A Matter of Fate (56 page)

He sounds so rational about the whole thing, I begin to worry. “Are you angry? About me having two Connections? One to him, too?”

“I’m not thrilled about it,” he says slowly, “and . . . I’m upset, yeah. It’s going to take some time to wrap my mind around all of this. But I finally understand why you two have had a hard time turning away from each other. That it wasn’t because you were trying to hurt me—”

Startled, I say, “I would never purposely try to hurt you!”

“I know.” His head comes to rest against my shoulder. “I mean, I never really thought you did. But I had a really hard time accepting why you two just wouldn’t let go of each other. It makes sense now. It’s . . . .” He trembles, just a little bit. “So screwed up.”

“Fate sucks,” I say, trying hard not to cry. Which is stupid, because he knows I’m upset, and even worse because he knows it’s over his brother.

“Yeah,” he says quietly. “Sometimes, it really does.”

Cora isn’t the only person delirious in love. The coming of summer and warm weather seems to trigger a wild rash of pheromones amongst our loved ones. Meg and Alex are inseparable, even nauseating, with their frequent displays of PDA. I never thought I’d ever accuse Alex of being overly affectionate in public, but man, is he ever.

Lizzie and Graham fall deeper in love every day. Inspired, Jonah and I decide to help them, as they haven’t yet found a way around the Council’s rules. Despite everything that’s happened recently, I don’t mind when Jonah calls Astrid for advice. He tells me how Lizzie and Graham’s situation hits close to home for Astrid, how it reminds her of Callie’s parents, and how, just maybe, if someone had been there to help them, they might not have died.

I don’t know how she does it, but Jonah gets news one afternoon telling us that as long as Graham will consent to taking the blood oath as soon as possible, things might very well work out for my friend and her boyfriend. Sharing this good news with them is magic in itself—I’ve never seen Lizzie so happy. They leave right away for Annar, where one of Astrid’s assistants will be waiting to take them to Karnach for the oath ceremony.

“That,” I tell Jonah as I watch Lizzie and Graham leave, hand in hand, “was incredibly awesome of you.”

He watches them, too, as our fingers entwine together. “She’s your family,” he says. “And that means she’s mine, too.”

This is who Jonah is. He is generosity, love, and loyalty all wrapped in one. Fate may suck sometimes, but in other instances, it can be so wonderful that I would get down on my knees and offer thanks if I could.

Another person Jonah welcomes into his life without reservations is Caleb. He’d met my friend and Conscience a number of times over the last half-year but had never gotten the opportunity to grow closer. But now, in our month of freedom, he and Caleb have the chance to get to truly know one another, outside of my head and my viewpoints. And Caleb genuinely likes him, which means the worlds to me.

All this makes me think a little more about how I need to pay more attention to those around me. That even though I’ve been consumed by my own personal soap opera dramas, the people around me keep moving forward with life, and if I want to remain relevant in their spheres, I better make myself worthy.

Every so often, I ask Jonah questions about his brother and how he’s doing. Jonah says Kellan’s already talked to the Guard, delaying his move until a month after ours. He’s going to take that trip after all, to go out and find those monstrous waves to conquer.

“Are you jealous?” I ask while we’re at the beach one afternoon, two days before we’re set to move to Annar. Jonah’s been attempting to teach me to surf, as Kellan had never gotten around to showing me since Karl and Giuliana left little time for us to even try something like this. I’m horrible at it, barely able to stand up even in baby waves, but it’s still something that I like doing because we can do it together.

“A little,” he admits. “I mean, I’d like to try that someday, too. But, I’d rather be here with you.”

He’s sincere—and things are good between us now. Better than ever, actually. We don’t have the distractions of the Guard watching our every move. We now have the luxury of hanging out with the Cousins after school, going to movies, on dates, hanging out at the beach . . . all of the good stuff, because, finally, it’s just him and me, eighteen and pretending the weight of the worlds aren’t resting on our shoulders.

At first, our parents had all been furious at our decision to dismiss the Guard, but they’ve mostly come around. Jonah’s dad eventually just ignored the issue—he’s now spending all his time in Annar. And with Kellan and Giuliana both gone, that left Jonah alone in his huge house, despite Astrid’s urging to come and live with her. My parents surprisingly felt bad about that, insisting he move into our spare bedroom for the time being after they discovered he’s my Connection. It’s not like we’ve begun doing family things—that’ll never change, but even still . . . I take it as a good sign from them, that they know he’s a permanent presence in all our lives. At lunch one Saturday, my mother even, in passing, refers to our future marriage and questions us on our upcoming move to Annar. I’m told my grandmother set aside a trust for me, one that’ll help me find an apartment when I move there. I’ve already decided to not live with my parents. Instead, Jonah and I will move into apartments next door to one another so we can be close at all times.

