A Life Plan Without You. (90 page)

The policeman smiled and said I’d saved Sam’s life and I
should be proud that nobody else was hurt, also his father had told
them I was going to die, when he got out, he also told us their
father was too drunk to be questioned. They left for a short while.
Sam was weeping and so not right. As I held him he pulled away, he
pulled away from the boys too. I went to kiss his head and he cried
and pulled away. As I put my hand on Andy’s hand, he too pulled
away from me, what had I done?

“Andy I asked you did you need to talk. I knew you had been
hurt they never leave the eldest alone. Andy please why do you hate
me, what have I done?” He looked at me with such hate in his eyes.
Jimmy looked worried and cried too.

“It’s your fault we’re back here, he would have been safe at
Aunties did you suggest this move back?” I looked in utter shock at
what he had just said to me. Sam still said nothing and I cried.
Jimmy and Andy tried hugging their brother again, and he cried.
Pulling away from them too, what was going on his mixed up
head?

“No do you think I wanted this, I begged him to stay at your
Aunt Allison’s house, he suggested this not me, and you agreed,
don’t blame this all on me Andrew, you both wanted to come back to
this shit house, why blame me, am I to be the scape goat and the
one you blame, Sam is fucking hurt and your blaming me for this?” I
was angry sad frightened you name it, the emotions were there and
brewing into Andrew getting a smack to knock some sense into
him.

“You came into his life and ruined it we could have left and
paid the fucker off.”

“Well why the fuck has it taken you so fucking long to do it
then? Why wait, you both have the means and you have the means to
put that bastard behind bars for life speak up and do it, don’t
fucking blame me.” Sam cried we were shouting and he was now upset
and sobbing uncontrollably the technician gave him a shot of
something to calm him and make him sleep. He told Andy and I to
take it outside or shut up.

The technician decided to take him away. After they had
patched his small wound to his side, the lads got in the back of
the ambulance with him. I was getting in too, they said I was in
shock and needed seeing to too, but Andy told them to get me an
ambulance of my own. Andy told them he was next of kin and demanded
they took him away and quickly, I had caused all this and it was
frightening his brother, yeah he was afraid of me and Andy arguing,
so I held my hands up and said fine. I nodded my head in agreement,
and as the door shut, with Andy’s parting shot ringing in my ears.
“We will contact you when we see fit, if we see the need, he needs
you like he needed this today, you are too much for him, this is
too much. I told you I would always look after my brother.” I cried
again as I watched them take him away. I watched as the doors shut
and they drove him away from me. They were his family not me and
Andy told them that too. I could do nothing, but watch. I told them
to cancel the ambulance I wouldn’t need one, my aunt was a nurse
she would see to me if I needed anything.

I grabbed my bags from the pile of Sam’s things. I took a
shirt of Sam’s, one he had worn the night he took my gift. I put it
on over the ripped top of my dress and I gave the officers my name
and contact details and the keys to lock the house up. I pulled on
a tracksuit top of Sam’s and left after refusing a lift home, the
last thing I needed was the Spanish inquisition when they dropped
me off in a police car, Uncle David would be doing enough worrying
when he hears.

I was alone and tired and in desperate need of sleep and a hug
off Sam, which wouldn’t be coming anytime soon. The walk home
seemed to take forever. I was shocked at Andy’s outburst why was it
my fault? I told Sam to give the house back and buy his mum and the
boys a new house, near our new home, I told him too, to turn around
and go back to Aunties. What had I done to upset Andy? Why was he
punishing me? He was being awful, why because I knew those things
about him and was worried I would tell Sam? I was more worried
about what was wrong with Sam, not about his crazed sex
life.

I’ve made a big mistake, we need to get out of here, we can
never live here again, there's too many bad memory’s. Michelle’s
right we need to give it back, get her a new house. I don’t want to
be here. I get up to shout Michelle not to bother, but there’s
someone behind me.

“Hello Sammy lad, you’re not so fucking big without her dad
are you? Restraining order made for good toilet paper, not helping
you much is it soft Sam.” He knocks me down to the sofa and he has
'Old Faithfull.' Shit Michelle, she will be his target. Ouch argh,
the knife is hurting. He pushes it in my side. Argh, shit no help,
he’s throws me to the couch. The bile starts to come from his
mouth.

