A Stellar Affair (12 page)

“What would you say?” he asked. “I want to help, Ardra. Please tell me how.”

She hesitated, mostly because choking back her feelings gave her a sore throat. When she did speak, her voice quavered.

“I’d say I could use a friend,” she admitted. “I really need someone on my side right now. I have a whole lot of images all jumbled up in my head, and I don’t know what to believe. I’m frightened and confused, and what I need most is for someone to support me through this.”

Still cautious, she met his gaze. “There’s just one question, Jack. Are you my friend? You’re supposed to be my enemy.”

“You and I aren’t the ones at war,” he pointed out. “The best proof I have is the chance I’m taking. I’m not only risking a job or even my allegiance. I’m gambling something I shouldn’t.”

She waited for him to clarify, but he didn’t finish. If he meant what she thought he did… She glanced away to hide her thoughts. Bad timing didn’t even begin to describe their predicament, but she would take the help he was offering.

Ardra cleared her throat. “Do you know what I could really use right now?”

“What’s that?” He kept his expression neutral, probably afraid she would ask him to help her escape.

“How about a drink?” she said hopefully.

Jack smiled, and something seemed to shift between them. “That I can do. How does a glass of wine sound?”

“I was thinking more like a bottle.”

“That bad?” he teased her.

“I’ve had a terrible few months,” she confessed. “You know, the usual. Work transfer, kidnapping, interrogation.”

She never would have thought she would be able to joke about it, but somehow the words tumbled off her tongue.

Jack appeared straight-faced, though she noticed his eyes were sparkling. “Work transfers can be stressful,” he agreed.

Ardra laughed and scrubbed her hands over her face. She definitely needed that drink.

Once they returned to Jack’s patio, she sat and waited while he brought out a couple of wine bottles and two glasses. He took her at her word and handed her a full glass. The sun was starting to go down and a gentle breeze rustled the grass in the field they had walked through. She took a big sip and let her head fall back.

If Jack had any lingering doubts about following Terrah’s advice, they were swept away. Ardra was usually so tense and controlled around him, but now she looked perfectly relaxed. She was even more lovely without the little worry lines between her eyebrows. Of course, some of her relaxation was likely due to the alcohol.

He decided to cut her off after she poured herself the third or fourth glass. She wasn’t slurring, but her voice had taken on a rambling, dreamy quality.

She leaned over and whispered to him confidentially. “Do you want to know a secret, Jack?”

“Sure.” He hid his smile by taking a sip from his glass.

“I was born twins.” All of a sudden, she got the giggles. “Isn’t that remarkable?”

“You have a twin?” The records Nash had turned up indicated she was an only child.

“No,” she said. “I mean I have twin lives. I was born in two different places at the same time.”

“Really?” He kept his tone even, letting her go with this wherever she wanted.

She leaned back. “I was born on Earth and lived in a pretty white house surrounded by wind chimes. But I was also born on a Tetch cruiser and lived in tiny little apartments all across the sector.”

At least she was aware of the contradiction.

“Do you know which of those lives is real?” he asked.

“They both seem real,” she said, which didn’t answer his question.

“Which one
feels
real?” he pressed her.

She seemed to think hard for a second, but her answer came quickly. “The first one. I was born on Earth.”

“It’s good that you can tell the difference. That’s an excellent start.” Curiosity got the better of him, and Jack decided to take a chance. “May I ask you something personal?”

She rolled her head to look at him. “Yep.”

“Why did you leave Earth?”

Ardra released a big sigh and downed the rest of her glass. “All I ever wanted was a pretty house with a garden—a certain space and someone to share my life with.”

She made a sweeping motion with her hands as if to indicate everything around them. He wondered if she was picturing herself living here.

Then she looked up at the darkening sky. “You know, there are a lot of people who look up at the night sky and see science. Did you know that? They see satellites and orbits and flares and holes and gushers and on and on.”

He suspected that last part was supposed to be phenomenon.

