A Swithin Spin: A Princely Passion (7 page)

Antal nodded. Neither was Kilan, though why he would suddenly think of the prince, Antal couldn’t say. His gaze flicked to where Ryanac’s hand lingered on the cover of the book. “So some despicable Swithin king once tried to kill an innocent man, and the comet…stopped him?”

“Sort of. Or so they say.” Ryanac grinned.

According to legend, the comet had chosen a compromise. It had “frozen” Lewi for all time, and Lewi’s form lay in the grove. The idea struck Antal as ghastly. “You’d go mad,” he blurted out before he could think of something more eloquent to say. How did one express one’s disgust eloquently, short of a physical display such as vomiting?

“Yes, if you take the story literally. However --”

“I know,” Antal interrupted. “According to the legend, Lewi is in the clearing, but he’s also everywhere else. He’s love. He’s lust. He’s passion. He feels what we feel, as part of the comet, as part of the universe. He’s in every kiss, every embrace. Yet in the midst of all this passion, he’s lonely.”

“Only coming into himself when someone is brave enough to lay hands on his likeness.” Ryanac’s grin broadened.

Well, Antal certainly wasn’t going to do that, but…his frown tightened. “You’ve never…”

Ryanac shook his head, laughing a little. “No. I never took advantage of that particular inanimate object, but I’ve been there. I’ve touched it. The…stone, marble -- whatever it’s made of -- is exquisite. You’ve never touched anything so solid that feels so silken. It’s smoother than skin.”

A small thrill crawled through Antal upon hearing the description. He could barely keep from shivering.

“I found it…intriguing,” Ryanac remarked in a soft voice filled with wonderment that was rather unlike him.

Intriguing
. Now there was a word that sparked human curiosity. Antal cleared his throat. “This power in the clearing. I mean…” He gazed up into Ryanac’s eyes. “Has Markis ever been there? What does he say about the truth of the legend?”

Ryanac looked surprised at the question, then thoughtful. “He’s not been since he was a boy, and then only in passing.”

Of course, Markis was a man like any other and had once been a boy. Antal had heard the story of Ryanac saving Markis from drowning when younger. He found it difficult to envision, but knowing them as he did now, he could imagine Ryanac jumping in to save the young prince all too easily. A boy wouldn’t have cared for the story of some statue that lay in some clearing. Boys had better things to do, such as climb trees, play games…and fall down wells. There was no reason Markis should have been any more interested in the clearing than Antal was.

“Markis did say something about there being some residual power. He was too young to use the comet then, but he did say he was able to sense it in others. He said he sensed more there than most people seem to. I’ve never thought of questioning him since then.” Ryanac looked down at the book. “Do you mind if I borrow this?”

“Not at all. I’ve finished with it.”

“Are you sure?”

Ryanac sounded as though he disagreed, but Antal wasn’t about to argue. “I’m sure…only I didn’t exactly log it out of the library.”

Ryanac raised an eyebrow. “Then I’ll make sure I return it to you quickly so you can replace it. That is if it should prove worthless. If, as I’m remembering, it proves useful, then Markis can thank you in person.”

“I don’t understand,” Antal said.

“No matter. I’ll explain another day. So are you thinking of visiting the glade?”

“What?” Antal jerked in his seat. Trust Ryanac to slip that in so calmly. “No. Of course not! I did find it interesting, and it would be intriguing to see, but as for the ritual… Well, I can see how it came into being. Liminality, changing from one state of being to another, that’s precisely what happened to Lewi, if one were to believe the story.”

“True. And it is a sorrowful tale.”

Antal wanted to drag his gaze away but couldn’t. Ryanac continued.

“Either Lewi died in that clearing or his form truly changed. Once I might not have believed it, but after seeing what Markis did not so long ago to a certain enemy, I’m prepared to believe anything.”

Yes, Markis had certainly given them a display of how powerful he was, some said the most powerful ruler of the comet in history. It wasn’t Markis’s fault. He hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone, which was precisely the reason that made Markis the right man to control the comet. He didn’t
want
to hurt anyone, but he would do what he had to do, and someone had forced his hand. Someone had threatened those whom Markis loved as well as the peace of the Swithin nation. Antal for one felt very pleased and proud to call Markis
Shavar Sardian
: the comet and king of the Swithin race.

