A Roux of Revenge (9 page)

“And my father? Or the person I always loved and thought was my father—did
he know I wasn’t his child? Or was he just like my mom—lying to me my whole life? Or did she lie to him? When he died, I thought I would die. It was so terrible to lose him. Everybody else has a family, a mother and a father, except me. You—you couldn’t possibly imagine what this feels like.”

“Maybe I couldn’t, but you know what? You have a mother that loves you with all her heart, and she’s
still on this earth. And the man who raised you
is
your father, even if he’s not your biological parent. He loved you, and he was always there for you. My parents aren’t here anymore. They’re both gone. You have every right to know the truth, but Janie, you’re so young. You can’t even begin to imagine the things she might have suffered in keeping you and raising you. And she did. She didn’t abandon
you. Maybe you’re right. Maybe your father, the father who raised you, knew the whole story and loved her and you just as if you were his own daughter? Maybe he wasn’t free to tell you more.”

“No,” Janie snuffled. “I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know what the truth really is. And who is this man? Has he been following me around? And why? And where has he been for the past eighteen years? Why
is he around now? And if this hadn’t happened, would my mother have
ever
told me the truth?”

“Only your mother can answer those questions. I think . . .” The sound of the phone ringing interrupted her train of thought. “Janie, hang on a minute. I’ll see who it is and call them back.”

Lucky walked back to the kitchen and grabbed the phone. It was Elias. What bad timing.

“Can I come
over to see you?” he asked.

“Now?” she asked. This was an odd preamble to their evenings together. Usually Elias suggested dinner at his house or at a restaurant.

“If you’re free,” he answered. There was something in his tone that sounded as if he were making a business appointment.

“Actually, I’m not. Janie’s staying with me right now. What about tomorrow night?”

“Uh . . . Lucky,
I’d really like to talk to you, in private, if I could.” Lucky felt a sinking feeling in her chest. This was so unlike him. They had been seeing each other for eight months. They were never formal with each other. In fact, Elias had virtually proposed on several occasions. She felt as if she had been suddenly relegated to the position of a third-circle friend. And it had started the day Elias
told her he had hired another doctor. Another doctor—Paula Sarens. This had to have something to do with her! Lucky had disliked her the moment she set eyes on her. It was time to get to the bottom of whatever was bothering Elias.

“Why don’t we have a drink at the Pub? I can meet you there in half an hour.” She kept her tone reserved. There was nothing friendly about this meeting. She could
feel it in her heart. Something had changed. Elias had changed—at least toward her.

Lucky returned to the living room. “Janie, I’m so sorry. Something’s come up, and I have to go out for an hour maybe, but I’ll be back, and we can talk some more, if you like.”

“That’s okay, Lucky. I’ll be all right. I don’t think I can talk about it anymore anyway. I’m just gonna crash. I didn’t mean to
dump all this on you. I’ve just been carrying it around for days it seems.”

“You didn’t dump on me. Don’t say that. I
wanted
you to talk to me. Getting it all out is the best thing. And finding the answers to all your questions is the next step.”

“I’m not really ready for that part just yet. I know you’re right. I just appreciate your letting me stay here. I need some more time on my own
right now.”

“I understand. You can stay here as long as you need. If you’re still up when I’m back, well, I’m a good listener.”

Janie nodded. “Thanks.”

Chapter 14

L
UCKY FELT A
knot forming in her stomach as she walked the length of Broadway to the Snowflake Pub. She hated to cut her conversation with Janie short, but there didn’t seem to be another
alternative. Elias hadn’t pressed, but she could feel his determination to talk to her tonight. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good; she could feel it in her bones. Elias had been distant and distracted the other day when he had stopped in at the Spoonful. She thought at first that he was just tired. He had been working long hours with no backup, and she had been thrilled when he told her he had hired
another doctor, but there was an undercurrent of . . . what? Something not spoken? Something hidden? He didn’t sound relieved about his decision. More as though he were dreading something. Since that day, he hadn’t called or stopped by to see her at the restaurant for lunch as he usually did. Again, that was very unlike him.

Maybe it was best that they meet on neutral ground. They had been
so close for so many months, and now something was wrong, but she didn’t know what. As hard as this might be, it would be better to talk to him and find out exactly what was going on.

She felt a hot rush of anger rising in her chest as she approached the Pub. She knew she had fallen head over heels in love with Elias in the early days, and she believed he felt the same way. This ambiguous
behavior on his part was confusing her. Normally, she would have brushed her hair and put on some lipstick, maybe even a little blush. After all, wasn’t everyone always telling her she should be more feminine? No one denied she was good-looking, but she knew she was never one to care about fashion or her appearance. So be it. He’d get her as she was—tired, no doubt looking dragged out after her talk
with Janie and a long day on her feet.

A noisy crowd was gathered at the near end of the bar as she pushed through the door. The overhead television was turned on, and the loud drone of a football game filled the air. She pushed past the group and spotted Elias sitting near the rear, behind the central fire pit that hadn’t been lit for the winter yet. She slid into the booth across from him.

He looked up and smiled. He was nursing a beer. He reached across the table and took her hand. “What can I get you?”

“Red wine would be nice.” She forced herself to smile in return. No point in being a downer right off the bat.

Elias slid out of the booth and headed for the bar. The waitress, the one that always flirted with him and made Lucky uncomfortable, was busy with her loud customers
at the other end of the room. He returned with a glass of wine and a napkin. “Cabernet. A good one.”

Lucky took a sip. “Sorry I couldn’t invite you over. Janie’s going through some stuff, and she’s staying with me for a few days.”

“She all right?”