“But me?” She gave a dramatic shake of her head. “I thought that kind of space study was boring.
Boring
. It never mattered to me. But there have been a few times—just a few—when I looked up and was completely awed. I was stardust, and those heavens weren’t dry, untouchable statistics. They were magic.”

She turned toward him, and he found himself captivated. There was passion in this woman that he hadn’t fully sensed before, and he saw it in her brilliant eyes when she looked at him now.

“Oh, Stevin,” she said, disappointing him. “Stevin, do we really have to leave? I thought I was going because of you. I really did. I thought I had found something I didn’t want to lose, but now I think maybe I was looking for something else.”

Or perhaps someone else?
Jack looked into her eyes and spoke before he knew what he was going to say. “You have to make this trip,” he told her. “It’s who you are. Long ago, the aliens taught us that you don’t really have to go far to make an important journey. The greatest leaps are made within our hearts and minds. That’s true for you now. Come with me. Come the rest of the way, and I promise you won’t be alone.”

She didn’t answer. Instead, she stood and wobbled.

Worried she would fall, he picked her up and carried her back inside. As he walked into the house, thoughts and images flowed into his mind—not his and not his doing. Somehow Ardra had confused him with her husband, and she was pulling Jack into her past. It was an eerie sensation. Carrying her in his arms like the other man had done long ago, Jack became Stevin. He meant to put her down on the sofa but found himself taking her to the bedroom instead.

Her eyes closed as he laid her on his bed. As he reached for the sheet to tuck her in, she cupped his cheek and caught his mouth in a passionate kiss. In that moment, Jack was her and Stevin and himself, and the kiss touched him on a level he wasn’t prepared for. He pulled back and stared at her, but she had already fallen asleep. He watched her for several minutes while his heart raced. He knew her kiss wasn’t meant for him—in her mind, she had been with her husband—yet…

This situation was already complicated enough. He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

The next morning, Ardra awoke to the pleasant sound of tinkling metal. Her head rested against a soft pillow, and despite a slight hangover, she managed to sit up in bed. She looked around at the unfamiliar room.

Still wearing her clothes, she was tucked into a bed with silver sheets. The carpet and ceiling were both creamy white, but the walls were pale cerulean. Thanks to the mirrored closet doors on her right, she could see how awful she looked.

With one palm over her face like an eye-patch, she somehow navigated her way to the bathroom. The sensors in the sink turned on a cold stream of water, and her headache eased when she splashed her face and neck. She ran her fingers through her hair to comb it before she hobbled back out and opened the bedroom door.

As soon as she walked down the short hallway, she knew where she was. To her surprise, she spotted Jack sleeping on the sofa in the living room. His face looked smooth and angelic in his sleep, and she caught herself staring at his features.

Her fingers tingled with the desire to touch him. He had saved her from the guard when she had escaped, and he seemed sincere when he told her he wanted to help. Deep down, she had always recognized that he was a good guy. She just hadn’t been sure if she could trust him—not while she was a captive.

Of course, she was still a prisoner, but Jack wasn’t the one holding her here. There were no guards around right now, and the only man who could stop her was fast asleep. She watched as he stirred.

With a stretch of his limbs, he popped his eyes open to look at her. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” she said.

He sat up and shot a quick glance at the door before he looked at her again. “Have you been up long?”

“No.” She glanced at his bare feet as he stood. Although she didn’t know why, seeing him like this made him seem so much more normal.

He flashed her one of his winning smiles. “Are you hungry?”

She met his gaze again even as her stomach rebelled. “Yes, but it’s a gamble.”

“I’ll cook light,” he promised.

She nodded and watched him walk into the small kitchen. In another life, this could have been her house, and Jack could have been her—

She put a stop to those thoughts.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“Hanging in there.” She had to prop her head up, but she didn’t feel too bad.

He set a plate of toast and mixed fruits in front of her. “Here you go. A nice, light, unintimidating breakfast.”

