A Perfect Mistake (32 page)

“Verity!”

I turned around to
find Mrs. Outlaw standing in the doorway. Booker and Aubree close
behind her. They swept into the room, and Aubree hugged me gently,
but I looked back and sought Boone’s eyes. He looked so
tortured, so hurt, so determined.

“Boone,”
I said softly and he relented and kissed me. It was filled with
longing and pain and such need.

“Aubree, take
her back to her room,” his ma said.

Was it an ultimatum?
I wasn’t sure, because our time to discuss it was over. I
wanted to run away from everyone and simply be with Boone so that we
could work this out. He’d asked me to
marry
him, promising we’d be a family. Minnie had offered me the
dream of a lifetime. My head hurt as all my preconceived notions came
crashing down into a million pieces. I looked at Boone, pleading, but
he looked away, and my heart broke and broke and broke.

I had already
sacrificed my son. Was I going to sacrifice Boone to my secret, too?

Boone

Days later, I had
tried repeatedly to talk to Verity, but her parents blocked me at
every turn. She’d been released from the hospital yesterday.

But when I went to
her door to try again just before our final church appearance, the
reverend was tight-lipped and angry. His protégé had
disappointed him and tried to murder two people, one his daughter.
That must have been very bitter for him.

I was still healing,
but the slices to both my torso and face were manageable.

He told me that
Verity was still convalescing and wasn’t receiving visitors,
but I knew she was, because Aubree and River Pearl had been there to
see her. Her friend Minnie was also still here. At least she had a
support system, but I was at loss about what to do next. I had meant
what I said. I would not abandon Duel.

I told no one that I
had fathered a child. I wanted to talk to Verity, to find some common
ground, but it would all be in vain if she didn’t come clean
with her family. That’s what was holding everything up.

But even as I tried
to think of Verity negatively, I couldn’t. She had endured this
whole thing by herself, and now I understood why she had ended up in
New York City instead of the Kenya mission. She had told me bits and
pieces, and now I almost had the whole picture.

I wanted to hold her
again, kiss her, make love to her. No, I couldn’t think
negatively of her now that my anger had drained away. I couldn’t
judge her. She had found herself in a terrible situation and I had
been in rehab. But even if I hadn’t and Verity
had
found me, what would have happened? How would I have responded back
then? I still didn’t know.

The child I had
conceived with Verity was as much my responsibility as it was hers.
But she had carried the full burden because we really hadn’t
known each other. We hadn’t had the courage to fight for what
we wanted back then. But I had the courage now. Because, no matter
what, I loved her.

I wanted her so
desperately. The girl she had been, and the woman she was now. My
heart hurt every day that I woke up without her in my arms.

When we walked into
the church, our jaws dropped. It was standing room only. The place
was packed to the stained glass windows and rafters.

I turned to look at
Booker and Brax.

Booker muttered,
“Holy shit.”

Brax just smirked.

“I guess they
like our brand of worship music,” I said. I searched the pews
for Verity, but she wasn’t there.

We settled in the
sanctuary, but the reverend didn’t look at me. I felt
disappointed in him. He was a preacher, and mercy and forgiveness
were two of the things he held most dear. But he was also a daddy. I
understood that. Verity wasn’t a child anymore, though, and she
had to take the step forward and make her own decisions about her
life.

Her daddy couldn’t
do that.

I couldn’t do
that.

Only Verity could do
it. I only hoped she had the courage inside her that I believed she
did. I could only hope that, when she emerged, she could give the
three of us the chance we deserved to make a future together, in
spite of all the obstacles that stood in our way.

I knew it wasn’t
going to be easy to take Duel away from the couple who had adopted
him. They’d had him for more than five months. I wasn’t
immune to feeling guilt over that. But, I hadn’t been given a
choice. And the fact remained that I couldn’t and wouldn’t
give him up.

We started out with
“Grace Like Rain,” and the lyrics burned in me as I sang,
my voice taking on a quality even I hadn’t heard before. It was
knowledge of what redemption really was that made the message in the
song move not only me, but the people who listened.

