A Portal to Leya (17 page)

Lance

COMMENTS

2cents
things
are looking up for ya dude, good. See you got a girl, a live one. Keep her.
She’s good for you.

Susanne
I
know Leya used to talk all the time about the hot painter! I remember it! I’m
going to look for those emails.

JED
FAUST

Ben
said Jed (not Ged) Faust is a prime suspect. He graduated from MIT and he is a
math teacher. He has a wife and daughter. I remember, now. He used talk a lot
about his daughter, Liza. As a matter of fact, he was hyper and talked all the
time. He liked Leya and kept talking about tutoring her in math. He let her
climb the ladder and paint. I remember how he looked at her, held her legs on
the ladder, put his hand on her back, her shoulder. I can’t think of anything
else. A signal is fixed itself in a point in my brain and keeps spinning like
Edward Leedskanlin’s North and South poles, creating a whorl of currents in my
brain.

Lance

4
a.m. (can’t sleep)

I
had a dream. Leya was knocking. I could see you through the beveled glass of
the front door. I heard her voice. She was telling me to Leya up, that she had
jelly beans for me. I tried to get to the door but it was taking a long time.
All energy slowed. I felt a resistance. My legs were stuck as if I were sinking
in black muck. Leya’s voice was fading and I couldn’t get to her. Then I saw
him, just a glimpse of his curls, the dark rimmed glasses. He looked at me
askance. The light was waning. It was completely dark inside by time I reached
the door. When I opened it, I could hear crickets. The moon was full and blue.
But Leya was nowhere. I heard the sound of a truck. The motor was somewhere in
the distance and then I woke up. I felt sick. I know now it was Jed Faust.

Lance

COMMENTS

Heather
Do
you really think it was him? I swear we used this same guy to paint our garage.
I need to see a picture.

@heather
yes.

THE
WAITING

It’s
not over yet. Residual currents are powerful. I don’t know how I could have
been so convinced that Neal was a killer. Ben and Dorrie are packing for White
Sands. We leave in a week. I can’t say that I’m overly excited. I feel strange
lately now that I don’t know who killed Leya. It’s unnerving. I’m tired of
waiting. My whole life feels like waiting. I’m on pause. Maybe if my dad would
contact me, it would take some of the burden off. Even though it’s a good thing,
that Neal didn’t kill her, at least she knew him and he was familiar. I think I
know who did it. She told me in the dream. It was Jed Faust. But I can’t do
anything about it. I just have to wait.

Lance

COMMENTS

Heather
thanks for the walk xo

Susanne
I found three!!!

Suz,

OMG,
there is this painter outside. He is here for MOST of the summer. I don’t even
know his name. It’s Ned or something like that. He’s outside my window right
now! No shirt, Tan, buff, he is HOT. When are you coming home? You’ve got to
see him. I’m waiting to get changed! I can’t even get my clothes on because
he’s right there!!! I think he saw me in my underwear. UGH!

Leya

Suz,

It’s
Jed Faust. He is brilliant. He graduated from MIT and wants to help me with my
math. He is a teacher!!! Can you imagine? He asked me to hold his brush. And he
even let me paint a bit. He was standing so close to me I swear I almost
couldn’t breathe. He looks pretty young. I wonder if it would be legal to date
him. LOL

Are
you still coming home next week? I hope so!!!! I’ve been hanging out with Lance.
He thinks I’m crazy because I keep talking about Jed. Oh, well. I can’t help
it. You’ll see.

Leya

Suz,

OMG,
Jed Faust, that painter guy, is definitely creeping me out. I was in my bedroom
and he was peeking in through the window when I was sleeping!!! I’m so freaked
out. See you tomorrow. GET HOME!!!