“Thanks.” She bit into the toast and wished she didn’t have to chew so loudly.

He joined her, but he didn’t try to inundate her with small talk. The silence between them was comfortable, not awkward, and neither of them spoke again until they were done eating. By then, she was feeling much better.

“You’ve already started piecing together which of your memories are real and which are programmed,” he said when they returned to the living room. “Do you want me to help you sort them out?”

Ardra sat on the sofa where he had slept and swore she could still feel his body heat lingering in the cushions. The pall of other sessions seemed to fill the space, though, and she didn’t want him poking around in her mind just then.

He must have sensed her unease. “We can just talk about your memories if you’re not ready to revisit them. If that’s what you want.”

The fact that he added the last part and gave her a choice drained most of her tension. She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly before she nodded.

“You know your memories of Earth are real,” he said. “You were born there.”

“Yes. I remember my father, though when I try to picture his face, it’s kind of hazy. He died when I was pretty young. My memories of my mom are crystal clear now.” She felt a surge of anger that anyone had been able to steal those memories from her for even a minute.

“You were close with your mother.” Jack made it a statement.

“Very. It was always the two of us. When she passed, I felt alone.” She had to swallow the lump in her throat. “I couldn’t afford the taxes after that, and when the government took the house away, it was like losing my mom all over again. I still miss the place.”

“I’m sorry,” Jack said, and she knew he meant it. “Where did you go after that?”

“That’s when we moved into the first apartment on Nintu III. Dad didn’t leave until I had already gone off to school and—” Her breath left her in a rush. “That’s not right.”

“It’s normal to be confused.” Jack reached over and rubbed her hand, which she hadn’t even realized she had clenched into a fist. “You have no idea how great you’re doing just being able to recognize when the memories don’t make sense.”

“I feel like I’m losing my mind.” When she tried to remember what had really happened after her mother died, she ran into a gaping black hole.

“Don’t panic.” Jack’s voice remained steady. “I can help you uncover your true memories, if you let me.”

She was still scared to let him into her mind again, but she was even more terrified of not knowing the truth about her past. “How?”

“I won’t manipulate anything,” he promised. “I’ll only put you under enough so that we can bring your real past to the surface. Okay?”

When he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, she nodded for him to go ahead. Now that she wasn’t on guard to fend off Jack’s influence, she found the process far less frightening. She didn’t even notice anything was happening until her heart rate had already slowed and she realized her eyelids felt heavier.

“So you were sad when they took your mother’s house away,” he said. “You had to move, so you went…”

At first, she couldn’t fill in the blank. Then the answer came to her in bits and pieces. “I went to an apartment nearby. The building was an ugly shade of pink, but I liked the flowers beneath the window. I didn’t want to leave the area, so it was only a few blocks away. I would still walk by my old house sometimes.”

“Did someone else buy it?” he asked.

“Not at first.” She could picture the front lawn and the pavers her father had put in leading up to the front door. “It took a while before another family moved in. I didn’t stop by the house after that. I didn’t want to see them change the place.”

“What did you do then?”

“I had to move again when my lease was up,” she said, remembering now how she’d had to box up her stuff. “I rented another apartment that was closer to my job. I went to work and occasionally saw a few friends. One of them invited me to a party in the city. I didn’t really want to go, but I didn’t want to stay home alone. That’s where I met—”

She pulled her hand away as she broke free of Jack’s mental influence.

“That’s enough,” she told him.

“Are you sure?” For a second, he looked like he would argue with her.

Ardra nodded and braced herself for him to push.

“All right,” he told her instead. “We’ll wait until you’re ready.”

This time, she was the one who reached out to clasp his hand.

Chapter Eleven

For weeks, Ardra struggled privately with the fragments of memory she had of that party in the city—the party where she had first met Stevin. Although she could picture him, his dark eyes fixed on her and a playful smile on his face, she couldn’t remember anything he had said to her that night. And when she fought to recollect the exact sound of his voice, she kept hearing him call her Mrs. Corvus.

