A Rose In Flanders Fields (23 page)

‘A note routed through London last week, just saying: “Mr Bird is with his father, and they are in conversation.” Nothing more. I don’t think I can expect anything else, and since we’re not married I probably wouldn’t hear if anything terrible happened.’ She visibly shook the dark thought away, and stood up. ‘Tell me about Kitty.’

‘She is doing well enough,’ I said, helping her clear the rest of the table. ‘She had a terrible crossing though, was awfully sick.’

‘Perhaps the captain will take her mind off it.’

‘I do hope so,’ I said, ‘she deserves some light in her life.’ Then I glanced around to ensure we were alone. ‘I have something to tell you and I don’t want anyone to hear.’

She frowned. ‘That sounds mysterious.’

I told her what had happened to Kitty, and horror stole across her face, quickly followed by fury. ‘I think I know who it was.’

‘Who?’

‘There’s a driver with a wandering eye who stopped in at Number Twelve, but Kitty won’t name him.’

‘Well of course not, she won’t want to antagonise him in case it comes to nothing. And in any case, now it’s over she won’t want to bring all that nastiness back out, what would be the use?’

‘But he’s just going to get away with it. And maybe even do it again, to someone else.’

‘Then you’ll have to warn the other girls to be on their guard, but you can’t name him without Kitty’s word, and you can’t make her come forward on her own behalf. As long as she’s all right there’s no real need for anyone to know, not until she’s ready to tell them herself. It’s
her
future,
her
reputation you have to think about now. It’s not your place to throw a light on it.’

‘Well I’ve promised to say nothing, and she seems so much happier now, so you’re absolutely sworn to secrecy.’

‘Naturally. Let’s hope Archie can keep that spring in her step.’

We both looked up as the door opened and the pair in question walked in. Kitty certainly did seem back to her old self, the sea-sickness just a memory.

‘It’s freezing out there,’ she laughed, clapping her gloved hands together. ‘But so gorgeous and fresh.’

‘Apart from the smell,’ Archie pointed out.

Lizzy grinned. ‘Before I came back I’d forgotten what it was like too, living away from Devon for so long, but when you get a good, ripe, farm smell wafting up your nostrils again it all comes back!’

Mrs Adams came in, followed by the girls. ‘Chill’s in for the night,’ she said. ‘Would anyone care for a little nip of something to keep out the cold?’ We all accepted with pleasure, and Mrs Adams poured glasses of what I assumed was her best whisky.

She handed one to me. ‘Here you are, Mrs Davies.’

‘Please, call me Evie,’ I said, embarrassed.

She nodded and raised her own glass in salute to us all. ‘Well I’m glad to have you and Kitty here under my roof, Evie. What you do out there for our boys, well, it don’t bear thinkin’ about.’

It was a long time since I’d drunk whisky; while wine was still relatively plentiful in town, spirits were not, and the fumes took my breath away. I looked across at Lizzy, who’d taken her first sip with a faraway look in her eyes and a sweet smile of remembrance on her lips. I knew Uncle Jack enjoyed a dram now and again and guessed he was on her mind now. She looked up and met my eyes, and we both tilted our glasses in a silent, secret toast to our absent men.

Much later I finished my drink, and also Kitty’s, which she’d tasted and hadn’t enjoyed. Lizzy had hugged me and gone to bed ready for an early start in the morning, and eventually the other three girls had gone too, with lingering glances at the tall Scottish captain, who’d blown into their lives like every girl’s hero, and would all too soon be leaving again.

Then it was just Kitty, Archie and me. I was feeling the effects of the whisky, and tiredness was creeping through me rapidly, but I had another reason for standing up and announcing I was going to bed: I glanced at Kitty, who was sitting on the edge of her seat, nervously plaiting the fringe on the antimacassar draped over the arm, and just hoped Archie would see they were perfect for one another.

But Kitty came to bed less than ten minutes later, and slipped under the eiderdown with a murmured ‘goodnight’. My own tiredness had vanished, quite predictably, the moment I had got into bed, and I lay awake with my thoughts flitting from Will, to my father, to Uncle Jack and then back to Will again, trying not to dwell on the image of him as he might be at this very moment, but to remember him as he had once been. After an hour or more of trying not to toss and turn and wake my sleeping companion, I decided a snack might be just the thing to quiet my racing mind, so I crept downstairs and into the kitchen, pulling my borrowed dressing gown tightly around myself as the chilly air bit through the layers. Reluctant to turn on a light, I tried to remember where the pantry lay, and started in that direction.

