A Promise of Tomorrow (9 page)

Thinking back to the last few minutes in the ballroom, he had to admit he hadn’t been paying much attention to the conversation. Perhaps there had been something said that made Victor even angrier with him than he already was. But that didn’t make any sense. Kyle felt sure that if the conversation had had anything to do with him, he would have noticed. Even the words Victor had said as he’d forced Kyle over the back of the couch and torn into him hadn’t made any sense. Thoughhe had to admit, he’d stopped hearingthemas soonas the shock ofwhat was happeningto himset in.

There was something about his friend Wells? And this morning he called me a tart.
Kyle shook his head. He didn’t
want
to remember. He wanted to sink into blessed insubstantiality, a sweet grayness without memory or feeling, but the nightmare wouldn’t let himgo.

How could he have done this to me? He told me he loved me, that we belonged together and that he would take care of me.
He was whining again, and the less forgiving part of his mind chose that moment to flare into life.

You were a weak fool!
he railed silently at himself in a voice that sounded suspiciously like his father’s.
You watched him change toward you day after day and you said nothing! You
did
nothing but cower and simper and grovel like a dog, hoping for a pat on the head, and when you didn’t get it, you
still
did nothing!

He couldn’t even use their coupling as an excuse for the way he’d allowed himselfto be treated. Victor hadn’t shownmuchinterest in Kyle’s pleasure after their first few times together and had even become a bit rough with him since they’d been in London, though he’d never truly hurt him before. Kyle was so confused, sick and filled withself-loathing, he didn’t know what to do.

Sleep
, another voice said.
Just sleep. Perhaps you’ll find this was all a dream, a horrible dream. You’ll wake in your own room, back home in Atcham, and none of this will have ever happened.

Dredging up what energy he had left, Kyle finally surrendered to the one voice in his head that promised peace, climbed under the crisp linens, and fellinto blessed oblivion.

When he woke to the chiming of a small clock, it was three in the afternoon. He was not home in his own bed, it had not all been a dream, and he was still going to have to face the ugliness of his situation. The realizationmade himgroanand rollout ofthe bed.

After ringing the bell for Timms, he went to the basin and ewer for a quick wash before the man arrived to help him dress. He felt stiffand uncoordinated, but at least he wasn’t shakinganymore.

Ashton’s clothes were a little too large for him, but not terribly, he decided as he checked his appearance in the glass. Timms had done an excellent job, and Kyle had thanked him profusely, though the manhad seemed embarrassed withthe praise.

At least I’ll
look
respectable when I face my rescuers and the rest of the family
.

 

Timms left after informing himthat a footman waited outside to take himto the library, where Lord Warrenwaited for him.
Well, you’ve stalled long enough
.
Time to go down and face the mess you’ve created.

Kyle gathered himself together, took a deep breath, and joined the footman in the hall. As he followed the servant to the study, he could feel himself breaking into a sweat. He was dreading seeing the man again. It was bad enough that he had witnessed Kyle’s humiliation in the alley, but then he’d flung himself at the man and wept onhis chest. His shame knew no bounds, and now he had to try to look the maninthe eye.

“
I heard enough, Weir,”
Warrenhad said.

Kyle cringed in remembered shame. The things Victor had said were bad enough, but to know that Warren, of all the people in the world, had heard themwas enough to make himwant to bury himself ina hole and never crawlback out again.

What did the twins tell him?
Kyle wondered with a twist of his gut.
How much does he know? And, more importantly, how am I ever going to face him knowing what he must at least suspect? He must think I’m the most pathetic wretch he’s ever had the misfortune to meet.

Kyle took another breath to steady his nerves, trying to find comfort in the fact that the lord had been nothing but kind to him. He had assured Kyle that he would help him and had even granted him hospitality in his sister’s home. Even if he believed Kyle was unworthy, he had stilltakenpityonhim.

Somehow that thought didn’t bring him as much comfort as he would have liked. Pity was not something he wanted from that man. He desperately wanted his good opinion, though he couldn’t have said why it mattered so much to him. He would probably never see the managainafter today.