“Where is your little whore then? Let me see if she’s as good
a fuck as you three make out she is, must be something having you
all wanting her. A nice tight pussy for me to fuck. Do you want to
watch your old man, let me show you how to work her? This one Sam
well, it will make for a good fucking session, teach you both
things, being she’s only been with you or am I in for a treat and
she’s still a virgin?

Oh that I can’t wait to find out, she won’t want you after
she’s had me.” I get up he's going to hurt her. I push past him and
he hits me with something against the side of my head, sending me
back to the couch to sit. Fuck Mum’s paperweight, shit my head
hurts, but I need to save my baby.

He comes at me again and I am afraid of what will he do? Why
does this man frighten me so much? Michelle is right he is nothing
I am bigger than him, and not drunk I can do this, then he does it.
He uses them against me not just her but my lovely new family, my
baby is in danger and they are too.

“Sit your fucking arse back down. Just one more move and she
is dead. She looks nice in that little skirt she wears for games.
Her little sister, Becky is a cutie too, but, well her little
brother JJ, well he’s ready for some teaching, he likes to play
with his cars in their garden, around the little rose bush in the
front there.” Bile is in my throat. His arm rose and I cower as the
weight then hits my head. The pain is unbearable. I listen to the
things he has planned. He has been watching Becky and JJ. My family
will destroy her family, I get up and push past him argh he hits me
again, and throws me on the couch. He hits me hard in the head
again and he hits me again. I do nothing I can’t move my head is
pounding.

“One more word and she gets her throat cut, you cock sure
little bastard, you aren’t even my kid, your, mother was a whore
and slept with anyone for money, none of you four were mine?” He
pokes a knife at me, it slips in and hurts, I wish you weren’t my
father, but you are and my mother is no whore, I’m beyond angry as
he doesn’t even know how many children he has the stupid drunk.
“You know the rules Sammy, speak and it goes in further I bet this
is hurting you right, imagine her getting this?” I do and
freeze.

“Her Dad will be having an accident soon, beaten up and
robbed on his way home from the pub drunk, a few of us are going to
make that pretty blonde mother of hers a widow.” Shit she’s
shouting down the stairs. I can’t just sit I need to save her so I
get up. I try but he pushes me down again. “One word, move once and
she gets fucked then cut, shagged to death literally. This knife
has been sharpened to slice through her pussy like butter, you will
watch Sammy boy and fucking move and she gets it, talk and she gets
it shut up and don’t move, she may survive, if you both do as I
say.”

Shit she’s coming down the stairs. Baby girl stay up there,
he will hurt you, he will kill you please shush, I get up to shut
him up, he punches me in the side of my head again, my head hurts I
feel sick another smack. That nasty old man is hurting me. Why is
he talking to me? Who is this old smelly man? He tells me to shut
up stay still, I will do mister, but I want my mummy! Where is she?
Oh, I have wet my pants. Why has mummy left me with this man? He
hurts me, and then the pretty lady comes in.

Oh, she is nice. Has she come to watch me? That man is
talking to her. She’s talking to him, but I have to sit and shush
that man says so. That lady touches me. No don’t touch me. I don’t
know who you are. She goes away but I can hear her, she is talking
to the man. He is angry, he is shouting, I want my mummy and the
lady sits down next to me. Go away, I can’t talk to strangers but
she holds my hand, no get off, the man shouts at the lady again, he
sits down and shouts at her, my ears are sore.

The lady is crying, she didn’t like that bad man either, I
feel cold and my pants are wet. The policeman is coming in, they
have the bad man, and the lady is crying. She gives me a cuddle,
not as nice as my mummy’s. Where is my mummy? I want my mummy. I
have to sit until mummy comes, she cries, she tells the policeman I
am Sam. She knows my name. I don’t know who she is, she is nice,
but I want my mummy. She wraps me in a blankie and kisses my head,
she knows my name, she is nice and I cry, she gives me a cuddle and
shushes me, she is nice I will shush, she tells me mummy is coming.
She knows I am four, she is nice she smells pretty and of flowers,
but she is crying too.

