A Stray Drop of Blood (27 page)

“
He would, the fool. Well, then, that settles it. Since it my father’s money, you must take my advice in spending it.” Then, in a mock whisper, “Just do not tell him what we do with it. He may be forced to admit you are just as human as I.”

Jason laughed along with him and followed him down his avenue of choice.

~*~

Abigail had expected Jason to return in time for the evening meal; when he did not, she figured he must have decided to eat with his friends, so she went about the evening as usual, catching up on some of the translation Cleopas asked of her and seeing to Ester’s needs. By dusk, when the city glimmered gold, he still had not returned, but Ester dismissed her firmly for the night.

She went to his chamber and looked around her without interest. At length she settled into a sitting position on the bed, legs curled up underneath her, and waited for Jason to return.

When the door finally opened, Jason looked over at her as if surprised to see her there. He was well on his way to drunk, if not quite there yet. Abigail sighed. He would not be very pleasant on the morrow when he had to haul himself out of bed at dawn.

“
I do not want you tonight, Abigail.” He waved toward the door. “Go.”

Despondency mixed with confusion. She spoke because she was not sure he remembered, in his current condition, his commands of only that morning. “But Master, you told me not to try to sleep on my pallet anymore.”

Jason glared at her emptily for a moment. “I changed my mind. You can always sleep in here tomorrow when I have gone.”

Her emotions settled on depression. “Yes, Lord.” She slid off the bed, moving automatically to help him off with his sandals. She stopped short of him, though, her eyes widening. The scent of perfume was overpowering, decidedly feminine, and strong enough that she had to take a step back again to keep the bile down.

“
What?” he asked when she recoiled.

The depression sprouted and blossomed in anger. “You smell of a woman. A cheap one.”

“
And why would you care?” He yanked off his own shoes and tossed them unceremoniously to the floor.

“
Why would I care?” She heard the shock in her voice, perfectly mirroring her heart. “I do not want to share my lover, the father of my child, with a disease-ridden whore!”

“
And
I
do not want your opinion on how I should live my life. You are just a slave.”

“
Yes, I am just a slave.” Her words were bitter. She spun away from him, but then turned back again, in the mood for a fight, regardless of the consequences. “But you are the one who told me I must think of your child, do all in my power to see to its health. Well,
Master
, how can I do that if you are passing diseases to me that you acquire from the filthy streets you have forbidden me to enter?”

He took a menacing step toward her. “Perhaps I just will not touch you anymore, Abigail. That would make you happy, would it not?”

Sudden tears sprang to life in her eyes, and they were too unexpected for her to control. She clenched her fists together and let them fall onto her legs. “No! It would not. Can you not see? Can you not understand? That is what makes me a monster. What makes me so deserving of this punishment. I want your touches, I want everything you do to me, but still I cannot give you my heart. I am no better than your harlots!” Her knees buckled, and she sagged to the floor sobbing. She pounded the floor with her fists, declaring herself a wretch with every breath.

Jason’s knees hit the floor beside her, and he hauled her into his arms. “Hush, beloved. You are no monster.”

“
I am a sinful beast.” She curled her fingers around the cloth of his tunic to anchor her against the comforting solidity of his chest. “Jehovah is punishing me for my sins.”

“
Jehovah is the one who made man in such a way, able to enjoy such pleasures. How can it be a sin to do so? You are not sinful just because you respond as a woman should.”

“
I have profaned what he made holy.” Her tears slowed, bringing resignation. “I have enjoyed the means he gave us without desiring, and in fact resenting, the purpose.” A hand on her abdomen illustrated what that purpose was.

Jason drew in a deep breath and rocked her. “Perhaps it is not a punishment for your sins, dear one. Perhaps it is a blessing in spite of them. Look at it that way, please. Do not hate our child.”

“
I could hate no child.” Hopefully her voice did not sound as hollow as it felt.

“
Then try to
want
this one.” He put a finger under her chin to force her face up. She must look a fright, but he just kissed her trembling lip, a light caress that soothed more than she wanted it to.

She rested against him. “I apologize for my outburst.”

“
It was deserved. I apologize for my behavior. I will not repeat it, I swear to you. You will be the only one I turn to, beloved.” He kissed her forehead, then gathered her into his arms and stood, placed her gently on the bed. He smiled down at her. “You need your sleep.”

She accepted it as the peace offering it was.

Chapter Eighteen

The cold certainty of death sent a perpetual snake of dread up Abigail’s spine. She saw it in Ester’s gaze that morning, taking the form of concern. She felt it in the continual ache of her back. There it darted in the worried exchange that Dinah and Simon didn’t think she heard.

She was not as well as she should be. Four months along, and still the sickness gripped her, still exhaustion ruled every limb. She was too weak. Too ill.

She would miscarry. And Jason would think she did it on purpose and have her stoned.

Clenching her fingers against the trembling, Abigail carefully set down Ester’s plate and took up her place between her and Jason. She dared not look at her master. His eyes would land on her abdomen, fill with that hope that could condemn her. If she lost his child, he would never forgive her. That fragile peace negotiated through anger and tears would crumble around her.

She squeezed her eyes shut, soul yearning to pray for the deliverance of the babe within her. But Jehovah would not hear. She had sinned against him. His punishment was deserved.

Nausea swamped her, churned her stomach. She opened her eyes again, but her vision swam. She had better sit down. Better . . .

Darkness fell over her like a blanket. For a moment, she indulged in the sweet relief of no feeling. But there in the black of her mind, she found no rest. Once again her soul yearned toward God. She snatched herself back and struggled to shrug off the night.

