A Reason to Stay (3 page)

Jake, who’d been on his way to put the DVD in the player, froze mid-stride. Movie Night was all about comfort and pigging out, and baggy sweatpants was his standard uniform. But tonight his body had been so rebellious; he'd hoped she wouldn’t realize he was still wearing his jeans. As tight as they were, they provided him the camouflage that the sweatpants couldn’t. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t stay in his jeans without causing Ellie to wonder why. And knowing Ellie, she would start asking questions he couldn’t answer.

Without saying a word, Jake dropped the DVD case onto the coffee table and went upstairs to change. Maybe he would just say he was cold and keep a blanket over his lap all night.

****

Empty Chinese food cartons and beer and wine
cooler bottles littered the coffee table. Jake drained the last of his beer and added it to the others. He started to get up to get another, but decided against it. Although going to the kitchen to retrieve another beer would give him a chance to put some space between himself and Ellie, he’d already had four, and that was his limit. He already felt a bit fuzzy headed, and any more could impair his judgment more than he could afford. He was already struggling to keep a hold on his self-control.

Besides, to be completely honest, he didn’t really want to put space between himself and Ellie. He liked the way during the second movie she’d scooted closer to share his blanket and was snuggled into the crook of his arm. This was a normal position for the two of them, curled up together on the sofa. Ellie had a tendency to lean her head on his shoulder when she got tired during a movie, and he let her. He’d always enjoyed it, even before he’d realized his feelings for Ellie were anything but brotherly.

Once he’d stopped denying how much he loved her, these Movie Night cuddle sessions had become much more enjoyable and a lot harder on his self-control. But tonight the only thing he’d describe as hard was his cock. He’d been in a constant state of arousal since she’d snuggled under his blanket, a fact that had been very difficult to conceal in such close quarters.

The truth was, though the evening had been complete torture on him and his libido, Jake was loath to have it end. The last movie was nearly over, so he had little choice, but he could squeeze as much pleasure as possible from these last few minutes of closeness with Ellie.

He glanced over at Ellie, watching her profile as she watched the movie. They were watching the classic Breakfast at Tiffany’s, her favorite. She was completely engrossed in the movie, her eyes shining with tears. She always welled up during this scene, and at the end she wouldn’t be able to hold them back any longer and huge drops would slide down her flawlessly smooth cheek, leaving little wet streaks. Her eyes would shine, her nose would turn red, and her face would get all blotchy. And, as always, she would look utterly kissable.

Zing
. A lightning bolt of desire shot through him, again.

Jake forced his eyes away from the sweet beauty at his side and tried to concentrate on the movie. He was almost instantly sorry, as the scene on screen brought the reality of tomorrow screaming back into his brain. The couple on screen was in a taxi, and the hero, Paul, was trying to get the incorrigible Holly to marry him, but she was intent on flying off to South America to find a new life.

Zing
. This time it was pain that shot through Jake. It was uncanny sometimes how life could imitate art, or the other way around. Tomorrow Jake would be driving the woman of his dreams off to a new city and a new life that didn’t include him. Only, unlike Paul in the movie, Jake hadn’t had the guts to put it all on the line and tell his love how he felt.

That was what it all came down to. No guts. He was so afraid of damaging the bond between them that he hadn’t been able to come clean with her about his feelings. The guy in the movie hadn’t been afraid to lose everything in order to gain the love of a lifetime, and he was rewarded with a happy ending.

For Jake and Ellie there would be no kissing scene in the rain. There wasn’t even a chance for one as long as he was afraid to show her what she really meant to him. Suddenly the warmth of her and her fresh, clean scent was too much for him. He was tired of worrying so much about tomorrow. Tomorrow would come whether he wanted it to or not. And watching her leave would hurt whether he’d taken a chance or not. He didn’t think a slap in the face or even a firm but polite "thanks, but no thanks" he might get if he told her how he felt could hurt worse than the torture of the "what ifs" he would have to live with if he didn’t. But the words still felt stuck in his throat. How do you tell the best friend you’ve ever had that you love her more than life? He couldn’t find the words. But, if he didn’t know how to tell her, he definitely knew how to show her.

