A Mother's Courage (41 page)

'Oh, Pa. You are silly,' Maria said, giggling.
'You know her name is Ellen. Why do you call
her Eloise?'

'It's a secret between the three of us,' Eloise
said hastily. 'You may call me Eloise if you like,
or Ellie, if that is easier.'

Maria cocked her head on one side. 'I think I
like Ellie best. It is halfway between Ellen and
Eloise. I shall call you Ellie. May I go and see the
girl downstairs, Papa?'

Caine shook his head. 'You'd best stay up here
in case she is suffering from some infectious
disease. Come, Eloise. We'll go and see her
together.'

'Annie is not sick,' Eloise protested as Caine
followed her downstairs to the kitchen. 'She has
been beaten to within an inch of her life by her
employer.'

'It happens,' Caine said grimly.

Warm air scented with the appetising smell of
baking wafted from the kitchen as Eloise opened
the door. Annie leapt to her feet and ran to meet
Caine. 'Sir, do you remember me now? You
never said nothing when you last saw me in the
gardens with Ellie, but I'm Annie. I was raised
here in the Foundling Hospital.'

Caine stared at her for a moment and then he
smiled. 'Of course I remember you, Annie. You
were always in trouble, as I recall. You came
before me in my office many times and nearly
drove poor Matron out of her mind.'

'That wouldn't be difficult,' Mrs Dean
muttered.

Caine frowned at her. 'Thank you, Mrs Dean.
Perhaps you would be kind enough to give Annie
some food and see if you can find something
suitable for her to wear. We must have something
tucked away somewhere. Something perhaps
that Jessie has outgrown.' He turned his attention
to Annie. 'Come and see me before you leave,
Annie. I may be able to help you find alternative
employment and I'll give you enough money for
a night's lodging and an address where you can
trust the landlady not to cheat you.'

'But, sir,' Eloise protested. 'You can't think of
sending the child out on a night like this. It's
almost dark and the fog is getting worse.'

'Let me stay here, guv?' Annie pleaded. 'I can
work in the hospital laundry or scrub floors. I'm
a strong girl and willing.'

'We'll sort something out later,' Caine told her
firmly. 'In the meantime you do as Mrs Dean
says.'

Annie subsided onto a chair. 'Yes, sir. You can
rely on me.'

'We'll take tea in the drawing room now, Mrs
Dean, if you please.' Caine opened the door and
stepped outside into the passage leading to the
back stairs. 'Come along, Miss Monk,' he called.
'Maria will be getting impatient.'

Eloise hesitated and she patted Annie on the
arm with a sympathetic smile. 'Don't worry,
dear. I won't let him send you out on a night like
this.'

'I don't fancy your chances,' Mrs Dean said,
eyeing the doorway as if she expected Caine to
be listening at the keyhole. 'I've never known the
master change his mind once it's made up.'

'We'll see about that.' Eloise hurried after
Caine and caught him up on the stairs. 'You
surely can't be thinking of sending Annie back
onto the streets. She certainly can't go back to
that awful Mrs King and she's just a child.
Anything could happen to her.'

Caine paused on the top step and he gave her a
searching glance. 'How do you know so much
about Annie?'

'I – I . . .' Eloise struggled to think of a simple
explanation. It had not occurred to her until this
moment that Annie could reveal a lot more about
her than she wanted Barton to know. Annie had
only to enquire after Joss and Beth and the truth
would out.

'You have no answer to that,' Caine said
coldly. 'Is this another secret from your past that
you have kept hidden from me?'

'I think I hear Maria calling to us,' Eloise cried,
slipping past him and making her way across the
entrance hall to the drawing room. She thrust the
door open only to discover Maria sitting quietly
by the fire, studying the pictures in a book of
fairy tales.

Caine was so close behind her that Eloise could
feel his warm breath on the back of her neck. 'It
seems you were mistaken.' He caught her by the
wrist and spun her round to face him. 'What is it
that you are not telling me?'

