A New Day (47 page)

    
Tim bit his cheek, and took a deep breath.  “I may be insensitive at times, but I’m not deaf or dumb, darlin’.   I would really like to know what you were trying to say.”

    
Tasha began to panic inside just a bit.  “It doesn’t matter.  I was just trying to say goodbye.  Remember, I told you so.”

    
He sighed.  “Yeah.  I remember.”  he agreed tiredly.  He touched the photo of Tasha that Lucinda had given him, and wished he could touch her cheek.

     “
So, are you ready to come to Jackson for a visit, yet?”  he asked lightly.

     “
No.  I don’t think so,  Tim.”

     “
No?  You mean you want to come and stay?  That’s fine with me.  I’ll get your ticket all set up.  Are you bringing the kids, too?”

    
Tasha laughed nervously.  “Nice try, Tim.”

    
He sighed.  “All right, Tasha.  More time.  More patience.  More cold showers.  More long nights.”

    
She smiled.  She’d have been able to voice the same complaints, if she were willing.

     “
You know, Tasha.  I had to tell you as soon as possible about Gary and I.  You wouldn't have understood if I’d kept it to myself.  I mean, you would have found out sometime.”

     “
Yes, I know.”  she admitted.  “Tim, I really am glad you called.  I was going through some things of Gary’s, and I came across something he said.  You know, he said so many things that didn’t make sense at the end, but they all seemed very important to him.  So, I wrote them all down and tried to sort through them later.  Gary’s mom helped me understand some of it.  But, Tim, he talked about you.  He said that you would come, later.  I remember the night vividly.  It's as if he knew you and I would run into one another somehow; like he saw it coming.”

    
A lead weight gripped Timothy’s heart.  He closed his eyes and willed the tears not to flow.  A deep sorrow filled his heart whenever he thought of Gary, and this time was no exception.

     “
At the time, I asked his mother about the names he’d mentioned, and she told me that you were a college friend.  Some of what he said didn’t make much sense, but I thought that you might like to hear it anyway.”  she offered.

     “
Yeah.  You’re right, I would.”  he assured her tensely.

    
She said, "You know, it's funny, Tim.  But I remember that night so clearly; I can see his face, the way he looked.  Gary looked past me and lit up, as if he were seeing someone.  And he said, 'Tim'.  He laughed, and said, 'It will have to be Tim'.  It was an isolated moment, when he seemed purely lucid, and knew exactly what he was talking about."

    
"Read it to me.  Please, honey." Tim begged eagerly.

    
Tasha took a deep breath, and read to Tim what Gary had said – how Tim had been the best friend he’d ever had;  how he wished Tasha could meet him.  How Tim was the one;  how he wished he could see him.  How Tim would come ‘later’.  At the right time.  And that she was to give Tim his blessing.

    
It broke Tim’s heart into pieces.  He just winced, and let tears fall from his eyes as she read to him.  He also had more than an inkling that Gary had in fact been seeing a vision at the moment he’d spoken those words;  of Tim coming into Tasha’s life.  Of him being 'the one' – for her.

    
It was confirmation to Tim about Tasha, but he didn’t dare even suggest that to her.  He was sure, from the sound of her voice, that she wasn't interpreting it the same way.

    
Still, his suspicions were clenched, when he heard that Gary had wanted Tasha to give Tim his blessing.   He'd said for Tim, to 'do what he had to do.'

    
It hurt Timothy tremendously somehow, to know that Gary had foreseen; cared; and blessed his friend.  It meant the world to Tim.  It was like a miraculous message from beyond the grave, from Gary, to bolster his faith and confirm what was in Tim's heart.  And how unselfish a love Gary had for both of them, that he could release Tasha to Tim's care, even before he was gone.  His precious wife …

    
When she was finished, there was silence.

     “
Tim?” she asked hesitantly.

     “
Yeah.” he managed.

    
Tasha could hear the pain and tears in his voice; and suddenly, she was in tears, herself.  She could tell that Tim was very much touched by all that Gary had said.

     “
I miss him.” he admitted, when he’d pulled himself together a bit.  “I never should have lost touch with him.  I had a few nudges to call him, but I was so busy, I just never got around to it.  I can’t believe how foolish I was!  Just for one more chance to talk to him!  What would it have meant?” he asked incredulously.

     “
Timothy,” she chided.  “You had no way to know.  Gary didn’t keep in touch, either.  And then at the end, he didn’t want you to know.  He was very insistent that you all remember him the way he had been before he became ill.  Not lying in a bed, skin and bones and unable to even get up for the necessities.  It was too hard on him to think of having you see him that way.  And it would have been a horrible shock for you.”

    
Tim was quiet.  “Yeah.  I know.  I still would have given my right arm to be there just one time – to sit and talk to him, tell him how I felt about him and be able to look at him, and touch him.”

    
Tasha felt tears choke her again.  “He knew you’d feel that way.  I remember offering to find you.  He said that if you knew about his condition, you’d have come.  He didn’t want that, Tim.  Well, anyway; he left you this message.  At least you finally heard it.”  she offered lamely.

     “
Yeah.”  he agreed.  “Thanks, Tasha.  I know it can’t be easy for you to share this stuff with anybody.”

     
She shrugged. “No, I want to.  With you, anyway.  He would have wanted you to know how he felt.”

     
Something happened then, as both of their hearts constricted with the pain of their common loss.  There was a closer bonding, something precious that took place between them.

     “
Hey, are you doing all right?”  he asked worriedly.

     “
Of course.  I just wanted to tell you this.”  she avoided.