“If Lewi’s form was changed, then maybe it’s true, and he only feels connected to flesh when someone touches the statue,” Ryanac remarked offhandedly.

Antal laughed. “Good try. I’m not that gullible.”

“You don’t have to be gullible to have fun.” Ryanac grinned at him, the light in his eyes almost sparking in something like a challenge. “You should go feel it for yourself.”

Antal wasn’t going to let on that he was tempted. “For what purpose?”

“I told you; whatever they created the statue from, it’s incredible to the touch. Trust me, Antal.” Ryanac winked. “You don’t want to go through life never having touched that thing.”

Antal laughed, pleased when he managed to make it sound natural. Truth was, although amused, he also felt a little embarrassed. “Only touch?” he asked. The ritual suggested one could do more than touch.

“Actually the more I think about it, the more I’m sorry I never took the opportunity. A younger man looks for more lively bedfellows, but a seasoned one looks for experiences.”

“So why don’t you go now?” Antal couldn’t resist teasing right back, although his motive wasn’t entirely jovial. He was beginning to feel a little pissed off. Ryanac wasn’t joking. He was suggesting that Antal perform the ritual. That he go to the clearing and…have sex with a sodding statue! How dare he? How dare Ryanac even hint that Antal would gain something from…
fucking
an inanimate object? Let Ryanac go and fuck the stupid thing!

“I would,” Ryanac said, surprising him, “but now that I’m in a committed relationship, I won’t do so.”

“It’s not real,” Antal said on a laugh. “It’s not as if you’d be doing something unfaithful.”

Ryanac drew his lips back, curving them into a smile that for once looked soft, shy of a grin. “Ah…but we don’t know that for certain, do we? Besides, we all have our own ideas as to what constitutes being faithful. For me, having some fun alone is one thing. Packing up a holdall, hiking for a day, all so I can play with something that beautiful…” He stopped speaking. Oddly, he looked puzzled.

“Because it looks like a man, you’d feel uncomfortable?”

“Funnily enough, I think I would.” Ryanac straightened up and then got up from the desk, taking hold of the small book and slipping it into a pocket. “And that’s the only confession you’re going to get out of me today.”

Moving around the desk, Ryanac scribbled something onto a slip of parchment and then handed it to Antal.

“What’s this?”

“Time off. Take a break.”

Antal sniggered, trying to put a sense of incredulity into the sound. “I’m not going --”

“I don’t care what you do with the time,” Ryanac interrupted, although something in his tone said otherwise. “It’s an order.”

The tone Ryanac used meant Antal couldn’t doubt that. So it came down to dismissal -- not a permanent one, and he supposed he should be grateful for that, but a dismissal nonetheless. Something cold crept through Antal, icy fingers curling in his scalp. If he didn’t curb his emotional state, then one day he could be sitting here listening to a true discharge. He couldn’t have that. The shame of it would be one thing, although no doubt Markis and Ryanac would wrap it up in some nice words and reasons to explain it all away and let him save face, but it didn’t matter what the rest of the world thought or believed. Antal would still know he had failed everyone, including himself.

“I want you to sort yourself out. I want you to take some time. You’re lacking inner peace right now, and I believe you need to go take yourself off some place and give yourself time to think. I know what you think of my idea, but the fact is a hike into the woods, going to the glade -- which is undeniably peaceful and beautiful even if you don’t believe in the legend -- could be good for you. It could help clear your mind.”

Under the circumstances, Antal snapped off any words of complaint. “And that’s why you mentioned the ritual as part of that?”

“Finally the brain begins to work.”

Antal ignored Ryanac’s sarcasm and just looked at him. Ryanac sat back down in the chair and stared across. “The ritual is akin to meditation. I think a little solitude, peace and quiet, and yes, meditation, could be good for you right now. I think you need to look inward, not outward, for your answers. I think you need to reconnect to your body. You need to relax. I know you think I’m toying with you, but whether you have sex with an object or another person, I don’t think it would hurt you to feel something.”

Antal considered refusing and then changed his mind. When it came down to it, with Ryanac he had no need to feel embarrassed. Ryanac wouldn’t suggest something without good reason. The man wasn’t being facetious, and Antal simply wanted to refuse just to be stubborn.

“Does anyone ever get to argue with you?”

