A Little Ray of Sunshine (3 page)

I stared at her. She sure was pushy for an angel.

“Well, I won’t take no for an answer, so it’s settled.” She held up her finger and ran to the desk, pulling a pen and notepad out of the drawer. “How do I find you?”

With great reluctance, I told her. There was only one trailer park in town, and only one big silver hot dog in it, and I had a feeling that this woman would track me down if it came to that. And hell, I could maintain the charade through some pancakes. Maybe my willingness to endure her company would be sign enough that I didn’t need any help from an angel. I was just fine as I was.

“We’re all set, then.” To my complete surprise, she pulled me into a hug, not seeming to mind that my arms hung unmoving at my sides.

“Thanks so much for the coffee, EJ,” she said after releasing me. “I’m so glad you came by. I’ll see you tonight.”

She shut the door. I stared at it for a full minute before realizing that I had been completely and totally played. By an angel.

“Hmph,” I said as I turned on one heel. It would serve her right if I wasn’t there when she showed up at six.

But I knew I would be. She hadn’t admitted outright yet that she’d made a mistake, that I didn’t need her help, that her car had broken down because of Springfield, or because it was old and there’s no meaning in the universe and maybe she’d be better off temping. I wanted to hear her say it, at least the part where she was wrong about me, because she was, and if it meant having blueberry pancakes for my last dinner in town, then that was fine by me.

***

Simon flew into a rage when I told him I’d scheduled an abortion. No matter how rationally I explained it to him, he couldn’t get it through his head that yes, I had agreed to get pregnant, but no, I’d never thought it would actually happen. Somewhere deep inside, I truly believed I couldn’t get pregnant, for the simple reason that I wasn’t fit for it. For example, God allows horses and donkeys to make mules, right? But mules can’t get pregnant, because they’re not fit for it. I thought that God, of all people, would know that I was a mule. I could agree to try for Simon’s sake, but what kind of God would ever allow someone like me to have children?

Well, He did, and I discovered His betrayal not two days before an audition for my first starring role since Twinkie. I mean, an abortion was the only thing that made sense, right? As a director who would die a bloody death before casting a pregnant woman for his hit show, I thought Simon would understand. He didn’t. He badgered and cajoled me until I agreed to go through with the pregnancy. The argument that finally convinced me, ironically, was that the life experience of having children would better my chances of getting the more mature roles I’d been craving my whole life.

What a steaming pile of manure that was.

—from Twinkie and Me: The Real Life Confessions of Lilly Lorraine

Two

For the cost of a twelve-pack of beer, I got Burly and Unemployed from lot 1B to help me hook the Airstream to the hitch ball on my truck. It was a damn bargain. I’d spent the day running errands (quit my job at the Quik ‘n Go, printed out a route to Colorado Springs from the library computer, bought a twelve-pack of beer to lure unsuspecting Burly man in to help me) and was just too wiped to do it myself. As I watched Burly and Unemployed retreat back to 1B with the box of Coors tucked under one tremendous arm, I considered walking to the store on the corner and getting another twelve-pack.

After all,
someone
was going to have to unhook my water and electric tomorrow.

I crawled inside the Airstream, threw myself down on the foldout and checked the clock. It was five-forty, which gave me about twenty minutes before the angel would be knocking down my door with pancake fixin’s. I closed my eyes, wondering what the hell I’d been thinking when I’d told her where I lived. Maybe I could call in the twelve-pack payoff and get Burly and Unemployed to unhook everything now, and just drive off. Unfortunately, as I was pondering this idea, there was a knock at the door. I glanced at the clock again.

The angel was fifteen minutes early.

“Who is it?” I yelled, expecting to hear Jess’s bubbly tones rattling happily about how the early bird gets the worm, or something similarly upbeat. Instead, a male voice tentatively called out, “EJ?”

I shot up, my heart exploding in my chest in response to the sudden rush of adrenalin, causing everything to hurt.

It couldn’t be. It was impossible. But the voice jarred me to my core, and my body hummed with a deadly cocktail of dread, panic and hope.

“Luke?” I whispered the name, trying to prepare myself for the possibility that it was his fist banging on my door, his presence causing my flimsy blinds to quiver. I tucked two fingers between the slats and peered out. His back was to me, but the hair was blonde, short, and jagged, and there was a small hole in the shoulder of his worn black t-shirt. I released a breath.

Digs
.

My heart shrunk back down to its regular size, but my insides throbbed with residual ache on every beat. I walked slowly to the door and pulled it open.

Digs was tall and lanky like Luke, but he’d gotten a bigger share of their mother’s Scandinavian genes. His bright blue eyes locked on me, and I wasn’t sure if he was going to kick my ass or yank me into a big hug so I just braced my hands against the tiny doorway and awaited the verdict.

Finally, one edge of his lips curled up slightly, and I knew I was safe. For the moment, anyway.