She snatched her hand away. 'I stayed at Mrs
King's lodging house in Nile Street for a few
days on my return to London. That is how I met
Annie. Are you satisfied now, or must I account
for every day of my life before I came to work for
you, sir?'

'You are being mean to Ellie again, Pa.' Maria
rushed to her side. 'Stop it, I say.'

Caine gave Eloise a despairing glance and his
eyes were as bleak as the winter sky. 'As you are
so quick to remind me, Eloise, it is really none of
my business.'

'I'm hungry,' Maria said, stamping her foot. 'I
want my tea.'

Eloise reached out to brush a lock of golden
hair from Maria's forehead and she gave her an
encouraging smile. 'Why don't you go downstairs
to the kitchen and help Jessie? Then we can
have tea straight away.'

'And I can see the strange girl,' Maria said
delightedly, and ran from the room, slamming
the door behind her.

Eloise went over to Caine who was standing by
the window, staring out into the nothingness of
the fog. She touched him tentatively on the arm.
'I did not mean to offend you, but you are right,
sir. What I did before I came to the Foundling
Hospital is my concern. We have agreed that
there can be nothing between us . . .'

Caine turned on her with his eyes snapping
angrily. 'You wanted that, not I. I agreed never to
speak of my feelings for you again, but it is you
who have built a brick wall between us.'

Eloise lowered her gaze, unable to bear the
hurt and anguish which she knew were the cause
of his frustration and anger. 'I am just an
employee here, sir. Until my parents return from
their mission I cannot afford to lose my position,
but perhaps it would be better if I returned to
working full time in the hospital. It's obvious to
me that we can't get along, and we're just
upsetting Maria.'

With a groan that could have been an
exclamation of impatience or a cry of pain, he
took her by the shoulders, and his eyes seemed to
bore into her soul. 'My God, Eloise, you know
how to turn the knife in a man's guts. I don't
want you to go back to scrubbing floors and
cleaning out privies. I want you here where I
know you are treated with respect.' He ran his
finger lightly down the thin silver scar on her
cheek. 'And where this sort of thing cannot
happen again. If I cannot have you then at least I
want to be certain you are out of harm's way.'

Her lips trembled and she could not speak.
Tears sprang to her eyes and she tried to break
free but Caine only tightened his grip. His eyes
darkened and he bent his head and kissed her
with a ferocity that took her breath away. He
wrapped his arms around her, running his
fingers through her hair so that it fell freely about
her shoulders. She struggled, but even as she
tried to push him away her treacherous body
responded to his embrace and she parted her lips
with a sigh. Time seemed to stand still. She could
hear nothing but the pounding of her heart, or
was it his? She simply could not tell. The touch
and taste of him were as intoxicating as the finest
wine and her whole body was aflame with
desire.

The sound of childish laughter shattered the
moment and Caine released her just as the door
opened and Maria danced into the room carrying
a plate of cakes, followed closely by Jessie with
the tea tray. Caine placed himself squarely in
front of Eloise, giving her a chance to adjust her
clothing and tidy her hair. Her hands were
shaking so much that she could scarcely make
her fingers work, but Caine had taken charge
and he was directing Jessie to set the tea things
out on a small rosewood table in the window,
while Maria sampled one of the cakes. Staring
dazedly at her reflection in a gilt-framed wall
mirror, Eloise pinned up her hair and pinched
her cheeks to bring back the colour. Taking a
deep breath in an attempt to calm herself, she
moved slowly to the fireplace where she made a
pretence of warming her hands.

'I've seen the strange girl,' Maria said with her
mouth full of cake. 'Her name is Annie and she
likes cake too. Mrs Dean said she was glad she
had made so many as they were all disappearing
like morning mist. Do you want one, Ellie?'