That was troubling, especially when she grew closer to Jack. She didn’t talk to him about Stevin, but she did work with him to make her childhood memories clearer. When Jack kept his promise not to manipulate her, her trust in him grew.

He had offered her a slice of freedom in the midst of her captivity. She was grateful for that, but her attraction to him was due to so much more. He was smart and attentive, and he balanced strength with compassion. It was hard not to like him.

“I’m surprised you’re not married,” she confessed.

They had just shared lunch together, and Ardra could tell by the way his eyebrows shot up that she had caught him off-guard.

“I guess your job probably gets in the way,” she teased him. “You don’t meet a lot of free people in your line of work.”

“Very funny.” He smiled, but his expression turned serious almost as quickly. “To be honest, what I am has been more of an obstacle to a serious relationship than what I do. Even my fellow Roimirans sometimes get nervous around a high-level precept like myself.”

She hadn’t thought of that. “It’s because you’re a mind-reader. They’re probably worried you’ll discover all of their secrets. You have to admit your power is pretty scary.”

Jack sighed. “Half the galaxy thinks we precepts are monsters. We’re not.”

“Of course not.” Ardra hated that she’d hurt his feelings, though she had only spoken the truth. “I didn’t say
you
were scary, but your abilities are.”

“I know why you think so,” he told her, “but they’re not always.” He cocked his head at her. “Will you let me show you?”

Although she wasn’t sure what he had in mind, she couldn’t refuse. Not when she had just finished telling him she wasn’t afraid of him. She let him take her hand and felt as if she were falling into his gaze when she looked into his eyes.

“What are you going to show me?” she asked.

“Something beautiful. See?” Even as Jack said that last word, he was already transporting her to another world.

It was nighttime, but there was enough milky light for her to see the small stream meandering through the grass not far away. She was standing on a wraparound porch in back of a wooden house, and she recognized the place from a previous glimpse she’d had of Jack’s memories.

“Your home?” she asked.

“Yes. This is where I grew up on Edalus.” He gave her a smile as he opened the screen door and held out his hand. “Let me show you.”

Ardra took his hand and let him lead her outside. It still struck her as strange that his hand felt so solid and warm when she knew he and everything else around her were nothing but a mental projection. She did a double take when she looked up at the night sky.

“I know these stars.” She had seen them in a dream—the dream she’d had while sleeping in a ditch during her escape.

“I shared them with you,” Jack told her. “I even taught you the names of the constellations.”

“You left something out,” she said.

While the stars were brilliant, they weren’t the main source of light. Looking up, she saw two moons fixed within the speckled sea of black, one smaller than the other.

He shrugged. “You were dreaming you were back on the mother planet. If I had shown you twin moons, you might have tried to wake up.”

“Why share this with me now?” She turned to look at him instead of the sky.

“I’ve seen so many of your memories,” he pointed out. “It seemed only fair to share some of mine in return.”

“Thank you.”

She continued to stare at him, and her body warmed as he took a step closer. He leaned in until she swore she could see the stars reflected in his pupils. Before his lips might have touched hers, though, the world around them dissolved. She found herself back at his house.

Jack was still holding her hand, so Ardra gently pulled away.

He looked disappointed for a moment, but then he smiled. “That wasn’t scary, right?”

“No,” she lied.

His mental talents were wondrous. It was the threat to her heart that she found frightening.

Ardra knew that emotional threat was increasing when she realized how much she looked forward to seeing Jack the next week. Gabriella picked her up from her holding cell as usual and led her over to Jack’s house in the morning. The guard no longer bothered to go inside with her, though the woman did wait until the front door closed behind Ardra before she left.

Ardra was surprised when she walked in and discovered Jack wasn’t alone. He stood to greet her.

“I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine,” he said, pointing to the strawberry-haired woman in the living room. “This is Terrah.”

