A Stray Drop of Blood (60 page)

“
The ladies are gone!” Caius raised his cup high. “Girls, make some old men happy!”

His friends cheered and laughed, and the servants that had been dedicated solely to pouring wine or offering food entered the room in a far different character.

“
Who do you want, Titus? Take your pick, it is your first symposium since your return.”

Titus shook his head. “I have heard no philosophy to make this a symposium, Father. And I will defer the first pick to our friend Cornelius.”

“
A deserving fellow! A wise son! I am a blessed man!”

“
Amazing.” Titus turned to Lucius as Cornelius beckoned a girl over to him. “My father loves me as much when he is drunk as he despises me when he is sober. Why has this never struck me before?”

Lucius laughed. “Probably because you are usually just as drunk, and not nearly so congenial. Your Jewess kept waving away the wine, Titus, you have not had enough!”

“
No, I am quite satisfied.” He looked around at the situation that could very easily get out of hand. “As a matter of fact, I think I may just slip away. I have enjoyed catching up with you Lucius; stop by again soon.”

“
I will. And give Abigail a kiss for me. Here.” He pointed to his thigh with a wicked grin.

Titus breathed a laugh and shoved his friend lightly in the shoulder. Trying to avoid notice, he slipped out of the room and hoped that his father would be too diverted to notice his absence. That accomplished, he headed to his room.

He was not really very drunk at all.

~*~

Abigail kissed the sleeping faces lightly, smiling. “Thank you for watching them for me, Antonia.”

The older woman smiled. “It is always my pleasure, Mistress. Both of the boys are well behaved.”

“
Go ahead to bed.” Abigail put a hand on Antonia’s shoulder in farewell. She then turned to Miriam and Phillip. “The two of you can go ahead as well. I would like some solitude, I think. Phillip, I want you to be near Miriam tonight. There are a few too many drunken men around for me to send her to her room alone. I will have Titus to ensure my safety up here, but I would rest easier knowing you were within call for Miriam.”

Phillip folded his muscled arms over his chest. “We will wait for Titus’s return before we leave you, Mistress. Let Miriam take down your hair, and I will watch for him.”

Abigail sighed, knowing he would not budge on the matter. “Very well.” She moved into her chamber, Miriam behind her. Getting her hair down was quick work, and Abigail found herself soothed as the brush was run through it. The evening had been a long one, and her nerves felt frazzled. She felt she had conducted herself well, and she had not been as self-conscious as she had feared she would be, but still it had been trying. The entire environment was foreign to her; she had never been a part of such a large gathering before, even at the general’s house, and one so blatantly Bacchical was entirely unfamiliar. She had hoped she would have some relief when she went with the women, but a few minutes with them had told her it was not to be, that the ladies of Rome were just as capable of being coarse and vulgar as their male counterparts. She had left almost as soon as they all settled in. She had a feeling she would not be especially missed.

Phillip came to attention moments after Miriam put down the brush. “Titus is here. Are you ready, Miriam?”

“
Do you need anything else, Mistress?” Miriam asked.

Abigail shook her head and gave her maid a smile. “Thank you for your help, Miriam. And I am sorry if Caius upset you tonight.”

Miriam returned the smile. “You cannot be held accountable for his actions, Lady. My only distress was anticipation of yours.”

“
Sleep well,” Abigail bade, then turned her smile on Phillip. “And thank you for watching over her tonight.”

Phillip nodded, then led Miriam from the chambers just as Titus entered. He headed straight for his bed and sank onto it, looking exhausted and tense. With a smile, Abigail went over and sat beside him, reaching up to try to massage away some of the tension in his neck. Titus sighed at her touch.

“
You seemed to enjoy yourself tonight.” Abigail’s gaze followed her hands over his neck. How had she never noticed that it was so corded with muscle?

“
Mostly. It has been a long time since I have seen Lucius.”

Abigail smiled. “I can only imagine the trouble the two of you got into in prior days.”

Titus breathed a laugh. “You should probably not even attempt that much, beloved.”

“
I did not expect you to leave the party so soon.”

Titus shrugged. “It was about to get significantly worse than it had been, since the ladies left. I daresay I shall not be missed.”

“
Ah.” Abigail continued to work on his neck, but he did not seem to be relaxing any. When he suddenly let himself fall backward onto the mattress with a huge sigh, she had to laugh. “You should see yourself, Titus. You did not look so exhausted when you had stayed up with me all night through my labor.”

Titus smiled, eyes closed, and reached up blindly. Abigail took his hand in hers, though she was not sure if he was asking for help up again or simply wanting contact. She tugged lightly on his arm to see if he would assist her in the former goal, but he only chuckled at her attempt and, with one good tug, pulled her down with him instead. Though she laughed, her heart accelerated dangerously.

“
You are a defeatist.” She put a hand on his shoulder and tried to lever herself up. It was an impossible task, given the arm he had around her. “You need to sleep this off. I should go call your manservant to help you undress.”

Titus’s eyes had drifted open again, a half-smile played on his lips. He held her right where she was. “Perhaps you should help me yourself, beloved.”

Abigail narrowed her eyes. “You have definitely had too much to drink.”

“
Or not enough.” His smile turned roguish.

“
Either way, I shall simply ignore that indiscreet comment so that you can look me in the eye in the morning.”

“
I can look you in the eye, now.” He propped himself up on his elbow and attempted to prove it. But she could not meet his gaze, not knowing what she would see within it. Abigail cast her eyes downward, even when he put a finger under chin to tilt her face up to his. “Abigail.” Still she refused.