“Hey, there, kid.” He took one last drag on his cigarette, tossed it to the ground and stamped it out with the heel of his workboot. “What, aren’t you happy to see me?”

“I think I will be, when I get over the shock.” I shook my head, trying to get a grip on the moment. Of all the times I’d imagined someone from my past hunting me down, I’d somehow never thought it would be Digs. “It’s been a while, huh?”

“Since you skipped town in the middle of the night?” he said, his eyes darkening a bit. “Yeah. Six Christmases. No card.”

“Are you mad?” I asked quickly, biting the inside of my cheek in response to my sudden awareness of how much I had riding on his answer.

“Hell, yeah, I’m mad.” He held one hand out to me, palm up. “Now come down out of there and let me beat the crap out of you.”

I kept my eyes on my feet as I took his hand and stepped down to the ground in front of him. He looked at me for a while, as if inspecting me for damage, then pulled me into his arms, hugging me tight. I had to work hard to not break down into a blubbery mess all over him. His left arm went around my waist and his right hand cupped the back of my head, and he squeezed me the way an older brother would, as though curling invisible blankets of protection over me until it felt like only my eyes and nose were showing through. After a long moment, he gave me a gentle smack to the back of my head and released me. I stepped back, tucking my hands into my back jean pockets so he couldn’t see them shaking.

“So. Wow.” I bit the inside edge of my bottom lip as hard as I could without drawing blood. The shaking muted a bit, and I was able to smile. “So, um, how’s…”
Don’t say Luke. Not Luke. Don’t talk about Luke.
“…your dad?”

“Funny you should ask.” Digs pulled a pack of smokes out of his back pocket and tapped one out. “He’s the reason I’m here.”

My face must have gone white, because Digs paused with the smokes and gave my shoulder a reassuring pat.

“Relax, he’s fine. Actually, he’s great. But, damn...” He chuckled and shook his head. “I’ve got a hell of a story for you.” He held the pack out to me. “You still quit?”

I nodded. “Seven years. So, what’s up with Danny?”

Digs lit his smoke and took a drag before meeting my eye to answer. “He’s getting married.”

A joyful huff escaped me. Luke and Digs’s mother had died when they were very young, and for the last twenty-five years, Danny Greene had lived the quiet life of a widowed father. In all the summers I’d spent with Danny and his boys while growing up, I’d never seen him so much as date. His whole world revolved around his boys, and me whenever I was around. Who in the world could have broken through…?

And that’s when my train of thought came to a screeching halt. My eyes went wide and I shook my head. “No.”

The edge of Digs’s mouth twitched, and his eyes lit with an even mix of irony and amusement. “Oh. Yes.”

My mind reeled, looking for something solid to grab onto. “What about Glenn?”

“Hell, EJ. They split up years ago, a few months after you disappeared off the face. You didn’t think she’d actually make it to a wooden anniversary, did you?” Digs chuckled on a smoky exhale. “Bright side: they say the eighth time’s a charm.”

My stomach turned. This couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be. As bizarre as it would have been to have seen Luke pounding on the door of my Airstream, this news was a thousand times crazier. I blinked and leaned against the cold metal of the motor home. Digs held up his pack again.

“You sure you don’t want one?” he said gamely.

“Ugh!” I held my hand out, irritation running through me because I really did want one. “Seven years, Digs. Back off. Jesus!”

He shrugged, tucked the pack into his pocket, then pivoted and leaned against the trailer next to me, both of us staring out into the simmering metal jungle of a New Jersey RV park. I tried to picture a world in which this could possibly be happening, but it would require flying pigs. Hell freezing over. The four horsemen tramping into town to catch a steak dinner before the planet exploded in a fiery maelstrom.

“Hey, there!”

I glanced up and saw the angel walking toward us, her arms full with paper grocery bags. In the summer sun, her blonde hair actually gave off a halo effect. It was disconcerting.

“You made a friend?” Digs asked, not bothering to mask the surprise in his voice.

I ignored him, just pushed myself off the side of the trailer and took three shaky steps to meet Jess.

“Um, hey,” I said. “Look, I’m sorry. I think I might have to cancel tonight.”

Jess’s smile didn’t waver. “Why? What’s up?” She glanced past me and grinned at Digs. “Hi, I’m Jess.”

“Oh, this is an old friend of mine, David Greene.”

Digs ambled up behind me, and despite the fact that I couldn’t see him, I could feel him wink at her. Digs and blondes were a lethal combination.

“You can call me Digs.”

“Nice to meet you.”

Digs shot me a permission-seeking look; I gave a brief shake of my head. Jess hefted the groceries in her arms. “I hope you like blueberry pancakes, Digs, because I brought enough to feed an army.”

I put my hand on her arm. “Look, Jess, I’m sorry, but I just got some bad news and I’m not sure I’m up to having company tonight, so...”

