A Reluctant Companion (12 page)

It was only later, after they lay in bed, that he asked her the question that had been heavy on his mind before she had distracted him. “Why are they rebelling?”

She stirred groggily, clearly on the brink of falling asleep. With a fuzzy look in her eyes, she lifted her head from his chest and moved it to a pillow so she could see him. “I don’t remember much history, but I think there’s almost always some group trying to oust the current government, no matter what time period you’re talking about.”

He frowned. “Maybe, but I feel like I’m missing something.”

“Tyranny demands a strong rebuff,” she said around a yawn.

Tiernan scowled. “Where’d you hear that?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I think I read it somewhere.” Her eyes started to drift close.

He should let her sleep, but he couldn’t let it go. “I’m not a tyrant.”

She made an ambiguous noise.

Tiernan shook her gently. “Do you think I’m a tyrant, Madison?”

Perhaps sleep lowered her guard, prompting her to give a more honest answer than she might have if all her faculties were sharp. “Yes. Tender sometimes, but a tyrant…”

She trailed off as sleep claimed her, though it was a long time coming for him. It ripped into him to know she regarded him that way. Squirming internally, he knew she had good reasons for thinking he was tyrannical. How much of her sweet capitulation and willing lovemaking of late was prompted by genuine passion instead of self-preservation? Did his lover fear him? Were her cries of need false? Did she really want to push him away as she took him deep inside her body? Could she fake her response? His instincts said no, but he still found himself wounded by her drowsy admission.

Chapter Eight

Madison tried to figure out what had happened, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Something had changed. Tiernan was no longer as warm with her as he had been, and there was an assessing look in his eyes sometimes when he looked at her. She’d find herself in the middle of a passionate moment, hovering on the brink of release, and meet his gaze to find him giving her a look as if he was analyzing her in a dispassionate way that was incongruent with their intimacies.

Maybe he was just worried about what was happening in Spokane-Brokenbo, though she’d heard no further updates. He hadn’t shared his confidences with her since that night four days ago. He also hadn’t shared a meal with her and only came to her late at night before leaving early in the morning. They were still having sex, but it was starting to feel more like physical release than anything truly satisfying, in much the same way it had when they had been engaged in their hostilities before coming to a truce.

She hated what was happening. Hated how much she missed what they’d had, even briefly. As she made her way to the room with the radio equipment, she found herself speculating again about his change of behavior. Had he met a new woman? Was he courting a new companion? There were no new faces at the daily tea, but Nina was absent from them. Had she somehow reengaged Tiernan’s attention?

She should be feeling hopeful that her imprisonment as his companion might soon be ending. It should fill her with hope that she could share with her family when she talked to them in a few minutes, but it left her feeling dull and achy.

That empty feeling increased when the operator connected her with Nash a few minutes later. “Hello, sergeant.”

“Hello, Miss Cole.”

She swallowed, nervous. “Did someone make it in today?”

He hesitated before saying, “I’m sorry, Miss Cole, but Callum said he couldn’t spare the time to come all the way to Graceport today. He and Cam were too busy, but might be able to take the time next week.”

Disappointment burned in the back of her throat, and it tasted a lot like hot tears. “I see. And my mother? How was she when you saw her?”

“Elaine told me to tell you she loves you and is feeling much better.” His tone indicated he didn’t necessarily believe the words he spoke.

“Do you think she was better?”

Nash sighed. “No, not really.”

She closed her eyes as she absorbed the dart of pain his confirmation of her instinct evoked. “What about Rosie?”

Another hesitation before he sighed. “She’s gone, Miss Cole.”

“Where?” Madison opened her eyes, frowning.

“Your father wasn’t sure. She hadn’t been home for two days as of this morning.”

Fear welled in her, almost blotting out the crushing pain of her family’s rejection of the chance to speak with her, for the third week in a row. In her despair, she addressed the soldier by his first name without thought, though they had always maintained formality before. “You have to find her, Eric. She could be in danger.”

He sounded grim, but determined. “My men are searching right now, Madison.”

She wiped away a stray tear. “Thanks, Eric.”

“I’ll relay a message for you if she turns up.”

With a nod to the operator, she left the chair and the room, fear and hurt churning in her belly. What was Rosie doing this time? Her sister was often gone, but she didn’t usually stay away two nights in a row. She needed to be home so she could help her beleaguered father with the necessary work and keep an eye on her recalcitrant little sister. Tiernan’s unexpected emotional withdrawal was a good thing. He was likely tired of her. It wasn’t as though she was a highly skilled courtesan who knew a host of tricks to keep his attention. He must have satisfied his curiosity and grown bored with her already, meaning she could be home soon.

The thought should have brought her more pleasure than it did. Worry about Rosie must have been blotting any happier emotions. She wouldn’t entertain any other explanation for her ambivalence about the coming end of her stint as his companion.

*****

The door to the suite clicked open just a few minutes before she was due to join the other companions for tea. Her heart leapt with excitement at her first sight of Tiernan before dark in days. She started to smile, but his cold expression aborted the sign of warmth as it tried to form. “Hello.” Her voice sounded tight, and she was inexplicably nervous. Was this it? Had he come to discharge her from his service?

“You have a message,” he said in a cold tone, eyes narrowed. “The operator thought it was prudent to vet it through myself first.”

