A Life Plan Without You. (73 page)

“What does that make me I’m a screwed up freak who couldn’t
protect the woman he loved and watched as you battled my demons for
me, I’m messed up, and sodding useless. Don’t leave me baby please
I’m sorry!” I held him tightly.

“Shush
angel I’m not leaving you, please stop with that I’m yours forever,
always and forever!” He smiled.

“Always
and forever, that’s not long enough baby!”

“When Andy and I had a talk, he mentioned the court order, I’m
sorry I lied and I told your Dad he’d finished college, will he
check? Jimmy only has a few exams so I guess he just needs to take
them and not register in college? Why does he pick on James, your
Mum says that’s why he needs the teddy?”

“He had started on Jimmy to get us to pay up and the court
order has kept us tied to the house, we wouldn’t leave them to his
hands so stopped as a family, but we Andy and I have to pay him
off, that’s what he wanted Jimmy for, so we would give him money.
He’s been his meal ticket, like you said. Since I was about sixteen
and Andy got his money he did all this on his own, then I got mine
and I took over, he nearly killed himself, he was sad, down, so
alone and lost, so when I went to Uni I helped out more, so he
could get back to living again.

Dad doesn’t know about the trust money. Aunty has our bank
statements and stuff delivered to her house but he found my wallet
after a session on the town and it had a fair bit of my wages still
in it, unfortunately, it had some trust money in it too, and he
demanded the same amount every week, or he would hurt Mum. I have
more than enough for what he needed, but he wanted more and more,
when I stood up to him and said no, Mum had a fall. Dad gave the
teddy to Jimmy once, I know it shocked the fuck out of us all too,
but when Jimmy holds it when Dad has an outburst, Jimmy hides his
face in it and Dad backs off and I don’t know why, but he never
sleeps without it, it’s his shield against Dad.” He sobbed
uncontrollably. “You were right on that too, I love you so much, it
hurts to see what all this is doing to you, you didn’t sign up for
all this did you? I need you, and I’m so sorry Michelle, if you
want to leave, I understand? This is a hard thing for you to deal
with.” No, losing him would be harder, much too much for me to
bear.

“What more can I do to prove I love you? I’ve agreed to get
married, because I want to. I’ve dealt with your dad, as I have,
because he means nothing to me, he doesn’t have a hold over me,
other than I love you and your family angel. So he can’t use
anything, I say or do against me that’s why I flipped tonight.
Today you three boys were I think for the first time, in a long
time having a great time and at last were getting on and laughing
joking, he ruined a great day and didn’t say anything to you, I
could see the fear in your eyes all three of you were the same, and
sorry but I’d had enough and flipped out as I did.

All bullies have a hold over someone, your dad’s hold over you
is your mum, and now me, I’m sorry for that. I saw the look he had
in his eyes I know you’ve been beaten senseless, to protect her and
he knows how to get what he wants, but that stops tonight, he can’t
hurt her anymore or Jimmy. I won’t be leaving you ever and not
unless you ask me to.” He cuddled me closer, his tears wetting my
clothes as he calmed down slowly.

“If and when you see him again you will have a strong voice
and you won’t be afraid to use it, he can’t hurt you unless you let
him and I won’t let you cower in a corner anymore, is that clear?
You are better than he is, you have people who love you and will
help you, me being one of them. You all need professional help all
of you. Andy, I think more than you need, will you think about it
angel? You all need to talk this through with a professional, and I
mean proper talk, no holds barred talking and to a proper person
who knows how to handle all your problems, not just me, Miss know
it all. Someone who can delve to the depths you won’t tell me
about, all of you. Now that said this next question I have to ask,
is hard but I need to know to help you, has he abused you sexually
at all?” Did I want to know now I’d asked, but he sighed and
answered me?

“He’d like to leather me with his belt on my backside, that’s
the extent of that Michelle, I promise as far as I know. He did
things to me before Andy hit him with the cricket bat but not in
there, not like the things he did to Andy, I was hurt though, and I
would remember that wouldn’t I? He has another hold over me now
you, and he is gunning for you Michelle, please don’t go anywhere
on your own at any time, promise me never be alone. He will get to
you and I couldn’t bear it if he did anything to you.”

