A Step Too Far (34 page)

     ‘I still don’t understand how you could let things go so far, how you could be so daft!’ Alice’s patience snapped now. ‘It ain’t like you d’ain’t know how kids be got. Christ, Becky, we’ve both knowed that long afore leavin’ school. You knowed the risk so why take it!’

     ‘Earl said  . . .’

     ‘Earl!’ Alice spewed the name like acid from her tongue. ‘Seems he said a lot of things you was fool enough to believe!’

     Becky went on quietly, without tears, a young woman seeking refuge in confession. ‘Earl said it were not wrong if we truly loved each other, the only wrong thing would be to marry without being absolutely certain we both wanted all that marriage entailed. He said it was sinful for a man and woman to pledge the rest of their lives together while not knowing whether that deepest most explicit act were a celebration of love, something both revered . . . I . . .’ Becky faltered, ‘I was afraid but Earl said there could be no fear where love was true; that if I loved him as much as he loved me there would be nothing immoral in my showing it, and so I let him make love to me. I believed him.’ Becky looked with wide eyes at Katrin, ‘I believed it when he said we would marry. Alice is right in saying I was stupid. Oh Kate, it’s all so hopeless, it would be better all round if I were dead!’

     Seeming to veer the discussion to a new path Kate asked: ‘Earl, is he the only boyfriend you’ve had?’

     ‘He’s the only one whose  . . .’

     ‘No!’ Katrin interjected swiftly, ‘I don’t mean is he the only man you have made love with, I meant is he the only man to have been attracted to you?’

     ‘That be a definite no.’ Alice compounded Becky’s shake of the head. ‘Don’t be a chap in Wednesbury ain’t had a fancy for Becky, her could have married any one of ’em. Not least Rob Eldon, he’s still crazy about her, asked her to marry him afore he went into the Navy and no doubt he’d ask again were it not for  . . .’

     ‘For me bein’ caught with another man’s child.’ Becky’s laugh was pure despair. ‘Well, askin’ ain’t likely now, is it?’

     This was the moment. All she hoped for rested on the next step . . . it must be taken carefully. Katrin waited long seconds before saying, ‘It could be.’

     ‘Could be what?’ It was Alice’s question.

     Prevaricating, using the ploy of uncertainty, Katrin said. ‘I was thinking should Robert Eldon ask Becky to marry him, it would put an end to her problems.’

     ‘Well, seein’ as he ain’t here, nor not likely to be so long as this perishin’ war goes on, then I don’t see the use in talkin’.’ Alice dismissed more discussion.

     ‘But he is here, or will be by tomorrow.’

     ‘Rob Eldon be comin’ home?’

     Katrin nodded. ‘That is what I heard just before you came into the office. Mr Whitman called to Isaac Eldon saying to give his regards and that Isaac should take a few hours away from work, spend some time with his son while he was on leave.’

     ‘That be nice for Isaac Eldon, but I don’t see how Rob havin’ leave can help Becky.’

     ‘It can if she wants it to. When Alice came to ask could I help then honestly I could think of no way. It was later I thought  . . .’

     ‘What . . . you thought what?’

     ‘Nothing.’ Katrin shook her head. ‘It was nothing.’

     Her glance hardening, Alice said, ‘That be a lie, Kate Hawley! I brought Becky here ’cos I thought you’d help but if you can’t then say so but don’t go givin’ we lies!’

     ‘Really Alice, it’s crazy.’ Katrin shook her head. ‘I don’t know how I could have dreamed such an idea.’

     ‘Crazy or not can’t be judged ’til it be told and any idea be better than none.’

     Keeping to the illusion she would much prefer to say no more Katrin took her time.

     ‘It was probably on hearing Robert Eldon’s name mentioned had me remember, as Alice had, the crush he had on you and it flashed into my mind that should he still feel the same way it would be a simple matter to get him to ask again would you marry him.’

     ‘Marry Rob! I couldn’t do that!’

     ‘Of course not. I told you it was a crazy notion, it’s better you make a clean breast of things to your mother.’

     Sharper than any nail, the point had been driven home. Becky Turner knew the outcome of confession.

     ‘It will be hard for you, Becky, but you can’t keep your mother from finding out.’ Katrin added hammer to nail head, driving it deeper.

     ‘Nor can you hide it from them at work, especially Nosy Nora – that one be suspicious already.’

     ‘Oh God!’ Becky dropped her head into her hands. ‘What can I do?’

     ‘You could marry Rob Eldon.’

     Quiet as Alice’s reply had been, it acted like a gunshot on Becky. Her head snapped up and she cried sharply, ‘How can I marry Rob or any other man? I be pregnant, Alice, how do I tell him that?’

     ‘You don’t!’ The bombshell was Katrin’s.

     ‘I be well over now.’ Becky’s face crumpled, ‘How far along will I be by the time  . . .’

     By the time she was married to Robert Eldon? Katrin set the reply to words. ‘There is government legislation which allows men about to leave on active service to apply for a special licence which enables them to marry three days later in a Register Office.’

     ‘Not in church? Mother would never go for that.’

     ‘A civil ceremony can be blessed in church.’

     Alice agreed. ‘The priest wouldn’t refuse, seeing Robert will very soon be returning to action and if he agreed then surely no one would object.’

     Katrin caught the look that crossed Becky’s face, a look which said ‘Could I?’ Satisfaction smiled warm in Katrin. This was what she had aimed for. It would need only a touch more cement and the foundation stone on which her plan was to develop would be well and truly laid.

     ‘Supposin’ . . . supposin’ I did marry Rob . . . and we, we . . .’ Becky blushed scarlet, ‘you know what I be sayin’, it wouldn’t hide the fact I were already pregnant when a child comes weeks sooner than it should.’

