A Sister's Wish (5 page)

After his lengthy speech, Simon stared at his best friend. He'd never been so forthcoming about his past with Lukas. He'd never wanted Lukas to look at him with disdain, the way he was now.

“You see?” Lukas said. “This is what I'm talking about. You've never told me about any of this before.”

“There was no need. It's in the past.”

“
Nee,
I don't think it is. As far as I can tell, you've never actually dealt with it. All you've done is pretend that it didn't happen. But you can't erase the past. The memories linger.”

“I know that.”

Memories that he tried so hard to keep buried came to the surface. But the ones that he cringed at weren't of his teenaged years. No, they were from his childhood at his parents' house. Even now, he couldn't bring himself to think of it as his “home.”

“I am a different man than I was.” He clenched his right hand, hating how his voice now sounded hoarse.

“I think you are. But you are expecting Amelia to bear your burden and that ain't fair.” Still barely looking at him, Lukas continued. “I never faulted you for rebelling. I understood why your brother and sister left the faith. I would have understood if you had done so, too. The things your parents did to you, Jeremy, and Tess—all in the name of the Lord? Well, it was terrible, indeed.”

“Yet you are determined to hold it against me.”

“
Nee
. I am your friend. I will always be your friend. Even if my father hadn't hired you, I would have. I have been blessed to know you.”

“If you really mean all that, why are you standing in my way?”

Lukas sighed. “Because we are not talking about you and me. We're talking about Amelia, who has already lost so much.”

“I don't want to
take
anything from her, Luke.”

“You want to take her innocence. If she marries you, she's going to have to learn about the things you've done. She's going to learn things about places she should never know about and people that she shouldn't realize exist.”

“She is a grown woman, not a sheltered child. But even with that said, I have no intention of sharing with her all the things I've done. She doesn't need to know.”

“If she becomes your wife, she'll have that right, don't you think?” Lukas asked softly.

“I will promise to honor and cherish her. Not taint her with my past.”

“But our pasts make up who we are,” Lukas said. “Look. I promised myself that I'd always protect her. I owe it to my parents' memory to do that. In some ways, she's the best of our family. She's tender and sweet. I want her to find a man who will honor that and keep her that way. Not ruin all her illusions. As much as I love you like a brother . . . you are not good enough for her.”

He was not enough. He was never going to be enough.

Even though he knew everything Lukas said was true, the words hurt so much that Simon could barely talk. He settled for nodding.

True regret filled Lukas's gaze, reminding Simon that before his infatuation with Amelia, he'd had a strong friend in Lukas. “I'm sorry, Simon. I really am. However, with my parents gone, I have to put my sister's needs first. Someone has to do the job our parents would've if they had been here.”

“I understand,” he replied. And unfortunately, he did. “Of course you need to put her needs above all else.”

“She needs someone without a past. Someone who won't saddle her with more hurt and pain.”

Simon nodded. Then, finding the strength from somewhere deep inside of himself, he said, “I need to get out of here. I know I said I'd be right back, but tell her . . . tell her that something came up at work. I'll stop by tomorrow.”

“I'm not sure that is a good idea.”

“It might not be. But there is no way I am going to break things off without an explanation. I'll do what you want. But I am coming back tomorrow to see her.”

“All right.” Looking weary, Lukas stood up. “Thank you for understanding.”

He was willing to give up everything he wanted and give Lukas his due, but he didn't understand. At least, his heart didn't.

Simon was barely able to nod before turning away and walking through the wrought-iron gate toward the hospital parking lot. After he heard the door close and he knew Lukas was out of view, he closed his eyes and exhaled.

Simon tried to tell himself that he should be glad he was doing the right thing. That he was going to be glad when Amelia found a better man whose skin wasn't marked by scars and ink.

But all he could feel was the bitter pain of loss. His body felt cold. Empty.

As cold and empty as he'd felt when he'd been locked in that cellar, surrounded by jars of food. And forbidden to touch a one.

Lost in thought, he almost didn't hear his name being called.

“Simon, is that you?”

When he turned around, he felt as if he'd just slammed into a brick wall. Standing right there in the middle of the parking lot was Tess.

His sister, whom he hadn't seen in over a decade.

Chapter 4

T
ess felt like she wasn't getting enough air in her lungs.

