A SEAL's Fantasy (23 page)

“You’re grumpy,” she observed before leaning over to lift a plate from the coffee table. “Want a churro? Your aunt dropped them off this morning. She made them for the wedding and had extras.”

“My aunt...” Dominic couldn’t take it all in.

She’d claimed his paranoia about her using him for his family had been a lame attempt to push her away. And she’d been right.

Yet here she was in his house. Spending more time with his family than he did. Dominic didn’t think he’d ever been this confused in his life.

“Look, you said you thought I was using you. You said you thought I had some deep-seated need for family. So I figured I’d try yours on and see if you were right.”

“This is an insane invasion of privacy,” he said, throwing his hands in the air as he paced from one end of the room to the other.

“Like you’re one to talk?” She laughed. “You hauled me off under false pretenses, kept important information from me, then tried to run my life. All I did was sleep in your bed.”

Images of Lara in his bed did a tempting dance in his brain. Dominic stopped pacing so fast he was surprised his feet didn’t kick up smoke.

No sex,
he reminded himself.

Not even in his imagination.

Dominic forced his thoughts back on the straight and narrow, promising his body an ice-cold shower if he could get through this without grabbing Lara.

“Seriously. Why are you here?”

Lara sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, sending his thoughts flying right back to the image of her, naked on his bed. Dominic almost groaned.

“You ignored everything I said. I told you about my career goals and I told you how much I’d hated my upbringing,” she said quietly, looking at her fingers instead of at him. “I opened myself up to you. So when you blew off my feelings, it hurt me.”

God.

Dominic scrubbed his hands over his face, two days’ whiskers scraping his skin.

He’d been such a jerk.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he told her. Whatever happened between them—and he figured it’d probably be goodbye—he owed her that. “I figured it out the day after you ran away.”

“I didn’t run away,” she snapped, hurt clearing from her face as she glared. “I told you I was leaving. And if you knew, then why didn’t you do anything? Why’d you wait a month to find me?”

“You think I haven’t been trying?” This was it. This was what was going to push him over the edge. “I was on duty, which means I can’t traipse off chasing a woman who tells me we’re through. I left messages, though. I called the casino. I talked to your brother. Hell, I even went by your old apartment.”

She got to her feet, tucking her fingers into the front pockets of her jeans while she frowned.

“You went to Reno?”

“Yesterday.”

“That’s why you’re late for the wedding?”

“For the fourth time today, the wedding isn’t until Saturday. I’m not late,” he ground out.

“So why’d you go looking for me?” she asked.

“Why don’t you tell me why you’re in my house?” he shot back.

“You first.” When Dominic just glared, Lara wrinkled her nose and shrugged. “I was back east, but I figured we had some things to settle between us. And Lucas had invited me to the wedding, so I figured this was as good a time as any to settle them.”

“You were back east?” New York? Was she thinking of going back to dancing? Dominic wanted to protest that she had worked too hard to give up on being a security tech, but figured he’d interfered enough already.

“I went back to Maryland,” she told him, her features drawn as she stared out the window. He knew she was seeing her past rather than the changing colors of the trees outside. “I had some stuff to take care of there.”

“Closure?”

“What?” She frowned, then pressed her lips together. He thought she might be about to cry until he noticed the humor dancing in her eyes. “Um, not emotional closure. I had that when I ran away.”

“So why’d you go back?”

“To help settle the estate. Phillip has been doing it all long-distance, but there were things that were better done in person. So I did them.” She bit her lip, then admitted, “Maybe that is a form of closure? Not with my past, but between my brother and me.”

“You cut ties with Banks again?” He wanted to protest. To tell her that a guy who would issue threats on his sister’s behalf was one who might be okay. Maybe. Again, he’d interfered enough already. But damn, keeping his mouth shut was hard.

“No, I didn’t cut ties with him. We just closed that chapter of our lives. What comes next depends on how hard we try, I suppose.”

“Try what?”

“Try to be family,” she admitted, wrinkling her nose. “You were right about that.”

