A Vampire's Soul (25 page)

“As a Promise, you cannot be made a vampire. You cannot share the gifts bestowed or enjoy any of the advantages. Those are always given with a blood price. But because of my predecessor's eagerness to circumvent the rules regarding your status, I will extend you this courtesy. You will age as does the vampire you are bound to. Your body will not fall prey to disease or infirmity, and you cannot perish at another's hand. You will continue exactly as you are this moment, until you come to stand before me again.”

“Are you serious?” I blurted out.

“You doubt my words?”

“No, absolutely not.” It was more than I could have hoped for.

“
Now
do we have a deal?”

I nodded and held out my hand to him. “Sure, wanna shake?”

His eyes turned to pieces of black glass inside his head as he took my hand and pulled me to him. His other arm circled my waist like a band of steel.

“I don't shake hands,” he said in a voice that made me think he'd stripped me naked and was licking me all over.

“And you're sure I get to keep Gabriel's soul?”

“Keep it, lose it, sell it to the highest bidder! I have already told you it is of no interest to me.”

He pulled me closer, allowing me to feel how truly dangerous he was. A tangible presence wrapped itself around me like a shroud, and it was impossible not to feel the hard length of him pressed against me. Raising my hand to his mouth, he brushed his lips across my fingers. A shiver of unexpected desire ran through me. The arch of his brow told me he felt it too, and suddenly I knew if I ever got into bed with him, I would never get out again. At least not alive. He stroked the curve of my cheek, letting the tips of his fingers travel along my jaw and down my neck. I shivered as I felt them float across the edge of the sweetheart neckline, dancing across my cleavage.

And then he kissed me.

I didn't have to pretend to kiss him back because the moment his lips touched mine I wanted to. His tongue exploded in my mouth with an all-consuming passion, and I did nothing to stop him from taking everything and anything that he wanted. I was so overcome by my own need, consumed by a voracious, destructive hunger created from the darkest places in my soul, that I almost didn't recognize what was happening when he reached for a piece of me. With a coldness that was brutally ruthless, he shattered me open, stealing down inside and grasping a fragment of my soul. And I did nothing to stop him. Letting it slip through my fingers, I allowed this sliver of my essence to be ensnared by him.

Trickster, deceiver, and . . . seducer.

Satisfied, he withdrew from my mouth, his tongue making a final hungry sweep over my lips. “Now I understand why the vampire lusts for you so,” he told me as his eyes took on a feral gleam.

Breathless and dizzy, I stared at him as the word
stupid
ran through my head, over and over. I watched as he pulled back his lips from his sharp white teeth and slowly unfurled his long tongue for me to see. There, embedded in the center, was the scrap of myself that he had stolen.

Leaning forward, his lips brushed my ear. “I will expect the rest in due course.”

I pulled myself out of his embrace. I might not have gotten into bed with him, but I'd helped him pull back the covers. And worse, I had betrayed Gabriel with that kiss. In a daze, I looked around. What once had been a beautiful garden was now a parched and barren landscape. The magnificent elm tree had become nothing more than a twisted, gnarled husk, and the rank smell of decay filled my nostrils, making me nauseous.

I searched for any sign that life still existed in this place. But I found nothing. Everything was gone.
He
was gone, taking with him the token he had tricked me into surrendering.

The sound of demonic laughter pounded inside my head, making it throb painfully as the ground beneath me opened.

And I was falling . . . falling . . .

G
abriel was all over me. Hands and lips everywhere, touching, feeling, reassuring himself that I had suffered no injury, come to no harm. Pulling me into his arms, he clasped me to him, his breath harsh and ragged in my ear. His arms were like bands of steel wrapped around me, his hold so tight I thought he might crack a rib. Having just recently been on the receiving end of that experience, I was in no hurry to repeat it, no matter how tempting it might be to test the truth of the demon's promise to me.

“Gabriel, . . . please . . . can't breathe!”

He shoved me away with enough force that I stumbled and fell backward.

“Don't you ever do that to me again!” he snarled, his face a mask of fury as he bent over me. “You don't go anywhere with that bastard, you hear me?
Anywhere!
”

I stared at him as he turned away and stomped off a few paces, keeping his back to me. It seemed that even the tattoos down his spine were rippling with undisguised anger.

What the hell? I could understand his rage, empathize with it even, because I know how fear can make even the most mild-mannered of us lash out. But this display of fury was way out of line and hurtful.

“Who are you talking about?” I asked, getting to my feet and brushing dirt off the ridiculous dress I was still wearing. Guess a wardrobe change hadn't been included in this trip.

Gabriel's eyes darkened, turning the color of an ocean during a winter storm. “Don't play me for a fool, Rowan—you know perfectly well who I mean!”

Dear God in heaven! Now it was my turn to let rip a little temper. “Stop being such an asshole, and give me a break, will you? My head's pounding, I feel like shit, and I've just been—”

“SEBASTIAN!!!” he roared. “YOU ARE NOT TO GO ANYWHERE WITH HIM EVER AGAIN—I WON'T ALLOW IT!”