Blinking, she saw the ceiling of Jason’s room. His face, so close. And beyond him, Ester, Cleopas, Andrew, even Dinah and Simon.

Jason’s face shifted under her glance, from worry to determination. “That is enough. Abigail, you have been pushing yourself too hard. You will stop. No more physical labor. You will not help in the kitchen, and you will not wait at the table. You may keep my mother company, but that is the extent of your service.” He shifted his gaze to his father, who Abigail noted looked shaken. “If the others cannot keep up with the work without her, I will get another slave to help, but Abigail will not put herself at risk any longer.”

Cleopas, Ester, and Andrew were all nodding solemnly at his wisdom. Abigail was apparently the only one who did not agree. “I am fine.” Her voice came out too faint. They would never believe her. “The sickness is always at its worst in the mornings, but even that should be passing soon.” Seeing that Jason was not at all convinced by her argument, she added, “Women have been carrying children for eons, Jason, and still managing their labors.”

“
And mine will not be one of the ones who dies of the effort.” Jason looked back to his companions, who all looked as determined as he. “I trust we will all see to it?”

The others nodded of one accord, and Abigail let out a sigh of defeat.

“
I need to get back to the kitchen.” Dinah smiled at her, then she and Simon left.

“
And we must set off for the Praetorium.” Cleopas motioned Andrew to precede him from the room.

“
I believe I shall send a note to Julia asking them to join us here,” Ester declared gaily.

“
And I,” Jason said, sitting beside Abigail and taking her hand when his mother exited, “shall stay right here and make sure you rest.” He smoothed a few strands of hair away from her face.

“
It is your day off.”

“
So it is.” He gave her a tender smile.

Abigail sent him a reproving look. “Do you not have plans with your friends?”

“
They will not miss me.” Sliding down beside her, he pressed his lips to her temple. “Rest now, beloved. When you awake, I will bring you some food. What would you like?”

She gave a half-hearted push at his chest. “I would like you to remember that you are the master and should not start waiting on your slaves.”

Jason grinned and captured her hands. “And I would like my slave to remember that I am the master and shall do as I will. And I will to spend my free day making sure she rests.”

Too tired to resist the comfort he offered, she let it wash away some of the fear and slid into sleep.

~*~

Jason put in his night shift without much enthusiasm. He ran into Titus, who asked outright where he had been that day and frowned at the answer. Menelaus and Apidius dropped in just to say hello shortly after dark, and they, too, seemed rather put out that he had chosen to spend the day with his mother instead of them.

“
It is the girl.” Menelaus shot him an accusatory glare.

Jason sighed. “She was ill.”

“
She is pregnant,” Titus retorted, “of course she was ill. That is no reason to coddle her.”

“
They are merely concerned for you.” Apidius spoke in his customary soft tone, but his eyes offered no sympathy. “Your involvement with the slave keeps growing, Jason, and it is not healthy.”

“
It is unhealthy to be concerned for the welfare of my child?” Jason brushed past them all to continue his circuit around the wall. “How novel.”

Menelaus jogged to catch up with him. “You should not get attached to this child, though. It will be a slave like its mother. You will marry someday and have legitimate children to carry on your name. This one will not be one of them. Prepare yourself for that.”

“
Why?” Jason stopped in front of a dozing soldier. He ought to make note of it, but instead he just delivered a sound thump to his helmet. It sufficed. “The divine Tiberius was not the legitimate son of Augustus, and he is emperor. Brutus is rumored to have been the son of Julius. Why can I not recognize my child as my child?”

When the soldier rose to his feet, Titus shoved him back down so he could step past.“You are not an emperor. You cannot make your own rules.”

“
Jason, listen to yourself,” Apidius pleaded. “You lobby for an illegitimate child born by a slave whom you have yourself admitted is unworthy of your promise. If you favor her child, she will claim rights over you.”

Jason stared at his three friends, realizing at once that they were right and they were wrong. Realizing that Abigail already held those claims, even if she never used them. Realizing that his parents’ convictions were rooted more deeply in him than he had realized. He could simply not look at it all as his friends did, without any involvement. He could no longer focus on a distant ambition when there was a tangible promise in his hands.

What could Rome give him? What could politics do for his soul? Perhaps his father had been right. A boy had the right to leave home and find his way in the world, but a man . . . a man had to focus on deeper matters. Family. Faith.

He turned to his friends, lifted a hand. “I do not need you following me on my rounds, pushing around my men. If you have anything more to say, say it to each other. I have my duties.”

By the time dawn had arrived, his mind had mulled over the situation until it spun. He strode home in a sour temper, ate quickly in the kitchen without waiting for his parents, and went to bed. Abigail was still sleeping when he climbed in, and the very sight of her brought a sigh to his lips. As he put his arms around her warm body and drew her close, he forgot all about the problems. They did not matter. She was his to hold, and that did.

~*~

Abigail arose late, surprised she had managed to get so many solid hours of sleep. She moved quietly so as not to disturb Jason, slipping into her garment and noting that soon she would need something looser to hide her stomach. She left the bedchamber silently and went to find Ester.

She was reading in her room and smiled when Abigail entered. “You are looking better. How do you feel?”

“
A bit queasy, but not as bad as yesterday.”

“
Have some breakfast.” Ester motioned to the tray of food sitting on the table. It looked fresh, untouched. Ester had probably had it brought solely for Abigail’s sake. “I will be leaving shortly with Julia, Abigail. We are paying a visit to the governor’s wife today. My husband and son both agree you should stay here. As do I.”