Eloise straightened up, shaking her head. 'No
thank you, Maria dear, but a cup of tea would be
lovely.' As Maria skipped over to the tea table,
Eloise looked across the room and met Caine's
steady gaze. There was no denying her love for
him now. She had given herself away completely
and he knew it. There was no going back, but
neither was there a way forward. Somehow she
managed to drink a cup of tea and nibble at a
slice of bread and butter, while Maria kept up a
constant chatter and Caine answered in monosyllables.
All through the tortuous meal, Caine's
eyes hardly left Eloise's face. She tried to avoid
his steady gaze but every time she looked up her
eyes were drawn to him, and it was as if their
long embrace continued even though they were
seated far apart.

When Maria had eaten the last crumb of cake
on her plate, Eloise rose to her feet. 'It's time I
was going. Thank you for inviting me to tea,
Maria.'

Maria smiled and yawned. 'I'm glad that Papa
is being nice to you now. I don't like quarrels.'

Caine stood up and reached for the bell pull.
'It's time you were in bed, young lady.'

'Oh, Papa. Can't I stay up a bit longer?' Maria's
bottom lip stuck out and her fair brows drew
together in an ominous frown.

Eloise recognised the signs of an approaching
tantrum and she placed her arm around Maria's
shoulders, dropping a kiss on her upturned face.
'Go to bed like a good girl and I will see you
tomorrow afternoon. Perhaps you can give me a
piano lesson?' She did not add that she could
already play, and the suggestion brought a smile
back to Maria's face.

'Oh, yes. That would be fun. I love you, Ellie.'

'And I love you, poppet.' Eloise realised with a
shock that she actually meant it. She had come to
love the spoilt but unwanted child. For all her
faults, Maria was a generous and affectionate
little girl, who just needed love and attention
tempered with gentle discipline to make her a
much nicer child.

Caine went to the door and opened it just as
Jessie came hurrying in response to his summons.
He sent Maria to bed with a pat on the
head and instructions to be a good girl and to
remember to say her prayers. 'I will, Papa but
only if you promise to come up to my room and
kiss me goodnight.' She waited for his reply but
when he remained silent she uttered a small sigh
and blew a kiss to Eloise as she followed Jessie
from the room.

'Don't look at me like that, Eloise,' Caine said
abruptly. 'I do my best for the child. I can't
pretend love where I feel none, and the reverse is
true, as you know.'

'I have to go,' Eloise said hastily. 'It's late and I
always help Phoebe to put the babies to bed.'

'Is that how we are going to part? You are
going to run away again?'

'I shouldn't have let you kiss me.'

'But you did, and whatever you say, I know
that you return my feelings. Why won't you
admit it? What is it that you aren't telling me?'

'I have nothing to say. Please allow me to
leave, sir?'

'You know that you are free to come and go as
you please, but I'll see you to the hospital door.
The fog is so thick that you could lose your way
even in such a short distance.' He opened the
door for her. 'You did not come without a coat or
a shawl, did you?'

'I gave it to Annie. She had nothing to cover
her wounds and she was frozen to the marrow.
What will become of her, sir?'

A grim smile lit his eyes. 'If you persist in
calling me sir, I'll throw her out on the street
right now.'

'I'm serious, Barton. Whatever has passed
between us has nothing to do with Annie. Will
you allow her to stay here for tonight at least?'

'She can have Miss Trinder's old room but only
for tonight. Tomorrow I will try to find her a
suitable position in a respectable household.' He
crossed the hall and plucking a man's greatcoat
from the coat stand, he wrapped it around her
shoulders. 'You'll need this. It's bitterly cold
outside.'

Eloise did not argue. She slipped it on and
breathed in the scent of him that lingered in the
satin lining of the cashmere coat. As he opened
the door a plume of yellowish-green, evil smelling
fog curled into the entrance hall.
Outside there was nothing but the pea-souper
and silence. Caine offered Eloise his arm. She
leaned against him as they picked their way
carefully along the path, more by instinct than by
good judgement. The fog was so thick that Eloise
could barely make out her feet, and Caine's outline
was blurred even though she was clinging to
his arm. When they finally reached the hospital
entrance, Caine drew her into his arms and
kissed her long and hard. There was a hint of
desperation in his embrace, a lick of anger and
frustration and an intensity of passion that both
thrilled and frightened Eloise. In the strange
other-worldly atmosphere of the amorphous,
swirling miasma, she responded eagerly to his
embrace, but in her heart she knew that this must
be goodbye. Annie's sudden arrival, together
with Joss having found his voice, would make it
impossible for her to keep up the pretence that
her children were foundlings. Even if she
extracted a promise of secrecy from Annie, Eloise
knew her well enough to realise that one day she
would blurt out the truth, and then Caine would
realise just how much she had deceived him.