His voice reverberated, almost knocking me down to the ground again. I stared at him, seeing nothing but murderous intent in his eyes. He was being unreasonable and completely unfair. Something I wasn't about to let go unchallenged.

“Excuse me?
You won't allow it?
Where the hell do you get off ordering me around like that?”

“You don't understand.” He was still furious, but managed to bring his voice down a notch or two. “Sebastian is—”

“The only fucking person who's actually sat down and told me anything!” I yelled. “What are you so pissed about, Gabriel? That he told me all the things you wouldn't? Like what being a Promise actually means, and that I have your soul for safekeeping?” I barked out a laugh. “Or are you worried that I'm going to find out that you've refused to take it back from me?”

I watched as he folded his arms across his chest, and realized this was the first time he'd ever done that and not made my stomach flutter.

“Yeah, I'm pissed about all those things because they weren't his to tell,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “But more than that, I'm pissed because he put you in danger by taking you to the Void.”

The breath caught in my throat. “How do you know that's where he took me?”

He blew out an impatient breath. “Because he told me!”

“He told you he'd taken me to the Void?”
I was stunned. Apparently the angel was not only confused about which side he wanted to play for, he was also suicidal. “Why would he do that?”

“Because I wouldn't give him any ice until he told me what he'd done with you! Personally,” Gabriel continued, “I think he's been long overdue for a kick in the balls, and I'm damn proud of you for doing it, but you have no idea what these past few hours have been like for me. I've been in hell, Rowan.”

“So is that how long I've been gone? A few hours?” Funny, it felt like a week at least.

He nodded. “And you should know no one believed whatever was left behind was actually you. Laycee refuses to leave your house until she can confirm with her own eyes that you're back with us.” The ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “She threatened to deck Aleksei with a cast-iron skillet if he tried to make her leave.”

“Oh Jesus! He's not going to hurt her, is he?”

He shook his head. “No. She is very protective of you, which is something he both understands and respects.”

“Katja used her to get me out of the house.”

“I know, she told me. Don't worry, Laycee will not be harmed because of what happened or because of anything she heard or saw. I give you my word.”

Relieved, I exhaled the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, and the tension between us vanished as quickly as it had erupted.

“I thought I had lost you, Rowan . . . this time forever.”

His anger crumbled as worry, fear, and grief took its place. I went and stood before him, smoothing a hand across his face as I pushed back his hair. Turning his head, he caught my thumb between his lips and pulled it into his mouth. I felt a sharp prick as his fang punctured the pad, giving him a taste of my blood. It was the reassurance he needed.

“I'm so sorry,” I whispered, “I didn't know Sebastian was going to take me away. Everything kind of went crazy all at once. You must know that if I hadn't been so out of it, I would never have left you like that.” He took in a deep breath and released my thumb. “I will never leave you like that again. I swear it.” I needed his understanding more than his forgiveness. He gave me both.

Slowly I looked around, trying to get my bearings. We weren't in my yard, which was where I had expected to find myself, but like the Void, this was a place we were both familiar with. It was the clearing. Staring past Gabriel's shoulder, I recognized the terrible crucifixion tree, its thorny branches a testament to Gabriel's torture. Thankfully the blood that had bathed the ground had long since been absorbed by the earth. All that was left was a dark streak near the base of the trunk.

“In time, that too will fade,” Gabriel said, solemnly. “It has been long enough, and every punishment must eventually end.”

Beyond the perimeter of the clearing the same trees stood as silent sentinels, their twisted limbs and treacherous roots ready to catch the unwary traveler. Not that anyone came to this place without being summoned. Everything beyond the first ring was cloaked in darkness, but I could still feel the cold slicing open my chest as I struggled to breathe, and knew it had not diminished. It merely waited for me to step beyond the protection of the clearing.

“Are we going to be all right?” Gabriel asked, coming to stand behind me and put his arms around my waist.

“Not yet,” I answered honestly, “but we will be.” I leaned back against him and let the warmth of his body sink into me. His hair fell over my shoulder, and I inhaled the scent of his skin, soaking it up like a sponge. “Why are we here?” I murmured, turning my head so I could look up at him. “Why this place?”

His eyes were now the deepest shade of blue I had ever seen them, and concern furrowed his brow. “You seek answers, Rowan. What better place to find them than here?”

He was right. Here only the absolute truth could be spoken. Sebastian may have told Gabriel he'd taken me to the Void, but I was pretty sure the angel had no idea what had happened to me after that. It was going to fall to me to divulge the deal I'd made with the demon.

“Why did you give up the chance to take back your soul, Gabriel? Why pledge yourself to the Dark Realm?” I slipped out of his embrace and faced him. Taking his hands, I was grateful to feel his long fingers wrap around mine. “It wasn't just about me, was it? Tell me you had other reasons.”

