A New Day (52 page)

    
He looked at her, a muscle twitching along his jaw.  Looking into her stricken eyes, he critically assessed her.  She looked genuinely confused and upset.   His heart softened enough to let him respond. 

     “
I do want you.  Very much.  But not like this.  This is not about just getting laid, Tasha. I asked you again earlier today to marry me, and you wouldn’t say yes.  So, what does this mean?”

     “
I thought I was just giving you what you wanted.” she insisted, her cheeks burning furiously.  “I’ve never been so humiliated!”  

    
Tears stung her eyes, and spilled onto his bare chest.  For a moment, all she could do was cry.  She tried unsuccessfully to gain control of herself.   Then she wrenched out of his grasp, and fled to her room.

    
Tim sat up in bed, and put his head in his hands.  An expletive slipped out of his mouth.  He got up and put on some boxers, and made his way to her room.

    
The door was unlocked, to his surprise, so he walked in.  She was sprawled on her bed.  Her hair was flung around her like a wild wind had blown it, and her shoulders were shaking with silent sobs.

    
He stood there, looking at her.  “Tasha.  Talk to me.” he demanded in a gentle voice.  “What the heck are you trying to do to me?”

    
She didn’t answer.  Tim took a deep breath, and gathered his willpower. Then, he scooped her up in his arms and sat on her bed, with her in his lap.

     “
I asked you a question.”

    
She shook her head, and buried her face in her hands.

    
He let his lips move along her cheek, soaking up her hot, salty tears. 

     “
Honey, listen.  You just got things a little out of order, that’s all.  Come on, now.”  he urged.  “I want more than anything to have a deep intimacy with you.  I want to make love to you more than I want anything in the world, little girl.  I want to pour my heart out to you like a river.  And I will.”

    
She had stopped, to listen.  She was very still and quiet.  “Then why didn’t you?” she whispered at length.

     “
Because it’s no good without the proper foundation.  I can’t just take what I want, because you're ready to jump in bed.”

     “
What are you waiting for?” she asked in obvious frustration.  “I came to you ...” she accused.  “You rejected me.”

    
He shook his head.  “No, sweetheart, I’m not rejecting you.  You are all I ever wanted, all that I ever think about.  But I can’t have any of the things you were offering, until we get married.”  he explained softly.  “Marry me, and I’ll prove how much I love you, how much I want you.”  

     
She rolled her eyes and growled.  “I should have known!  You’re just like Gary was.  Damn you!”  she pulled out of his arms, and stormed to the windows, across the room.  She stood there staring out, with her arms crossed.

    
Tim shut his eyes tightly, as the dim light from the window silhouetted her sweet figure plainly through the nightgown.  The robe had been discarded. 

     “
Honey, listen to me.  I can’t.  You know that.  My whole life has to be dedicated to being a man of God.  I can’t just knowingly pick and choose when to be a man of my word and when not to.”

      “
When do I get to be first?” she asked coldly.  “Will there ever be a time when I’m first in your life?”

      “
Yes.”  he answered immediately.  “Every night when we go to bed.  No one will come between us when I’m alone with my bride.  Tasha, say you’ll marry me, and I’ll give you my whole heart.  I promise.  That’s all I’m waiting for.”

     “
And unless we’re in bed, I climb into the back seat behind Jesus.  And when someone calls in the middle of the night, I’ll climb into the back seat again, won’t I?  If someone needs you and we’re making love, you’ll go, won’t you?  The real truth is, I’ll always be second, won’t I?”

    
Tim looked at her grimly.  He didn’t want to answer.  But, she was waiting. 

     “
Yes.”  he said at last.  “You will always come behind Him.” 

    
She glared at him so coldly he could feel it from across the room.

     “
It has to be that way, Tasha.  If our marriage doesn’t have its foundation in Him, it won’t stand the pressures of life.  He’s got to be Lord in
every
area of my life.  And yours.   He’s called us to purity and devotion, first to Him; and then to one another.  It’s nothing to feel threatened by.  You’re not going to be cheated because of Jesus.  I will never let that happen.  And I can assure you, that isn’t what He wants for us, either.  We will be happy, Tasha.  Happier than ever, with Him on the throne in our lives.”