Jess’s smile flipped into an expression of deep compassion. “Oh, no. I’m so sorry. What happened?”

Digs snorted. “Her mother is getting married.”

I resisted an urge to elbow Digs in the ribs as Jess gasped and her grin returned. “Oh! But that’s wonderful news! I’ll make the pancakes, we’ll celebrate!” She turned her grin on Digs. “So, Digs, how long have you known EJ?”

“Oh, let’s see.” He glanced upward. “Somewhere around twenty-five years.”

Jess’s eyes widened. “That’s wonderful! I’ve been trying to get to know her, but she’s kind of dodgy when it comes to questions. Maybe you can fill me in.” She shifted the bags in her arms again, and Digs reached out to relieve her of a bag.

“Oh, thank you…”

I grabbed the bag from him and held it out for Jess. “Yes, thank you, Digs, but she can’t stay.”

“Oh, sure I can!” Jess said. “We’re celebrating your good news!”

“And I happen to love blueberry pancakes,” Digs said, taking the bag from me and starting back toward the trailer. “So, Jess, how long have you known EJ?”

Jess followed along behind him, and I reluctantly brought up the rear.

“We met last night. I’m her angel.”

Digs glanced over his shoulder at me. I hadn’t seen him this happy since the time he’d found two cases of grape soda at the dump when we were kids. “You’re her angel?”

“It’s not—,” I started, but Jess talked over me.

“The Universe sent me to help her,” she said, as though this was an even remotely sane thing to say.

“No, it didn’t,” I said. “Because I’m fine.”

“Oh, sure you are,” Digs said, then turned his attention to Jess. “And you make pancakes?”

Jess’s hair bounced as she nodded. “The best you’ve ever tasted.”

“Wow.” Digs pulled open the trailer door. “A pancake-making angel. This I gotta see.”

***

I don’t drink often, so after searching the entire kitchen, all I was able to come up with was a dusty fifth of Jack Daniel’s they’d given to all employees at the liquor store in New Mexico where I was working last Christmas. I nabbed two plastic cups before Jess took over the kitchen area and sent Digs and me to the dinette table. I slammed down one shot and poured a second before Digs had even touched his.

“So,” Jess said as she ducked her head into all my cupboards and drawers, looking for utensils, “why isn’t it good news that your mother is getting married?”

“It’s complicated.” I slammed down the second shot and reached for the bottle, but Digs was faster, and he moved it just out of my reach.

“As the first object in your puke zone, I get administrative rights,” he grumbled, then spoke louder in Jess’s direction. “It’s Lilly’s eighth wedding, and my dad is the victim.”

Jess’s lips twitched as she shot a look at Digs. “You mean, the groom?”

“Yeah,” Digs said, cutting me a quick look. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

“So, how do you all know each other?”

“Heh heh,” I said. “That’s a complicated story.”

“My father and her mother were best friends in middle school,” Digs said.

“Oh!” Jess said, clapping her hands together. “Childhood sweethearts!”

“Just friends,” I said. “Even by the tender age of ten, my mother knew better than to fall for anyone who wasn’t ‘in the business.’ She always said that sex without career advancement was a waste of a clean set of sheets.”

Digs shot me a look.

“What?” I said. “You were there that Thanksgiving.”

“Anyway,” Digs went on, focusing on Jess, “my dad’s family moved up to Oregon, and Lilly stayed in LA, but they remained close. EJ used to spend summers with us when her mom was working.”

“Or when she was drinking, or when she was chasing a man, or when being a mother cut into her spa time too much.” Both Digs and Jess went quiet, and I raised an eyebrow at Digs. “Hey, if you hadn’t taken the booze, I’d be drinking instead of talking. Your fault.”

“Well,” Jess said, her expression bright and cheerful, “it has a happy ending, anyway. After all these years, they’ve found each other again and are getting married! How romantic!”

“Just warms the cockles.” I turned my focus on Digs. “So, what’s up? You came all the way out here. It has to be more than just spreading the good news.”

“Smart girl.” He looked at me, then shrugged. “Might as well tell you now. Lilly says she won’t marry Dad unless you’re at the wedding.”

I sat up straighter.
Wow. That was easy.

“Done.” I nudged my cup toward him to fill. “I’ve just saved your dad from a horrible fate. I’m a hero. Pour.”

Digs nudged the bottle even farther away. “Dad paid a private detective four thousand dollars to track you down, then he spent a week dogging me until I agreed to come out here and talk to you in person. I’m flipping a property out in Hillsdale that’s worth almost two million, and I’ve already missed two days on the site. Pack up, babe. You’re going.”

“Well, of course she’s going.”

I looked up, surprised. I’d almost forgotten Jess was still there. She stood, an unbroken egg hovering in her hand over a bowl, and gave me a look that was an equal mix of kindness and blind determination. I would learn later to take that look seriously, but at that moment, I just scoffed.