The policeman is talking to the lady, some big boys come to
give me a cuddle, the big boy shouts at the lady, he is not nice to
the lady and I am getting warm, they take my wet things off me I am
dry and I get a cuddle she cuddles me warm, then they shout and I
cry and they shout again, then she cries again and they take me
away in a big ambulance, they cry a lot for big boys. They are
taking me to see my mummy. The big boy says he’s not letting the
nice lady, near me ever again. He will keep me safe from everyone.
She is his. The lady is his friend. I liked the lady, but the sad
lady has gone and my mummy is coming...

When I was safely home I collapsed on the backroom sofa, tired
and drained and worried about Sam. Mum didn’t question were Sam was
or why I needed to go to bed. I just got in bed and cried, I cried
myself to sleep. I woke in the early hours of the morning. Half
past five and I went for a run; a run would sort me out. However,
it didn’t, two hours later I got back had a shower, and changed for
college. I still had after all my last few exams to take. Two of
which were today. I was in class and running on a damn fine
autopilot, it has taken over, as I picked up the pen and did the
exam. I looked for Jimmy, I knew he was in my next exam class, but
he was a no show. I again sailed through, reading and writing the
answer down. I finished and went home, shit was this a dream? Nope
this was a living nightmare, no bloody dream. It re-ran through my
mind, and I shook. Mum was sitting with two police officers, when I
opened the lounge door. They stood up as I entered the
room.

“Hello Michelle, I gather, you didn’t inform your mother of
yesterday’s happenings, at The Todd’s home then?” I looked at them.
My autopilot was in full flight mode and taking over.

“I had to hear it from my brother David. Michelle what the
hell happened? Uncle David has sent these two policemen to help
you, are you alright?”

“I’m fine Mum, please shush, Uncle David has better things to
do than worry over me. I’m sorry officers, Mum is a drama queen, so
I didn’t tell my mother because I didn’t want to worry her, about
something she could do nothing to help me with?

You still have the drunken bastard in custody I hope? You’re
not going to let him off with a caution, this time are you? You did
last time, even though I wanted to press charges.” I was angry,
that drunk had ruined my life. I was calm, though abrupt with them.
Anger seethed through my body, as mum sat and listened, I figured
if she listened in, I wouldn’t have to repeat everything
again.

“We are keeping him in and he will be facing jail time. He is
still sobering up, we will begin questioning him, when he is seen
by a doctor and is fit for questioning. We have not been unable to
question him his solicitor is pushing for a case for diminished
responsibility. He is trying for a sentence to be served in a
secure mental health facility, as he has drug and alcohol issues.
We have never had readings as high as that ever.” I shrugged my
shoulders, all I was hearing he would get off with what he had
done, fine my dad can sort him out and I will help, I‘m very good
with knives. I can skin a fish and a rabbit a drunken bastard can’t
be that hard a job? I snigger inwardly. I’m going mad so help me
I’m losing it.

“Have you any news on Sam? I’m like to go see him, but his
family haven’t bothered to tell me where he is, so I don’t know
exactly where I’m going.” He looked at me. I saw the pity look, yes
he knew where he was and he too was told not to tell me.

“Sam is in a private hospital. With head injuries and a stab
wound to the chest.” Yes, I know he’s not at the other hospitals, I
phoned, in my dinner break. “He will be released to be with his
family later in the week, going I believe to his aunt’s house. They
have asked you not to contact him. He or they will be in contact
with you, you doing so will only hinder his recovery, he is a mess,
unable to speak and is being kept under sedation, when he is able
to speak, he will be questioned, in the state he is in we had to
leave him and chances are he won’t remember anything.

He’s very unresponsive to everything hence the sedation, he’s
as I said a confused angry mess. We have the telephone operatives
typed and recorded response. Can I say it was genius move, on your
daughters part Mrs Welles? How Michelle had the hindsight to keep
the phone on throughout her ordeal was inspiring. The clear way
Michelle you directed us, how you managed to keep the danger to my
fellow police officers, Sam and yourself to a minimum.” I
smiled.