A moment later he rolled her onto her back. Her eyes flew open now, which was undoubtedly his intent. But far too much desire filled his gaze, as she had known it would, desire she was not sure she could combat. Heart pounding, she closed her eyes again.

~*~

Titus caught his breath. Had she learned nothing with Jason? Did she not realize that she looked the height of desirable like this, eyes closed in innocence, lips parted ever so slightly, cheeks flushed? He felt the rise and fall of her breasts under him and let his breath out again. Curse her, if she was going to act this way, what was he to do? He lowered himself until he could taste her lips.

A whimper escaped, one that mixed fear with longing. Just as her hands curled into his tunic as if unable to decide whether to push him away or pull him closer. “Titus . . .”

“
I must have you.” He trailed his lips over her jaw. “I must, beloved, I can take it no more.”

She gave one halfhearted push at his shoulder, shook her head. “Titus, no. You yourself said it would not come to this, that our love did not need consummation.”

Titus met her watery gaze for a moment. “Since when am I the one to always be right?” He kissed her again, refusing to release her mouth until her hands clung to him. “We love each other so much, Abigail. What could be more natural than this?”

He had slid his hands up her sides, taking her arms with them and anchoring them above her head with one hand, then toying with her hair with the other. Her breath caught in obvious pleasure even as a tear spilled onto her cheek. “Do not try to tell me this is right, Titus. You know it is a sin. It is wrong.”

“
Perhaps,” he whispered into her ear as he took the lobe into his mouth. “But feel it, Abigail. Is it not good?”

“
Good and wrong cannot coincide.” She trembled. From fear, desire, or the battle between them? “Pleasure is fleeting.”

“
That depends entirely upon how much of it you have scheduled.” He smiled against her mouth, though it soon faded into another kiss. “I have never wanted a woman as I want you, my love, and I will have you. Tonight.”

Her entire body went rigid. “Will you force me, Titus?”

He met her gaze head on. “Will you make me, Abigail?”

She sagged back into the mattress under him. “If you do this, I will hate you in the morning.”

He smiled and kissed her gently. Hovering over her mouth he whispered, “You will not hate me, my love. You cannot. Your heart is mine, and nothing can change that. No matter what I do, you will love me, and you will forgive me.”

More tears spilled over. “You are not being the man I love.”

“
I am the man I have always been.” He kissed away the droplets. “And yet you love me.”

“
Titus–”

“
Hush.” He kissed her into obedience, kissed her until she kissed him back, kissed her until she was pliable. He kissed her as he undressed her, as he awoke her, as he took her. And then he held her close as she sobbed against him, held her until she had cried herself to sleep. Then he leaned over, blew out the lamp, and held her all through the night.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Abigail awoke groggy, confused, and sore. Dawn was a breath on the horizon and no more, and she stretched in the darkness to try to wake herself up more fully. That was when she became aware of the body beside hers. She suddenly remembered why her eyes felt swollen and stinging and let out a depressed sigh. How was it that she had been through all she had been through and still ended up in the same place she had been a year ago? Should she not have been stronger by now? Wiser? At least knowledgeable enough to know that no man was really as interested in a platonic relationship as he may claim?

“
Where are you going?” Titus muttered, half asleep, when she started to ease away.

“
Benjamin will need to be fed.”

He nodded, and she could barely make out his smile through the predawn darkness. He reached out and smoothed her hair out of her face, kissing her shoulder. Tenderness welled up in her, quickly followed by anger at the soft emotions. She jerked out of bed and fumbled around for her tunic, slipped it over her head. She darted into the small room and picked up the stirring Benjamin. Samuel still slept soundly; she was grateful that he had not been awoken by her crying the night before and decided to investigate. Things were bad enough without having to explain to a six-year-old why she loathed herself.

She settled onto the bed and put the baby to her breast. Knowing her son was always affected by her moods, she attempted to distance herself from everything but him. Humming a psalm, she rocked gently until he had eaten his fill and dozed back into slumber. It was enough to make Abigail smile. Leave it to Benjamin to not disappoint her; he always stuck to his patterns. Hungry at dawn, but quickly satiated, then back to sleep for another two hours, when he would awake as starved as though she had not just risen with or before the sun to anticipate him.

After the baby was content, she cuddled him close and let her eyes slide shut. For a few moments, silence bathed her as her son settled back into sleep. Then the door opened almost silently, and Titus entered. He was either oblivious to the her immediate tensing or decided to ignore it. He simply smiled and lifted Benjamin from her arms. Once again, as she watched him cradle her son so affectionately, she felt overwhelming love for the man. Once again, anger followed quickly on its heels.

He held out a hand to her as he cradled the baby with one strong arm.

She had very little choice but to put her hand in his. Admitting she had intended to sit there and hold him half the morning would sound like a feeble excuse to avoid what had happened. No, she corrected herself, it
was
a feeble excuse to avoid what had happened. So she let him pull her to her feet.

Titus settled Benjamin down gently into his little bed, then opened the door and pulled her into his chamber before shutting it again.

“
Titus, we need to talk,” Abigail said softly as he pulled her deeper into the chamber, away from the sleeping children.

“
I know.” He stopped them beside the bed, then released her hand and began tugging at the tunic he had slipped on.

Abigail looked at him in disbelief. “What are you doing?”

Titus dropped the garment on the floor carelessly. “Getting back into bed. The morning air is cool, and I am still quite tired.”

Abigail sighed and rubbed a hand over her weary eyes. Even without looking, she knew he had not moved to do as he had proclaimed. “You seem to be in no hurry.”

“
I am waiting for you to join me.”

At that, she dropped her hand so that he could see the distress in her eyes. “Titus, what are you thinking?”