As the service
progressed and we went through all the musical selections, I saw so
many people appreciate us. It was a strange experience. This town was
unforgiving, but somehow it and the Outlaws had finally kinda met in
the middle.

Who the fuck would
have thought it would be in a church, and that we’d be singing
gospel music?

My hope that Verity
would appear so that she could hear the last choice I’d made
was dashed as the preacher finished his sermon and we prepared to
close the service.

#

Verity

I pushed through the
crowd. I couldn’t believe how many people were here. They
spilled out of the doors. I wended my way to the front of the church,
and my eyes met Boone’s. As I stood there staring at him,
seeing his eyes so bruised and miserable, my heart cried out.

It had been a
terrible week of indecision and wrestling with myself. If it hadn’t
been for the support of Aubree, River Pearl, and Minnie, I wasn’t
sure I would have gotten through it.

I could leave
Suttontowne with Minnie and return to New York to continue as I had
before, while Boone got our son back. When he fought the adoption and
went to court it would become a matter of public record. I wasn’t
naïve enough to believe that no one would find out. There was no
doubt word would reach my parents’ ears eventually.

I switched my gaze
to my daddy’s. I’d told him about last year and that I
hadn’t been in Kenya. I told him about Minnie and my
dream-come-true job. My momma backed me up. My father was
disappointed, and that hurt.

But I still couldn’t
make myself come clean about the pregnancy and birth of Duel.

My daddy was angry
that I was here in church staring at Boone. He was already ashamed of
me. I saw it in his eyes and it hurt a lot. He would never be able to
look at me again and see that perfect preacher’s daughter, but
did I have the courage to take it even further?

Did I?

I clenched my hands
into fists and tried to get a grip on the crazy flutter of nerves in
my chest as a fresh bout of shakes hit me.

Boone’s
gorgeous voice echoed across the church with the song I’d heard
a dozen times. “Need you now.” It was about praying,
asking for help. It was about strength. Boone looked directly at me.
Unable to drag my eyes away, I met his electric blue eyes, a swell of
love and pride and unexpected longing filling and expanding my chest.

Every word he sang
was steeped in emotion so intense that I heard it in every note. It
reached out and wrapped around my heart and squeezed.

He loved me.

My heart flipped
over and I came face to face with the stark truth. I loved him and
wanted to be with him.

Boone Outlaw,
singing his heart out to me, urging me to trust in him, trust myself.
Let go and give it all up to Him.

Boone, who had been
the sexiest boy in high school, with that aura of bad boy steeped in
masculinity and sexual intensity that only magnified his physical
presence. But it wasn’t just Boone’s drop-dead looks that
made him stand out in a crowd, or the stunning blue eyes and dark,
silky hair. It was the strength of character that had shaped and
molded his life. There were no half measures with Boone. He was his
own man. And always had been.

Something shifted
inside me, and a warmth filled me up to bursting, playing my
heartstrings like a master, a sensual and loving recognition of the
man he was, and a bedrock belief in that man. And I knew. Without a
doubt, I knew. Boone and I would have happened. Regardless of the X,
regardless of the pregnancy. We would have found each other.

I needed him. I’d
always need him.

He wasn’t just
my strength. He was everything that mattered.

Transfixed by that
one staggering revelation, I turned and pushed my way out of the
crowd. Breaking free from the church, I saw a little boy sitting on
his mother’s hip as they walked away from the service.

As the last notes of
the song died, I saw a tiny blue bootie fall off the little boy’s
foot. I surged forward and snatched it up and went to call out to the
mother, but she was already in the car and they were driving away.

I looked down at the
tiny bit of yarn in my hand and doubled over with the pain. I ran
blindly away to the gazebo that Boone had built and I folded down on
the bench seat, still clutching the bootie, sobbing like my world was
ending.

But it wasn’t.
I had so much!

I had Boone. I had
Duel.

I had my friends.

