A Stellar Affair (15 page)

He seemed indecisive for a moment, so she concentrated harder.

“What about you?” Walter asked.

“Me?” she said. “I’m already gone. The female carrier was transported on schedule and reached the new facility without a problem. She’s no longer your concern. You can go now.”

Ardra nearly jumped up and down as the two sluggards did what she told them. She followed them straight out the door into the free air. The only thing she had to do now was avoid being seen by anybody while she made her way down the road.

Jack already had the door open for her when she got to his house.

“Quick,” he said. “Get in here.”

She hurried into the living room and turned to face him. “It worked. I did it.”

He smiled as he stepped closer to her. “I knew it would. You can do anything you put your mind to.”

She threw her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his warm shoulder.

“Jack,” she said, “I do want to remember my past. I have to.”

“I know.”

“Only it isn’t that easy. When I try to remember, it’s like I’m really there again, and it’s scary.”

“I know.”

“And even though I try, my mind breaks out of it at the last second.”

“Ardra, I know,” he said more forcefully.

She was quiet for a moment and then leaned back to look at him. “Can you help me do it? Can you help me remember?”

“That’s all I’ve ever—”

“No,” she said. “Help
me
do it.”

His expression turned sheepish. “We’ll do this together,” he promised. “We’ll take it nice and slow.”

With a last breath to steady herself, she stepped back. “All right. So what do I do?”

“First, why don’t you sit down?” He motioned toward the sofa.

“Not here,” she said.

She took his hand and led him into his bedroom. After what had happened last night, neither of them could censor their thoughts, but she wasn’t looking for sex right now. She just wanted the intimacy.

“A little suggestive, don’t you think?” he asked.

“This is personal, Jack. I’m not doing this to upgrade from prisoner to patient.”

That seemed to sober him.

Ardra sat on the bed and began propping up the pillows behind her.

“That’s not necessary,” he told her. “You sort of tip forward when you start to go under.”

“I do?”

“Come here.” He sat facing her and patted his left shoulder. “Right here.”

She hugged him, and he put his hand on the back of her head.

“This isn’t very comfortable,” she complained.

“Trust me,” he said. “You’re going to end up here anyway.”

“Well, how about if I start out like this?” She backed up enough to look him in the eye.

“Is this more comfortable?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Then it’s fine.” He kept his voice low and calm. “I’m going to try to pull you into a third-person perspective so that you can remain more detached. You’ll be able to look on and revisit your memories without them being quite so traumatic. Is that what you want?”

“Yes.” That was exactly what she wanted.

“All right,” he continued. “Just look at me. That’s it. Everything is going to be fine. You’ll be in control, and I’ll be with you. You can do this.”

She took a deep breath to psych herself up. “Okay, I’m ready. How do I start?”

“You can start by picking something innocuous,” he said. “I’m going to help you, but I want you to put yourself under. Think of someplace where you feel safe and relaxed. A place where everything is fine and you don’t have to worry about anything. Just think of where you want to go.”

“Safe and relaxed,” she repeated.

Rolling her shoulders, she tried to let her own influence pass through her like a warm wave. She felt a sinking sensation as if she was falling into a doze.

“Go with it,” Jack said.

Although her first instinct was to resist, she realized she needed to let go. She felt her head grow heavier, and a thick, peaceful stupor descended upon her. When she opened her eyes, she saw a whole new scene.

At first, everything was soft and fuzzy and distorted, but then the world came into focus. She was leaning back in the large tub in her mother’s house on Earth. The same blue and green print she had known growing up still decorated the walls, and there was a familiar crack in the antique faucet. Sunlight poured in through a small frosted window, and she could faintly hear the clatter of wind chimes beyond the closed door. Somewhere farther away, someone was moving around the house.

All of it was so real, yet she was instantly aware that this was an illusion. Her fear melted away. Then she felt two hands cup her shoulders.

“Are you relaxed?” Jack asked.

She didn’t turn around. “Yes, but this wasn’t what I had in mind.”

He laughed. “Apparently, it was. You picked it.”

