A Second Harvest (21 page)

“Yes, but I’ll be back.” Christie played with David’s thick hair. He liked to rub his thumb over the bits of gray at his temples. They were thicker, coarser, like literal silver threads.

The idea of being away from David at Christmas sucked, but they’d been lovers for such a short time. It was way too early to expect David to out himself to his entire family. That battle would come eventually, perhaps, but not yet. If they were still going strong in the New Year, maybe they could tell his kids in the spring or something.

“I think that’s probably for the best,” David admitted reluctantly. “But I’ll miss you. Won’t be much of a fun Christmas.”

“Me too. But we can text.”

David smiled slyly. “Yeah. You’re pretty good at that. But if you send me any naked pictures, give me a warning so I don’t open them at the Christmas table.”

And like that their plans for the holidays were set.

ONE NIGHT
in mid-December, they were having a dinner of Cajun catfish, coleslaw, and hush puppies when David asked, “I was wondering if you’d mind sleeping at my place tonight?”

It was the first time he’d suggested anything of the sort. Christie was surprised. “Sure. What’s up?”

“Buella’s close to her time. I’m thinking it might be tonight, so I’d like to be where I can keep an eye on her. And I know you wanted to see it. It’s possible she’ll give birth in the middle of the night.”

“Absolutely. I don’t want to miss it.”

David gave him an indulgent smile. “Well, I’ll try to make sure you don’t.”

After dinner David helped Christie clear the table and then sat back down in his chair and pulled Christie into his lap for a snuggle. He often did things like that for no discernible reason other than the fact it was possible.

Christie enjoyed the contact, breathing into David’s neck. As usual when they touched, his brain released all sorts of ridiculously warm and fuzzy feelings. It was addictive. “Were you this affectionate with Susan?” He knew he shouldn’t ask, but he needed to know.

David shook his head. “Once Amy was born, we had a more functional relationship.”

“Was it like this with her at first?”

David hesitated. “No. It was never like this.” He rubbed his chin against Christie’s hair. “We met at church. I told you I inherited my dad’s farm at eighteen. It was a big responsibility. My mom encouraged me to find a nice girl and get married. At that age I was in a hurry to be an adult, a man. I was trying to do all the right things. And she was a nice girl. Pretty. And I… I guess I was running away from what I really wanted.”

“Did you love her?”

“Yes. Not like this, but in a different way. She was a good woman. She deserved better than me. But I think she was content with the house and the kids, her friends at church, her ladies’ group, her crafts.”

Christie couldn’t imagine living life for twenty-some years with a wife. “Do you think maybe you’re bisexual?” he asked, stroking David’s neck. “I mean, when you were with her sexually, was it something you enjoyed?”

David’s hands froze on Christie’s back, and he grew tense. Christie knew David had a hard time criticizing anyone in his family. Probably he didn’t want to say anything disrespectful about his deceased wife.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to—”

“I’m not interested in women like that. If I’m honest it was always more of a duty than anything else. The sex part. I had to imagine other things when it was going on.”

“Close your eyes and think of England?”

David huffed a laugh, relaxing a little. “Englishmen, maybe.” He shook his head. “I’m ashamed to admit it. It sounds so coldhearted and unfair to her.”

“You’re just being honest.”

But the subject put David in a down mood. He gently pushed Christie off, and they got busy doing dishes. Later on Christie packed a few things for overnight, and they walked to David’s farm across the dark winter lane.

Christie brushed his teeth in David’s bathroom and put on the oversized T-shirt he liked to sleep in during the winter months. It felt strange when he walked into David’s bedroom. It was a big room with distinctly cutesy decor à la Susan. The walls were painted a pale mint green, and the bedspread had big roses on it with lacy frills on the pillows. David was standing by the window, and he ruffled a hand through his hair as if the situation were awkward for him too.

He pointed to a walkie-talkie on the bedside table. “I’ve got the baby monitor on in the barn, but chances are she won’t make a lot of noise. I’m setting my phone alarm so I can check on her every few hours in the night. Sorry if I disrupt your sleep.”

