean?” She inspected her nails, refusing to meet my eyes.

“When we saw her at the movies, I got the feeling you knew more about why she stopped hanging out with us. I didn’t want to make you tell me, but I expected you’d tell me on your own. Now I need to know. What happened between you and Lori?”

I assumed I knew the answer. I expected her to explain they had been secret lovers and when they broke up, Lori could no longer handle being around Missy.

“Lori kissed me one night at a party. She told me she wanted to come out of the closet as a bisexual and date me. I refused.”

“You weren’t attracted to her and she couldn’t handle it.”

She shook her head. “No. When she kissed me, I was plenty attracted to her. I wouldn’t go any further because of you.”

“Why because of me?”

“Because I was waiting for you to realize you were in love with me like I’m in love with you.”

I couldn’t breathe. No way could Missy be in love with me. She must be confused. I started to hyperventilate, but concentrated on taking deep controlled breaths, so I wouldn’t faint. Caleb wasn’t here to catch me this time.

I put on my therapist hat. It was the only way to disassociate myself from this mess.

“Missy, maybe you’ve been using me as a way to protect yourself from getting hurt.”

Yes, that sounded like a logical explanation.

“Hurt from what, Dr. Friedman? Obviously it didn’t work because I’m feeling pretty hurt right now.”
Oops, of course she caught on I had switched to psychologist mode.

“Maybe you’re scared of getting into a real relationship with someone. You know you already trust me, because we’ve been friends for so long. It’s much harder to trust someone new. That’s why you’ve never had a relationship with a lover for more than a couple of months.”

“You know what I think? I think you’re making this up so you don’t have to feel guilty. I think you’ve enjoyed having me in love with you all these years. I didn’t come right out and say it, but you knew. You loved how I ran over whenever you called. I’d drop everything to be with you.”

“I never asked you to do any of that for me and you know it,” I argued, now crying. How could Missy say I used her?

“You can’t make a single decision without asking my opinion first! You’re as dependent on me as I am on you!”

She no longer had any composure left. She stood yelling at me, while the patrons of the bistro watched the scene unfold before their eyes.

“I don’t need you! I’ll do fine without you! But let’s see how well you get on without me in your life!”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I don’t think we should be friends anymore.” She bent to grab her purse, then took a five dollar bill out of her wallet and placed the money on the table.

Then, my best friend in the world walked away from me, never once looking back.

“Please, call us Carol and Paul. Caleb has told us a lot about you too,” she gushed.

When the waitress served the food, I picked up my slice ready to eat. Caleb shook his head before he and his parents bowed their head. Carol thanked God for the food in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. I can identify the Father and Son, but who is the Holy Ghost? I’d have to ask Caleb about it later.

I have nothing against praying before eating. In fact, I had to do it at summer camp and other Jewish events with food. I’ve just never done it in a restaurant or prayed to Jesus Christ.

We sat at the table enjoying New York style pizza, salad, and red wine, talking with ease as if we had really known each other forever. As much as Caleb raved about New York style pizza, I expected it to taste a lot better than it did. Not that it was bad, mind you, but I liked Michigan pizza just as much. Most people don’t realize it but Little Caesars, Domino’s, Jet’s, and Hungry Howie’s all started in Michigan. The natives of New York and New Jersey may prefer their pizza, but clearly the rest of the country likes the way we Michiganders make it.

Carol informed me I’d meet the rest of the family, which lived in New Jersey, at a barbecue they were throwing at their home tomorrow afternoon. Caleb did not look surprised to hear this news, but I sure was. He hadn’t mentioned a thing about it to me.

“Tomorrow you’ll meet Caleb’s sister, Crystal, and her husband, Tony. They have three children, and she’s pregnant with her fourth, bless her heart. Then, you’ll meet my sister, Nancy, and her husband, Chris. Their kids live out of state, but of course, you’ll meet them at Christmas. And then ...” I didn’t hear another word after 'Christmas'.

It’s one thing to think you may be getting engaged soon. It’s another to get confirmation from your soon—to-be fiancé’s mother. She just assumed I’ll be with them at Christmas. The notion both excited and scared me. After all, I haven’t been dating him for that long and we do have some small issues to work out. I’ve never celebrated Christmas before. How would we deal with the differences in our religion? I put it on my list to discuss with Caleb at some point.

After sitting for a couple hours talking, Caleb stated we should check into our hotel. As much as I enjoyed talking with his parents, I was glad we weren’t staying at their house. I needed some privacy and alone time with Caleb.

We checked into our hotel room and got ready for bed. Honestly, after traveling and the wine, all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I had no inclination to have sex that night. Unfortunately, Caleb had other ideas.

I quickly faked an orgasm, so we could get some sleep. I needed all I could get before meeting the rest of his family tomorrow.

At eight in the morning, Caleb woke me with the temptation of coffee under my nose.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he said, kissing me on the forehead. I got you some coffee from downstairs. It’s not a café latte, but I promise it has caffeine,” he teased.

“What time is it?” I asked, still exhausted.

“It’s after eight already.”

“Why are you up so early?” I rolled over and put the pillow over my head, groaning in discontentment.

“I’ve been up since six. While you’ve been sleeping, I worked out in the hotel gym, taken a shower, and gotten us coffee.”

“You’re insane. It’s Saturday. We can sleep in.” I hated to get up before ten in the morning on the weekends.

“They say you should stay on the same schedule during the weekend as you do during the weekdays. I always get up at six,” he informed me.

“You didn’t get up at six when you slept over at my place,” I reminded him.

“I did. I just didn’t get out of bed.” Then he admitted, “I watched you sleep. You’re adorable when you’re asleep.”

“I hope you think I’m adorable when I’m awake, too,” I joked.

His eyes sparkled, and I noticed the erection in his pants, proving to me he found me extremely adorable. First, I had to wake up early and now I had to have sex again. Oh well, practice makes perfect, right?