She'd called out Simon's name on impulse. Almost as if her heart had known her little brother was near before her mind could fully comprehend it. Standing next to the main entrance, staring at her like she was a stranger, was her brother. Who she hadn't seen in fifteen years.

As she stood staring back at him, time seemed to stand still. Once again, she was sitting in a public park weeks after she'd run away, feeling as if she was completely alone in the world.

For the most part, she was.

After running away from home when she was fifteen, she'd endured three terrible months of living on the streets. Her older brother, Jeremy, who had run away before her, had gotten mixed up in a bad crowd. It only took one night with him and his friends for her to know that a second night in their company was a recipe for disaster. So, she'd left. Soon, she'd found refuge in public libraries and parks. She kept what little money she had hidden and talked to no one . . . until she met Jill, a police officer who became her foster mother and saved her life.

But now, for the first time in fifteen years, she was in Amish
country. And, just after shaking hands with a pair of doctors at the Millersburg Hospital, she'd turned to go to her car and walked right into the last person she ever thought she'd see.

“Simon?” she called out again. This time a tremor in her voice betrayed her nervousness.

He blinked those hazel eyes—an exact match to her own—and stared hard at her. At her shoulder-length hair that she'd paid a fortune to put golden highlights in. At her slim-fitting black suit. Her pumps with a designer insignia imprinted on the heel. Tess stood silently, knowing that she looked so very different from the scared, beaten Amish girl she'd once been.

The girl who'd left one night without telling him goodbye. Who'd never contacted him, even when she'd heard that he had gotten arrested and was in jail.

Then, at last, Simon's gaze settled on the faint scar that marred her bottom lip. He exhaled. “Tess,” he said after a moment. “You're back.”

She nodded, because she almost answered him in Pennsylvania Dutch. And because she was tempted to clarify his words. She wasn't really
back,
only there for work. But most of all, she held her tongue because she was about to either hug him or burst into tears. She'd pushed so many memories away, but she'd never wanted to forget her little brother.

Only the many ways she'd failed him.

“What are you doing here?”

The right answer, of course, was to tell him that she'd been at the hospital for work. The truth was that she'd never imagined she'd see him again. She'd never imagined that he'd ever want to see her again. After all, she'd left when he'd needed her. Then, after surviving another three years at home, he'd gone out
into the world and made enough poor choices to earn himself a prison sentence. Though it made no sense, she'd always felt more than a little responsible for that.

She'd asked her foster mother to let her know when he'd been released from prison. Jill had done that, but she hadn't known what happened to him next. Tess had imagined Simon doing a great many things, but she'd never dreamed he'd return to Charm.

She certainly had never thought he'd still be Amish.

And because of all that, she'd assumed he was lost to her forever.

But that seemed too harsh. And, perhaps, not quite true. Maybe, in time, she would have felt brave enough to track him down.

“I don't know,” she said at last with a shrug. “Simon, it's
gut
to see ya.”

“Is it?”

She couldn't read his expression. Couldn't tell whether he was disappointed to see her, still angry with her for leaving, or simply didn't care. She wouldn't blame him for any of it. “Of course it is. I've missed you.”

“It's been a long time.”

It didn't escape her notice that he didn't echo her sentiment. “Do you ever see Jeremy?” she asked. “I heard he lives somewhere in northern Ohio now.”

“Nee.”

“And . . . our parents?” She couldn't call either of them mom or dad. Jill had become her mother.

“Never.”

The statement—and the vehemence behind it—surprised her. “But you are still Amish.”

He stared at her, looking down slightly. Making her realize that he wasn't the scared, skinny boy she'd abandoned. Instead, he was a good five inches taller than her, and probably had sixty or seventy pounds on her, too. He looked strong and fit and stalwart. She doubted anyone ever messed with him these days.

“I believe in God, Tess. I know He is a good and faithful God. I believe in our faith, too. I've never wanted to leave,” he said quietly. “But that don't mean I believe in our parents. I left their
haus
as soon as I could. Just like you and Jeremy did.”

Though they both knew why she'd left, she still felt guilty. “Do you hate me?”

“For leaving me? Of course not.”

He'd said
leaving me
. Not
leaving
. That mattered.

“Sure?” She didn't know why she needed that reassurance, but she did.