Why did I not believe him about the abuse, I saw it in
Dennis’s eyes, my inner helpers told me he was evil and to get them
out. The true evil in those eyes flashed through them as he passed
me, the thought of him doing anything like that made me sick. They
all four of them had, had a shity life, I wasn’t about to be added
to it any day soon. Their fear that ends today. I will look out for
them now. I relish the battle and dad isn’t going to let me get
hurt, he will be told what he’s done. Dennis is way out of control
now and things I said will come to fruition, I want my new family
to be safe too.

We went down to eat, Sam looked better, but there was still
something bothering him he really thought I was still in danger
from his father. Our timing was perfect dinner had just arrived. We
sat around the dining table with a multitude of cartons and
containers, the smells were wonderful. Aunty had an Italian opera
record playing in the back ground, as we sat down to eat with the
air a little more relaxed, and more so as the wine and beers were
drank. Jimmy and I stayed on coke we both had exams in the morning.
Kim walked in as we ate and joined us too.

“Oh you’re here good grab a plate and dig in there’s plenty
for everyone. Teddy arrived home with the delivery boy and paid for
it.” I smiled, at Andy. His wallet stayed in his bloody pocket
again.

“I said it was my treat as I should have been cooking for you
Todd–Kings” Aunty smiled, patting the back of my hand.

“We have take-out once a week, tonight can be that night and
nonsense you aren’t paying for anything whilst your here my angel.”
Sam had his arm around me eating at the same time.

“Are you coming out with us tomorrow Teddy? We’re taking Jimmy
out I’ll get you out of the house if it kills me.” Everyone
laughed.

“He won’t come out he loves his games and books too much.” Kim
and Andy were taking the micky of her hermit brother and as he
looked at them all, he smiled.

“I would love to Michelle, and as no one has ever asked me to
come out before, I haven’t. Thank you very much Michelle I am
looking forward to it.” I smiled a smug smile.

“Are you up for it Kim?” She laughed as she watched Sam
looking at me, he was grinning like a fool, was he up to
something?

“I had plans, but yours seem better and getting Teddy Bear out
of his room is always a winner, so count me in too.” I'm doing a
happy dance in my head.

“I have one request though, Aunty can you take Emma away for
the weekend? Somewhere nice just to get away from the house, whilst
we’re not here this weekend? The rest will do you both good and
Emma needs to get some space and clarity in her head. She has a few
more bad days with Dennis to face and refreshed, she will be better
equipped to face him.” She liked that Idea, she wasn’t looking
forward to just her and Emma in the house on their own. He had
barged past Emma pushing her to the floor again had I known that
dad would have been told and really dealt with our
problem.

“We are going to London for the weekend, we’ll catch a show,
and a trip down the river and some fancy teas and an opera or two
how does that sound Emma?” She smiled.

“Expensive.” Emma patted Allison's hand and then Andy piped
up.

“Like we’d let you pay for it, Sam can pay.” I smiled I
couldn’t help what came out of my mouth next.

“Why are the moths, guarding your wallet again Andrew, or have
you lost the keys to the padlocks on your damn vault at the bank
again?” He laughed. The family were laughing and joking again, and
were about to laugh more. Sam grabbed at my fork, but he was too
late, the large fork full of red curry thing was in my mouth, and
boy was it hot…

“Oh my help my mouths on fire what the hell oh shisssssssshk
help me…” Tears were rolling down my face. “What in the holy saints
name was that? What have you lot poisoned me with?” My tongue was
on fire. I ran to the tap and stuck my mouth under it. Jimmy, had
taken some ice cubes from the freezer, put them in a glass, and
poured milk on them.

“Drink this we should have warned you that’s the paint
stripper curry. Aunty calls it the ‘Bengali Bum Basher,’ it’s a bit
hot that one.” No shit, I went back in armed with tissues and my
iced milk.

