A Woman's Wisdom: How the Book of Proverbs Speaks to Everything (19 page)

For wives and mothers, homemaking includes not only house upkeep but also overseeing the well-being of all its occupants. That is the case with the Proverbs 31 woman, and for her it was a full-time job with plenty of overtime.

She was busy morning, noon, and night. Here is a good place for a reminder that we are not meant to apply the poem to our lives in a literal way. Just because she got up before dawn and worked far into the night doesn’t mean we must do the same in order to be godly homemakers. It’s the principles that we are meant to find and apply, and one of those principles concerns the wise use
of time.

She Redeems the Time

The way we
use
our time is always going to be shaped by how we
view
our time. Do we see it as a gift or as a right? Those who view time as a gift can echo the psalmist who said, “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom” (Ps. 90:12). They realize that their time is actually a God-given asset that they are to invest for God’s glory. They are cognizant of the fact that an hour gone by can never be relived.

Conversely, those who view time as a right tend to hoard their hours for selfish pleasure and often resent having to invest energy in serving others—including God. I wept with remorse some time ago when I realized what a guilty time-hoarder I can be. I’d been living through an exceptionally busy speaking season, and on top of this a book deadline loomed. Additionally, I had growing responsibilities at my place of full-time employment. I felt utterly overwhelmed. But rather than casting myself upon Christ and resting in the strength he so willingly supplies, I began to grumble. Grumbling led me to where it always leads—straight into a brick wall. I had become paralyzed by the volume of projects on my plate and found myself unable to make headway with any of it. I came home one day and cast myself onto my bed and cried out to God, “I just can’t do this anymore, Lord!” Over the next day or so he answered my cry with the conviction that my trouble had more to do with my attitude than with my workload. It wasn’t his enabling that I’d really wanted. It was free time. In my desire to fill up more hours with relaxation and personal comforts, I had ceased to see that the work on my plate was a gift, as all kingdom work is. In writing and speaking, I’m not doing God any favors; he is blessing me with the privilege of getting to do it. Once I saw what had been wrought in my heart by my possessive spirit toward time, I wept that I could have been so selfish toward the Lord, who has done so much for me, and I found myself able to tackle the load afresh.

The principle here in Proverbs isn’t that free time must be filled with work and that having fun is sinful. To the contrary, God takes delight in our enjoyment of life’s pleasures. The principle has everything to do with our outlook: are we purposeful with our time in everything we do, whether it be work or play? Do we work hard at our work and give thought to our play? The apostle Paul wrote, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,
making the best use
of the time, because the days are evil” (Eph. 5:15–16); and, “walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time” (Col. 4:5). The Proverbs 31 woman makes the best use of her time, which is how she
redeems it.

Redeeming our time doesn’t necessarily mean checking everything off our to-do list. It might mean creating a shorter to-do list so that we can do the remaining tasks better. Redeeming our time most definitely involves giving thought to our entertainment choices. If an evening of relaxation on the couch is before us, redeeming the time means we give thought to our television viewing rather than clicking through channels with our mind in neutral. John Piper writes:

We don’t want to come away with the idea that leisure is really just more work in disguise. Both work and real leisure serve a God-ordained purpose in our lives. Ecclesiastes 3:1–10 tells us that every time and season has a purpose, and in that passage we find both work and leisure activities. That is something else we can point to that proves the Proverbs 31 woman wasn’t a real person—her life was all work and no play! However, we learn from her that being a wise home manager involves making good use of
our time.

She Nurtures

As a wise home manager, the Proverbs 31 woman is devoted to the well-being of others.

The manner in which she looks well to the ways of her household includes not only what she does but also what she says. Nurturing others is as much about our words as it is about providing a hot meal and clean clothes. The wisdom in her heart flows out on her tongue. She presents a stark contrast to this sort
of wife:

If there’s a single verse in the poem that causes women to feel guilt, it’s probably Proverbs 31:26: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” We read it, and what comes to mind is the last time we screamed like a banshee about muddy shoes on the clean floor, or when we uttered a glib “Don’t make such a big deal of it” to a perplexed friend when we were in a hurry to get off the phone.

I find it interesting that the poet put it this way—“the teaching of kindness.” This must mean more than simply saying kind things. It could mean that she teaches
with
kindness, but it could also mean that she teaches
about
kindness. Both are wise. We may have a long way to go, but we have the capacity to emulate her in this regard if we are in Christ, because kindness is an aspect of the fruit of Spirit (Gal. 5:23). As we saw in chapter 2, becoming a wise-tongued woman is all about where our hearts are. And as Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34).