Leya

Suz,

I’m
so glad you are coming home. I really really really need your advice. I don’t
want to talk to Lance or my parents because I’m afraid they’ll make a scene.
You know me best, Suz. Maybe I’m overthinking it all. But I think Jed likes
me!!! I’m not kidding. I feel so confused right now. He’s constantly staring at
me and the other day he asked me to help him carry out supplies to his truck.
We were joking like we do and he was behind me. Then, I felt him grab me and
that was it. We actually kissed!!! PLEASE DO NOT UTTER A WORD TO ANYONE! It
felt so incredible. I can’t describe it!!! My legs were weak and I was shaking
so hard afterwards. I need you, Suz. Get home. He will be here on Monday. I
can’t handle this alone! He’s married with a kid? Is that legal?

Leya

@Susanne
difficult to read now. I wish I had known earlier.

Susanne
I
know.

GOOD
NEWS AND BAD NEWS

Ok, finally. Good news. Francis is coming home
tomorrow. I just found out. This is what happened. I came downstairs this
morning and Dorrie and Ben were going at it right there in front of the
refrigerator (kissing I mean)—not so unusual except Dorrie isn’t usually in
such a good mood that early in the morning. Anyway, she turned to me and told
me the news. Francis is coming home. I guess it will make the beach and my life
somewhat bearable. I asked if we could celebrate with some wine. They both
looked at me as if I just shot a cat. Then Dorrie got real serious and said to
me “You’re not drinking are you Lance?”

And of course, you know
me, I can’t lie, especially to Dorrie and especially since I’ve come clean on
the other stuff. “Yes, I had some wine. Trudy Markus and I used to drink at her
house on the porch. I didn’t drink the whole bottle of wine or anything. I only
had a one or two cups.”

“
You’re
not of age, Lance. And I really wish you had told us what was going on.”

“I wasn’t exactly thinking straight. But it was no
big deal.”

“Do you realize, Lance, that drinking alcohol at
your age is illegal?”

They both looked so damn grim. I just wished I had
kept my mouth shut. I said yes I understood and that I’d be more careful next
time.

But then Ben piped in and said something that kind
of freaked me out: “Lance
,
you never know what someone is going to put
in your drink. That’s the problem. I know Trudy was or is your friend, but she
has had some trouble with drugs and I’m not talking about prescription drugs.
You just have to be careful.”

Shoot, I never considered Trudy would put something
in my drink. What if she did? Maybe when I looked away or went inside to use
the bathroom. I could have died or hallucinated or had some freak out trip.
Maybe I’d get addicted like her? I didn’t tell Ben or Dorrie, but that scared
me. I decided I would be in control of my own drinking if I ever did drink. I
just said
“
Okay.”
Then it got me thinking that maybe she put
something in there and I don’t even remember. I could have blacked out. Maybe I
ran up and down the street naked. I couldn’t think about it anymore.

Lance

COMMENTS

2cents
paranoia
much?

Heather
LOL!!!
I’m sure she didn’t do that to you! xo

A
SURPRISE ENCOUNTER

One day before the beach. Dorrie and Lance were out
at a friend’s house. I was invited too, but decided to stay home. I felt antsy.
I was researching party drugs like Ecstasy and Roofies, drugs that can get
slipped into your drink. I started to panic. I mean this is what kids my age
are doing right now. Trudy is a senior. Maybe she has access to more of these
drugs. She probably figured it would be okay for me. She could have easily
slipped one into my wine. Or maybe she put it in the opened bottle beforehand.
Who knows what I did at her house. Maybe I was knocked out and she did things
to me. I started getting sweaty and felt like I couldn’t breathe. As far as I
know, I’m a virgin. But maybe I’m not. Leya never took drugs. I don’t think.
Maybe she did too. How do you ever know what’s real and what’s not? These are
things I could talk to Leya about and she’d help me. I’m trying to envision it,
what she would say to me. I can’t. I’m sure of it now, that she’s fading.

