A Perfect Chance (2 page)

"Damned if I know." A half-hearted laugh escaped me.

Diesel squinted at me. "You wanna know what I think?"

"Sure." At that point, I was more than ready for someone to make decisions for me.

"I think you're right. You need to get out. Your concentration is worth shit; you’re too focused on those bastard Riots."

I clenched my jaw, knowing he was right.

"How about going it on your own?"

I tilted my head, listening. He had my attention. "What? Like PI stuff?"

He shrugged. "I was thinking more like security. You've haven't pissed off every friend in the force, right? So you'll still have contacts should you need them. Plus, you can still do your hero shit, or whatever else your reasoning was for joining up in the first place." He snorted and took a drink. "Just work out what you gotta do, move the fuck on, and live."

I clenched my fists and made to speak, but Diesel stopped me, raising one of his hands, placating me.

"I'm not saying forget Abigail, stop loving her or any shit like that, but hell, Mace, grieve properly and start living." He stood when he'd finished speaking, placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Think about it." I nodded. "Right, I'm out of this joint. I have to go and see Lena." A shadow crossed over his face.

"How's she doing?" I asked before he left.

Diesel shook his head, anger and sadness duelling in his eyes and the clench of his jaw. "Not good, Mace, but with time, she'll get there.”

I nodded my understanding. Pain and death were things I was familiar with, unfortunately. But it was a tragedy that someone as young as Lena had experienced what she had.

I watched him walk away, chatting to a few of his brothers on the way to the exit. Maybe he had it right. Security? Perhaps I could make it work.

Chapter One

MACE

Present Day

I looked down at the puke on my tee before raising my head to the sky and closing my eyes. I wasn't praying as such; rather I was regretting once more stopping by to see Liam and Jo before heading out for the evening. At the very least, I should have brought a change of clothing.

Happy gurgling caught my attention, switching my displeased frown into a smile. Opening my eyes, I looked down at the girl in my arms and grinned. She was beautiful. I'd forgive her for every puke stain as long as she kept giving me laughter and smiles. I lifted her small form into the air and blew a raspberry on her exposed stomach.

Her giggles were immediate and infectious. Damn, I loved that sound.

Jo stepped towards me with a wet wipe. "Need this?" She handed it to me.

I repositioned Abi to hold her with one arm and took the wipe gratefully. "Thanks." I wiped at the sick. Long gone were the easy-to-clean milk upchucks from a couple of months ago. Instead, I cursed the day that my sister-in-law had decided Abi was ready for solids. I had no idea what the bright orange was now staining my tee, but surely it couldn't be a good thing for my niece's system.

"She gets you every time, without fail."

I grunted in acknowledgement. "What the hell have you been feeding her?"

Jo laughed and busied herself in the kitchen, something I was still not used to. Jo was far from domesticated, but this motherhood shit suited her. Liam was a lucky bastard. "Ask your brother. He was experimenting with different veggies." She shrugged and looked at me. "Abi likes it, though. Other than when you come around and she throws up on you."

I headed to the bin, wriggling baby in my arms, and disposed of the soiled wipe. "I'm going to start making surprise visits instead. That way you can't feed her crap before I come. I'm sure you do it deliberately." I sat down at the table and placed Abi in front of me, her butt on the table while I supported her. Her big brown eyes smiled at me, right alongside her cute grin. I was sure the kid was in on it. "You in league with your evil parents, kiddo?" I pulled a face at her, earning myself another sweet giggle.

"It's your own fault." Liam stepped into the kitchen and kissed Jo before heading over to his daughter and me. "You throw her around all the damn time. What did you expect? You're a human fairground attraction." He kissed Abi on her head and planted his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

I huffed. "She begs me to do it."

Liam sat and raised his brows at me in amusement. "She can't speak yet."

I looked at Abi, my heart full of love for this child, and I grinned. "She doesn't need words with her Uncle Mace. Her eyes tell me everything." And they did. She was a complete mix of her parents, yet her eyes were soulful, reminding me so much of her namesake, my Abigail, whom I'd lost years earlier.