A splinter of what might have been jealousy stabbed Ardra before she registered the way he’d phrased the introduction. This woman was only a friend. He was definitely close with her, but the feelings between them were more familial than romantic.

Terrah approached her and shook her hand. Physically, the woman didn’t seem threatening in the least, but Ardra looked into her eyes. Although she had no idea how she knew, she instantly recognized Terrah as another precept. Her heart flew into her throat.

“Are you two planning on ganging up on me?” she asked.

The flash of hurt on Jack’s face instantly made her regret her suspicion.

“Nothing like that,” he promised. “I just wanted you to meet my friend and give you someone else to talk to.”

“Oh.” Ardra was pretty sure her face was red. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” She turned to look at Terrah again. “But you are a precept, right?”

“Yes.” Terrah shot Jack a questioning look, which he seemed intent on ignoring. “I don’t do interrogations though. I’m strictly a healer. Jack mentioned that you were isolated here, and I thought you might like to have another woman to talk to. I was hoping we could take a walk and get to know each other.”

“All right.” Ardra felt completely off-balance now, but she liked the idea of going outside.

“Stay away from the road,” Jack warned his friend. “Walter will have a conniption if he sees her out there without me or a guard.”

Terrah waved over her shoulder to show she had heard him as she headed outside. Ardra followed her.

“You wouldn’t know it,” Terrah said, “but Jack enjoys ruffling his superintendent from time to time. He still has a bit of the rebel in him.”

“Still?”

She smiled. “Jack is like a brother to me. I apprenticed with his mother, who is a wonderful healer, so I’ve known him since we were little more than children. Back then, he was always ready to challenge the system if he thought it would make things better. We both were. Although we’ve taken different paths, I think the two of us are still trying to change the universe in our own way.”

“I guess helping me makes him a rebel.” Ardra hadn’t looked too closely at Jack’s motives when he had offered his support.

Terrah gave her a pointed look that made her think the woman had read her mind. “You don’t really think that’s why Jack is helping you, do you? He’s passionate about his beliefs, but he’s not a zealot.”

Which meant something far more powerful was motivating him. He’d told her he was gambling something he shouldn’t, but Ardra wasn’t ready to deal with that yet.

“This isn’t easy for Jack,” Terrah said quietly. “I don’t believe in these military interrogations, and I won’t defend what he’s done to you. But I will tell you that he is a good man.”

“I believe you.” Ardra had already figured that out for herself.

“The attack on Bok-10 last year cemented his allegiance to the Roimiran cause,” Terrah continued. “Jack did an interview broadcast—part of a PR campaign to give us precepts a better image.”

Something niggled at the back of Ardra’s brain, but she kept listening.

“The Tetch used the transmission as cover to move in close to the planet and then invaded. Jack’s superintendent ordered him to evacuate since he was too valuable to lose. The man was later captured, tortured and put to death by the Tetch. Although Jack has never admitted it, I know he feels guilty about that. A large part of him wanted to stay and fight.”

“If it was a full-scale invasion, there was nothing one man could do.” Although Ardra could picture Jack wanting to play the hero. “Can precepts even fight? With their minds, I mean?”

Terrah studied her for a moment before she answered. “Not effectively. We might be able to stop a handful of soldiers, maybe put them to sleep or plant the suggestion to go elsewhere, but as you said, there’s nothing to do in the face of a whole army.”

“I don’t want anyone to die.” Ardra met her gaze. “If it was a simple matter of turning over the strike coordinates, I would, but I’m not even sure I have them.”

“You won’t know for certain until you recover all your memories.”

That was all Terrah said, and Ardra liked that the woman didn’t try to pressure her. Maybe Jack had warned her not to, or maybe it was because Terrah was a healer.

“I’m remembering more and more,” Ardra confided.

“That’s good.”

“I think I’m married.” She blurted out this revelation before she could think better of it. It was something that had been bothering her.