“No way, I’m excited about this! I just hope we don’t miss it.”

They got into David’s bed. Christie knew the sheets must have been washed many times since Susan died, but he still sensed her presence, and it made him shrivel in more ways than one. David leaned over to give Christie a close-mouthed kiss and pulled away again, apparently feeling the same. “’Night, Christie.”

It would be the first night since they’d gotten together that they didn’t make love. Christie felt a little pang about that, even though he totally understood why. “Good night, David.”

David cupped his cheek and gazed into his eyes in silent apology.

“It’s okay,” Christie said. “It’ll get easier.”

David nodded. “Good night.”

CHRISTIE SLEPT
well, even though the bed was softer than he was used to and he was in a new place. He didn’t hear David get up and go out to the barn to check on Buella. When he woke up, there was light flooding the room, and his phone said it was almost eight o’clock.

He got up, brushed his teeth, washed his face and hands, put his clothes on, and went downstairs to find David. When he reached the kitchen, David was just coming in the back door. He looked tired. Poor guy had probably been up and down all night.

“I didn’t miss it, did I?” Christie asked.

“No, she just started. You’ve got a little time yet if you want to have a cup of coffee.”

There was a full pot on the counter, so Christie poured himself a cup. “I want to go see. Feels like waiting around should be part of it. Like an expecting dad.”

David smiled indulgently. “All right.” He poured himself another cup of coffee too, and they put on their coats and took their cups with them out to the barn.

Chapter 17

DAVID HAD
seen so many animals born on the farm it should have been old hat by now. Yet there was something about seeing a new being emerge from the womb, or even an egg, that never failed to evoke curiosity, wonder, and a hint of fear lest things not go well. He’d seen stillbirths before, and they were unsettling. It simply seemed wrong that nature could put so much effort into forming a creature from nothing, and yet fail to breathe in the last important component: life.

Having Christie there for Buella’s calving made David more excited and anxious than usual. He wanted things to go well for Christie’s sake. When they got to Buella’s stall, he let them inside. She was standing stock-still and panting by the trough. She had mucus and gunk coming from her vulva, sign of an imminent birth.

“Wow,” Christie said quietly. “Well, okay, then.”

The surprise in his voice made David smile. “You’ve honestly never seen a live birth of any kind?”

“I know, right? How sheltered are we these days? But no. We had a dog when I was a kid, but we spayed her. No puppies for us. I can’t even remember seeing one on TV.”

“Well, come here and feel her side.”

David had Christie feel Buella’s bulging flank. Her muscles were rigid and the body of the calf was large. Christie’s eyes widened as the calf moved. “How long will it take?”

“It depends. It can be fast or it can be slow. Feels to me like the calf’s in a good position, though.”

“Is it super painful for her like it is for women?”

“It’s not as bad for cows. At least most of the time the mother doesn’t seem that stressed about it, and it doesn’t take hours like it can for a woman.” Unless it was a bad birthing, of course. But David didn’t want to jinx it.

Christie took it on himself to pet Buella and keep her calm. She accepted the touch, preoccupied with what was going on with her body, her eyes glassy and focused on the beat of some internal drummer. She would move around quickly for brief spurts and then stand still again, panting.

It was no more than an hour before something began to emerge from her vulva.

“Look.” David pointed at the bit of brown.

“What is that? A nose?”

“The tip of a hoof. When the calf’s in the right position, it comes out front legs first, and its head is resting on its knees. We’ll see a few inches of leg before we see the head.”

Once the calf was in the birth canal, it went quickly. Buella strained and soon two full hoofs were visible, side by side, then more of the legs. Finally a perfect little face appeared, eyes closed behind the gooey coating of the amniotic sack.

“Oh wow!” Christie was enthralled. He stared at the little face. “That’s a calf!”

David chuckled. “Funny how that works.”

“That’s
crazy
!” Christie was very excited, and that made David smile like a loon.

“It’s just nature.”

“So what do we do? Do we need to pull it out or…?”

“It’s best to let it happen at its own pace. But you can catch the calf if you want so it doesn’t hit the floor. It won’t hurt it to fall, but you can ease its way down.”

