A Walk in Heaven (31 page)

Oh, dear!
For a while she’d noticed the special attention Peter had been showing her, especially since his leg injury. She’d wondered if boredom had been the reason he followed her around like a lost puppy, but now she didn’t believe that. The soft gleam in his eyes and his winsome smile told her he was sweet on her.

“Peter, you flatter me. I assure you, I don’t deserve it.” She casually pulled her hand away from his.

He chuckled. “And I happen to think you do.”

She must discourage him. Yet she didn’t want to hurt him in any way. After all this time of dreading when the family would despise her for Matthew’s death, she finally felt like they accepted her and loved her. Never again did she want a Grayson brother to glare at her with contempt in his eyes.

Leaning back on the railing, Peter took her hand into his. The pads of his thumbs stroked her skin like a delicate flower. “Now that your cousin is locked away, Pa feels more at ease about us going on the cattle drive. We’ll leave the day after next.”

“Yes, I heard. I feel as if we’ll be all right with you all gone as well.”

“I really wish you’d consider going with us.”

She laughed. “Oh, Peter. You are humorous this evening, aren’t you?”

“I believe you can do it. You’ve been riding and
ropin
’ more and more every day. I think you’d be pure enjoyment to have along.” He stepped closer, brushing his fingers along her cheek. “I’ll enjoy the drive a lot more if you come.”

“No, Peter. I can’t come. You don’t understand, I don’t—”

“Careen,” he said, moving closer and cupping her face. “You’ll have all of us there to help you. I’m certain it would please Ma if you came. You can bring your maid. Betsy has been a great help to the family, and she’ll make you comfortable any way she can.”

She withdrew from his touch. “I must admit, your way of life does interest me.”

“Well, you are part of the family, you know – Mrs. Grayson.” He winked.

Part of the family…
She had married Matthew, but feeling part of the family still seemed very difficult for her. However, if she married Joshua, this would be her way of life. Elizabeth had explained once that being the wife of a rancher meant supporting her husband in
all
aspects.

Dare she go? The prospect did sound encouraging. And Joshua and his pa and brothers would see to it that no harm came to her.

“Come on, Careen.” Peter nudged her with his elbow. “What do I have to do to convince you?”

“Convince her of what?”

Joshua’s voice boomed from the front door as he walked out of the house. She jumped and faced him, smiling wide. She opened her mouth to tell him, but Peter spoke first.

“I’m trying to talk her into going on the cattle drive with us.” Peter narrowed his eyes on his brother. “She
is
ready, you know.”

Joshua’s eyes sparkled in the moon light as his gaze held hers the closer he came. “Yes, Peter. I do believe she is ready.” He stopped in front of Careen. “So, what do you say? Would you and your maid like to join us?”

Her heart did crazy little flip-flops in her chest, stirring excitement inside her. “Actually, Joshua, I think I just may join you after all.”

“Yippee!” Peter shouted, his feet moving in a little dance.

She laughed, but it was the air shimmering between her and Joshua with taut emotion that made her giddy.
I love you…
Soon, she’d be able to tell him what she’d been thinking these past few weeks, but now was not the time.

“That’s wonderful,” Joshua said softly, meaningfully. “Why don’t we go inside and tell Ma? I think she’d love to help you and Betsy
pack
for the trip.”

“That’s a splendid idea.”

He held out his elbow, and she slipped her hand around his arm. Walking beside him made her feel as if she walked on clouds. Then again, any time she’d been with him lately had made her feel special.

Secretly, she prayed her mourning period would go quickly. Being in love with Joshua made each day that much more painful. Yet staring into his kind eyes, engulfed her in a security she never thought to feel. For a brief moment in time, she actually believed everything in her life would work out.

* * * *

It’s about time!

Luther shifted his hat lower on his head as he rode slowly through town. He never thought he’d make it to Virginia City – but here he was. In Billings, he thought he’d been caught, but thankfully the lawman who’d called out at the Mercantile hadn’t been talking to Luther. Anymore, he’d been getting too many close calls.

So far, he’d only had to kill a few people to get here. The green-behind-the-ears deputy in Pierre had to die or else Luther wouldn’t have been able to escape. And before Luther left Billings, he had to kill the telegraph clerk in order to send that message to Careen. Thankfully, he’d known Morse code and could do it.

He grinned so wide his cheeks hurt. Telling his cousin he’d been captured had been a brilliant idea, he must admit. Now the Grayson family wouldn’t be on the lookout for the man who killed their boy, Matthew.

He stopped at the nearest saloon and tied his horse to the post. The establishment was crowded for early afternoon. Many cowpokes stood by the bar, guzzling their alcohol like pigs at a trough.
Disgusting!
Luther still couldn’t believe these northerners won the war. The southern gentlemen at least had manners.

“Whiskey.”
Luther slid his coin on the sticky counter.

As he sipped his drink, he listened closely to the conversations around him. Most of these good-for-nothing’s were excited about some stupid cattle drive.