Lucky shrugged. “Upset about some family matters, but I think she’ll be fine.”
Although I may not
. She waited a few moments for him to speak.
When he didn’t, she finally said, “What’s going on, Elias?”

He took a deep breath as if to steel himself. “I wanted to tell you this the other day, but I realized the Spoonful wasn’t the place to talk.”

Lucky waited, watching him carefully. There was nothing to criticize in his behavior, nothing concrete that is, but she knew she was right to feel the ground had shifted beneath her feet,
an earthquake of the heart.

“You met Paula at the Clinic. The day you stopped by.”

“Yes.”
And, in fact, I didn’t like her very much,
Lucky thought, but for once kept her mouth shut.

“The part I didn’t mention is that Paula and I . . . well, we did our internships together and . . .”

“Elias, spit it out, please.” Lucky could feel her face flushing.

“We had a relationship—years
ago.”

“A relationship.” Lucky felt her eyebrows reaching toward her hairline. She did her best to keep her tone neutral. “What kind of relationship?”

“We were involved . . .”

Lucky felt her heart sink. What was he trying to say?

“We were planning to be together.”

“Engaged? To be married?” Lucky was sure her voice had risen two octaves.

“Yes.” Elias finally looked her straight
in the eye.

“I see. And now you’re working together?”

“Lucky . . . it’s not like that. It was over years ago. As time went on, we realized we wanted different things in life. Paula was interested in a specialty practice, and I . . . well, you know how I feel about my work here. I love Snowflake. Paula never wanted to leave the city.”

“And she does now?” Lucky couldn’t keep the skepticism
out of her voice.

“She’s had second thoughts. And to be frank with you, not a lot of what I would consider experienced, qualified people have applied.”

This explained a lot. The feeling she had when she walked into Elias’s office. The energy in the room. The fact that Paula had been so close to him, almost in a sexually suggestive way. Elias’s embarrassment. She hadn’t misread the signals.

“I just don’t want you to be upset. I don’t want anything to interfere in our relationship. You know how I feel about you.”

Lucky felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. “Elias, I don’t know what to say. All this time we’ve been together, you never once mentioned you were ever engaged to anyone. This is all news to me.”

“We were never officially”—Elias shrugged—“engaged. We
were close; we just assumed that’s where it would lead.”

“Did you love her?”

“I suppose I did. I felt that way at the time. It just dissipated slowly as I realized how different we were as people. It was amicable when we finally broke up. I just hope you’re not upset about this. I’d really like this to work out for Paula too.”

Lucky remembered the strange car she had seen parked in
Elias’s driveway the night before when she was searching for Janie. “Where is Paula staying?”

“Uh . . .” Elias hesitated. “She’s actually . . . uh . . . she’s staying in the spare room at my house until she can find her own place.”

Lucky stared at him silently. She felt torn between tears and anger. She took a deep breath, not trusting herself to speak at first. “Elias—I’m just really
feeling confused and trying not to be upset. First of all, you have never, not once, ever mentioned this relationship that was so important in your life. And now, you’ve actually hired an ex-fiancée, whatever she is, to work closely with you at the Clinic. And she’s staying at your house? How else would you expect me to feel?”

As the words poured out, Lucky realized she sounded like an insecure,
jealous lover, but she couldn’t stop herself. What would the mature response be? The civilized one?
That’s fine, I’m glad this is all out in the open?
Lucky was well aware of her own temper, and she could feel it gathering strength now.

“There’s nothing for you to be jealous about.” Elias’s expression was smug.

“I’m not jealous,” she replied hotly. “I’m just dumbfounded that you would
choose to hire her.”

“Whatever we had was over a long, long time ago, Lucky. We’re friends now.” Elias’s face took on a superior look. “I would have expected you to understand.”

“And how does Paula feel about you?”

“She’s great. She knows that we’re just friends. And she really wants to work hard and fit in here—in Snowflake. Her goals have changed. Can you understand that?”

“Yes,
I think I do understand.”
Elias, how can you be so blind
? It was obvious to her that, assuming Elias was being completely honest, Paula had another agenda. The fact that Paula was staying at his house meant that he and Lucky wouldn’t have that space to themselves. He had to be deceiving himself about Paula’s intent, and his cavalier attitude was making her angrier.

“I just didn’t want you
to feel that I hadn’t been honest with you.”

Lucky twirled her wineglass around in a pool of condensation that had formed on the tabletop. “Well, actually, you weren’t honest with me.”

“What are you saying? I’ve never lied to you.”

“There are lies of omission, Elias.” She stood, leaving her wine untouched.

“Are you leaving?” He looked shocked.

“Yes. I’m very tired. I’m going
home.”

“Let me walk you back, then.”

“Don’t bother. It’s not necessary.” Lucky stood and slipped on her jacket. Elias followed suit.

“I’m walking you back to your apartment. After all, I’m the one who dragged you out.”

She had no choice. It was obvious he was going to insist. Frankly, she would have preferred some private time to sulk and feel justifiably angry on the way back
to her very nonprivate apartment. Elias quickly threw some bills on the table and followed her as she hurried through the pub and pushed through the door to the street. She was silent as they walked along Broadway, passing by the darkened Spoonful. It was just as well Elias didn’t try to make conversation, because she wasn’t sure what would pop out of her mouth next.

When they arrived at her
building on Maple Street, Elias followed her up the flight of stairs to her apartment door. “Lucky, look, it’s obvious you’re upset with me. We should talk about this.”

She took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I am right now, Elias. I feel . . . disoriented, I guess. It doesn’t make me feel comfortable that Paula is staying in your guest room. I mean, how would you feel if the situation
were reversed?”