A Refuge at Highland Hall (27 page)

Penny gave a slight nod. “I've written to him, but he hasn't replied.”

“Yes, he told me.”

She couldn't restrain her surprise. “He mentioned my letters?”

“Julia told me you had been corresponding with him and wanted to visit. I thought that might help, so I asked him if I could arrange it.”

“What did he say?” But even as she asked, she was afraid she knew the answer.

He looked down, then lifted his eyes to meet her gaze. “He said he doesn't want you to see him as he looks now.”

Penny's throat tightened. “I don't care how he looks. That's not important to me.”

A slight smile touched his lips. “I thought you might say that. And I think after you see him the first time, the physical changes will fade from your mind.”

“I can't stand the thought of him being there by himself with no family or friends coming to visit.”

“I agree. It's not healthy. But if you brought the children to sing for the men, then your visit wouldn't be specially to see Alex. That might break the ice and give you a way to reconnect.”

Penny's heart lifted. “Yes, it's a brilliant idea. When can we come?”

“I'll speak to the people in charge on Monday and see when we can arrange it. Perhaps Wednesday?”

Hope rose, and she struggled to contain her growing excitement. “Yes, Wednesday would be fine. Thank you.”

The doctor excused himself and returned to his wife's side. Penny nearly floated across the room as she rejoined the others. Only a few more days and she would see Alex!

But what if he turned her away as he had his sister?

No. She wouldn't even consider that possibility. She had prayed and waited, and now the door was opening for her to visit Alex. She would trust and hope for the best.

A
lex pushed open the door of his bedroom at Northcote and stepped into the upper hallway. The sound of children singing drifted up the stairs. He looked over the banister, but he couldn't see them. They must be in the drawing room, where most of the programs and meetings were held.

One of the nurses told him there was a group coming this afternoon, but he hadn't expected them to be children. He stopped at the top of the stairs…Should he go down or head back to his room?

It was one thing to face doctors, nurses, and other patients—they were used to seeing men who were wounded and disfigured by war—but walking into a room full of impressionable children? One look at him and they would probably run for the door.

The song ended, the men clapped, and a woman spoke in a soft voice. He strained to hear what she said, but he couldn't quite make out her words. Still, something about her voice made him pause and want to hear more.

The pianist played the introduction to the next song, and the children's voices rang out again in a cheerful, rousing tune. The men began to clap and sing along.

Well, it couldn't hurt to go down and look in on them. No one would notice him if he stayed in the back and didn't sit down with the others. Leaning on his cane, he slowly descended the stairs and crossed the lower hall.

He stopped at the doorway to the drawing room and looked inside. A group of children stood together at the opposite end of the room. He squinted…if only he could see their faces more clearly, but that was hopeless. The doctor had examined his eyes and glasses had been ordered, but they weren't expected to arrive for another week.

Patients in chairs and wheelchairs filled the rest of the room, enjoying the program. A few of the nurses and orderlies stood at the back.

He slipped into the room and found a spot near the corner, in the shadow of a tall, potted palm.

Clapping wasn't an option for Alex, but soon he was tapping his foot in time to the music. The song lasted several more minutes, with a rousing chorus the men obviously enjoyed. As soon as it ended, they broke out in applause.

The woman seated at the piano rose and turned toward the audience. She motioned toward the children, and they bowed. “Thank you very much.”

Alex stared and blinked, trying to clear his vision. The young woman had wavy auburn hair and looked about the same height as Penny, but from this distance he couldn't see her clearly.

“And now the children would like to express their gratitude for your sacrifice and service by giving each of you a small gift they made.” The woman signaled to the children, and they hurried toward a basket on the floor by the piano. Alex's heartbeat picked up speed, and he looked around. He should leave now, before anyone noticed him. But his gaze darted back to the woman at the front.

Dr. Foster said Highland Hall was only a few miles away. What if it was Penny? He leaned to the right and strained to peer around the men who had risen from their seats to greet the children and receive a gift.

Suddenly, the woman stepped from the group and turned toward him. She looked his way and stilled, then her smile spread wider, and she walked straight toward him.

Her face came into focus, and all doubt vanished. Penny Ramsey, beautiful, fresh, and full of life.

“Hello, Alex.” The sweetness of her smile and the kindness in her eyes nearly knocked him to his knees.

He gripped his cane to steady himself and gave a slight nod. “Penny.” One word. It was all he could push past his tight throat.

“I looked for you earlier, but I didn't see you.” Her gaze remained on his face, her expression open and accepting.

“I was here, in the back. I…I didn't know you were coming.”

Her cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink. “Yes, we wanted it to be a surprise, but when you weren't sitting with the others, I was afraid that was a mistake.”

He had to force out his words. “No, it was a good idea.” If he had known, he wouldn't have come down, but now that he'd seen her and spoken to her, well, he couldn't seem to make himself look away.

How many nights when he was in France had he dreamed of her? Her letters and the thought of seeing her again gave him a reason to hold on to hope and keep flying. But since he'd come back to England, he'd tried to push thoughts of her from his mind, and he had almost succeeded.

Seeing her now was like a vision come to life, and he could hardly wrap his mind around it.

“May I pin this on?” She held up a red, white, and blue ribbon tied in a small bow with a little wood disk hanging from it. The word
Courageous
had been painted on the disk in slightly shaky red letters.

He clenched his jaw, trying to bring his emotions under control.

Penny glanced at the ribbon. “I think Rose made this one.” She looked up at him again. “The children chose different words like
Brave, Strong, Determined, Kind, Good.
” She smiled. “They wanted them to look like real medals.”

He shook his head. “I don't deserve that.”

Her gaze softened. “It's not so much for what you've done in the past, but for what you will do in the days ahead.”