"What are you up to tonight?" Jo asked, coming to the table to join us.

"Heading out to Diesel's." After all these years, we were still good friends. I had a lot of time for the guy. He'd helped me so much over the last few years, especially when it came to starting up my own agency after I’d broken free from the force.

Pulling my gaze from Abi, I looked at Jo and caught the end of her eye-roll.

"What's that for?"

"Seriously?" she jibed.

I nodded for her to continue just as Liam spoke, "Just leave it, Jo."

My interest was piqued for sure. Jo's opinion was something I’d equally respected and dreaded over the years of her being in my family.

"I've heard about those parties, you know. Don't they have pussy on tap or something?"

If I'd been drinking, I would have spat it everywhere. Instead, I snorted and coughed out my laugh. Abi reached out while I laughed, attempting to put her fingers in my mouth. I pretended to nibble at the tips while I grinned. I glanced at Liam when he sighed. He offered me a shrug, meaning he was leaving this one to me. "Well, they have beer on tap, and a few women around the joint."

"Do they have gang bangs in the bar?"

Holy shit. The woman was hilarious. I'd have to invite her and Liam over one time. I paused that thought and immediately changed my mind. There was no chance she'd be there and not get kicked out by letting her questions run wild. "Not that I've seen. It's a good place, good people."

"So no gang bangs?" She almost sounded disappointed.

"Jo, woman, what the hell are you talking about?" Liam asked, sounding exasperated.

She bit her bottom lip and scrunched up her nose. "Well, El gave me a book to read. It was all about these bikers."

My grin stretched wide when a hint of pink crept over her cheeks. An embarrassed Jo was a rare sight. I'd savour every damn moment.

"And?" Liam prodded.

She flicked her gaze nervously between Liam and me. "Well, it was hot and full of sexy alphas, and damn, so much mind-blowing sweaty sex." It seemed she'd found her footing as she didn't pause for breath as she continued, "Well, there was a scene with a couple of bikers and a woman, and they were in the bar. And hell, everyone could see them." I threw a look at Liam, desperate to see his expression. There was never a dull moment in their house.

I held back my laugh at Liam's wide eyes, and he gulped. He cleared his throat, his voice lower than a moment earlier. "And what? That turned you on?"

Shit, while I found this whole damn thing funny as fuck, it was my cue to leave.

"Well, yeah, not that I—"

"Okay," I interrupted. "Take Abi and I'm outta here." I stood, kissed Abi's soft cheek, and placed her in front of Liam. As soon as he reached out to secure her, I let go. His eyes were still focused on his wife. "Yep, see ya." I hightailed it out of the room as quick as I could. I loved the pair of them, but the last thing I wanted was to be around them and their dodgy sex-talk foreplay crap. I shuddered.

I mounted my bike. I'd have to head home before I went to the bar. Orange sick was not a good look.

Chapter Two

LENA

I placed a beer in front of my brother and Cole and released a dramatic sigh. Their conversation froze, and Diesel looked at me expectantly.

"You got something you wanna say, Lena?"

"Well, yeah. I've been thinking—"

"Okay, I'm out." Cole snorted, but Diesel threw him a look, signalling for his butt to remain on the stool.

I shot my own glare at Cole before I continued, "So, there's this job—"

"No."

Seriously, that was it. No explanation, not even a chance for me to finish my damn sentence. "You do realise I'm a grown woman, right?" Hell, even to my own ears I cringed at the whine evident. I was an adult, yet there I was asking my overprotective arsehole brother for permission to get a job. There was nothing right with this picture.

"You've got a job here. So what's the problem?" He chugged back his beer nonchalantly, not at all affected by my pissed-off stare.

I dropped my voice, leaning forward to speak. "I also have a degree in business management, yet I'm dishing out beers for a living and scrubbing down a bar."