I had the courage.

Fear cracked through
the other emotions that were thick in my throat. I wrestled with the
secret and my own needs.

Stop it.
I
ordered, as I reined in the irrational urge to panic. Dammit, I
wasn’t an irrational person. I was logical and sensible and
practical. Wasn’t that what had saved me when I was growing up
in that house?

Wasn’t that
what had saved me this past year? Everything I did was methodical, as
I buried all my emotions out of sight, running on pure practicality
and adrenaline.

I’d been so
clear in my mind about what I had to do, completely convinced that it
was the best and only solution.

Then Duel had
blindsided me. When I held him in my arms, he became real to me. So
real I hadn’t been able to stop needing to hold him again. That
black hole had consumed me until I thought I was going to die.

I wanted him back.
The longing expanded and encompassed me.

I wanted my son
back!

But I had been
determined to give him up. Because I was reacting to what I had
always reacted to. My fear. The threat of shame.

No more.

No more. I was done.

Suddenly Boone was
there gathering me against him. “Darlin’. Geezus, Verity.
Don’t do this to yourself.”

I closed my eyes
against the wild surge of emotion that made me shiver. With a low
moan, I turned blindly into his arms, sliding my hands up his back in
a desperate hold. Emitting a ragged groan, he found my mouth with a
gentle kiss that comforted me.

Boone’s chest
expanded as I inhaled raggedly. He crushed me against him. His jaw
flexed beneath my hand as he moved his mouth hard against mine, the
thoroughness of his hot, wet kiss soothing the frenzy in my chest.

“I love you,
Verity. I love you so much.”

My breath caught on
a rough sob, the surge of longing making my lungs falter. He
tightened his arms around me, holding me with the same fierceness as
I was holding him. Our needs merged, and I went all soft and pliant
in his arms.

I drew from his
strength.

His breathing harsh
and labored, he buried his hand in my hair as I pressed my face into
the hollow of his throat.

Trembling from the
impact of that single kiss, I closed my eyes and hung on to him.

“Verity,
you’re making a spectacle of yourself.” My daddy’s
voice sent my heart slamming against my ribs. “This is all your
fault, Boone,” he continued. “If it wasn’t for
you—”

I broke away from
Boone and turned to face my daddy, and I knew my eyes were blazing.
“No it
isn’t
his fault! He isn’t to blame for anything. No one is to blame.”

My mother’s
stricken eyes softened at my tone.

She knew.
Somehow, she knew.

“I made a
mistake last year during the graduation party and trusted someone I
never should have trusted. That person slipped me Ecstasy and I had
sex with Boone. And I got pregnant.”

My mother closed her
eyes as tears seeped from beneath her lashes. She rushed up the
stairs of the gazebo, and Boone stepped to the side as she took me
into her arms.

“My girl. Oh,
my God, what you must have gone through all by yourself. Why didn’t
you come to me?”

Something eased in
me as she held me against her. Something hard and painful unraveled.

“I had boy.”
I whispered. “A perfect, perfect mistake.”

It felt so good to
finally get it out in the open. But when I broke the embrace and
looked at my daddy, he just glared at me and stalked away.

“Elijah!”
My mother called. But he didn’t stop. “Verity, come with
me. It’ll be okay,” she said.

I met Boone’s
eyes and he looked so hopeful. But I had to explain everything to my
daddy and make him understand. I didn’t know if I would ever
get his forgiveness. I just knew that without Boone, without my son,
I would only be half a person.

I squeezed his hand
and turned to go with my mother.

#

Boone

I wasn’t sure
what had happened, and I went home just wrung out and heartsick, at a
loss to understand what Verity wanted or didn’t want. I tried
to keep it together, tried to tell myself that she wasn’t going
to leave me.

But I wasn’t
sure.

I had a fleeting
inspiration to grab my guitar, but I had broken it across that fucker
Billy Joe’s fucking head and didn’t have an instrument to
play. I took a moment to mourn that fine, beautiful instrument.