     “
Thanks, but no thanks.”  she said firmly and coldly.  “I’d rather do without.”

    
Her words went through him like a knife.  “Liar.” he hissed.  He crossed the room and whirled her into his arms.  He kissed her hungrily, until she responded with a moan, and yielded sweetly against him. 

    
Oh, it was good to feel her body soften and mold against his.  She was soft and warm, and fragrant.  Her hair was like a cloud of soft silk.  Her skin was so warm and soft under his fingers.

    
Tim felt his body respond, immediately.  It was an unbearable ache.
“Just do it.  It’ll be all right.”
  a voice inside his brain insisted.  He was on fire for her!  He was so hungry to have her that it hurt physically.

     “
It’s been far too long already. You need this!  She wants you!    Give it to her!  Take her!”

    
He wanted to.  With all his heart, he wanted to indulge himself in the sweetness of her soft, lovely body.

    
"Oh, Tim.  I just want you, so much."  She admitted, going up onto her toes.  "You're a gorgeous man.  Just this once, let's be together.  I need you, you've been driving me crazy!  If you'll do this, just tonight -- then I'll know that you really love me.  Put me first, just this one time." She begged, going up on her tiptoes and kissing him hungrily. 

     
She pressed and rubbed her soft body against him as she slid back off her toes, to her feet.  She looked up at him with such longing that it squeezed Timothy's heart.   

     “
Timothy.” a soft, familiar voice said from deep inside him.  He closed his eyes very tightly. 

    
He opened his eyes and looked at Tasha with his heart in his eyes.  “Tasha, you haven't said you'd marry me.  You haven't promised me one darn thing.  I can't come to you on your terms, to try to prove that I love you.  You know I can't make love to you right now.  It’s the one thing I can’t do.  I think that's exactly why you're asking me to.  It’s the easy way to have an excuse to get rid of me, isn’t it?  You’re calling my bluff, so that you have a good excuse to kick me out.”   

    
"Believe me, honey -- I
want
to – but I won't.  I can't.  Say you'll marry me, and by tomorrow night we can have this excruciating wait behind us.  I'd like nothing better than to make passionate love to you, and take you home as my bride.  Believe me."

    
Tasha’s heart flared with anger.  How dare he be so cavalier and uncompromising?  She drew herself up, and lifted her chin.  Eyes flashing, she walked over and pushed her bedroom door all the way open.  Then, she stood and held it for him with a clear, cold expectation evident in her stance.

    
He stared at her evenly for a moment, and then closed his eyes.  He walked across the room, and through the doorway into the hall.  The door slammed soundly behind him.

     The phone woke Tim at ten.  “Tim, it’s Johnny.  You’ve got trouble, friend.”

    
Tim sat up, and shook his head to clear it.  “Morning, Johnny.  What’s the problem?”

     “
Pattie Danniels is doing a story on you.  She says she’s got pay dirt and she’s going to make you eat it. “

    
Tim sighed.  “What in the world?  Johnny, I haven’t done anything wrong.  How could she have anything that will hurt me when I haven’t done anything wrong?” 

     “
I dunno, Tim.  Sometimes you don’t have to, you know.  You can be clean as the driven snow, and still have your reputation ruined.  There’s such a thing as misrepresentation.  If I were you, I’d be real careful with that little song bird.”

     “
What would she have against me?  What makes me so interesting, anyway?”  Tim asked in annoyance.

      “
Cincinnati made you interesting.  Remember?”   Johnny snapped.

    
Tim sighed.  How could he not remember?  Pattie had been vulgar in her come-on to him.  He wasn’t proud of it now, but he hadn’t even been kind in his response to her.  He knew he’d humiliated her before a number of people.  But in his own defense, the choice had been to coldly shake her off his arm and walk away, or else allow her to humiliate the lady he’d taken as his date that night. 

    
He'd chosen to let Pattie stew in the soup she’d made of the situation, and protect his date’s feelings.  There was nothing else he could think of to do, at the time.

