A Will To Change (Hope) (38 page)

“It’s okay, Will. You did everything that you could,” she whispered, taking a seat next to me.

“His last words were ‘I love you’. Ah, Gabby…” I buried my head into her shoulder so she couldn’t see me crying. She hugged me tighter, rubbing my back in small gentle circles.

“You both loved each other very much, Will, and I’m so happy that you got to hear him say it one last time,” she softly whispered in my ear.

Just being with her tonight, hearing her voice, smelling her sweet familiar scent and the warmth of her touch meant more to me than anything. She moved further back on the couch, allowing my head to rest on her chest. I closed my eyes as she ran her fingers through my hair. “Thank you for being here for me tonight, Gabby.” I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders after I had let it all out.

“You don’t need to thank me, Will. Despite what I said, you are still my best friend and I missed you more than anything. I will be here for you for whatever you need.”

“Will you come with me tomorrow?” I asked.

“You got it.” She leaned down and kissed me on the head. I closed my eyes, listening to her heart. It was a subtle reminder that my Gabby girl was really here and would be there for me forever. The same way I would always be there for her.

“Gabby?” I whispered.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it, but her heart sounded like it was beating a little faster.

She leaned down and kissed me on the top of my head once again, resting her lips there for some time. “I love you, too, Will.” A smile stretched across my face, hearing those words and my name in the same sentence coming from her. And I was pretty sure that my heart was beating just a little faster at that particular moment, too.

It was after 2 a.m. when I woke up and looked at the clock. Will was sound asleep, his head resting on my shoulder. I carefully got up and took off his shoes before going into my bedroom and taking the extra pillow from my bed. “Will, lay down,” I whispered, trying to get him to move his head up to the pillow. I had a blanket in my hand, waiting to cover him once he was settled. He opened his eyes in confusion and sat up, still half asleep. “Lay down and go back to sleep.”

He stared up at me and was silent for a brief moment. “Don’t leave me, Gabby.”

I felt tears welling in my eyes. He looked so weak and vulnerable that my heart just ached for him. Tonight, I realized just how much we really needed each other. If it was only as friends, so be it. Will was a very important part of my life. A part that I wasn’t willing to ever let go again. “I’ll be here for you always, Will.”

He laid back down on the couch and turned on his side, reaching his arms out for me. I laid down and covered us with the blanket, turning on my side with my back pressing against his chest. He placed his arm around me and pulled me closer, lifting my hair and kissing me gently on the back of my neck. A jolt of electricity flashed through my entire body, causing a dull throb between my legs.
Must stop feeling this way!
I repeated in my head over and over again until it subsided. I traced my fingers along the scar on his arm, lifting it to my lips and placing a gentle kiss on it. “Good night, Will.”

“Good night, Gabby girl,” he whispered, hugging me tighter and pulling me as close as I could possibly get to him. I closed my eyes, feeling his warm breath on the back of my neck. At that moment, I knew that what we were sharing was so much more intimate than sex. I had something special with Will that no other woman would ever have. I smiled, knowing that I was the one he wanted to be with tonight. I was the one that he sought comfort in. I closed my eyes and listened to him breathing, finally drifting back into a deep, peaceful sleep.

I awoke the next morning at 6 a.m. I had slept really well, despite having only a few hours of sleep cramped up with Will on that tiny couch. I covered him back up and let him sleep, while I took a shower and quickly dressed into my black “funeral” dress. I made him a cup of coffee just the way he liked it and sat down on the couch, sticking it under his nose to wake him up. He slowly opened his bright blue eyes and my heart smiled upon seeing just how beautiful they looked first thing in the morning.

“Good morning.” I smiled. He sat up, trying his hardest to wake up before taking the coffee from my hand. “I’m ready, so I’ll just go back with you to your place while you get ready and we can leave from there.”

He took a sip of his coffee and nodded, forming the tiniest of smiles. “Thanks, Gabby. Thank you for everything.”

I shook my head and caressed the side of his face. “No need to thank me, Will. That’s what friends are for.”

He stared at me intently as if he had something that he wanted to say before finally breaking himself from his trance. “Well, we better get going. I have to be at the church by nine.”

I stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling him off the couch. “Then let’s get movin’!” I smiled, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach over the smile that he gave me.

We arrived at the church with ten minutes to spare. Will stood in the parking lot, staring into space for a few brief moments. We started to walk in, and I stopped him and adjusted his tie. I could feel him shaking and noticed the emotion building in his eyes.

“Are you going to be okay?” I asked.

He took my hand in his and squeezed it tightly. “Now I am.” I smiled up at him. “Just promise me you won’t let go,” he whispered.

“Never.”

Gabby stayed by my side for the entire day. I felt so much stronger having her there, and I found myself getting in a panic whenever she would walk away for even just a few minutes. “I'm just going to head back with Brian. Are you going to be okay?” she asked once everything was over. 

“I can take you home.” 

“Well, I just thought you were going to stay at your mom’s.” 

“Nah. She’s got two of my aunts staying there tonight. I just want to go home.” I said my goodbyes to everyone and grabbed Gabby's hand. “Do you want to hang out and watch some movies? Like old times?” I asked once we got in the car. 

“Sounds perfect.” She smiled

We entered my apartment and took a seat on the couch. “Aren’t you cold?” I asked as I loosened my tie and looked at her bare legs in the short dress that she was wearing.

“Nope, I’m good.” She kicked off her shoes and I pulled up Netflix on my TV. Sadness immediately swept over me, remembering all of the times that we would do this. Gabby would end up falling asleep on the couch, and I would carry her to her bed. She picked up on my despair right away, seemingly thinking that I was thinking about my dad.

She placed her hand on top of mine. “It's a lot to take in. Your emotions are going to be all over the place for a while, especially given the circumstances and the fact that you were right there when it happened.” She took a deep breath and gave me a reassuring smile. “You’re probably going to think this is really corny and I know it’s not a
manly
thing to do, but you should start a journal. Write down your feelings. It really helped me after my dad died.”

I suddenly remembered her journal that she left on the night stand. “Hey, wait one second,” I said as I went into the bedroom to retrieve it for her. She beamed at the site of it, then quickly turned the corners of her mouth down into a frown. “I didn’t read it,” I said, putting her fears to rest. “Well…I
did
read the last entry,” I admitted.

She sucked in her bottom lip and sighed. “Sorry,” she whispered.

“Don’t ever be sorry for how you feel, Gabby.”

She skimmed through the pages, stopping at a few entries every now and then to read them over. “I thought that I accidently threw it out in the move. I’m so happy that it was here the whole time, safe and sound.” She pulled it into her chest and hugged it.

“Gabby, who is the angel that you wrote to?” 

Her smile quickly faded. She took a deep breath and looked away. “It’s…it’s just…nobody.” I could tell it was a sensitive subject for her so I didn’t press the issue.

“Thank you so much for everything today, Gabby. You made it a lot easier.”