The footman knocked on a large oak door and opened it after a short bark of“Come”fromthe roombeyond.

He found himself ushered into a small room lined from floor to ceiling with bookshelves, packed with handsomely bound volumes. The student in him was distracted for a moment reading titles and wondering at the number of books, until movement by the windows snapped himback to the moment.

Lord Warren was seated at an escritoire in front of a large bank of windows. He looked every bit the nobleman in tan trousers, a gold and brown striped silk waistcoat, and a rich brown woolcoat. The colors were understated, but they suited him somehow, and the qualityofthe materialwas undeniable.

Sunlight streaming in the windows caught gold highlights in his thick brown hair, and, coupled with the smooth texture of the fine wool of his coat, Kyle was reminded of the warmth of the man’s arms around him in the alley. He suddenly longed to bury his face in that coat, to feel that fine wool on his skin, thread his fingers through that hair and curlup inthat warmth.

Dear God, what is the matter with me?

Here he was, in the worst tangle he had ever been in in his entire life, and he was fantasizing about throwing himself at the man who might be the onlythingstandingbetweenhimand ruin.

If he decided to cast you out into the street this moment, you would well deserve it!
he berated himself.
You’re here to swallow what little pride you have left and beg this man for his aid, not curl up in his lap!

Biting his cheek and stepping forward, he bowed to the viscount and waited for himto speak.
E
VERYTHING
that James had planned to say to Allen fled from him the moment the young man entered the room. Rested and dressed for dinner in a combination of grays and greens, he looked even more beautifulthan James had remembered. The pallor fromearlier had left his cheeks, and the colors of his borrowed finery accentuated the beautyofhis fair complexionand extraordinarygreeneyes.

Though he couldn’t do it in truth, James was sorely tempted to send for Timms and shake his hand in gratitude for his selections. The mancertainlyknew what he was about.

Though perhaps I shouldn’t be so grateful, as now I can’t seem to remember my own name.

James stood as Allen bowed in greeting. Clearing his throat, he motioned Allen toward the chairs by the fireplace. Once the young manwas seated, James asked ifhe would care for anyrefreshment.

“No, thank you, my lord, I fear I have no stomach for anything at present,”Allenreplied.
“I believe I can understand that. You’ve had quite a night,” James said, seating himself in the chair opposite Allen, regretting the words the moment he saw the manwince.

Taking a breath and remembering why they were there, James said, “Wellthen, we are alone here, so, ifit would not offend you too greatly, Mr. Allen, I would like to dispense with formality and talk candidly with you about your situation.” James waited for Allen’s nod, then continued. “Excellent. I fear, spending as much time in the country as I do, I have to ape the polish of my more fashionable peers when I’m in London, and it’s damned tedious for me at times. If I can get away with it, I’m normally a plain-speaking man.” He smiled, tryingto put Allenat ease.

It must have worked, because Allen gave him a small smile in return and said, “As amI, to own the truth, my lord. As the son of a countrycurate, I fear I’ve beenfrightfullyout ofplace inLondon.”

“I’msure that’s not true, but whatever the case, I will give you leave to speak plainly, if you will do the same for me.” Allen smiled again, and James could sense his gratitude. It left a warmfeelinginhis chest that he worked hard to ignore.

“So, back to the business at hand.”James forced his mind back to the topic of their conversation. “I have spoken with my nephew, and he told me some of your troubles. At least, those I didn’t witness myselfthis morning.”

At those words, the smile fell fromAllen’s face, and his eyes dropped to his boots. James noticed the lad’s hands shaking at his sides before they were clenched tightly into fists. He had every right to be afraid, James knew. He wasn’t a peer and had no connections. If any of what he knew ended up in the wrong hands, the young man could go to prison or the pillory, at the very least. At the worst… well, he didn’t want to think about that.

Again the intense desire to comfort and reassure the lad rushed through him, but there really was no way for himto give that comfort without endangering his own reputation, so instead he clenched his fists and pressed on.