     “
Well.  I guess she’ll have to do whatever it is she’s going to do.  There’s nothing I can do to stop her, anyway.  We’ll just let her take her best shot.  I don’t know why the tabloids don’t pick her up.  She gives them a run for their money, doesn’t she?”

    
Johnny sighed.  “Yeah, she does. Okay, Tim.  I’ll keep you posted if I hear any more.”

     “
Who’d she blab to, anyway?” Tim asked curiously.

     “
She told Kenny Williams.  He called me right away.  He took Pattie out for breakfast this morning.  Champagne brunch.  After imbibing, she blabbed.  It seems she thinks she’s got something hot enough to ruin you forever.”

    
Tim shook his head, and laughed.  “Bless Kenny, what’s he see in her?”

     “
He’s not so dumb to stay on her good side.  He knows her weakness for Champagne, and he’s learned to use it to very good advantage.” Johnny pointed out darkly.

     “
I ain’t willing to pay that cost.”  Tim said dryly.  “Just keep your ears open.  When does her magazine hit the shelves?”

     “
A week, I think.”  Johnny advised worriedly.

     “
John.  Listen to me,”  Tim said evenly.  “Stop worrying.   I’ll just make it a matter of prayer, and let the Lord deal with her on it.  I haven’t prayed for her for a long time.  See what happens when I forget?” he teased.  

    
Johnny sighed.  “It’s my job to keep you out of trouble, Tim.  That’s all.  So how goes the battle, anyway?”

     “
Fierce.”  Tim admitted.  “She’s mad as hell at me.  Wouldn’t even talk to me last night.  I think maybe I’ll have to come home for awhile and let her think about it.”

     “
Well, be careful.  You do have to go abroad in a week or so.”

     “
Yeah.  Thanks, Johnny.”

     “
Okay.  See ya.”

    
Tim hung up the phone, and stared at the ceiling thoughtfully.  He immediately went into prayer and covered not only Pattie, but Tasha and the children as well. 

    
He read some of the Psalms, and laughed as he thought about how David had responded to the darts of his enemies.  Tim vowed to do the same.  When he had peace, he got up to shower and dress.

    
He found Tasha in the kitchen, pouring herself some coffee.  He kissed the back of her neck and slipped his arms around her.  

     “
Morning,”  he said.  He hugged her; and then let her go, when she didn’t respond.

      “
I think it would be best for me to go home, Tasha.” he said simply.  "I should spend a few days with my family before I leave to go abroad next week.  Want to come with me?"

    
She turned to look at him for a fleeting moment, before she went back to her coffee.    

     “
Guess not, huh?  Well, I’ll be gone for quite a while, but I’ll write when I can.”

    
There was no response.  Nothing.   Tim shrugged and sighed.  “Okay.  I can leave right away, if you'd prefer."  he offered simply. 

    
Other than her back straightening a bit more, there was no response.  She was like ice.

    
Tim wasn’t perturbed.  He’d made up his mind; he wasn’t going to have her without the commitment that he was looking for.  She wasn’t willing to let God have His proper place in Tim’s life, and she wasn’t willing to serve God.  That had become very clear.  She wasn’t speaking to him, and she showed no signs of a thaw. He was wasting his time with her, until that happened.

    
He booked a flight out for that afternoon, and then went to thank Brent for his hospitality. 

     “
Not much luck with Tasha, eh?” Brent asked sympathetically.

    
Tim shrugged.  “Some.  It’s going to take some time.  She’s really been going through it.  She’s still mourning the loss of her husband.  She doesn’t want to trust me, or God, or

anybody.  It’s understandable. I’ll just have to be patient.”

     Brent shook his head.  “I must be crazy for trying to hook her up with another preacher.  I think she’s smarter than the rest of us, for refusing you.”  he admitted, watching Tim closely.

    
Tim just grinned.  “Maybe.  But I think you’d better realize I'll finally win, and she’s going to be very glad I did.”

    
Brent roared with delight.  “Poor kid.  Well, if she’s got to choose preachers, I’d have to say she’s done all right.”