'Go inside, my love,' Caine murmured,
punctuating his words with soft kisses. 'I can
hardly bear to let you go, but we will talk things
over tomorrow.'

'Goodnight, Barton.' She allowed herself one
last glorious moment in his arms, closing her eyes
and revelling in the nearness of the man she had
come to love with all her heart. Tearing herself
away from him was sheer agony, and as she
slipped off the protective mantle of his overcoat
she knew she was relinquishing his love and
protection forever. But there was another voice
calling to her, or rather two small voices – her
helpless babies who were locked inside the
austere walls of the Foundling Hospital. As soon
as the door closed on her and she was alone in the
vast, echoing entrance hall, all her senses were
alert. There was something wrong. She picked up
her skirts and raced across the hall to the
staircase. She was out of breath and filled with
inexplicable dread as she entered the nursery.

Phoebe was tucking the last infant into his cot
and she looked up and smiled. 'You're late. Got
lost in the fog, did you?' She winked and
chuckled. 'Did the governor make you stay in
after class?'

Ignoring the innuendo, Eloise hurried to the
cots at the end of the room. She heaved a sigh of
relief at the sight of Beth sleeping peacefully, but
when she went to check on Joss she found that
the cot was empty. 'Joss! Where is he?'

'Don't take on, Ellen. I know you had a soft
spot for the kid, but he got hisself into such a
state when you left that I had to send for Matron.'
Phoebe paused, shaking her head. 'Don't look at
me like that. I had no choice; he was upsetting all
of the kids and he was going blue in the face. I
thought he'd do hisself an injury.'

Eloise managed to control her voice with
difficulty. 'Where did she take him?'

'She put him in a room on his own where he
can't hurt hisself. If it weren't for the fog she said
she'd have sent him to the school for imbecile
children this evening, but he'll be packed off
there first thing in the morning. Good riddance, I
say.'

'What have you done, you stupid, stupid girl?'
Eloise grabbed Phoebe's hands. 'Where is he?
Where is my baby?'

'Have you gone doolally too? For Gawd's sake,
Ellen, get a hold of yourself. You'll wake all the
little bastards and I only just got them off to
sleep.'

'You don't understand. Joss is my son and Beth
is my daughter. I am their mother.'

'No!' Phoebe's eyes opened wide in disbelief
and she shook her head. 'Don't talk daft, Ellen.'

'It's true. I must find Joss. I can't explain but
I've got to leave here tonight and I'm taking my
children with me. You must help me, Phoebe.
Please help me.'

'I can't, ducks. If Matron found out she'd sack
me on the spot.'

'Just tell me where Joss is, then.'

'Look, love, I can see you're in a state, but you
can't take them little 'uns out on a night like this.
Won't it wait until morning?'

Eloise shook her head vehemently. 'No. We
must go now. Please tell me where Joss is.'

'All right, if you're determined to go through
with this, I'll show you where he is.' Hooking a
nurse's cape off the back of the door, Phoebe
handed it to Eloise. 'Take this. It's a spare
anyway, and with a bit of luck the old dragon
won't notice it's gone. You can't go out on a night
like this without something to keep out the cold
and damp.'

'Thank you, Phoebe. You're a good friend.'

With the sleeping Beth wrapped in a shawl,
and Joss's warm clothes in a bundle beneath her
arm, Eloise followed the light of Phoebe's lamp
through the maze of corridors. Phoebe opened a
door and stood aside to allow Eloise to pass. 'I
can't do no more, Ellen. I got to get back to the
nursery.'