He shrugged. “It doesn't do much good to regret our pasts. Ain't so? What's done is done.”

He was right. The knowledge didn't make her feel better, but he was right. Suddenly, she knew that she couldn't leave him without trying to bridge their gap. “Hey, Simon, um, what are you doing now? Would you like to grab something to eat?” She attempted to smile, though her lips were quivering. “My treat.”

He looked away from her. Sighed. Then nodded. “
Jah
. But you're not paying for my meal.”

“Does that mean you're paying for mine?” she teased before she realized that once again her mouth had gotten the best of her.

“Nee.”
He started walking. “But I might next time,” he said around a half-smile.

Tears filled her eyes as she swallowed hard in a futile attempt
to remove the lump from her throat. Maybe he didn't hate her. Maybe somehow, some way, they could finally have a relationship like other brothers and sisters had.

Maybe it was time.

It seemed that Simon was exactly right. God was good. Tess had learned that truth years ago when Jill, a cop in a baseball cap, had picked her up and taken her home.

And she was now reminded of it when she looked at her brother. Who had somehow survived without any help from his older sister.

Tess didn't know if she could ever make amends, but she figured it was time to try.

Chapter 5

R
ebecca and Darla were wonderful-
gut
women. The best. But Amelia wished they'd leave her alone.

Simon hadn't kept his promise after all. Thirty minutes after Lukas had practically dragged Simon out of the room, her brother returned by himself. Looking awkward and more than a little distant, he'd bid her a rather hasty goodbye. When she'd asked where Simon was, Lukas had told her a story about Simon needing to take care of some emergency at work.

A couple of hours after that, her sister and sister-in-law had returned to her bedside. Rebecca said she and Darla had thought it would be fun to enjoy some girl-time together.

But Amelia was definitely not having fun.

Her hand hurt, her leg was sore, and she was uncomfortable sitting in an unfamiliar room in a sterile hospital. The doctors and nurses were kind enough, but their care couldn't make up for the fact that she was far from home.

She also really, really wished that they would turn off the television. Rebecca had turned it on when Amelia hadn't been much of a conversationalist. She loved the remote control and flipped
it incessantly. Then, to Amelia's dismay, she'd stopped on some kind of home shopping network.

And there it stayed.

Darla, in particular, was gazing at the screen in rapt attention. At the moment, the television hosts were showing gold and silver rings and talking about how everyone needed not one but two or three of them.

“I like the one with the purple birthstone the best,” Darla declared as she playfully held out one slim hand like one of the models. “What do you think, Amelia?”

Another time, Amelia might have played along. Now all she wanted to do was sit quietly and try to figure out what was going on with Simon. “I have no need for any rings. Neither do you.”

“Oh, I know that.” Eyes shining, Darla held up her hand again. “Now stop being so serious and play along. What color is your birthstone?”

“I don't know.”

“Look at the screen,” Rebecca said helpfully. “It has the chart right there. I've got sapphires. That's the blue stone.”

Amelia shrugged. “I've got an August birthday.”

“That's peridot,” Rebecca announced.

In spite of herself, Amelia studied the chart on the screen. “What is peridot?”

“I don't know, but it's green.” Darla glanced at Amelia, then tilted her head. “I think it might look good on you. Not as good as sapphire, though. A girl with your blue eyes needs a blue ring.”

Oh, brother.

“Maybe she could lie,” Rebecca said. “We could both get sapphire birthstones.”

“Maybe we could turn it off,” Amelia said peevishly. “I would really like to sit in the quiet and maybe sleep.”

Rebecca frowned. “Again? But you just woke up from a nap. Are you truly that tired?”

“
Jah,
I'm tired. I'm in pain, too.” She barely refrained from rolling her eyes. “My leg is broken, sister.”

Darla clicked off the remote. “Sorry, dear. Would you like us to leave?”

“I really would.” She hated to be so blunt, but anything less wouldn't make them leave.

“Oh.” Rebecca frowned. “That's too bad. I thought we could keep you company so you wouldn't be lonely.”

“I don't know why you are so concerned about that now. You all practically pushed Simon out of the room.”

Her sister raised her eyebrows. “He shouldn't have been here, Amelia.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“Because he's a man? I don't think he was going to try anything untoward. I have a broken leg. Besides, I owe Simon a lot. After all, he was the one who rescued me.”