He wanted to grab her, hug her, confess his feelings then haul her off to bed.

But he didn’t.

He couldn’t.

Because while she’d been unwilling to admit her need for family before, he’d been unwilling to admit his real fear.

“I’m a SEAL, Lara. Do you know what that means?” Of course she didn’t. Hell, his own family didn’t know the extent of the danger he lived with regularly.

“Are you asking if I know what your career means?” At his nod, she added, “In general? Or to you specifically?”

“Either. Both.”

“Does it matter?”

Yeah.

Yeah, it made all the difference in the world.

If she could handle his career, he’d gladly hand over his family, his house, his heart. If she could accept him for who he was, what he was, he’d happily give her everything he had.

* * *

L
ARA DIDN’T KNOW
where his worries over his career choice had come from, but she supposed it was a fair question. After all, she’d gotten all freaked thinking he wanted to change hers. And not that she trivialized what she did, but it in no way compared to the dedication and focus his job took. She knew some of what he did on duty was crazy scary. Then again, so was life sometimes.

So she gave his question the weight it deserved. She thought for a second to be sure she knew how to put her thoughts, her feelings, into words.

“Starting with the big picture, I think the SEALs are pretty amazing. Not only because of how well you’re all trained or how talented you are at doing the impossible. But because you put your lives on the line every day to protect your country.” She took a deep breath, not sure why she suddenly wanted to cry. That kind of dedication was heart wrenching. “I didn’t value much of what I had growing up, because it was always used as a stick trying to whip me into shape. But my grandfathers served our country. I heard their stories, I saw their pictures.”

His half nod told her he understood her ingrained respect.

Okay. Lara wet her lips. Now it got more personal.

“And then there’s your team. You serve with guys who, from what you’ve told me, aren’t just incredible SEALs, they are great people. Fun, interesting, strong. I was afraid to meet them,” she confessed.

“Why?” He looked shocked.

“Because they are so important to you. Because I know their opinions matter. These are the guys who protect you, who cover your back. They’re the guys who saved my brother. I owe all of you more than I can ever say, and that scares me,” she admitted.

“I wasn’t there,” he reminded her.

As if it mattered.

“No. You were keeping me safe so your team could rescue him. But you have been there plenty of times in the past. Rescues, missions to eliminate terrorists, covert operations.”

“You’ve been watching the Military Channel,” he muttered.

Lara laughed a little.

“Sure, I wanted to know more about what you do. I did research, too. Comes in handy, my ability to hack websites.”

“You didn’t...”

“Hack the government?” She’d been tempted. “No. I figure you’re doing your part to keep the country safe. The least I can do is not jeopardize that.”

“So you admire the breed.” He crossed to the window, staring out for a second. “But doesn’t mean you’re comfortable with it on a personal level.”

“Are you comfortable with me being a showgirl?” she asked.

“Sure, if that’s what you want to do.” He gave her a confused look before he shrugged.

“A lot of guys wouldn’t be. You’ve said it yourself—I’m showing my all up on stage. I know what’s going through the minds of the guys watching. The message is sex and when I’m up there dancing I use my body to send it.”

He nodded, but still didn’t look as though he understood. Lara loved him so much for that.

“Some guys, they’d get all jealous or possessive. They think that if their girl is up there dancing, she’s as good as charging by the hour. Or they figure what she’s got is theirs and theirs alone.”

“Some guys are idiots.”

“Yeah.” She grinned, glad hers wasn’t. “But you don’t care. And now that I’m in security, if I take on a job that requires me to carry a gun, to maybe play bodyguard, would you be okay with it?”

He blinked at the sudden career shift, then gave it a second while he considered. Frowning, he asked, “Are you getting training before you go out? Not in the security stuff. I already know you’re aces there, because of all of Lucas’s praise. But you haven’t worked with guns or physical security before, have you?”

As much as an unconditional
woo-hoo
would have gratified her ego, Lara liked that he was being cautious, because that way she knew he really believed what he said.