Her words washed over him like a gentle wave. He looked down at the inscription on the disk, and his eyes burned. He had not been courageous since the crash. He'd given in to guilt, pain, and hopelessness and had nearly given up the fight altogether.

“May I?” Her voice was as soft as a caress.

He looked up and met her beautiful blue-eyed gaze. How could he say no to such kindness? “All right.”

Dimples creased both her cheeks as she pinned the ribbon to the lapel of his shirt. “There, that looks perfect.” She stilled and looked up at him. “Alex, I want you to know that I—”

“Lieutenant Goodwin!” One of the girls rushed toward him, bringing another woman. As they came closer, Alex realized it was Lucy, the oldest girl who had been taken in by the Fosters. The other woman was one of the servants he'd met at the Fosters' home in London.

Penny glanced at them, then looked back at Alex. “You remember Lucy and Helen?”

Lucy smiled at him expectantly, while Helen stared at the scars on his face with slightly widened eyes.

He stiffened. “Ladies.”

Lucy clasped her hands. “We were so excited when we read the story in the newspaper about the way you bombed that Zeppelin, but then we heard you were injured. We were all so worried.”

Alex blinked. What should he say to that?

Helen seemed to have recovered from the initial shock of seeing his face. She fluttered her eyelashes and smiled up at him. “Yes, we all thought you were very brave.”

Heat infused his face and he looked away. The last thing he wanted was to talk about his final mission.

“Did you like our songs?” Before he could answer Lucy, she rushed on. “Oh, I'm
so
glad to see you and know you're all right.”

He was alive, that was true, but he wasn't sure if he would ever be “all right” again.

“How long will you be staying at Northcote?” Helen fluttered her eyelashes again. Did she have some sort of eye problem?

“I'm not sure.” He glanced around the room. There had to be some way to tactfully escape the conversation, but that would mean stepping away from Penny as well.

“It's wonderful luck you're staying so close to Highland,” Helen said. “Maybe we can visit you again soon.”

Lucy's eyes brightened. “Oh, that's a good idea.”

Penny laid her hand on Helen's arm. “Could you and Lucy check on the other children? We want to make sure every man receives a ribbon. We don't want to leave anyone out.”

Helen gave a quick nod. “You can count on us. Come on, Lucy.” She turned away, then looked over her shoulder. “Take care, Lieutenant.”

“And don't worry,” Lucy added. “We'll come back to see you just as soon as we can.” She slipped her arm through Helen's, and they walked off together.

“I'm sorry,” Penny said softly. “I think they're both quite fond of you, possibly even a bit awestruck.”

He frowned. “I'm not sure why.”

She tipped her head and smiled. “You're a hero in their eyes.”

That might be the impression people got from reading the articles in the newspaper, but did they know the rest of the story? “I don't deserve that title.”

“Of course you do. You've done something remarkable and given us all a reason to believe we can win this war.”

He shook his head, doubt deflating him again.

She stepped closer. “It's true, Alex. Before you took down that Zeppelin, everyone thought there was no way to prevent the bombings. Even the Germans believed their airships were unstoppable. But you proved we can protect our country and gain the victory. People have hope now, and that's priceless.”

Frowning, he sifted through her words. He wanted to believe what she said was true, but did she realize the cost? What about the innocent children and nuns who had died when the Zeppelin crashed on their convent? How many more lives would be lost until they could finally be victorious or at least end the war?

“Alex, the King awarded you the Victoria Cross. He wants to pin it on you himself as soon as you're well enough to receive it.”

Heat flashed through him. “They just want to use me to boost morale and convince more men to enlist.” Her face paled, and he immediately regretted his harsh tone. “I don't want to be singled out or called a hero. There are plenty of men buried in France who deserve that title, not me.”

She looked up at him, her gaze steady. A hint of sorrow clouded her eyes, but there was strength there as well. “I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean to upset you. I only wanted you to know we're proud of you. And whether you want to believe it or not, you are a hero, worthy of our thanks and much more.”

He closed his eyes, struck to the heart by her sincere words. He didn't want to hurt her or appear ungrateful for her kindness. There had to be some way he could turn the conversation around and take their friendship back to the way it was when they first met in London. And what about all the letters they'd exchanged? He'd let her believe he cared for her. He grimaced and shook his head.

What was he thinking?

He pulled in a shaky breath and opened his eyes. “I know you mean well, but you don't understand.”

“You're right. I don't. But I'd like to.”

He clenched his jaw, trying to steel himself and harness his runaway emotions. “This changes everything.” He lifted his good hand toward his eye patch. “There's no future for me or for us, and I don't want to give you any false hope.”

Moisture filled her eyes, and her chin quivered.

“Forget about me, Penny. Find someone who has something more to offer you.”

She straightened and met his gaze. “I hear what you're saying, but my offer of friendship still stands. You may choose to accept it or not.” With that, she turned and walked away.

An arrow pierced his heart. Was he being a fool? Should he call her back?

No.

He clamped his mouth closed. It was time to show some true courage and do the one thing in his power: let Penny go. Let her find a man who could love her, provide for her, and give her the kind of future she deserved.

A future he could never supply.

Penny strode out of the drawing room and into Northcote's entrance hall. The fierce burning in her eyes made it nearly impossible to see. She blinked hard and took a deep breath, trying to calm her pounding heart. She longed to turn around, run back to Alex, and plead with him to open his heart to her again. But that wouldn't be right.

She wasn't sure if it was foolish pride or the voice of wisdom telling her she must walk away and let Alex decide. But she couldn't…she
wouldn't
sink to begging or manipulation.

If Alex wanted her in his life, he must make that choice, and if not, then he must bear the responsibility. But she never imagined it would be so painful to see him again then have to walk away.