******

Tears rolled down Ellie’s face as the movie credits rolled on the TV screen. She always cried at this movie. But tonight, her tears were more for herself than for the bittersweet happy ending of the movie.

Though she hadn’t wanted the night to end, it seemed as if the hours had flown by. It had been a wonderful evening. They’d pigged out on Chinese food, drank a little too much, laughed and talked all the way through the action movie as Jean Claude Van Damme kicked butt, then snuggled under a blanket for the next movie. All in all it had been a standard, fun Movie Night. Jake had been a bit distant at times, but Ellie chalked that up to woman problems. It happened all the time. The woman of the hour would become clingy and start "wanting more" out of their "relationship". At the first mention of the word commitment Jake would start getting antsy, trying to figure out a way to bolt without hurting the woman’s feelings.

Whenever that happened he’d be distant for a day or two, then when he was ready he’d tell Ellie all about it. He always had. Ellie couldn’t count the number of times Jake had come to her with, Suzie wants me to meet her parents, Janet gave me a key to her apartment, or the biggie, Lisa wants us to buy a dog together. Do you know how long dogs live? These desperate declarations had always been followed by I’m just not ready for that kind of thing, Ellie.

It had been a while since he’d come to her with such a problem, but she should have known it would be coming. It always did. Ellie wracked her brain to remember whom it was he was dating now, but the name didn’t come to mind. Well, it didn’t matter. It was someone. There was always someone. At least this time when he had this problem, he would have to call her to tell her about it. Maybe having hundreds of miles of phone line between them would dull the pain of hearing the details of yet another of his conquests.

Ellie forced the distressing thoughts from her mind. There would be enough pain tomorrow when she said goodbye to Jake, and plenty of pain and loneliness in the coming weeks. She wouldn’t let it ruin tonight for her.

But tonight was over. The last movie had ended and now she would have to leave her warm and comfy spot nestled against Jake and go lay down in that big, lonely guest bed. She knew, from many movie nights spent there, she’d be able to hear Jake’s soft snoring through the wall. The sound would be comforting to her as she drifted off to sleep. Sitting up, she turned to look at Jake.

"Could you hand me a tissue?" she asked, motioning toward the box on the table near him.

Wordlessly, Jake retrieved a tissue from its container. But instead of putting it in her outstretched hand, he brought the tissue up to her tear stained cheeks. Softly, he began wiping the tears from her face.

His voice was soft when he asked, "Why do you cry at movies like that? I mean, the ones with happy endings. I understand crying when it’s sad, but when they end up together, what’s there to cry about?"

"Oh, I don’t know." Crying had left her voice a bit rough, and his question took her a bit off guard. Her voice was low and quiet as she answered, "I guess it could just be the emotion. Happy endings make me feel happy, and you know how I am. I’ll take any opportunity to cry."

He laughed at her answer, but before he could say anything else, Ellie went on.

“Or, I guess it could be jealousy, or whimsy, or some such nonsense. Maybe its just self-pity and I’m crying for myself. Everyone else gets their own happy ending with someone to share the rest of their life with, but I’m still alone."

Ellie let out a tiny gasp. She couldn’t believe what she’d just said. She and Jake had always shared everything, but this was a bit more honest than she’d meant to get with him. Clasping her hands together on her lap, she stared down at them and tried to think of what to say next. She tried to think of a joke to make light of her too revealing statement.

His thumb replaced the tissue on her cheek. Gently, he rubbed it over the tear blotched skin, tracing a path over her high cheekbones. His touch scorched her skin. It seemed to her that every ounce of his body heat was flowing through that one thumb and into her.

"You’re not alone. You have me."