‘Who’s that?’

My heart instantly went up several gears before I recognised the voice. ‘Archie? It’s me. What on earth are you doing still up?’

‘Evie!’ He pushed back his seat and lit a match, touching it to the wick of a paraffin lamp that sat on the table. The glow threw strange shadows across his face, but his expression was tender as he looked at me. ‘Midnight feast?’

‘How did you guess?’

He chuckled. ‘Och, well, you seem like a midnight feast kind of a girl to me.’

I could see his whisky glass in front of him but he had barely touched it. I wished I hadn’t added Kitty’s to mine; my head still felt uncomfortably fuzzy as I picked an apple out of the bowl. ‘Couldn’t you sleep?’

‘Not with you so close,’ he said. The baldness of the statement almost made me drop the fruit, but I found my eyes drawn to his, reluctantly, but inexorably. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing.

Archie spoke softly. ‘He doesn’t know what he’s got.’

‘You’re wrong.’ I tried to make my voice firm, but heard the tremble. ‘He’s…he’s not well.’

‘I love you,’ Archie said. ‘I’d like to say sorry, but I’m not going to apologise for the way I feel. I love you.’ He stood up and came over, plucking the apple from my suddenly numb fingers, and putting his own finger beneath my chin to raise my face.

‘No, you don’t,’ I said shortly. ‘You don’t even know me.’ I couldn’t think straight. His grey eyes burned into mine, and before I could come to my senses he had lowered his mouth, pausing just before our lips touched.

‘You deserve to be adored, Evie.’

My body was responding in a way I knew to be utterly wrong, but I couldn’t help it. ‘I love him, not you,’ I whispered, even as I felt my eyes growing too heavy and became aware of the tingle of anticipation on my lips.

‘I know,’ he said, his mouth still brushing lightly against mine. ‘I know, and I can live with that. Just tell me you don’t want to kiss me right this minute, and I’ll stop.’

I surrendered to him then, to his warmth and strength, to the love that poured out of him and into me through the touching of our lips and the mingling of our breath. As the kiss deepened I felt my own self-loathing grow. But this good, gentle man loved me, and Will had cast me away…didn’t I deserve some happiness?

Clarity flared suddenly, and I broke away from him. ‘This isn’t happiness,’ I said, forgetting he couldn’t hear my thoughts.

‘What? Evie –’

‘No, I’m sorry.’

‘Listen,’ he said urgently, clasping my arms, ‘it won’t be like betraying Will. I understand your loyalty –’

I pulled away. ‘It’s not about
loyalty!
I love him, and it doesn’t matter if he wants me to or not, it’s not a choice I’ve made. It’s a fact. He’s in there for good,’ I thumped my chest, ‘and if I push him out there will be nothing left!’

I had forgotten there were other people in the house, and footsteps on the stairs shook me into a silence broken only by my harsh breathing, panicked at how close I had come to betraying my own heart, let alone Will. The door opened and Lizzy looked from Archie to me and back again, and, as always, grasped the situation immediately. I pushed past Archie, but he caught my hand, ignoring Lizzy although she took a step closer.

I felt the frustrated anger leach out of me, and turned back to face him. ‘I don’t want to lose your friendship, Archie. I care for you deeply, you know that. But you understand, don’t you?’

He looked at me steadily, and in the silence of the kitchen only the clock could be heard, turning the seconds into minutes, the minutes into hours, the hours into the years spreading before us…years we might spend wondering if this had been our one chance.

‘You won’t lose me,’ he said at length. ‘Never. I can’t pretend my feelings are any different though, so don’t ask that of me, aye?’ He kissed my hand. ‘I’ll take caring, if that’s all you can give me. Now, to bed with you before you catch a cold.’

Lizzy and I turned to go, but at the door I looked back to see Archie staring out of the window at the blackness beyond, and wondered what he was seeing. Then Lizzy slipped her hand through my arm and we went back upstairs in silence. We stopped outside the door of her room and she seemed about to say something, but thought better of it. Instead she hugged me and went to bed, leaving me to creep beneath the covers next to Kitty. It was a long time before I slept, but when I did I dreamed of Will, and woke to find my face tight, and streaked with dry, salty tracks that ran into my hair.