“Awesome.”

Christie took this duty very seriously. He stayed right by the calf as more of it emerged. He even held on to the front legs, not pulling on them, but just supporting the weight. The full head appeared, then the shoulders.

“Its face is so perfect, but it doesn’t look awake,” he said quietly. “It’s alive, right?”

“It’ll wake up once it’s out.” But David felt the calf’s throat just to be sure. Its heartbeat was steady.

“So we’re about to see if it’s a boy or a girl,” Christie commented happily.

“Yup.”

He loved Christie’s shining face, the light in his eyes. He loved being able to give this experience to him. But as soon as he thought that, David was reminded of other births.

He was in the room when both Amy and Joe were born. The thought made his stomach clench with anxiety, reminding him of Susan and the entire life he’d had with her. That life felt like it had happened to someone else. Christie would never have that experience—watching his child be born. And even if he did maybe have a baby with a surrogate someday, David probably wouldn’t be there to see it.

“It’s coming!” Christie said.

The remainder of the calf suddenly slipped from Buella in a gush. Christie carefully lowered it to the floor. It was on the large side for a newborn since Buella had run a little late, but it was perfectly formed.

Buella turned and began licking the calf at once, clearing it of sticky fluid. After a few moments, the calf opened its eyes and lifted its head.

“It’s okay!” Christie exclaimed. “Oh my God! I just saw a calf being born!”

David grinned. “Yup.”

“And it’s a girl! Look!”

David grabbed a box of wet wipes from the windowsill and handed some to Christie. He cleaned his hands as Buella licked the calf. The newborn was looking around as if entirely bewildered to find itself in a barn. It seemed content to just hang out in a tangled lump on the floor, but Buella was having none of it. She insistently nudged the calf to get up. Being a mother seemed to bring out the bossy streak in most animals.

Christie tossed the soiled wet wipes and then put his arm around David, rested his head on David’s shoulder. They watched the calf struggle to its feet, fall, and struggle again until at last it was standing.

“This is amazing. Thanks for sharing it with me,” Christie said.

David kissed his blond hair. “Glad it worked out.”

“It’s just beautiful. This whole thing.”

David knew what Christie meant. The morning light was streaming in through the windows of the open half door of the stall. The straw was thick and clean. The barn interior always had had oodles of rustic charm, and there was a happy new mother cow and her newborn calf. It was the kind of moment you wanted to linger on, to remember. Life could dole out a lot of manure, so you had to weigh the good stuff like gold.

“There are things I’d miss about the farm if I left,” David said without thinking about it.

“Is that something you’ve thought about? Leaving the farm?” Christie asked with surprise.

David nodded. He pulled Christie closer, and Christie tightened the arm around his waist. “I’ve thought about it. But I wouldn’t get so much for it that I could retire in luxury. I’d have to find another line of work.”

“But if it’s paid off—you’d probably at least get enough to support you for a few years if you wanted to go to school. Hell, you don’t even need to get a degree. You can fix anything. In a place like New York, a handyman who’s actually reliable and can fix stuff is like the holy grail.”

“I don’t want to be a handyman. I’m not that good with people, and I’d rather use my brain.”
For once.
He didn’t say it. Christie looked like he wanted to argue, but he swallowed the words.

So far Christie had never pushed him, and David appreciated that. But he knew Christie wouldn’t stick around forever if he remained in the closet.
In the closet.
Geez, it seemed like only yesterday he couldn’t even admit to himself he was gay. Now he was officially “closeted.” The weight of Christie in his arms reminded him why he was more than willing to cop to it. If Christie was the prize, he’d admit to being the damned tooth fairy.

Christie turned so he could put both arms around David’s neck. “But you could sell the farm if you wanted to? I mean, it’s yours all free and clear?”

“On the deed, yes. But it’s Amy and Joe’s heritage too.”

“Do either one of them want to be a farmer?”

“No. But they’re still young.”

Christie frowned. “Listen, I appreciate that you’re a great dad and all…. But you need to think about yourself too.”