     ‘Wouldn’t be the first kid born premature.’

     Well done, Alice, right on cue. Katrin’s silence hid a growing sense of achievement.

     ‘But should Rob find out  . . .’

     ‘Who’s to tell him?’ Katrin cut in, ‘I won’t and Alice won’t, that leaves only yourself, and daft as Alice says you sometimes are, surely you wouldn’t be daft enough to go telling him he is not the father.’

     ‘It’s a rotten trick to play on Rob.’

     ‘Life be full of rotten tricks, and it keeps throwin’ ’em. The one Earl Feldman has played on you be a clear example; thing is you ’ave to learn to throw ’em back.’ Alice was brusque. ‘Look at it this way, you needs a husband, the babby you be carryin’ needs a father, marryin’ Rob Eldon would take care of both and Rob would be gettin’ the girl he’s always wanted; what’s more it would mean your mother be off your back and once this war be over and Rob back home you would be gettin’ a place of your own so you’d be free of her altogether.’

     Without realising it, Alice had delivered the ultimate reason. Becky Turner would accept any alternative if it meant not having to face her mother’s wrath.

31

‘
There’s no one else with the technical skills as yet, there hasn’t been time enough to train them
.’

     Alone in the living room, Katrin stared into the fire her mind repeating what her father had told her before he returned for yet another long evening of extra hours at Titan. Signs of fatigue had shown clearly on his face, responsibility for designing a completely new method of shell production etching deep lines. She had tried to get him to stay home to rest at least for one evening; that was when he had said the Ministry of Supply, concerned at the high risk of Prodor and its sister factory New Crown Forgings being bombed, had decided to transport the necessary machinery to Australia and that he was to go there to supervise installation.

     ‘
But why you?
’ she had asked. ‘
Isaac Eldon has the knowledge, why can’t it be him sent to Australia?
’

     Her father had said consolingly, ‘
It will only be for a couple of months
.’

     ‘
Couple of months, couple of days, I still don’t see why you should be the one sent off to the other side of the world!
’

     She had stared at the man who had cared for her as he would for a child of his own body, he explained patiently.

     ‘
I am not being despatched without consultation. I was asked would I go and I consented
.’ He had smiled at her bewilderment. ‘
Katrin, there comes a time when we all do what perhaps we might not do in the normal run of things
.’

     Like stabbing a man in the throat with a broken bottle! The thought had reflected in her eyes.

     Judging the swift gleam to be that of fear, he had come to sit beside her. ‘
Katrin, try to understand, this method of shell forging is the lifeblood of this country and possibly the whole of Europe. Without the means of continued production we cannot stand against the enemy, without comparable supply of armaments we risk our freedom; so you see, my dear, how very important it is we safeguard this by installing machinery abroad
.’

     ‘
I do understand
.’ She had countered. ‘
I also understood it to be a joint undertaking, you and Isaac Eldon together both equally necessary. What I don’t understand is why now it seems to need only one to set it up, and why suddenly that one is you
.’

     A gentle squeeze of the hand had accompanied his answer. ‘
Isaac offered to go, but it is vital one of us remain behind
.’

     He had not needed to say the rest: that should both be lost, then, with the process not fully grasped by anyone else, hope of winning the war was placed on an even more precarious footing.

     ‘
And that one is Isaac Eldon!
’ She had said it scathingly, antipathy cold and hard as ice.

     ‘
It could be no other way
.’ He had shaken his head. ‘
I design the machinery but it is Isaac has the knowledge of metals, his knowledge is not so easily transferable. That is why Whitman agreed it had to be he and myself take the machinery to Australia
.’

     Arthur Whitman was going also! There had been no hint of this from him.

     Her father continued in that gentle tone she had known from babyhood. ‘
I know this is going to be difficult for you, especially so with your mother
. . .’ he had paused then moved to stare into the fire. ‘
I wanted to tell you but Violet said you were too young to understand. Then as you got older she begged we leave it just a while longer, always a while longer, I gave in to argument, anything for a quiet life. But I was wrong!
’ He had thumped a clenched fist against the fireplace. ‘
I should have insisted you be allowed to know
  . . .’

     ‘
To know what was hidden in a box mother kept in a drawer of her dressing table? What she maybe never intended I should?
’

     He had turned to face her, regret dark in his eyes.

     ‘
Yes
,’ she had answered the emotion. ‘
I know. I have known for a long time. I found the birth certificate which showed Violet was not my birth mother and you are not my father
.’

‘. . .
your folks d’aint want you
  . . .’

     Words from an angry tongue echoing back from her childhood, Katrin opened the box in her hands. They had known: Becky Turner, Alice Butler and Freda Evans. They and how many more had been privy to that which Violet Hawley had kept hidden from her?

     ‘But it was not hidden so well as you would have had it, mother.’ She touched the document with the tip of a finger. ‘You should have known secrets have a way of biting their keeper, as yours would have had not a bomb deprived you of the experience.’

     But there was no bomb had deprived those still believing Katrin Hawley ignorant of her adoption. Let them bask in their misconception. She snapped the box closed. Time added flavour to the dish of revenge and revenge was a dish she would eat well of. But not yet.

     Replacing the box beneath its soft lavender shroud she returned to the living room.

     There was something must take preference even over revenge.

Arthur Whitman frowned at the letter on his desk. What the hell had brought this on? Reading it again more slowly he tried to fathom the cause then rang for Katrin.

     ‘You know what this is?’ He waved the letter as she entered.

     ‘Yes.’

     ‘But why? Is it due to your father?’

     ‘My father?’

     ‘On account of his leaving for Australia.’