“I am aware of your desire for secrecy, and I will honor that. Though Weir should be held accountable for his actions, I understand your reticence for the facts of the case to be made public, as getting the law involved in these matters could prove dangerous. You have my word that I shall not speak of what I know to anyone. I gather from my nephew that Mr. Weir was your only friend in London and that your father has disowned you. Is that correct?”

“Yes, my lord,” Allen answered in a near-whisper as more of the color washed fromhis face.

James was onthe verge ofgivingKyle permissionto callhimby his given name, at least in private, when he stopped himself. That would be much too much familiarity, and Allen would wonder at it. Also, he wanted to hear his name on those lips a little too strongly for his own good. It would be best for both of them if he left things as theywere.

So instead he asked, “You have an aunt in Suffolk that you believe mayaid you, yes?”

“Yes, my lord. She is my father’s sister, though they are not close. I have never met her, but I hope, if I can go to her and speak to her myself, that she willtake pityonme and offer me aid. She’s the only family I have that might even consider helping me, I think,”Allen replied, lookingup.

“No one else?”James asked. “What ofyour mother’s family?”

“Mymother is fromIreland, mylord, and she has never spoken much of her family there. I suppose my father doesn’t approve of them. His eldest brother is Sir Edward Allen, Baron Barwick, a man of some distinction, and my father has always been very proud. I believe my uncle will have already received news from him, so I know I will find no welcome there. My only hope is that, because of their estrangement, my aunt won’t have received any news of me and might be willingto see me.”

“And what willyoudo ifshe refuses you?”James asked.

At that, Allen sighed and looked back at his boots. “I don’t know, my lord,” he whispered. That lost look from the night before had returned, and withit, James’s protective feelings.

“I see,” James responded as he rose and took the few steps to the fireplace, leaning his back against the mantle. He needed to put a little distance betweenthem, as the desire to gather the other maninto his arms was onhimagain.

Crossing his arms to keep from reaching out to Allen, he said, “That won’t do, willit? I think perhaps youshould send a letter to this aunt of yours before using your last farthing on a journey that may prove fruitless. You don’t have to tell her everything, just that you have had a disagreement with your father and would like to visit her and speak with her directly regarding your prospects. Then, at least, you’ll know if she will refuse to even see you before you’ve stranded yourselfinthe country.”

“That would perhaps make more sense, my lord; however, I don’t have anywhere to stay while I wait for her reply,” Allen said, shakinghis head.

“Do you think us so heartless that we would throw you out in the streets, Mr. Allen?”James said, raisinghis brow.

“Oh no, my lord, never that! But I could not possibly ask you to do any more for me than you have already done. You, my lord, and your whole family, have been more generous to me than I can ever possiblyrepay.”

“Don’t think on it. As I told you before, my nephew has named you his friend, and if you would permit me, I would do the same. So what kind of men would we be if we didn’t offer aid to our friends when they were in need of it, hmm?” James waited for his words to sink in and was well rewarded when shocked and hopeful eyes met his own.

“I do not know what to say, mylord,”Allenreplied. James smiled and turned to pace a few more steps awaybefore turningback to him. He needed the added distance.

Clearing his throat and willing his body to behave itself, he said, “No need to say anything. And now that that is settled, the only problem I foresee with your awaiting your aunt’s letter
here
is that Mr. Weir knows where you are. And while I should think he would not dare attempt to accost you again, given his behavior of the past two days, I cannot be certain of that. So this puts a bit of a difficulty before us.”

“Oh no! I had not thought of that.”Allen also stood and took a few agitated steps of his own. Looking at James, he said, “I would not think of putting any of your family in danger or at risk of a scandal, my lord. Yesterday I would have said he was not capable of any such thing, but after this morning, and last night, I… I suppose I don’t know himat all.”Allen’s mouth twisted in a pained frown, and his eyes dropped againto the floor.

“Weir has a great many men fooled, Mr. Allen. There’s no need to punish yourself for that,” James said quietly, cursing Weir againfor a scoundrel.

In that moment, James made up his mind what to do. His decisionwould most likelybe the source ofa good dealofdiscomfort for himover the next several days, but he couldn’t stand seeingAllen so miserable a second longer.