He sighed, and the warmth of his breath grazed my temple, lifting my hair.

“I had almost given up hope of finding you. Losing your memory also meant the bond between us was weakened somehow. I could no longer feel you, could not find my way back to you. The desolation was overwhelming. It almost destroyed me.”

I gasped. It had never occurred to me that my blissful ignorance of Gabriel's existence would have been absolute torture for him, a torture he had endured for more than three hundred years.

“How
did
you find me?”

“It was pure chance. My sentinel, Tomas, saw you in the bookstore.”

I was going to have to make sure I gave the elusive Tomas a big kiss when I finally met him. “I'm so sorry that it took so long.”

“Ah, love, it wasn't your fault. You had no way to prevent what was done to you, any more than you could stop the sun from rising each morning.”

Although it was true, it didn't make me feel any better. “So you made a decision to not let anything separate us again.”

He nodded slowly. “I had just got you back, and, even though you didn't recall anything about our past, you seemed so happy to be with me. It was a side of you I had never seen before. I could feel your joy every time I took you in my arms, the rapture when you gave yourself to me—”

“My temper when I slapped you?”

He flushed with embarrassment, but not enough to prevent his dimple from winking at me. “Even that was wonderful to me—and I deserved it, too,” he added hastily.

“But Gabriel . . . your chance at redemption. You've given up the possibility of returning to the Light, where you belong.”

“Is that what you think?” I nodded, my throat suddenly too thick to let me speak. “No, no, love. You've got it all wrong.” He took me in his arms and brushed the hair from my face with his palm. “Don't you understand, Rowan,
you are my redemption
. To have you love me as I am now is all I ever asked for.” His brows pulled together. “You do still love me, don't you?”

“Yes, of course,” I told him huskily, “but why didn't you tell me any of this?”

“I couldn't. I had no idea when your memory would come back or how much you would regain.”

“But you knew it
would
come back?”

“Once a physical joining had been initiated, it was only a matter of time.”

His sudden unease pricked my attention, and I looked at him.
A physical joining?
“Are you saying if you hadn't slept with me, I still wouldn't know, even now?”

He let go of me and took a step back, struggling with the consequences of his desire. The power to keep me safely ignorant had been in his hands, or in this case his pants, all the time. He just hadn't been able to smother his lust.

“That night on the porch,” he said, dropping his voice to a low whisper, “I knew a strictly platonic relationship was going to be out of the question. I couldn't be with you, and not be
in
you. It would be like asking a starving man to have a seat at the banquet table, but tell him not to eat anything. Impossible.”

He was right, and I couldn't let him shoulder all the blame. I'd been more than ready to jump his bones that same night. Who knows how long I would have been able to keep my hands off him? It was nice to know I hadn't been the only one struggling with irresistible desire.

“But if you knew sex would be the catalyst . . .”

“I hoped that by the time your memories returned, especially what it meant to be my Promise, you would have already accepted and understood my decision.”

“You didn't know Sebastian would pay me a visit, huh?” I wasn't surprised to find I had conflicting feelings about the angel.

“Absolutely not!” Gabriel exclaimed, running his fingers through his hair. “My concern was with Katja. It never occurred to me that Sebastian would take it upon himself to interfere.”

“Is that how you see it? Telling me the truth was interfering?”

“The truth is something I would never deny you, but I would have preferred someone other than Sebastian give it to you. His constant struggle with the choice he has yet to make can have dangerous consequences. Separating the truth as it actually is from what he wishes it to be is a challenge for him.”

It was the most diplomatic way of calling someone a liar I had heard in a long time. And it gave me an idea who might have sent the charismatic angel to my back porch.

“Poor Sebastian,” I murmured. “He's a bad angel who really wants to be good.”

“You have always had a unique way of looking at things, Rowan.” Gabriel drew in a breath and let it out slowly. I felt the muscles in my thighs stir at the sight of his chest rising and falling. “But it seems,” he continued slowly, “that others are determined to reveal the knowledge that I alone am responsible for.”

“I don't see anyone else here,” I said, waving a hand around me.

“Now might be a good time to tell me whatever it is I need to know.”

He folded his arms, and my twitching thighs did their best not to collapse under the strain. It was good to know my earlier non-response had been nothing more than a reaction to the stress of the situation.

“If I had been able to block out my physical desire for you, thereby denying any possibility of your memory being restored, you would never know what being my Promise meant . . . and would have no idea that my soul was already forfeit.”

“Already?” I asked, puzzled. “I thought you only did this a few months ago.”

“In actuality, yes, but here”—he put his hand over his heart—“I made the decision a long time ago.”

“I don't understand,” I told him, more confused than ever.

“You are correct in thinking I did not renounce my soul for you alone. Although you bring a light into this solitary existence that makes every passing minute more precious than the last, you are not the reason I was created.”