“I can’t eat that it’s too hot for any sane person.” They were
laughing again. Sam was smiling and laughing. Gramps always says
‘Laughter is the best medicine,’ it was definitely working here. I
stuck to the Nan bread and rice and a Korma thing, it really was
creamy, and nice and not hot.

“What times your exam Jimmy? Mine’s at eleven, it’s the
longest at three hours, art, do not go to classes just the exams,
you haven’t many left have you?”

“No half
a dozen or so over the next two weeks then I have finished! Will I
be alright?”

“Yeah as
long as you do the exams you should be fine, though he may check I
highly doubt it, because he knew it was coming, the end of your
education!”

“Umm, he
did and now we don’t have to stop with him, I feel better knowing
we are all out of there and Mum is safe.”

“Here, here I second that too, now eat up and Michelle and
thank you!” Aunty was on the Port again. Jimmy and I discussed our
exams for ages he said I would be fine what with being a swot and
all. Cheeky sod got a smack for that. I helped Emma clear
up.

“Are you all right Emma? It’s been a bit of a bad couple of
days and the break will do you the world of good. If your here
alone you two, Sam is only going to panic, I would panic too.” She
kissed my head, and gave me one of her nice ‘Mother Hugs’, she also
gave me a little box and smiled.

“This is for you, you’re my daughter in all ways but name and
well this, I was given when I was eighteen, and I would like you to
have it. I opened the box, in it a gold signet ring, which fit
perfectly on my little finger. I cried as she hugged me.

“I’m glad you like it, it was a present I received from my
Mama, I promised to pass it on to my daughter when she was
eighteen, and you are or soon will be my baby.” She sobbed as she
hugged and kissed my head. “If you look, Kimberley has on her
Mama’s. Oh, I'm sorry Michelle, all this trouble you're facing. I’m
looking forward to getting away from the mess I caused.” Oh no,
please not again.

“Mother please stop blaming yourself, please will you stop
please, and no one doubts your love for the boys. Like I told Sam,
none of this is your fault, he had a hold on you, yours was your
sons and as silly as that sounds, they were in more danger with
him, so he must have threatened you into staying put, and staying
there to be beaten, what did he threaten you with, something really
bad to make you stay there and endure that, what did he say or use
to keep you there, them did he use the boys?” She looked
shocked.

“How…? You knew…? He'd threatened to kill my boys, and he
still does as they sleep he walks in nearly every night and parades
along their beds, reminding me they would die and they will die. He
is a troubled soul and evil runs through his body, it’s like a
disease. He said they would die in their sleep if I took the boys
away and left him. I could leave whenever I wanted, but the boys
had to stop with him, if I told anyone my boys would be found dead
with their throats cut. He held a knife to Andy’s neck on more than
one night. My poor boy had to endure and hour of the pain, then he
did the same to Sam.

He’d terrorise them and me nightly. I wanted to run when he
was away, but he said he had friends who knew how to find me, I ran
once before and was happy for a short while, before I had Sam, very
happy and where I should have liked to stay, but he found me and
well…” She stopped mid-tale but looked sadder now, where did she
run too and who with I saw genuine love in her eyes in that second,
how did he find her, poor Emma.

“If he couldn’t find me, he said would get Allison and her
children, something I know he is more than capable of doing. I
couldn’t talk Allison into giving him money she was adamant that he
got nothing. I knew that, so now he takes and takes and takes from
the boys and more each and every week. They pay week in week out
and it’s never enough, good job he doesn’t know they are
millionaires. He thinks they have a few thousand apiece and he
thinks that Allison and Jane got all the money, we haven’t told him
differently.” He’s a bloody what? I snapback Emma needs my
help.

“Michelle how did you know? Why can you see what he did, and
nobody has ever guessed? Why I had to stop and see my babies be
hurt, and how they were made to suffer for my mistake? It was
better they were hit, than killed. If they were no longer in my
life, it would be as good as over. They are my life and now we will
live it properly, like a proper family, with you.” Shit no… I just
thought he was threatening to take them away, no wonder they were
so frightened of him. That sort of prolonged terror doesn’t fade
overnight. I have to make her feel better about herself, she blames
herself, and it’s not her fault.