“You think?” Terrah looked at her, but there was no trace of mockery in her tone. “You don’t know for sure?”

“I know I was married, but then where is Stevin? Why can’t I remember?”

The healer reached over and rubbed her shoulder. “The Tetch are very good at burying memories with their programming. A traumatic experience can also have the same effect. Since you were an unwilling carrier, I think it’s safe to say you’ve suffered both.”

“I wish I knew the truth. I should know whether I’m still married or not, shouldn’t I?”

For the first time, Terrah seemed to hesitate. “Yes, you should. I don’t have the details, but I can tell you Jack was able to find out that your husband is dead. I’m sorry.”

Ardra stopped walking as a sick wave of sadness washed over her. She was even more struck by what she didn’t feel.

“I should be shocked,” she said. “I should be surprised, but I’m not. I think somehow I knew that.”

“That’s a painful memory,” Terrah said, “so it’s no wonder you buried it. I’m sorry I was the one to tell you. Usually it’s healthier to let that sort of knowledge emerge on its own as you uncover your true memories. But I agree a woman should know her own marital status.”

“Thank you.” Ardra was glad Terrah had told her. She had never thought she would be a widow, especially at her age, yet with the sorrow came a strange sort of relief. Now she was free to love whomever she wanted.

They turned and started walking back toward the house, where she could see Jack waiting on the patio.

Terrah must have seen him too. “He’s worried about you,” she pointed out. “Before we join him, there is something I’d like to mention. I know your relationship with Jack is…complicated. If you’d like to try to recover your memories with someone else, I would be happy to work with you.”

“I appreciate that.” Ardra was grateful for the offer, especially since she knew Terrah had no motive but the desire to help. “I think I’ll keep working with Jack for now.”

Terrah smiled. “He’s a good choice.”

Her tone suggested she thought he was a good choice in more ways than one.

Jack watched as the two women reentered his house. Whatever they had discussed, they both looked serious, but Ardra didn’t seem upset.

“Have a nice walk?” he asked.

“Yes, we did.” Terrah gave him a stern look and switched to telepathy.
“You haven’t told her she’s a precept.”

“You know I can’t do that,”
he replied.

“Can’t or won’t?”
She walked past him and headed for the front door.
“If you want my advice, tell her how you feel about her and let her know what she really is. As a precept, the power she needs is inside her. Forget about being a hero and be a sidekick, Jack. Why don’t you give that a try?”

He mulled that over as he followed her.

Terrah turned at the door. “It was nice meeting you, Ardra. I look forward to seeing you again soon.”

Ardra smiled, and he could tell she liked Terrah. “Me too. And thank you.”

His friend smiled and turned to him. “As for you.”

She lifted her face for a kiss goodbye and managed to tickle him when he bent to oblige her.

“Stop frowning,” she told him. “You know I’m right.”

“You’re not
always
right,” he pointed out.

Her smug grin was her only answer. She slipped away, and he watched her disappear along the road before he closed the door.

After she was gone, Jack returned his attention to Ardra and discovered she was looking at him. “What?”

“You knew Stevin was dead?” she asked.

“Terrah told you?” He couldn’t read her tone, but he didn’t think she sounded accusatory. “According to the records we uncovered, yes. It was better for you to remember on your own though.”

“But I don’t remember. Not really.” She released a sigh and hugged herself as she stood in the living room.

“I could help you,” Jack offered. “If you let me.”

Her body language screamed resistance, so he was surprised when she returned a nod. He approached her cautiously and was pleased when she let him draw her into his arms.

Jack snuggled her against his chest and silently reveled in the way she fit against him. “You’re not alone. We can confront the truth together.”

She nodded again, but she didn’t say anything.

Wrapping his influence around her like a warm blanket, he watched as her eyes slid closed. He recognized that she wasn’t all the way under yet, so he sat her in the nearest chair and waited until she leaned forward. A moment later, he had her forehead pressed against his shoulder and his arm around her back.