    
Tim smiled, knowing it was a clear endorsement from Brent, no matter how the words came out of his mouth.  He definitely approved of Tim.

    
Tim walked over to him, and put a hand on his arm.  “I’ll be good to her, Brent.  It’s going to work out fine.” he promised.

    
Brent smiled up at his future son-in-law.  “I know that.”  he assured him.  “You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

    
Tim smiled wryly.  He knew Brent was powerful by the world’s standards.

    
He packed his things, and took them to the door.  Brent had a car and driver waiting to take him to the airport.  He went to Tasha’s room and knocked on the door lightly.

    
She answered it, and stared at him coldly.  It touched his heart to see that she had been crying.  He looked into her eyes and smiled sadly.  “I just came to say goodbye, for now.” he said gently.

     “
Goodbye for always, Tim.”  she lashed.  “It's over!”

    
He chuckled.  “No way.  I’m going home because I have to get ready to go abroad.  And some kind of publicity emergency is erupting.  And anyway, you need time to think about this, and get everything sorted and put in the right place.  Tasha, we’re going to be together.  Trust me.  It’s just that you’re clearly not ready for the kind of commitment I’m asking for.  But, that doesn’t mean I’m walking out on you.  I’ll never do that.  Take your time.  I can wait.”  he promised.  “I still intend to marry you, Tasha mine.  Just let me know when you’re ready.”

    
She was listening guardedly.  “Don’t call me that!  I’m not yours.  Goodbye.” she said.  Gary was the only other person who’d ever called her “Tasha mine”, and the words went through her like a knife.

    
He shook his head, and moved close to her, to kiss her.  She backed up, and stared at him balefully, daring him to push it.

He didn’t.  He just gave her a look that told her he thought she was behaving like a naughty child, turned on his heel, and walked away.

    
Tim’s flight got him home in time for dinner.  Reuben picked him up at the airport, and took him home.  He had Reuben drive right past his folks' house, and on to his own.  He walked in, put his things down, and sighed.  He felt discouraged.  It hurt a great deal that she wouldn’t even kiss him goodbye.               

    
He felt rather like an idiot, chasing her shamelessly.  His pride was definitely trying to rear its ugly head.  He chuckled, and shook his head. 

    
That’s just what she’d gone through last night, chasing him shamelessly and being rebuffed.  He shouldn’t be surprised that she’d turned the tables on him.

    
Tim forgot about his dinner, and went to his knees in prayer.  He realized he didn’t need his pride nearly as much as he now needed Tasha.  Since the Lord had put the girl in his life, he was becoming increasingly aware of his lack. 

    
It was time to let a woman in.  It  was time to settle down. But, it was clear that the Lord would have to do it, because the lady wasn’t willing, at all.

    
That voice came back to try to tell him he should have taken what she was offering, and none of this would have happened. 

    
Tim laughed.  “I don’t think so.” he said derisively.  Then it occurred to him that he’d hurt Tasha’s pride deeply.  That’s why she was angry. 

    
All her life, he was sure, she’d relied upon her looks to get her what she wanted.  He was certain that it was like hitting a brick wall to find that she couldn’t manipulate him that way.  But, it was a lesson she had to go through. 

    
He smiled.  “You’ll make it, honey.”  he assured her, and bent his head to pray for her again.  Tim's phone was ringing, but he was so deep in prayer that he didn't hear it.

     
The following morning, Tim stopped by his parents' house for a cup of coffee, but no one was home.  He went on to his office, and got there just in time to pick up the phone when it rang. 

     “
Hello?  I’m looking for Tim Rain.”

     “
Who is calling, please?” Tim asked in a friendly voice.

     “
This is Bill Byer with Christ in You magazine.”

     “
Hi, Bill.  This is Tim, what can I do for you?”

     “
I thought maybe you’d like to publish a response to Pattie Danniel’s story, when it comes out.  I'm not pressing, Tim, but I wanted to give you the opportunity.”   

    
Tim’s eyebrow went up.  “Is she talking about content?”

     “
Oh, yeah.”  Bill answered meaningfully.

     “
What’s she say?” Tim asked lightly.