So, I decided to walk to Saint Benedict Cemetery. I
wanted to be there, near Leya. Except, this time, I had few expectations. So
there I was, standing about fifteen feet from Leya’s tombstone, when I saw him.
At first I wasn’t sure who it was bending down, crouched near her marker. I got
a bit closer and then I knew it was Neal Lourdes. I was about four feet away,
when I heard it—sobbing. At first, I thought he was just sneezing but then I
realized Neal was crying. He was doubled over, and he was bawling. I was
frozen—not sure if I should get closer, pat his back. What would I say? I
thought of it, in that brief moment of doubt, I considered what I might say to
him. How are you? What’s the matter? I’m Sorry. I went home. I packed for the
beach. Something about that image jarred me back into reality. Real raw reality
and I didn’t mind so much being there.

Lance

COMMENTS

Susanne
how shocking! I guess the guy has a heart after all.

Heather
oh no. very sad.

REJUVINATION

Jed Faust has not been arrested yet. We are at the
beach. Dorrie said the beach would rejuvenate me. She was right. The salt air
has this way of smoothing out the fuzzy areas. The smell of the marsh, the cool
ocean breeze, it is simple and calm, pure tranquility. Leya always loved the
beach too. But the best part—Francis is here. He came early! He looks the same.
He is tanned and healthy like a soldier. He asked me if I still want to know
about the proliferation of arms and I said no that I want Leya Blackwater’s
murderer arrested and locked up. He laughed and ruffled my hair which means he
thinks I’m cute. I hate when he does that because it means he’s not taking me
seriously. I don’t like when I discuss an issue and someone doesn’t take me
seriously. Leya always took me seriously. No matter what I discussed she always
had a response. I don’t know that I will ever find another person like her. But
I have found someone and she is different but helping me in ways I never imagined.

Today, I noticed the jetty, the pink granite, and I
recalled Leya’s tombstone. I didn’t get sad. I just noticed it that’s all. I
love the sounds of the tide moving in and out; it is soothing like the blood
rushing in and out of veins, or energy moving through copper wires. Peace.

Lance

COMMENTS

Heather
I
can’t wait to visit. xxoo

@heather
I can’t wait to see you

A
MOMENT WITH FRANCIS

A perfect day with Francis:
“Salt air heals
all that ails” Francis said. Leya would have loved this day. We were sitting on
the jetty crabbing. We used string and chunks of chicken tied to the end. We
dipped the string down in between the rocks where the water flushes in and out.

“Did you ever hear the expression salt of the
earth?” he asked me.

“I think so. Did you ever drink wine?”

“That was random.”

“I had some.”

“You’re not old enough.”

“I know. I had some with Trudy Markus.”

“That’s not good.”

We caught five crabs, big ones. You could hear them
scraping the sides of the bucket.

“Okay, done…time to find some sea glass now,”
Francis said as he tipped the bucket and dumped the crabs back into the ocean.
He always dumped the crabs right away. Not me. I kept them in the bucket like a
treasure underneath the cottage. Leya always yelled at me:
that’s so cruel, Lance.
How would you like it?
I always meant to put them back into the ocean. But
I’d forget and a few days later they’d start to smell. Then I’d feel so bad I
couldn’t talk for a week.

We walked. Our heads were down, searching for sea
glass. “Are you a virgin? I asked him. He laughed hysterically. Then I laughed
too.
“
Well, are you or not?”
He just kept laughing. Finally, he
said, no. Then I confessed more about Trudy Markus, how I thought she may have
drugged me and taken advantage of me.

“You think she drugged you?
”
Francis asked
me. I told him no, probably not, but that we did have wine and kissed. Then he
laughed again. And then I asked him if had to kill anyone yet. He was real
quiet. Then he walked faster, ahead of me. He never answered the question
.
I guess that means he did. If I could pour salt all over my brother and heal
him, I would do it.

Lance

COMMENTS

Jabberwocky9
That’s
rough. I know my friend’s brother was overseas for a third deployment. He came
home and was so depressed he couldn’t get out of bed. He’s okay now tho. But it
took some time.