“He shouldn't have been at our farm in the first place,” Rebecca retorted. “I told him to stay away from you.”

“You shouldn't have told him such things. He wasn't being disrespectful. He wants to court me.”

Rebecca bit her lip and looked away.

Frustrated, Amelia turned to her sister-in-law. “What does Lukas think?”

“Oh, well, I probably shouldn't say,” Darla said hesitantly.

“This is my life. How would you feel if your siblings were tell
ing you what to do?” Amelia knew she'd struck a chord. Mere months ago, Darla's brother Aaron had treated Darla terribly. If Lukas hadn't stepped in, well, things could have gone very bad.

“Lukas doesn't want Simon courting you,” Darla finally said.

“Obviously. But I don't see why Lukas is so against Simon. Actually, I don't see why my personal relationships are any of his business.”

Darla flushed. “You know how brothers are. They like to interfere.”

“I agree, but Lukas is being unreasonable.”

“Simon ain't suitable, Amelia,” Rebecca said. “I'm sure you've heard the rumors about him.”

“About his
rumspringa
?”

“
Jah,
I'm talking about his
rumspringa
. And everything else,” Rebecca said. “Simon didn't just go out and watch movies when he left Charm. He went wild. He drank. He did drugs. Some people say that he was arrested.”

Amelia had actually heard such things, too. She'd done her best to ignore the rumors. “I'd rather you not gossip about him.”

“It's not gossip if I'm voicing my concern. He's too worldly.” After exchanging a glance with Darla, Rebecca said, “The good news is that he understands now.”

“Simon understands what?” she asked slowly. Feeling panicked, she looked at both women. “What, exactly, did Lukas say?”

Looking increasingly uncomfortable, Darla played with the folds on her dress. “I'm not sure,” she said.

“But whatever he said made an impression,” Rebecca said. “I think Simon understands that he needs to simply be your friend from now on.”

If Amelia could have gotten to her feet and yelled in frustra
tion, she would have. “I really can't believe all of you are focusing on such things today. I'm lying here injured, but all any of you care about is Simon's unsuitable courtship.”

Rebecca folded her arms over her chest. “It weren't much of a courtship. He was sneaking around . . . as you know.”

“Simon did not sneak.”

Darla nodded. “
Jah
. But don't be mad at Lukas, Amelia. He's only doing what is right.”

“For who?” Sheer frustration caused her voice to tremble. “Simon took care of me today. He's been nothing but kind to me. And . . . and I think I love him.”

“You might think you love him, but you'll meet someone better. Look what happened with me and Jacob.”

“Please leave. Both of you.”

“Don't be like this.”

“Don't be like this? You and Lukas are ruining my life.” Picking up the call button, Amelia glared at both of them. “You two need to leave, or I'm going to call the nurse to ask you to leave.”

Just as Rebecca looked determined to argue, Darla grabbed her hand. “We'll go now, Amelia, but please try to understand. Lukas loves you so much. And he feels responsible for you since your father is gone.”

No, the problem wasn't that she needed to try to understand. What was happening was that she understood too much. For most of their lives, the four of them had been living in each other's pockets. Because of their mother's early death, they'd helped out around the house together. They'd worked at the mill together. Essentially, they'd intertwined their lives around each other so much that it was almost impossible to do anything independently.

But over the last year, Lukas had courted Darla without Levi's blessing. Rebecca had pursued her dream of teaching. And even though that hadn't panned out like she'd hoped, she'd pursued it. Even Levi, their usual carefree brother, had needed a break and gone away.

She, however, had done none of that. Instead of courting or working or, well, complaining, she'd stayed at home and tried to make their lives run as easily as possible. She would have even been relatively content to hold her crush close to her chest. It would have been okay if Simon never realized that he—and only he—made her heart beat a little faster.

But when he'd begun to focus more of his attention on her, she'd known it was time to spread her wings a bit, too. She wanted to follow her dreams as much as her siblings had. The problem was that they weren't used to her ever following her dreams. Certainly not at the expense of their expectations.

Though all of that was running through her head, she was too tired to try and explain herself. She didn't even think they'd listen. Therefore, she simply did whatever she could to get them to leave her alone.

“But Lukas is not my father, and neither of you girls is my mother.”

