A Thunderous Whisper (25 page)

It was a small reprieve from the inevitable, but it was something.

I jumped off the wagon just as Garza helped Julián into his chair. I thought about how much Julián had already gone through in his short life—his parents dying, losing his ability to walk, and now leaving his grandparents. It was enough to devastate anyone, but the only one who was crying was Garza. Julián’s face was completely blank.

“I love you, Julián.
Pórtate bien
.” Garza reached out to tousle Julián’s hair, but the little boy shrank away. This didn’t seem to faze Garza. “You’ll come home soon … when it’s safe. For now, think of it as an adventure.”

Julián looked up at me and without a trace of emotion asked, “Can we go now? I don’t want to be here anymore.”

I couldn’t believe this was the way he wanted to say goodbye. Obviously, Mathias didn’t like it either because he smacked the little boy on the side of the head.

“Mathias!” Garza and I yelled at the same time.

“He deserved it!” Mathias answered us, then focused his attention back on Julián. “You need to grow up, little man. This is not the same world it used to be. You should be grateful to have two grandparents who love you so much that they’re willing to do anything to make sure you’re safe.”

“Love me so much that they’re getting rid of me?” Julián challenged. I could tell that if he could’ve jumped out of his chair, he would have tackled Mathias.

“Exactly!” Mathias leaned forward on his
makila
. “Don’t you think it would be easier for them to keep you by their side? Not to have to worry about how to pay for your trip or how you’ll manage in England?

“You have no idea how much I wish I could’ve had a real goodbye with my parents”—he paused to catch his breath—“and here you are acting like
un malcriado
!”

No one spoke or moved.

“Well?” Mathias asked. “What do you have to say?”

Julián gazed at Mathias and then slowly turned back to Garza, who, with shoulders slumped, was standing silently by the wagon.
“¿Abuelo?”

“
Sí
, Julián?” The old man walked over toward his grandson.

The little boy’s bottom lip began to tremble. “I don’t want to go,” he whispered.

Garza bent down and hugged him. “I know. I know.”

“Can’t I stay? Please?” Julián begged. “I’ll be good. I promise.”

“You’re always good. But it’s become too dangerous here.” Garza brushed away the little boy’s tears. “I promised your mother that I’d keep you safe. You’re all we have.”

“I love you,” Julián said, choking back the sobs. “You and Abuela. Tell her, okay?”

“She knows, but I’ll tell her.” Garza gave his grandson one more embrace and then pushed the wheelchair closer to me. “We love you … 
con todo nuestro corazón
.”

Julián nodded and looked back as the old man walked to the front of the wagon.

From where I stood, I could see Garza pat Mathias on the back and mouth the word
“Gracias.”
The two stood close together whispering something, then shook hands.

Garza climbed up to the driver’s seat and, without looking back again, cracked the whip so the horse would begin the return trip to Guernica.

Mathias joined Julián and me, and the three of us maneuvered through the crowd gathering in front of the freighter. The sights and smells around us were mostly new to me, but I didn’t want to pay attention. All I wanted to remember of this day was the glorious morning on the mountain … not the stagnant air of too many people crowded together or the cries of people saying goodbye.

And then we were at the ramp. Mathias would not be allowed to go any farther. Already we had been waved through by one official, but the next one had a clipboard and I knew the time had come.

“You sure you won’t change your mind and come with us? We could find a way to get you on board,” I said, knowing the attempt would be futile.

“You know I can’t,” Mathias answered. He took a step in front of the wheelchair and stuck out his hand. “You’re a man now, Julián. Time to act like one, okay?”

Julián nodded and shook his hand. “I’ll make you proud, Mathias,” he said, then cracked a smile. “But just so you know, next time you hit me upside my head, I’m going to knock you out.”

Mathias laughed. “Ooh, tough talk. We’ll just have to
see how strong you are when we meet again. How about next time I challenge you to some arm wrestling?”