     “
It means more than I can tell you.”  he assured her.  “You know, honey, I will help you out if you ever need anything.  No strings attached.  Even if I hadn’t fallen madly in love with you, I’d do it for Gary’s sake.”

    
She smiled.  “Thanks.  But I’m really all right.”

     “
Will you get mad at me if I call every now and then?” he asked lightly.

     “
No.  Tim, of course not.” she assured him.  Her heart was leaping, but she was far too frightened to want him to know it.

     “
Thanks, darlin’.  I appreciate that.”  he said with a chuckle.  “I’ll drop you a line when I figure out where I’m headed.  Would you give Lucy a kiss on the cheek for me, and the same for each of the kids?”

    
Tasha grinned.  “Yes.” she assured him.  “But if it sends Lucinda off into an, 'oh, glory to God!' spasm, it'll be the last time.”  she teased.

     “
All right.  You take care, and call me if you need anything.” he ordered.

     “
I will.  Tim, you take care.” she said gently.

    
"Thanks, sweetheart.  You remember that I love you.  And I’m still waiting for the right answer.”

    
She began to cry. She couldn't say why; somehow it just tore at her heart to have to end the call.

     “
A new day has dawned for both of us, sweet thing.  Pretending the sun hasn't risen won't make it so.” Tim said quietly.

    
The words froze Tasha to the bone.  She recalled Gary saying that same thing to her – that a new day would dawn for her!  To have Tim say the same thing was simply uncanny!  She didn't know what to think, or say to him.  But it felt very much like a clear confirmation to her regarding Timothy.  She was stunned!

     “’
Bye.”  he said quietly.

     “’
Bye.” she whispered.  It was difficult to hang up.

    
He called her two weeks later to tell her that he was going to the East coast.  He sounded a little bit frustrated and harried.

     “
What’s bothering you, Tim?” she asked lightly.

    
He chuckled.  “Am I that transparent?  It’s nothing.  I just kind of hoped I’d get to see you.  Lake Powell was tantalizingly close to you.” 

    
She smiled.  “Well, Tim.” she said helplessly.

     “
Don’t you ‘well Tim’ me.” he warned.  “I want to see you.  I want to see you
real bad
.”

    
She blushed, and smiled.

     “
If I came to Salt Lake, would you see me, Tasha?”

    
She panicked, and tried to gather her whirling thoughts.  “Well;  sure.” she answered uncomfortably.

    
He laughed at her.  “Unfortunately it won’t be right away, so relax.  You have a reprieve.  But it’s not because I didn’t try to come that way.  I don't suppose you'd travel with me for a while?" he asked teasingly.

      “
No, Tim.  Even if I didn't have the children to think of, you know that's out of the question." she said firmly.

     “
Aw.  You're no fun.” he teased.

    
He wrote her letters.  The first one came two weeks after the last call.  He was in New York, speaking at a conference.  It was a very matter of fact, friendly letter with no inquiries, no pressure.  He told her about his friends, his trip, the weather, the people.  He asked after the children and signed the letter, “Love, Tim.”

    
The second letter came from Maine, where he was ministering in a church.  The third came from Sweden.  The fourth, from Germany.  The fifth letter came from the Ukraine. 

    
Then, the letters came from Vienna, Paris, Amsterdam; from England, from Switzerland, Norway; from Ireland and Wales.  They came from Italy, from Poland, from Scotland. 

    
He told her about all the people he met, the places he skied.  He told her of his discoveries, about the people and the cultures of all the places he went.

    
She discovered on a whole new level, that Tim Rain was a very intelligent and cultured man.  And it didn’t seem to matter, given his letters, whether he had an interpreter with him, or not.  When he prayed for people, the Holy Spirit was falling and touching them deeply.

    
"I'm finding that words aren't everything.  They can be a powerful weapon, of course.  But, if there's no translator, somehow, the love speaks -- and God gets the job done somehow, anyway."

    
Tasha thought back, and recalled that some of her most powerful moments with God had taken place without any words being spoken.  She had to agree with Tim, in that.

    
He was humble, and awed by what the Lord was doing.  He gave Tasha plenty to think about, as he shared his heart and mind with her in his letters and phone calls.

    
He went home to Jackson Hole for a few weeks, then he was off again.  He went to Salem, Oregon; then to Salinas, California.  He sent her postcards from Nebraska, North and South Dakota, Arizona, New Mexico.  He sent her a letter from Hawaii and another from Louisiana.  He sent her flowers when he was in Dallas.

    
And whenever he was in the Western hemisphere, he didn’t fail to call her, either.  He got bolder as time went by, because Tasha always listened to him. 

    
Tim could feel her opening up to him, slowly.  It was taking forever, but they were at the least, close friends now.  Every letter he sent, had an effect.  Each one would build on their foundation, and help her see the world through his eyes.  Each letter meant progress.  He was going a bit crazy, but he had to be steadfast.  Love would come, he was certain of it.

    
Meanwhile, Tasha was just about beside herself.  She couldn’t help reading what he sent, and the cards and letters just kept coming, and coming.  Now, in every letter he would slip in some kind of little endearment.  He knew just what to say to lay her heart open, every single time.

    
It got to the point where she dreaded reading them, because she knew it was going to happen again.  But she kept reading, and it kept happening -- again, and again.  It got worse, and worse.  Or, better and better; depending on how you looked at it.

             
Finally, he started telling her again how much he loved her.  His words were the words of a lover throughout the letters, wooing her and thrilling her.  He was systematically tearing down her defenses.  She knew it, but she couldn’t help it.