“Amy,” Rebecca bit out, “you aren't listening. If you would just see things from—”

“Your point of view?” Amelia finished sarcastically. “I could say the same thing to you. Just know that I'll remember this, Rebecca. I'll remember just how you forced your way into something that wasn't your business.” Then she shifted and turned away.

It was childish, she knew, but didn't open her eyes again until she heard the women shuffle out the door.

Then, with a sigh, she adjusted her bed and tried to come up with a plan to get Simon back. He'd promised to return to see her tomorrow. When he came back, she'd thank him for his care, then push a little bit. It was time for the two of them to move forward. To face her family together.

Liking how that sounded, she smiled. She might have been the youngest member of her family, but she was not the weakest.

Lukas and Rebecca were about to discover that.

W
HAT DID A
person say to a sibling he hadn't seen in years? Simon had no idea. As he sat in the passenger seat of the fancy sports car that Tess was driving, he tried to come to terms with the fact that this Englisher woman was the same girl he'd grown up with.

But so far, the only thing that seemed familiar was the scar on her lip. He didn't dare bring that up, though. He remembered exactly how she'd gotten it.

Instead, he gave her directions to Josephine's Café. It was located in the heart of Charm and was fairly new. With its eclectic décor and bistro-type menu, it was a welcome change from the many home-style restaurants in the area. Most everyone liked it, men and women, Amish and English alike. It seemed the right choice for Tess.

He'd considered letting her choose a place in Millersburg, but then he would have had to depend on her for a ride home. He hadn't wanted to do that.

As they pulled into the parking lot, Tess said, “This place is new, isn't it?”

“Yep. Opened about two years ago.”

Still scanning Main Street, Tess frowned. “Wow. A lot has
changed around here. The only place I recognize is Grandma's Homestead Restaurant.”

He smiled. “I don't think Grandma's will ever close. You're right, though. Some things around here are fairly different. Others, not so much.” Of course, he was talking about more than restaurants.

She nodded. “I guess you are right.”

After they got out, she pushed a button on her keys and set the alarm.

“Doubt you have to worry about locking your car here.” On either side of her shiny sedan were two late-model farm trucks, one of which had its window partly rolled down. Near the back of the café was a hitching post with a horse and buggy tied up. Her fancy vehicle stood out like a beacon.

“Old habits, I guess.” She looked a little chagrined but didn't make a move to unlock her car. Instead, she dropped the keys in the opening of her purse.

“I guess so.”

He held the door for her and they walked in. Josephine looked up curiously from some menus she was cleaning. Two tables were filled, one with a pair of Amish women, another with a family of four. Simon gestured to a table near the back wall. “Let's sit over here.”

After they sat down, Josephine brought them menus and took their drink orders. Then, as if she sensed that they needed plenty of time alone, she walked away.

“She seems nice,” Tess said. “Do you know her?”

“Not so much. It's a
gut
restaurant, but I've never been one to chat with relative strangers.”

She smiled softly, fingering the bright purple paint on their table. “I can see that.” Raising her chin, she said, “Simon, how
do you want to do this? Do you want to know what I've been doing? Do you want to tell me about you?”

“Why don't we order some food first?”

“Oh. Sure.” She stared at her menu.

It was strange, but Tess's nervousness made him breathe easier. “I usually get the specials, but people say the soups and salads are good, too.”

When Josephine returned with their glasses of water, she said, “I've got chicken parmesan today. It comes with a green salad and garlic bread.”

“I'll have that,” Simon said.

“Me, too.” Tess picked up both of their menus and handed them to Josephine.

“
Danke,
” Jo said, then narrowed her eyes at the two of them. “Hey, you two look almost like brother and sister. You have the same eyes.”

Simon grinned. “
Jah,
we do.”

When they were alone again, Tess sipped her water. “Tell me about you, Simon. Are you happy?”

“For the most part.”

“What do you do?”

“I work at Kinsinger's. I'm a manager there. I bought a little house two years ago. It's not much, but there's only me.”

“Do, um, our parents still live in the same place?”

“
Nee
. They moved to a small place over near Berlin.”

“Did they not want you to have the farm?”

“There's no way I would have ever gone back there willingly, Tess.” Thinking about the cellar and the yelling and the switch their father used to spank him with— Simon chugged back a portion of his drink.