His thoughts stopped, but only for a moment. Most of the ranch hands and owners would be on a cattle drive, which meant… Luther’s grin stretched across his face. Careen would be unprotected.

Chuckling, he gulped down the remainder of his beer. Taking back what was his would be easier than he thought. By this time tomorrow, he and his stubborn – and very wealthy – cousin would be on their way back to Iowa for a wedding…

* * * *

Joshua rode beside the cattle, taking them toward their destination. So far, the drive had gone well. Amazing, since his mind wasn’t on watching the cattle, but making sure Careen was doing all right. It surprised him, but the little Southern Belle could keep up with them. Betsy watched Careen carefully, but Joshua rode close to Careen just in case.

He couldn’t believe the change of heart he’d had lately. When she’d been sick, he tried to forgive her for not telling him and his family what really happened with Matthew. Slowly, and with a lot of prayer, he began seeing her in a different light. Newfound emotions erupted inside of him, especially when she was with the twins. Joshua felt that Careen was indeed – without a doubt – the woman he should marry.

“Son?
Are you paying attention?”

Joshua snapped out of his thoughts and met his father’s eyes. That’s when he realized the older man had stopped completely.
“Yes, Pa.
I’m paying attention – when my mind doesn’t drift off.” He chuckled and prodded his horse into a trot. Once again, he glanced at Careen riding by Betsy. The two women were talking back and forth.

“Oh, my boy… You really need to get your head out of the clouds and concentrate on the drive.”

Joshua snapped his attention back to his father. “Pardon me? What do you mean by that remark?”

“I’m not blind, son.”

His father grinned,
then
kicked his horse into a run as he kept a couple cows from straying. Joshua caught up to him and helped to direct the herd.

“Who said you were blind?” Joshua asked. “All I want to know is why you think my head has been in the clouds.”

“I hope you don’t mind me saying,”
his
father said with a chuckle, “but I’ve noticed something different since you and Careen returned from the east cabin after that huge snowstorm.”

Joshua hitched a breath, hoping his father wasn’t referring to anything personal, but the humorous gleam in his father’s eyes said it all. “Um…yes, I’ve noticed Careen has changed a little as well,” Joshua said slowly.

“Not
Careen
, but
you.
”

“Me? You’ve noticed I have changed?”

“Yes. You’re a little nicer to her and you watch her with a certain spark of interest in your eyes.” William winked.

Joshua groaned inwardly.
Pa knew!

“You’re sweet on her, son.”

Joshua glanced around the herd again, this time searching to locate his brothers. They didn’t need to hear this conversation. When Joshua was certain they were far enough away, he returned his attention to his father. “Yes, I am, but sometimes I wish I wouldn’t be.”

William laughed so hard, it was heard over the noisy herd.
“Oh, my boy.
You’re a man – a lonely man, I might add.”

“But she’s my brother’s wife.”

“No, she’s your brother’s
widow.
There is a difference.”

Joshua took off his hat and swiped his leather-gloved hand across his moist brow. “But Pa, I have never,
ever
wanted one of Matthew’s women. So why do I want this one so much I ache? Nights are miserable because when I close my eyes, she’s all I think about. And during the day…I can’t even concentrate on my chores because I’m counting down the minutes until I see her again.”

“Perhaps it’s what the Lord wants. Have you ever thought of that?”

Joshua had indeed thought of that, but then questioned the Lord several times. “It doesn’t matter. I still hesitate to admit my feelings to anyone.”

“Why? I’d say she is sweet on you as well. I’ve watched the way she studies you, and the way she follows you with her eyes.”

Joshua smiled. She definitely held feelings for him – the way she kissed him and cuddled in his arms told him that. “I believe she feels the same way I do, Pa.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I’ve been struggling with my heart and mind. Careen hasn’t been truthful with me – or the family. I can’t have another wife like that.”

William slowed his horse to ride side by side with Joshua. “Do you mean because she didn’t tell us about her cousin?”

“Yes. Since I first picked up Careen at the train station, she’s made me curious.” Joshua peeked over his shoulder at the cattle, then to
Careen
, still conversing with her maid. “There were so many unanswered questions about my brother’s death, and something was not right. During the snowstorm when she and I were at the cabin, she told me about when Matthew was shot. Still, there were pieces missing to the puzzle. She had plenty of chances to tell me the truth, but she never did until I received a telegraph from Pierre’s Sheriff.” He shook his head. “That was the time she was really sick.”

His father passed him a scowl. “Why in heaven’s name are you upset about that? You know very well why she hid the truth from us. Son, Careen is nothing like Emma,” he snapped. “Emma was deceitful for her own selfish
reasons,
blaming it on the fact that insanity runs in her family. Good grief, her uncle was mad, and that was all. She was unhappy with her life and she chose to lie to everyone around her
which
made them miserable, instead of opening up and letting us help her.” William flipped his hand angrily. “Careen is not lying to us for selfish reasons. She knew this kind of news would devastate your ma and brothers. Careen knew how much we loved Matthew, and hearing the real reason he died might stay within our hearts for years. Son, you cannot compare her with Emma. It’s not fair to Careen.”