“No,” she said, answering his question. “But I’m being trained by someone really good.”

“Who?” He lifted his hand. “Not saying I don’t trust your choices, I’d just like to know the person training you is solid.”

“Lucas.”

“Lucas? Castillo? My brother?” For a second he looked as though he’d just taken a fist to the gut. Then Dominic’s face shifted, a grin slowly emerging. “That’s why he’s been dodging me and wouldn’t help find you. He knew all along because he convinced you to come on board with Castillo Security, right?”

“Right,” Lara said slowly. She was cringing inside, not sure she could defend her decision if he got pissed. She still wasn’t sure she could defend it to herself. She’d tied herself and her career to the family of a man who might very well toss her out on her ass and hate her forever.

But this time she’d put everything on the line by choice. She shifted, lifting her chin and pulling back her shoulders. This time it was her decision. It wouldn’t suck any less if it blew up in her face. But at least she’d be the one calling her shots.

Maybe life, in its infinite wisdom, would kick down a reward for that. Or at least stop messing with her.

She tried to find comfort in her choice, but her stomach was threatening to rebel and her nerves were so tight she felt as though she was about to snap.

Especially when Dominic just stood there, staring.

“Well?” she finally prodded. “Say something.”

“I’m thinking.”

“Think faster.”

He grinned.

Then he stepped closer.

Not close enough to touch, thankfully, since Lara wasn’t sure she could resist. But close enough that she could smell his cologne, that she could remember the scent of it on her skin.

She slowly blew out a breath.

“You’re working with Lucas. That means you’re being trained by the best,” Dominic said slowly. His tone gave weight to his words, letting her know how sincere he was. “You gave up your internship for this?”

She couldn’t tell from his expression how he felt about that. So she answered the smartest way she knew how—she sidestepped.

“So you’re okay with my occasionally being in danger. With me having a career that I might be a little obsessed about.” She tilted her head toward her ever-present laptop. “I’ll have client confidentiality clauses, too. So I wouldn’t be able to talk about some cases.”

“That’s all a part of the job. I’ve seen it plenty of times with Lucas’s and the cousins’ work,” he said with a shrug.

Lara waited. The guy was crazy smart, so the fact that he didn’t see the correlation told her how worried he was about her accepting his career.

Finally, needing to touch him and knowing she couldn’t the way she wanted to until they’d settled this, Lara stepped close enough to poke him in the chest with her index finger.

“So you’d be fine with it?”

“Yeah, sure,” he shrugged. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t worry from time to time, depending on what you were doing. But I know you can handle yourself and I’d support you while you did.”

Lara looked away, not wanting him to see her tears. But oh, God, she loved him so much. She had to take a deep breath, then another, before her eyes stopped burning and she could look back at him.

“Everything you just said, that’s how I feel, too.”

His eyes lit, then the light banked a little as he couldn’t quite believe her.

“You want to clarify?”

“That’s exactly how I feel about your job. You’re extremely well trained, you’re surrounded by an incredible team who are all focused on not only succeeding, but on covering each other while they do.” She lifted both hands as if to say,
what else was there?
“I’d miss you while you were away, of course. But the rest, I’m fine with it.”

He looked dumbstruck.

“You’re serious? You’re totally comfortable with my being a SEAL?” he asked, not sounding as if he could quite make himself believe her.

“Would you quit if I wasn’t?” She knew it was a mean question, but Lara couldn’t stop herself from asking.

From the look on his face, though, it wasn’t one Dominic wanted to hear. His grimace was pained as he shoved his hands into his pockets. He didn’t physically step away from her, but Lara felt the distance.

“I couldn’t,” he said quietly. “I can’t quit being who I am. I can’t turn my back on what I believe in.”

Lara was pretty sure she’d gotten teary eyed more times since he’d accosted her outside the casino than she had the entire rest of her life. She had to blink fast to keep the tears from falling.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, reaching out to lay his hand on her cheek. “I wish I could change that. It’s all I’ve thought about the past month. But I just can’t if I want to live with myself.”