Kitty was already up and dressed by seven, despite the fact that it was still dark outside. Today Archie would take us to Guildford, where we would pick up the train to Kent to pick up the newly donated ambulances, and then he would leave us and drive to London to the court-martial. I had no idea if he’d gone to bed after I’d left him in the kitchen, but a glance out of the window showed me he was already outside, leaning on the fence that separated the yard from the hen-houses, no doubt thinking ahead to how he could best help his man.

I went downstairs to find Lizzy in the kitchen with Kitty. The two of them were chatting quite happily, and Lizzy, who was peeling potatoes at the table, looked up as I came in.

‘Good morning, sleepy-head. I hope you’re well rested.’ She put down her knife and went to pour me some tea from the pot. ‘Kitty here was just telling me about all the shenanigans you get up to over there.’ Her voice remained light, and she smiled, but there was worry there too.

I shot Kitty a look. ‘Don’t go filling Lizzy’s head with nonsense, she has enough to worry about.’ I sat down and took up a spare knife to help. ‘Don’t worry,’ I said to Lizzy, ‘we’re not allowed right up to the lines.’ As Kitty started to speak, I kicked her sharply on the ankle and she stopped. ‘We might not be part of the official ambulance corps, but we’re very well taken care of,’ I went on, quite firmly, ‘and hardly ever get anywhere near the shelling.’

Lizzy put my tea down in front of me and resumed her peeling. ‘Then how do you get the boys out?’

‘We generally go to the dressing stations, and pick up the ones the stretcher-bearers have already brought out. From there it’s just a short drive to whichever clearing station is taking in, let the orderlies unload, and we’re ready to go back for more. Just like a relay. No cause for worry, I promise. The most difficult thing is trying to remember where the hospitals are in the dark.’

‘It’s terribly exciting though,’ Kitty put in, ‘and sometimes we even go out before the shelling stops.’

‘Kitty!’

‘Leave her alone, Evie, I want to know the truth,’ Lizzy said. ‘You were cross enough about what happened to me last year, I think it’s only fair you should tell me what you’re going through out there.’

‘There are lots of us,’ I said, ‘and some are even closer to the lines than we are. Like Elsie Knocker and little Mairi. Jolly brave, both of them.’

‘What are they like?’ Lizzy said eagerly, putting her potato down and momentarily forgetting her concerns. ‘They’re always in the papers, and they raise so much money for the cause. I expect they’re exciting to be with.’

‘Well they do seem to be in the thick of things a lot,’ Kitty said. ‘Mrs Knocker can be a bit of a tartar, although I do like Mairi …’ She stopped talking and swallowed hard, and I frowned as I looked at her properly. She was looking quite pale now.

‘Are you all right, Skittles?’

‘Yes, I just…actually I feel a bit sick. Do excuse me.’ A moment later she had run from the kitchen, leaving Lizzy and I looking at one another, and the same thought snapped between us.

Lizzy spoke first, her words falling into the silence like pebbles in a puddle. ‘You don’t suppose … oh, surely not.’

I felt ill myself. ‘It can’t still be sea-sickness, surely. Can it?’

‘Perhaps it was the whisky?’

I shook my head. ‘She didn’t drink hers. Maybe she ate something that disagreed with her?’ But neither of us believed that. Kitty had led me to believe she had avoided the worst kind of attack, but I hadn’t asked her outright. How absolutely, criminally stupid I’d been.

Lizzy sat down. ‘What on earth will she do, if she is?’ I just looked at her helplessly, questions and answers forming and floating away, as the implications kept making themselves apparent. ‘I suppose you have to tell someone now,’ she said.

‘Yes, but who?’

‘Didn’t you say her brother is stationed nearby?’

‘Yes, Dixmude. It’s not far.’

‘I know I said it was her decision to tell anyone, but this is different, you’ll have to tell him.’

‘I can’t!’ I said. ‘Not without her permission at least, and she’s not going to give me that.’

‘Does she even suspect? She seemed quite happy this morning, but she wouldn’t be, surely, if that were hanging over here?’

It was getting worse, I hadn’t even considered that Kitty herself might not have realised. ‘Oh, Lizzy,’ I groaned. ‘What am I going to do?’

I sat with my head in my hands, wrestling with the question, but Lizzy's quick mind was already hard at work. ‘She can’t go back, not if we’re correct in our suspicions. Are we agreed?’

I nodded. ‘It’s far too dangerous.’

‘What about her parents?’

‘I have the distinct feeling if I so much as mentioned them she would burst into flames,’ I said, my voice glum, and a smiled flickered on Lizzy’s face.