My mother and I have even started to talk to each other a little. It isn’t warm and loving as many mother-daughter talks, but it’s something.

It’s a start.

“You may not feel the same once I’m out there,” I laugh, in answer to what Jonah said.

He merely smiles, letting me know he’ll be happy to be with me there, whether or not I’ll ever get the hang of it.

And then I ask him how Kellan is dealing with things lately.

“I think this trip is his way of figuring stuff out,” he says, shoving long, black locks out of his eyes. “Did he ever really explain to you what happens when we’re surfing?”

“I’d rather hear it from you,” I say, and it’s the truth.

This makes him smile. “When we finally find ourselves as part of the whole, then our minds sort of expand into everything, as well, to find clarity. Any answer we want is there, no matter the difficulty. You may not like what you find, but it’s there all the same. Our uncle told us of a place where he was able to finally find the inner peace he’d always been seeking. He had a lot of inner demons, things I won’t go into here, but . . . when he came back from there, he seemed more at peace with himself. Kellan recently found a letter he’d written to us before his death, detailing where this break is. That’s where he’s going.”

“He said it was in the ocean, far from the shore . . . .”

“Yes. He’ll have to take a boat to the spot.”

“Is it dangerous?”

Jonah doesn’t lie to me. “He sees the payoff as worth the risk.”

“Will he be safe?”

The questions don’t bother Jonah, because he accepts now that, despite everything, I’m always going to love and worry about Kellan. “I hope so,” he admits. “He’s a good surfer—he’s strong. Our uncle taught us well.”

We stand up and grab our boards. Just as we’re about to walk to the water, I ask, “Do you think I’ll find any answers out there?”

“Are there things you want to know right now?”

For once, at least for today, I find myself question free. Because I’m good—I’m here with my Connection, the sun is shining, and I’m at peace with who I am. I’m not worrying about the future or the piles of expectations waiting for me on another plane. The only thing I really have to worry about in this moment is standing up on my board. If I don’t, it’s no skin off my nose, because I can try again. And if I do stand up, it’s sweet icing on the cake.

“Nope,” I tell him.

He kisses me, and I shiver, because even now, after so many years together, he still has this power over me. “You ready for this?” he asks, and I know he means more than just surfing.

Can anybody be truly ready for their future? We can only do what we can. Someday soon, there’s going to be a lot expected of me. I’m going to be asked to influence all of the worlds. I may be asked to destroy things. There are so many ifs, so many maybes that a person can go crazy thinking about them all.

But today is all about
this
moment. Because that’s what life is really all about. A series of moments strung together. We do our best to deal with what we have at any given second.

Today is a good day. Today is filled with love and acceptance. I turn my face toward the water, feeling the salty air against my cheeks. I close my eyes, savoring it all, and smile.

There are no guarantees, except as Ronald says, birth and death. So I guess I’m as ready as I ever can be.

Acknowledgments

To my fabulous editors, Sarah Cloots and Rekha Radhakrishnan, THANK YOU. Without your guidance and ideas, this book wouldn’t be what it is today.

Tracy Cooper, this book would not be much without your support. Thank you, my friend, for being one of Chloe & Co.’s biggest fans. Your feedback and critiques have been invaluable from the first version to this last one. I am lucky to count you in my corner. Erika Treller, the same goes to you. Thanks for always being willing to listen to me talk out plot points. To my friends who took the time to read early versions and offer input as well as support, I am grateful for you.

To my peeps at the Coffee House Writer’s Group, your support and encouragement of my writing has meant more to me than you will probably ever know. I value your insight and the ability to share my stories with you.

Carly Stevens, your cover rocks. I am so grateful to have one that I love. Thank you, thank you!

Nicole Friedrich, thank you for taking an amazing author photo. You and your camera work magic.

To my parents, thank you for believing in my writing. It is a really lovely thing, knowing your parents will be there to support you with your dreams. I am a fortunate girl, indeed.

To my boys—thanks for sharing your mommy with these characters. Especially you, Mr. K. I will never be able to think of this book without thinking of you, since you were conceived and growing at the same time it was.

And finally, massive thanks go out to Jon Lyons. Your belief in me has been one of the best gifts I’ve ever had the honor of receiving. Thank you for stepping up and being super dad so I could find bits of writing time during the craziness of our lives. I love you. If Connections were real, you’d be mine for sure.

About the Author

Heather Lyons (
www.heatherlyons.net
) has been putting stories to paper since she was a little girl. Her first “published” book was a humorous retelling of
The Princess and the Pauper
. After detours in archaeology and teaching, she is now writing and living in Southern California with her husband and three sons. She likes cupcakes, baseball, hockey, reading, and collecting far too many handbags.
A Matter of Fate
is her debut novel.