So she had. She allowed herself to sit and experience it all for a moment—the heat, the air in the room, his touch. This place was dear to her. This was her true past. It brought her a sense of peace that she needed, and she lingered in the memory until she could make herself brave again.

“Are you ready?” he asked. “Are you ready to remember now?”

She took a deep breath. “Yes. I want to move ahead and find out what happened to Stevin.” The thought made her pulse quicken, but she tried to remain focused. “How do I change it?”

His hands stopped moving. “Think farther ahead in time. Concentrate on the moment of departure on the
A-Star
. You’re sad about leaving Earth, but nothing bad has happened. What do you see?”

There was an odd moment when she couldn’t hear or see anything at all. She thought maybe she had fallen asleep or her brain had stalled. Then she felt solid flooring beneath her feet. When she looked around, she was back on the observation deck of the
A-Star
, leaving Earth behind. The stars shone brightly outside.

“Jack?” she asked.

“I’m here.”

Arms entwined her from behind, and she leaned back against a firm male chest. It should have been Stevin holding her, but it was Jack who took her hand and walked around to face her.

“I’m right here,” he said. “I want you to step into the present and watch your past from a separate perspective.”

“How?” She cursed herself for suddenly feeling so timid.

“Come with me,” he told her. “You’re already doing it. I’m not in your past. You didn’t know me then. You’re a different person now.”

The images in front of her swayed when he tugged her forward, but she took a few shaky steps and felt her equilibrium restored.

“Don’t be startled,” he said. “I want you to turn around. Look back in time and see yourself.”

She glanced behind her. It was as if she had stepped out of a husk of herself. Her exact replica stood where she had just been, staring at the stars while Stevin cradled her from behind.

Ardra grew more anxious. “I feel dizzy.”

“You’re all right,” Jack assured her. “Just squeeze my hand. You’re doing fine.”

As she watched, Stevin picked up her double and walked to the lift. Ardra knew what was coming next. He was taking her back to their room to make love. She wasn’t sure whether the embarrassment she felt was her own or coming from Jack.

“I don’t need to see this,” she told him.

He agreed. “Think forward.”

Ardra jumped as she was suddenly confronted by her abductors. They were in the bedroom now, and her doppelganger wore a ghastly expression as she stared at the armed men.

“There she is,” Stevin told them. “Be careful with her.”

Although her stomach roiled, Ardra didn’t turn away. She watched herself as she screamed for her husband. The strange men grabbed her twin and threw her on the bed, and the lights dimmed as one of them jammed a syringe into her leg. Then everything became clear. Her heart thumped hard, and she cringed when she saw her past self strapped to a cold metal table.

“Jack?”

“It’s okay,” he soothed her. “It’s not really happening. You’ve already survived this.”

She wasn’t so sure.

“Come on,” the woman with the artificial arms said. “Wake up.”

Ardra could see the speaker clearly now. She was a large, pale woman with a thick neck. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a severe bun, and her body was riddled with cybernetic enhancements. The woman’s face was scarred and unkind, and one of her eyes glowed reddish brown. She glared at Ardra before turning to her colleagues.

“How much of that stuff did you inject her with?” she asked. “It’s taking forever to bring her around.”

The man she addressed was short and thickly muscled, and he had a shaved head. Ardra now recognized him as one of the men who had attacked her on the ship.

“Same as usual,” he answered. “She’s just sensitive.”

“Of course she’s sensitive, you idiots.” Stevin walked into the sallow light. “She’s from the home planet. She’s not used to taking so many meds.”

The figure on the table groaned. “Stevin, help.”

Ardra grabbed Jack’s hand as the prickly sensation of all those needles came back to her. She felt the drugs hit her bloodstream again.

“Hold on,” Jack told her. “Stay outside of it.”

She nodded but didn’t let go of him.

“She’s awake enough now,” Stevin told his accomplices. “Hurry up and get started. I don’t want to miss our flight.”

“Have it your way.” The woman bent over Ardra’s restrained body and placed some kind of visor over her eyes. “Don’t fight it. You’ll only make it worse for yourself.”

There was a high-pitched popping sound, and the figure on the table jerked even as Ardra in real time felt a sharp pain behind her eyes. Flashing lights and garbled sounds filled her consciousness in one excruciating explosion.