The woman in Proverbs 31 exemplifies nurturing. No matter what task she is involved in, her overarching aim is the nurture of others. She provides food for those in her home, including the servants (v. 15); she extends her hand to the poor and needy (v. 20); and she watches over the ways of her household (v. 27). In our day, watching over our household includes being diligently aware of what our children are up to, not only when they go out and about but also when they’re at home. Are you as technologically savvy as your teens? There are ways around the parental controls software. And do you know the identity of every one of your kids’ Facebook friends (or whatever the latest social network site will be when you read this)? The technology changes at lightning speed, but keeping up with it is, today, part of what’s involved in looking out for the ways of our household.

When Jesus sent out the twelve apostles, he warned, “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matt. 10:16). His words weren’t just applicable to the apostles; they are meant for all believers. The Serpent in the garden of Eden was pretty slick, even though in an evil way. Nevertheless, he was shrewd about people and his surroundings. The takeaway here is that wise women are to be innocent of sin but not naive—and perhaps nowhere more so than when it comes to
our kids.

A friend of mine, Ruby, recently found a pack of cigarettes in the handbag of her teen daughter Justine. When confronted, Justine denied ownership of the cigarettes and claimed that she was just holding them for a friend. Because of Ruby’s great love for Justine, Paul’s words about love come easily so far as her daughter is concerned: “Love bears all things,
believes all things
, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor. 13:7). Ruby chose to believe her daughter. But I’m skeptical. I seem to recall telling that same story to my mother when I was a teen. Perhaps Justine was indeed telling the truth, but our desire to believe the best about those we love shouldn’t dull a healthy suspicion and a bit of deeper investigation. I hope my skepticism was ill-founded. I hope Justine wasn’t lying. And I hope Ruby doesn’t get her heart broken.

Watching over the ways of our household will always involve our work, our words, and our hearts.

as a businesswoman

Depending on your age, you might remember a television commercial that featured an attractive woman sashaying around her kitchen singing, “I can bring home the bacon, and fry it up in a pan and never, ever let you forget you’re a man.” I seem to recall it was a perfume commercial (go figure). In one sense, the woman in the commercial depicts something about the Proverbs 31 woman: she managed her domestic sphere while simultaneously working outside
the home.

This woman—one marked by wisdom—had the business know-how to purchase a field.

Christians typically come down strongly on one side or the other concerning whether it is biblical for wives, especially mothers, to work outside the home. We see from Proverbs that it is indeed biblical so long as it is applied within the framework of everything else Scripture teaches about wives and mothers.

In ancient Israel, women hiring themselves out as servants or even as slaves, while not common, was not unheard of. Throughout most of history, women have worked outside the home to help provide, most certainly in desperate times. That being said, we must balance that with what Paul wrote to Titus: “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled” (Titus 2:3–5). Paul instructs that older women are to train younger women to focus their energies on their domestic responsibilities.

As we consider what we know about working women in ancient Israel, and what we see in the Proverbs 31 woman, alongside Paul’s words here in Titus, we are able to come up with a biblical picture for application to our own lives. If we are being financially supported by our husband while raising children, yet we are considering going to work outside the home, Paul’s words can serve as a siren to examine our motives. If we desire to go to work, we do well to ask ourselves these questions: (1) Am I seeking the good of others? (2) Will God be glorified more through what can be seen in my family? (3) Will my working benefit my family overall or just me? Let these questions guide your choice about whether going to work
is wise.

These can be tricky questions for many of us. First, it is so easy in our society to confuse financial need with financial want. Elsewhere Paul wrote, “Godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content” (1 Tim. 6:6–8). Paul wasn’t saying we must go without that second car or pricey school. His point is about being satisfied with the basics. In other words, if we are considering going back to work so that we can fund some family fun in Europe this summer or a flat-screen TV, perhaps we need to reassess and realize that our kids would be better off finding us at home after school than they’d be with a few extras in the family toy chest.

Second, those questions can be tricky because of the external pressures we face. Society tells us that women are failures if they don’t maximize their potential, or if they make sacrifices for the benefit of their families. To that end, let’s be sure to note the context in which the Proverbs 31 woman exercised her business skills. She used them for the greater good of others, most especially for her family. Nowhere in this passage of Proverbs do we find anything about her going to work for the purpose of doing something “enriching,” realizing her potential, or finding personal fulfillment.