“You’re on!” Julián said, wheeling himself back a bit. “I’m going to get these muscles strong!” He smiled, flexing his biceps.

A ship’s horn rocked the pier and reminded us that we had to hurry.

Mathias and I stared at each other.

“Are you two going to get sappy? I don’t want to see this.” Julián turned his wheelchair around to look out at the harbor.

Mathias and I couldn’t help smiling.

“You better be careful over there,” I said, and gave Mathias a light punch in the arm.

“Now look who’s doing the hitting!” Mathias rubbed his arm as if I had actually hurt him.

Julián glanced over his shoulder, but then quickly turned around in his chair again.

“Seriously,” I said.

Mathias nodded. “I will.”

We stood together, not knowing what else to say or do. A few people pushed us aside as they were going up the ramp, so we stepped out of their way and got closer to the edge of the pier.

Mathias pulled something from his pocket and put it in my hand. “Here. So you can buy some stamps.”

I looked down at the money. “Where did you get this?” I asked.

“Before the bombing, Garza paid me for the work I did on the farm. He gave me a little extra before we left.”

“I can’t take this.” I thrust it back at him. “You need it more than I do. No one on the ship expects me to have any money.”

“I know. But I need you to write to me as soon as you have an address. We’re still partners, right?”

“I’m going to miss you” was all I could say. Then I hugged him.

“Me too,” he answered, giving me a small squeeze.

We separated and I looked up at him, trying to memorize his face. “You’re my best friend,” I said.

“Aren’t I your only friend?” he teased.

I crossed my arms and scowled at him.

He raised his hands in surrender. “Kidding. I know that’s not true … at least not anymore.”

I thought for a moment of everyone in the Garza house and how, young and old, they all felt like my friends. “Yeah, but you’re still the best one.”

“Yeah? Well, good.”

I could feel a lump forming in my throat, but crying was something I had been raised not to do.

“Go,” Mathias said very matter-of-factly.

“What?” It was such a change of mood that I thought he was joking.

Mathias gave me a slight push. “Before I start to rethink everything. Go.
Adiós
.”

I inched backward. As much as I wanted Mathias to be with me, I knew he was destined for something else. I wasn’t going to try to change his mind. “Bye, Mathias,” I said, slowly turning around.

Without saying another word, I grabbed the wheelchair’s handles and headed toward the ship. Every few seconds Julián glanced back at me, but wisely chose not to make any comments. As we reached the gangplank, I realized that this was it. My last time on Basque soil … at least for a while. I shoved the money into the skirt pocket of Señora Garza’s dress and felt the small pouch. How could I have forgotten?

I spun around and searched the crowd behind us.

“Mathias!” I yelled. “Mathias!”

“What’s wrong?” asked Julián.

“I forgot to give him something.” I scanned the crowd.

“Over there!” Julián pointed to a group of people huddled near the end of the pier. Mathias saw us staring and waved his
makila
in the air.

I glanced down at Julián. “Can you …? I’ll only be gone for a minute.”

He nodded and locked the wheels with his hand brake. “
Sí
. Just hurry.”

“Don’t go anywhere, Julián!” I shouted as I ran down the gangplank, bumping and pushing people out of the way.

Mathias met me halfway up the pier. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing.” I caught my breath. “There’s something I forgot to give you.” I dug into my pocket.

“Give me? But …”

I pulled out the small pouch that Señora Garza had made with the extra dress fabric and gave it to him.

As he untied the rope around the top, I said, “It’s for luck and to remind you that you’re Basque too.”

Mathias dug his fingers inside the pouch and took out the acorn. “Ani, I can’t. Your father gave that to you.”

I smiled. “No, the one Papá gave me is here.” I tapped my other skirt pocket. “This one I got for you this morning from my—I mean,
our
—tree in the field.”

Mathias squeezed the acorn in his hand. “It’s the best gift ever.” He paused for a moment, then reached into his shirt and pulled out his mother’s gold necklace.