His tone was so gruff and low she almost thought she imagined that he’d said it. Her eyes flew to his, seeking some clue as to what he’d meant, what that note in his voice was that she couldn’t identify. What she saw nearly took her breath away. His charcoal eyes were darkened to jet-black with some emotion she was afraid to name. She was drawn into them and felt her chest tighten. She couldn’t breathe. His gaze bore into her, searching her face for something, she didn’t know what. She felt as though she would melt into a pool of liquid heat under his gaze. Was that really desire she saw in his eyes?

Jake’s hand slid from her face to the nape of her
neck, pulling her to him. At the same time he lowered his own face toward her. It happened so fast she hardly had time to register what was happening, yet it seemed as if it were all going in slow motion.

In the time it took for her to draw in a breath, her whole world was shattered. Jake’s lips touched hers, searing her skin, melting her soul. The touch was light, tentative at first. Not unlike the friendly kisses they had shared so many times before. But in an instant, the pressure deepened. His lips were full against hers and completely still for a full second.

Then his tongue darted out, tracing her full bottom lip. When a soft gasp parted her lips, he took advantage, slipping his tongue inside her waiting mouth. Her tongue met his as they tasted each other for the first time. Thunder crashed in Ellie’s ears and lightning soared through her veins.

He tasted like beer and egg rolls and Jake. There was no other way she could describe the sweet, overpowering taste that had nothing to do with food or drink. The kiss was gentle, heartbreaking, soul searing, new, familiar, wrong, and right, all at the same time. Then it was over. Jake hesitantly pulled back. First just an inch, then fully back, until the full space between them was restored.

Moments passed as they stared at each other, each searching the other’s face for a sign, a meaning for what had just happened. War raged within Ellie. Every emotion imaginable was racing through her, sending her thoughts into a jumble. She didn’t know what to do, what to say, or even what to feel. The wrong word, the wrong movement, could bring their friendship crumbling down around their ears. Despite the dangers, Ellie couldn’t ignore the overwhelming sense of loss and coldness she felt without his lips on hers. Now that she’d felt it, tasted him, it wasn’t enough. One split second moment of bliss was not enough.

The dull ache in her stomach that was a constant companion whenever Jake was near began to grow. It was like a monster throbbing inside her. It expanded from her middle to around her heart, branching out to her legs and arms until her entire body was filled with a pulsing, aching need for Jake. Warning bells went off in her brain. Don’t do it, they cried. He was just being comforting. It was just a kiss. It didn’t mean anything to him.

But Ellie was beyond listening. It didn’t matter anymore if it was just a kiss, if it didn’t mean anything to him. She’d tasted a tiny bit of him, and she wanted, no, she needed more. Friendship be damned! It was probable that once they parted company tomorrow their friendship would be doomed anyway. Oh, they might call occasionally; maybe he would come to visit once or twice. But then they would get busy, and it would fade out. At least now she would know what it felt like to be kissed by him. But that hadn’t been a kiss, not a real kiss, not near enough to know what it really felt like to be in his arms.

Wordlessly, and secretly praying she hadn’t read the signals all wrong, Ellie leaned into Jake. The moment their lips met his arms flew around her, dispelling all of her fears of rejection.

Though it had been Ellie who had initiated the kiss, Jake quickly took control. Shoving his fingers into her hair, he pulled her closer.

This kiss was nothing like the first. The shy exploration was gone, replaced by an almost violent passion, a need they couldn’t put to words. They drank of each other, tongues warring, plundering.

Coherent thought fluttered from Ellie. She was a mass of raw emotional need, the need to taste and touch. Her arms had wrapped themselves around Jake of their own volition, and now her hands were exploring him through his t-shirt. Even through the thin material, his heat burned into her, beckoning her. It only took her a moment to slide her hands under the material and come into direct contact with his hot, smooth skin.

As he tore his mouth from hers and trailed his tongue up to her ear to nibble on its lobe, her fingers played over the sharp contours of muscle in his back and chest. A deep, throbbing ache began between her legs. She leaned further into him, wanting to touch every inch of his body, but his hand came up between them. At first, Ellie thought he was pushing her away, and a deep sorrow began in her heart. But as she felt him gently cup her breast, the sorrow turned into hot desire.