“Jack!”

Panicked, she tried to break the telepathic connection. In the same instant, everything went motionless around her like a digital freeze-frame. Jack stepped in front of her and took her in his arms.

“I can’t,” she said. “I can’t watch this. I’m sorry.”

“Yes, you can,” he assured her. He pushed back to look into her eyes.

She shook her head.

“Listen.” He took her hand and placed her palm against his chest. “Feel this? This is my heartbeat. Feel my heart beating nice and steady.”

She tried to do as he said and concentrated on the pulse she felt beneath her fingertips. Was this really Jack’s heartbeat, or the projection of it in his mind? She didn’t know, but she let herself follow its cadence.

“Good,” he said. “Now breathe in slowly with me. In…and out. Good. One more time. In…and out.”

It was working. His confidence gave her strength, and she was feeling better.

“You can do this,” he said. “Face your past and be free of it.”

She bit her lip and nodded. When she turned to face the room, everything began to move again.

“I tell you she’s no good,” the woman said. “It’s not working.”

“What do you mean?” Stevin demanded. “She’s perfect. Unattached, no family.”

“That’s not what I mean,” she told him. “If she won’t accept the programming, she’s of no use to us.”

“She’s seen too much,” the other man announced. “We’ll have to dispose of her.”

“Wait a minute!” Stevin said. “That wasn’t the deal. You program her, she comes to live with me, and I take her to Algoron once they deliver the credits. That was the plan.”

“That was the plan,” the woman agreed, “but there’s something wrong with her. If her brain won’t accept the programming, we can’t afford to let her walk out of here.”

“You heard her. We can’t risk it.” The other guy reached toward the tray of medical instruments and pulled the cap off an amber-colored syringe.

“No.” Stevin’s jaw flexed as he clenched his teeth. He looked at his co-conspirators. “No, I won’t have this!”

He pushed his way to the side of the table.

“Stevin.” Ardra whispered his name like a plea.

He began undoing her restraints. “Hold on, Ardra.”

Just as he loosened the two bonds across her chest, he grunted and went stiff. Still pressed against Jack’s side, Ardra saw the other man had buried the syringe in Stevin’s neck. She clapped her hand over her mouth even as her duplicate screamed. Stevin dropped to the floor.

“What the hell did you do that for?” The woman with the mechanical arms sounded annoyed but not really upset.

The murderer shrugged. “Corvus was getting sloppy. We can’t afford any mistakes.”

They looked from Stevin’s body to the figure struggling against her bonds.

“What about her?” the woman asked. “There’s still a chance she could accept the programming with some more conditioning. She is one of the best candidates we’ve got.”

“All right,” the man agreed. “Edit out Corvus and give it another run, but if it doesn’t work, kill her. I want no loose ends.”

She nodded.

The Ardra of the past was resecured and pumped full of more drugs through the lines in her arm. The woman hovering over her entered something into a nearby consul and forced the projecting headgear onto her face with a hard, metal hand. In one painful burst of light, that equipment spat an entire lifetime into Ardra’s brain, and with it a very important number.

Ardra awoke to the feel of Jack’s chest as he held her close. She allowed herself to weep—over Stevin’s betrayal and over the loss of her husband. She knew now that Stevin hadn’t totally deceived her. In those last moments, whatever love he had felt for her had made him defend her at the cost of his life. That had to be worth something. For her own sake, she forgave him.

After a few minutes, her eyes dried, and she sat back to look at the new man in her life.

Jack stroked her cheek. “Are you all right?”

“I will be.” She studied him carefully. “Jack?”

“Yes?”

“Did you mean what you said?”

“What I said when?” he asked.

“Did you mean it when you said we could transport away, that we could go anywhere I wanted?”

He smiled. “I’ve never lied to you. Do you want to leave? Do you want us to go together?”

Ardra remembered the coordinates that had been programmed into her memory. Jack had said many lives would be lost if the Roimirans didn’t learn the target for the next attack. The fact that he now seemed to have forgotten about getting that information meant everything to her.