“All the time,” Ryanac replied. “Nothing wrong with a good argument.”

“Do they ever win?” In reply, Ryanac just grinned. Antal shook his head. “If I go, it doesn’t mean I’m going to…that I will…” Words failed him. Ryanac laughed.

“Do what you will. I won’t even ask for details. Just take some time off and come home in a better frame of mind. Actually, maybe you should keep this for now.” He reached into his pocket and moved to return the book.

“Wasn’t there something you wanted to read up on in there?”

“Yes, but…”

Antal shook his head. “Whatever I’m going to do, I’ll not do it tonight. I’ll let you know if…” He smiled ruefully. “I’ll let you know
when
I’m ready to go, so you can make arrangements to cover my duties while I’m gone.”

“There’s no need to worry. I’d take your place and take care of Uly if you wanted to go tomorrow, in fact.”

“I know, but it’s not necessary.” Antal hesitated. “I’m not…ready.” He wasn’t. He needed to reach a certain frame of mind to set out on this little sojourn. He didn’t think the time was far off, maybe in a few days only, but he would know when the time was right.

* * *

Kilan should have felt surprised when a large hand grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed his head down onto the desk, but he didn’t. What surprised him was that his captor did it in such a way that it failed to break his nose. Kilan made a halfhearted attempt to struggle free and then gave up. He snorted and snuffled a bit, considered reaching for the comet, and then changed his mind. Ryanac had caught him snooping. Fair enough.

“Do you usually read personal papers?”

“I’m the prince,” Kilan complained, although it came out sounding more like “Himahince” being that Ryanac’s grip held his nose and lips mashed against the desk on one side. Ryanac let him loose. Kilan stood up, rubbing at his neck and stretching his mouth to get it working properly. Ryanac may not have broken his nose, but Kilan felt tempted to touch his face to make sure none of his features were twisted.

“I’m the prince,” he repeated, straightening his clothes. You’d think people would get their facts straight. Either he was royalty or he wasn’t. If he was royalty, they should treat him as such. Kilan ignored the small voice that told him they treated him according to his behavior and that mostly he provoked them to it. He didn’t want to study those feelings too closely because he wasn’t entirely sure why he provoked people. “I didn’t think anything to do with the guards was private when it came to my eyes.”

“Not when it comes to Markis, but as for you, the guards are not your responsibility.”

Kilan couldn’t help himself. He glared. “Implying you hope they never are.”

Ryanac stared him down, stared for so long, in fact, the time that elapsed said more than any number of words. He’d clearly revealed too much, something he’d have rather kept hidden. Some would have called his behavior petulance, but it wasn’t nearly as simple as that, and Ryanac possessed too much acumen not to know it. He stood trapped under the heat of Ryanac’s all-seeing and too-knowing dark gaze, blazing as surely as the ice of the comet sometimes seemed to burn. The power could produce heat, but usually ice flowed in the comet’s wake. That ice scorched you just as effectively as fire. Ryanac’s gaze could feel as devastating. Finally, Ryanac appeared to take pity on him.

“Did I say that? Kilan, you’re a good man, a good prince, and one day you’ll make an excellent leader. I simply hope you only have to do so at Markis’s side rather than in his place, and not solely because it would mean that I had lost someone I loved and a good man.”

Kilan would only take Markis’s place as king if Markis were to die, and then only until one of Markis’s children -- when the man had them -- was strong enough to rule in his stead. That was the bane and the privilege of Kilan’s position. He wasn’t the oldest or the strongest of the royal line. The chance of him ever ruling as king was a distant possibility. He was glad. He didn’t want to lose his brother, thought Markis a good king, and he didn’t want that level of responsibility.

“Besides,” Ryanac continued, “you know as well as I do that duty had nothing to do with you looking at this particular form.” Ryanac picked up the document in question and flapped it in the air. “Yes, Antal has taken some time off.” Ryanac sat down and leaned back, linking his hands behind his head. “Just what is your fascination with Uly’s Sonndre?”

“There’s no fascination,” Kilan replied, wondering if that sounded at all true. “That is, it’s not fascination, just…”

Ryanac raised an eyebrow. Feeling as if his strength seeped from his legs, Kilan wanted to sit down but he didn’t quite dare. He didn’t think he’d find the control to stand up again. He decided to try for
some
truth rather than none.