She frowned. “What kind of message?”

“Eric would like you to know everything is fine, and she’s back where she belongs.”

Relief surged through her, and she sagged. “Thank goodness.” The relief was short-lived when he came to stand behind her, his fingers biting into her shoulders. “Ouch.”

He didn’t relent. “Who is Eric?”

Wrenching away, Madison turned to him with a glare. “Sergeant Nash.”

His mouth tightened. “When did you and Nash get so friendly as to be on a first-name basis?”

Anger sizzled through her. “We talk every week, Tiernan.” With a scornful sniff, she added, “Do you think I’m sleeping with him? Or maybe we’re just verbally fucking each other with the operator sitting right there beside me? You have no reason to be jealous.”

Tiernan’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not jealous, Madison. You received a message that could mean anything. It could be some kind of code for all I know. Rebels are stirring, and since I’m such a tyrant, it’s entirely conceivable you’re plotting against me.”

That certainly sucked away her anger, replaced by humiliation and a startling sense of hurt. Of course he wasn’t jealous. It had been the stupidest assumption she could make. She managed to find an ember of irritation to mask her embarrassment. “Fine, I’m a rebel now? I guess the rebels just lucked out when
you
sought
me
out, huh?”

A tinge of red touched his cheeks. “I don’t know who I can trust right now, Madison, and you’ve done nothing to earn my trust.”

“I haven’t? I’ve done every damned thing you’ve asked—no, demanded—of me. I’ve given up my life and my family. I stopped fighting you and started sleeping with you every night voluntarily. I have no one here, and my family is still so angry or hurt by what I’ve done that they won’t even talk to me. Don’t you dare tell me I’m not trustworthy.” Tears she didn’t want to spill still seeped from her eyes, though her body vibrated with rage.

His voice softened, and he looked a little less accusatory. “By your own admission, you see me as a tyrant.”

Madison frowned. “I never said that.”

“You did,” he said in a voice that was like velvet-wrapped barbwire. “The other night, as you were falling asleep, you told me I was a tyrant.”

Her frown deepened. “I don’t remember that.”

Tiernan looked skeptical. “Convenient memory loss now that I’m questioning you. I have no idea how much of what you’ve supposedly given me is real. Do you really want to be my lover, or are you too terrified of me to be honest? So don’t pretend I don’t have justification to doubt your allegiance. As far as I can tell, you have no loyalty toward me.”

She looked away. “Why should I? You never gave me a choice about coming with you. Threatening my family took away any choice I had.”

His long sigh was a sound of suppressed exasperation. “I apologized for that.”

Madison inclined her head in a jerky motion. “Yes, but you still refused to let me go home.”

“Do you still want to go home?” He asked the question in a cool tone that suggested he didn’t care either way. After his behavior the past few days, he probably didn’t.

“Yes,” she whispered, though her heart shocked her with its own silent cry of, “No.”

He froze, his expression unreadable before it became a cold mask. “Too bad. You’re mine.”

“I hate you.” Really, she’d give anything to hate him. She wanted to hate him so badly that she almost felt like she could will it to happen if she just wished hard enough.

Tiernan’s mouth curled. “Do you think your feelings matter at all to me, Madison? Hate me all you want, but it changes nothing. You are mine for however long I want to keep you. Fight me if you want, but we both know you’re really fighting yourself. You may hate me, but you should hate yourself more for wanting me anyway.” With that verbal slap, he spun on his heel and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Madison clenched her hands into fists and forced back the hot tears welling in her eyes. She was not a crybaby who gushed at the drop of a hat, but her emotions were raw. Before meeting Tiernan, she had lived in a calmer state, without strong feelings always bubbling just below the surface. Hatred was the primary emotion coursing through her, but much to her self-disgust, it was directed more at her than him. She hated how he could make her feel, how her body responded, and how much she wanted him. Most of all, she hated that she couldn’t make herself hate him and even now, she wanted him to take her into his arms and offer her some comfort to ease the pain he’d caused. She was a mess.

*****

Madison woke with a pounding head and burning eyes. Her neck was at an odd angle, and she realized she had slept on the settee, still fully dressed. She’d decided yesterday evening not to let him touch her last night. It wasn’t a resumption of the Cold War strategy she had implemented upon her arrival. Instead, it was pure self-protection. She was still hurting and angry, and she hadn’t been able to tolerate the thought of his hands on her after his cruel words. She had girded herself to battle both him and herself, opting to stay on the settee to confront him.

All her preparation had been for naught. Unless he had come in long after she was asleep—and she had slept poorly—and crept out before she woke, Tiernan had not come back to the room last night. She’d been wrong to think he couldn’t hurt her any more than he already had. Knowing he had shunned her presence cut deeply. Also knowing Tiernan hadn’t spent a night alone in years made her burn with agony, because he wouldn’t have broken his habits over a quarrel with her. Which of his companions had entertained him last night? She shouldn’t care. It should be a relief that he hadn’t come to her, but it wasn’t.

Her body ached as she stood up, and she stretched before going into the bathroom to shower. The hot water sluicing over her skin helped restore a measure of calm, but she couldn’t even think about him without feeling a piercing pain in her chest. It was similar to the pain she got each week upon realizing no one from her family waited on the other end of the radio devices to talk to her.