Unfastening the clasp, he slipped the two wedding bands off of the chain and put them both in the pouch, along with my acorn.

“Here.” He handed me the chain. “This is for you.”

“No, I—I can’t.” I took a step back. “It was your mother’s.”

“But I want you to have it.” He stepped forward and fastened it around my neck. “It’ll make me happy to know you have something of hers … of mine. Plus, it’ll be safer with you … considering where I’m going.”

I touched the star that dangled from the chain. It lay on my chest, near the third button of my dress.

“That’s the Star of David … the Jewish star. You don’t have to wear it out or anything, but I hope you’ll keep it.”

I slipped the chain under my dress. “I’ll wear it all the time. Won’t take it off at all.”

“And I’ll come back and plant the acorn in the field … after everything is over.”

I smiled and we just stared at each other, not saying a word.

Then someone bumped into me and another person
jostled me backward and away from Mathias. The world around us was moving quickly, even if we had tried to make it stop.

“Friends always,” I said as the crowd around us began to swell.

“Forever!” he shouted.

I turned and let the mass of people sweep me back toward the gangplank and Julián.

Mamá had been wrong. People don’t always abandon you … even if they have to leave.

FORTY-EIGHT

A
s I got closer to the ship and saw the line of children standing where I’d left Julián, a feeling of panic started to grow.… Julián was gone. Spinning around, I looked back into the crowd. Certainly a boy in a wheelchair would be easy to spot.

My eyes scanned the pier several times, but he wasn’t there. Maybe he’d already boarded. If he’d decided to just leave without me … I … I was going to murder him!

I ran toward the seaman with a clipboard.

“Permiso, señor,”
I said, cutting through the line of people. “I’m looking for a little boy.”

“Hey! I was next!” A boy pushed me out of the way as the others behind him joined in his complaint, telling me to get in line.

“I’m sorry,” I said, glancing at the boy before facing the seaman again. “It’s just he’s in a wheelchair and I can’t find him. I only left him for a moment.”

“Name?” the seaman asked, rolling his eyes a bit.

“Julián. Julián Garza.”

The seaman didn’t seem to care about everyone’s complaining and flipped through a few pages. “He’s on board. In the infirmary, with the other injured children. You his sister?”

“I, um, well, no …”

“Then end of the line. You’ll have to go with everyone else,” he called out.

I glanced back at the long line of people. I had promised Señora Garza that I’d keep an eye on him, and I’d told Julián I wouldn’t leave him. There was no way I was going to break my promise.

A hand grabbed me by the sleeve and pulled me out of the way.

“Wait! I’m his stepsister. I need to go with him!” I shouted.

The seaman shook his head and waved me back toward him. “Why didn’t you just say that? You need to speak up, girl. Last name Garza as well?” He ran his finger down the page on his clipboard.

“No, Largazabalaga. My mother remarried.”

“Hmph,” he muttered, turning back the pages.

I stood by him as he flipped to the list with all the
L
names. Quickly I spotted my name about halfway down the page. “There!” I pointed to it.

“I see,” he muttered. Next to my name were the words
general boarding
. “The boy’s your stepbrother, you say?” he asked.

Looking him right in the eyes, I nodded. “Yes, sir. My mother was a widow when she met Julián’s father. He lost his wife to polio, the same awful disease that damaged Julián’s legs. I promised to take care of him in England. I have—”

The seaman raised his hand to cut off my story.
“De veras, no me importa.”
He wrote my name, date of birth, and the word
ENFERMERÍA
on a yellow piece of paper and gave me a stickpin. “Put this on as identification and go to the room labeled
INFIRMARY
, one floor down. If they ask why you’re not on their list, tell them Lorenzo sent you there to be with your brother.” He stared at the growing line behind me. “Next!” he called out as I quickly boarded the ship and ran belowdecks.