It seemed to have an impact, but not necessarily the one I wanted. He sighed, but a flash of anger and concern crossed his face before he spoke. "Cole," he ordered. The tone was enough for Cole to stand and leave us to it. "Lena, you know I love you, and I want you to be happy, right?" He paused, waiting for me to acknowledge him. I gave him a firm nod. "You also know this is your safe space. That's why you're doing so well." I clenched my jaw, hoping desperately he wouldn't go there. "What are you going to do in a job filled with strangers in an unfamiliar place, huh?" He lifted his brow at me, pissing me off even more. "What are you going to do if you have one of your attacks?" My pissed-off stare was in danger of becoming explosive, even more so because I knew the arse was right.

In my last year at university, where I'd been studying in Melbourne, I'd witnessed shit no one should ever see. The results were not good old “simple” anxiety, if there really was such a thing. That would have been too easy. Instead, I had a type of agoraphobia. With passing years, and the help of my brother and our extended family, I was able to live a somewhat normal life. That included completing my degree online from the safety of my brother's home in Queensland, plus I finally had a few safe places where I wouldn't collapse, literally, to the ground and cower, shake, and speak in tongues. Admittedly, it wasn't quite tongues, but the after-effects always shook me up.

Despite this, I needed more. I tried not to feel guilty about that, especially considering all Diesel had already sacrificed for me so he could give me such incredible support. I had to continue to try to be strong. And the only way to do that was to push myself. My world was narrow, and at times miserably debilitating. I was unsure how much more my mind could take.

"Let me just ask you something," he said, his voice calm. "Where's the job? Is there an interview process?"

I released a tense breath. Just the thought of heading to the solicitor's office down the road, less than one kilometre away, made me break into a sweat. Yet, I was struggling to breathe in this place. "It's at Jacobs and Sons. I have an interview tomorrow."

Diesel pursed his lips and stood. "Let's get in the car for a visit now then, yeah?"

I swallowed back the panic rising in my chest and froze, knowing and hating what he was doing.

His brows dipped and regret reflected in his eyes. Walking around the bar to me, he took me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry, Lena. That's not going to work, okay?" I knew he was right and sniffed back my tears, hugging him back. "Let me see what I can do for you, though." I pulled away and looked at him. I didn’t dare hope, but the thrill of excitement danced in my stomach, momentarily forcing away the unbearable anxiety.

"What do you mean?" I attempted to keep my voice steady. His smile suggested I'd failed at keeping the bubbling excitement at bay.

"Let me see how we can put that brain of yours to good use and get you out of here safely, but you know this all takes time, right? It's not something that can happen tomorrow." I nodded. "Baby steps and we'll get you where you need to be."

I launched at him and held him tight. My brother could be an arse, but he could be all kinds of wonderful, too. "Thank you," I whispered against his chest, before pulling back and offering him a wide grin. I stepped out of his arms and watched him retreat from around the bar. The door opening drew my attention. For the second time that night, I froze, but for a wholly different reason. Mace had just walked in, and fuck, if that didn't make me want to run and hide rather than remain rigid and gawking.

He looked around the room, soaking everything in. His eyes flicked to the group of women in the corner, then to my brother who sat with Cole. They then landed on me. I held my breath as I took him in. Mace was an enigma. I couldn't help but feel the pull. He wasn’t a patched-in brother. He was respected by Diesel but was far enough removed from Deadwood to offer a hint of the forbidden and safe. In truth, I loved that he wasn't an official member of the MC, not that it really mattered either way. For one, I was convinced my brother would never allow a man to look at me more than once; well, not without walking away with a shiner and a limp. I was also convinced that my brother still thought I was a virgin. While my phobia taking over my life certainly felt like it, I had previously managed to escape to uni for almost three years and lived in a world outside of my brother's protective hold.

I missed those years with an aching heart every time I thought about them. Life was so simple back then. As I took in the man who avoided my gaze when he stepped towards the bar, I wished for the time I had been whole, wished for the opportunities I'd allowed to pass me by. If I could have had a do-over, I would have ensured I took nothing for granted: the touch of a man's hand on the small of my back, the freedom of the fresh air at the beach. They were simple things, but I craved them so desperately. I just had no idea how I'd get there.

Managing to find my voice to speak to Mace so he wouldn't catch my starry-eyed look, I asked, "Beer?"