     “
She’s got pictures, dude.  She showed ‘em to me.  Steamy stuff.”

    
Tim frowned.  “What kind of pictures?”

    
There was an uncomfortable silence.  “You and a woman, Tim.  Sex.”

    
Tim laughed long, and hard.  “That’s a good one.  I don’t even remember what it’s like, to be with a woman.”

     “
Then this guy’s your twin brother.” Bill warned pointedly.

     “
So give me details.”  Tim begged.  “This, I gotta hear.  Tell me straight, Bill.”

    
Bill cleared his throat uncomfortably.  “Well, the deal is ... Pattie was hiding on some kind of veranda.  It was night, but there was plenty of light.  There’s a whole rack of pictures.  You’re in a bedroom, and you can see this rumpled up bed behind you.  And you’ve got this babe in your arms.  I’m telling you, Tim, these pictures are literally dripping with passion.  You’re kissing this girl, Tim; and if it ain’t you, I’ll eat my hat.” 

     “
Both of you have on next to nothin’.  She’s got on some kind of skimpy, short lace gown that looks like it came from a Paris boutique and you’ve got on
nothin’ ,
that I can see.  It’s steamin’.” 

    
Shock and fear coursed through Tim’s entire body.  “What’s the girl look like?” he asked in a much more subdued voice.

     “
Gorgeous
.  Knock down, drag out, drop dead gorgeous babe.”  Bill admitted.  “Long, black hair.  Sultry eyes.  There’s a good daylight picture of her, too, that Pattie shot sometime last winter.  She’s been on you and this girl for some time.”               

     “
This girl’s way too hot to handle, Tim.  Where’d you find her?  And what in the world are you doing, dating her?  Who is she, some kind of actress, or fashion model?  Don't you know Pattie’s gonna clean up, Tim?”

    
Tim sighed.  “Yeah.  Could be.”

     “
It is you, isn’t it?”  Bill prodded.

     “
Yeah, sounds like.”  Tim admitted darkly.

     “
What in the heck is going on?  I thought you were as clean as could be, Tim?”

     “
I am.”  Tim snarled.  “Trust me, I am.”

     “
Sure don’t look that way.”  Bill chuckled.  “Looks like you were gettin’ real lucky, bud.”              

     “
Yeah.  Well, I was there – it was me, all right.  But, nothing happened.”  Tim insisted.  “I was just kissing her goodnight.” 

     “
You’re gonna have one heck of a time convincing anybody of
that
.” Bill cautioned.

     “
Go figure.”  Tim said flatly. 

     “
What do you want me to print, Tim?”

    
Tim was silent for a long time.  “Print that I’m in love with a beautiful girl. Print that I was visiting her at her home.  Print that I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I don’t condone
or indulge in
pre-marital sex.”

     “
Tim, I don’t think anybody’s gonna buy that.”  Bill sympathized.  “Pattie wants everyone she’s contacted, to raise the hue and cry against you.  It’s like a vendetta.  She’s contacted every Christian mag in America, friend.  Sorry, Tim, but I smell blood.”  

     “
What should I say, then?  I’m telling you the truth.”

    
Bill sighed.  “Maybe a TV. spot would be a good idea.  Are you willing to talk about this?”

     “
No, but I guess I have to be.”  Tim snapped. 

     “
Okay, I’ll see what I can do for you.”  Bill offered wearily.

     “
Thanks, Bill.”  he said listlessly.  He hung up the phone, and dropped his head in his hands.  

    
The magazine story was worse than Tim could ever have imagined it could be.  Pattie had been doing her homework big time, and doing an uncharacteristically good job of laying low while she was doing it. 

    
He got truly sick at heart when he saw the pictures, and he couldn’t even bring himself to read the article.  The evidence in the pictures Pattie had taken was so damning, Tim knew it was going to ruin his ministry and Tasha's life.

    
But the public reaction the morning it was published, was overwhelming and castigating.  He’d been getting calls beginning at 5:30. 

    
At seven, he put his answering machine on, and picked up the magazine.  He pushed down the dread, and read the blasted thing.